QUOTES from X-Files

Other Characters

Lone Gunman: UFOs caused the Gulf War Syndrome? That's why we like you, Mulder. Your ideas are weirder than ours.

Clyde Bruckman: You know there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation.
Mulder: Why are you telling me that?
Bruckman: Look, forget I mentioned it. It's none of my business.

Faulkner: The proper authorities showed up with a couple of men in black. One of them was disguised as a woman, but wasn't pulling it off. Like, her hair was red, but it was a little too red, you know? And the other one, the tall lanky one, his face was so blank and expressionless, he didn't seem human. I think he was a mandroid. The only time he reacted was when he saw the dead alien.
Mulder screams like a woman

Jose Chung: Alex Trebek? The game show host?
Scully: Mulder didn't say that it was Alex Trebek. It was just someone that looked incredibly like him.
Jose Chung: Did he? I mean, you were there.
Scully: Well, not exactly. I don't have any recollection of this. I was surprised to wake up the next morning to find Mulder asleep in my room.
Jose Chung: Oh!

Man In Black: No other object has been misidentified as a flying saucer more often than the planet Venus.

Jack Schaffer: I'm just the pilot. You ever flown a flying saucer? Afterwards, sex seems trite.

Lydon: I'm working on next month's Oscar nominations. Any preference?
Cigarette-Smoking Man: I couldn't care less. What I don't want to see is the Bills winning the Super Bowl. As long as I'm alive, that doesn't happen.
Jones: That'll be tough, sir. Buffalo wants it bad.
Cigarette-Smoking Man: So did the Soviets in '80.
Jones: What are you saying? That you rigged the Olympic hockey game?
Cigarette-Smoking Man: What's the matter? Don't you believe in miracles?

Cigarette-Smoking Man: Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for.

Skinner: Who wrote this report?
"Mulder": I did sir.
Skinner: You spelled Federal Bureau of Investigation wrong.
"Mulder": It's a typo.
Skinner: Twice.

Suzanne Modeski: to The Lone Gunmen No matter how paranoid you are, you're not paranoid enough.

John Byers: My name is John Fitzgerald Byers. I was born on November 22nd, 1963.
Detective John Munch: Seriously?
Byers: I was named after JFK. Before the assassination, my parents were going to call me Bertram.
Det. Munch: Lucky you.

To the Lone Gunmen
Det. Munch: Here's a tip: aluminum foil. It makes a lovely hat and it blocks out the government's mind-control rays. It'll keep you guys out of trouble.

Glaser: If we become blinded by the beauty of nature we may fail to see its cruelty and violence.
Dana Scully: Walt Whitman?
Glaser: No, "When Animals Attack." On the FOX Network.

Scully's flashing back to the case facts
Scully: Mulder, are you okay?
Mulder: dazed Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine with all the chicks? Shaft! Can ya dig it? They say this cat Shaft is a bad mutha— Shut yo' mouth! I'm talkin' bout Shaft!
Mulder: over I did not!

Krycek: You must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand.
Mulder: Is that how you like to beat yourself?
Krycek cocks gun
Mulder: If those were my last words, I can do better.

Skinner: Agent Mulder, Mr. Federman will accompany you today to Christ's Church where he will act as an observer on this case. You will extend to him every courtesy and protection you would a friend of mine and a friend of the Bureau's. Agent Scully, I require your services here for the morning.
Mulder: Sir, have I pissed you off in a way that's more than normal?

Morris: You guys are the Lone Gunmen aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean look at the crap you print.
Byers: We uncover the truth.
Morris: The truth? That's what's so great about you monkeys. Not only do you believe the horse pucky we create, you broadcast it as well. I mean look at this!

Morris: I was a "man in black."
Doggett: I saw the movie.
Morris: Yeah, well there were a lot of technical inaccuracies in that.

Byers: We never gave up. We never gave in. If, in the end, that's the best they can say about us, it'll do.

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