DAY ONE

Tosh: He just...
Jack: Came and went.
Owen: Now that's how I'd like to go.
Tosh: I'm sure we could arrange it.

Tosh: Gas traces confirmed as Vorax and Suranium.
Jack: Great. My two favorite gases.

Owen about Jack: So what's he told you?
Gwen: What about?
Tosh: Himself.
Gwen: You've been here longer than I have.
Tosh: We were banking on you.
Owen: You're a copper, trained to ask questions.
Gwen: You don't know anything?
Owen: Not who he is, not where he's from. Nothing, except him being gay.
Gwen: No, he's not. Really, do you think?
Tosh: No. Owen does. I don't.
Ianto: And I don't care.
Owen: Period military is not the dress code of a straight man.
Gwen: I think it suits him. Sort of classic.
Tosh: Exactly! I've watched him in action. He'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.

Tosh: Jack, Carys is out of her cell.
Owen: Cheeky bitch took my swipe card.
Jack: I'll deal with it. And tell Owen he needs to work on those abs a bit harder.

Owen: The strain on her body's too much. Any second now she's rat jam.

THE GHOST MACHINE

Gwen: I've lost him, Tosh. I've lost him.
Tosh: I swear, whatever it is, you're holding it.

CYBERWOMAN

Tosh: All I'm saying is, once in awhile I'd like to drive.
Owen: Yeah, all I'm saying is no.
Tosh: Why not?
Owen: Look, I've shared cars with women before and I know what'll happen. There'll be an emergency, all rarin' to go, I jump in, what do I find? Seat's in the wrong position, the rearview mirror's out of line and the steering wheel's in my crotch. In the time it takes to sort it all out aliens will have taken Newport.

COUNTRYCIDE

Tosh: Call me suspicious but this has all the hallmarks of a trap.
Jack: Yeah. I was just thinking the same thing. Anyone fancy a walk?

Ianto: Judging by the sound reverberations and the... air quality... 'pretty deep underground. Chances of rescue?
Tosh: We won't need rescuing. I haven't met a cell yet I couldn't get out of.

Tosh: That's why there was nothing left on the body. They need to eat. pause We're food.

Tosh: They're all involved. They've all been doing it.
Evan: This is our harvest.
Owen: Only in the bloody countryside. You sick fuckers.

GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

Mary: Um, listen, don't think it's in any way organized. It's really just a disparate bunch of IT guys who live with their mothers.
Tosh: I shouldn't talk to you.
Mary: So go.

Tosh to Mary: What's most amazing are the similarities with our own culture. But that can be horrible because we find lots of weapons, and it just makes you think, My God, everything wages war. It's not just a trait of ours, but a trait of existence. I

Tosh: What is this thing? Why did you give it to me?
Mary: I told you.
Tosh: The things I heard. What they thought of me, they really thought. God, these are people that are supposed to like me!

Tosh: What you're thinking now, that's pretty graphic.
Mary: That wasn't my thought.

Owen about the wound on the body: 'That remind you of anything?
Tosh: Um... that bit in Alien where that thing bursts out of John Hurt?
Owen: I'm sorry, I should have been more specific. Does that remind you of anything helpful?

Jack: So I've just come from a really interesting conversation with a Detective Inspector Henderson.
Tosh: Right.
Jack: Interesting because, firstly, the man had the biggest hands I've ever seen. And secondly, because of the story he told me about you saving a woman and her kid from being murdered by her ex-husband?
Tosh: Yeah, no, I was going to tell you about that.
Jack: So why didn't you?
Tosh: I don't know. It wasn't a work thing, just a... thing. Stuff happens all the time that's not pertinent to here.
Jack: You do this all the time? So you secretly fight crime, is that it, Tosh?
Tosh: I didn't want it to look like I was showing off.
Jack: The guy they arrested, Henderson said you heard him muttering to himself as he was walking along, and that's what tipped you off.
Tosh: Mm. I couldn't really work out what he was saying at first, and then it was like, Jesus!
Jack: That's weird. Because when I'm about to murder someone I'm really careful not to talk to myself about it while I'm in the street.
Tosh: No, sure. I mean, that's lesson one.

Tosh: So. I'm shagging a woman and an alien.
Mary: Which is worse?
Tosh: Well I know which one my parents would say.

Jack: What do bosses do in situations like these? You know, regular bosses. Do I get to beat people?
Tosh: We've got rules for that!
Jack jokingly: Argh! Red tape!

THEY KEEP KILLING SUZIE

Gwen: Wait a minute, I've taken retcon.
Jack: Then better stay away from sharp objects. Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?
Ianto: Two thousand and eight.
Owen: Ay, what if they all become psychotic?
Tosh: Do you have to sound so happy?
Owen: Yeah, I'm just saying. Mean Streets!

Owen: You know, we never gave it a cool name.
Tosh: I thought we called it the Resurrection Gauntlet.
Owen: COOL name.
Ianto: What about "The Risen Mitten"? I think it's catchy.

Gwen: Have I got this right? When I die, you get to keep all my po sessions? My whole life's gonna get stashed in a locker.
Jack: Rules and regulations.
Gwen: What if I leave all stuff to Rhys?
Jack: We'll stash him away too. Tread carefully, people. With respect. This is the life of Suzie Costello.
Tosh: That's all we are in the end. A pile of boxes.

Tosh: She was good at computers. Hell, she was good at everything.
Owen: She was good at murder too. Laugh a minute, that was Suzie.

Jack: Suzie's gotta die.
Tosh: Again?

Owen: She gave Max a whole complex of subconscious triggers.
Tosh: Like, she dies, Max becomes a time bomb. He doesn't see her for three months and—wham—the orders kick in. He follows Suzie's program, and starts killing.
Jack: And the whole chain of events forces us to bring Suzie back.
Tosh: And then she escapes.
Owen: You’ve got to admit that is not bad. I'm picking her for my team.

COMBAT

Gwen: Owen's still not answering his phone.
Tosh: Well, he's been even more erratic than usual since that thing with Diane.
Gwen: Since the what?
Tosh: It's none of my business.
Gwen: What thing? What thing, Tosh?
Tosh: Owen and Diane. Before she took the plane. They had a thing. You knew that, right?
Gwen: Oh yeah. I just didn't know they had a thing thing.

Tosh: I think these guys really don't like to be watched.
Jack: See I know it's a character flaw but that makes me all the more determined to find out what it is they're hiding.

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS

Jack: Wow. Look at the chandelier. No neon lights back then. Just dashing young soldiers and pretty young ladies. And as they danced, the girls would look into their partners' eyes, smile softly and say—
Tosh: Jack! Mind my laptop.
Jack: I was thinking more along the lines of, "And how long before you head off to war?"

Tosh: Where's the SUV? Has it been stolen?
Jack seeing the Kiss the Boys Goodbye flyer: No. We have.

Tosh: We really are in 1941. What if we can't get back?
Jack: Flotsam and jetsam slips through all the time. We'll get back. Look on the bright side. Gives you one hell of an excuse not to go to your party.
Tosh: I have a life there. And they can't help us back at the Hub because I have the latest readings in here. People are staring at us.
Jack: We need to try to blend in.
Tosh: It's easy for you to say. I'm the only Asian here.
Jack: Don't worry. You're with the Captain.

Tosh: Why does that man have your name? I'm lost enough here without you holding back on me!
Jack: It's not my name. It's his. I took took his. But I didn't realize he was so hot.
Tosh: Jack—
Jack: I know too much.
Tosh: Then share.
Jack: You woldn't want that. Trust me.

Tosh: Pearl Harbor, Jack.
Jack: Doesn't happen till the end of the year.
Tosh: Granddad stayed in London but he was persecuted. If I stay stuck here, what will happen to me?
Jack: I'll take care of you.
Tosh: This period—you look like you fit in. Have you been here before?
Jack: Yeah. I can't explain but I served in the war in 1941. I was undercover. I needed a false identity, so I took his name.
Tosh: Who were you before you took his name? Why him?
Jack: It was convenient.
Tosh: But if you chose his identity to steal, then he... ?
Jack: Dies. In battle.
Tosh: When?
Jack: Tomorrow.

Tosh: Who were you?
Jack: A conman. That's why I took his name, falsified his records so it seemed he was still alive.
Tosh: How did you end up in Torchwood?
Jack: Someone saved my life. Brought me back from death. And ever since then it's been like... they're keeping me for something and I don't know what it is. I'm sorry for dragging you into this.
Tosh: It was my choice.
Jack: I'll look after you. But there's nothing I can do for him.

Tosh: He would have been so proud that you took his name. Because here you are, saving the world. she raises her glass To Captain Jack.
Jack: To Captain Jack.

KISS KISS, BANG BANG

Owen: What are we gonna do when we catch it?
Tosh: Jack would know.
Owen: Yeah, well Jack's not here, is he? Jack's disappeared. Fat lot of good Jack is.

Jack: You were the wife.
Hart: You were the wife.
Jack: No. You were the wife.
Hart: Oh, but I was a good wife.
Tosh: I bet you were. Owen looks at her. What? Pretend you haven't noticed he's cute.
Hart: They're just shy.

SLEEPER

Tosh: We have to take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.
Ianto: Or the first sign of exploding.

Jack about Beth: What did she do? Is it a virus, a lockdown?
Tosh: No, she's just turned off the lights.
Jack: What is it with her and lightbulbs?

Jack: Tosh, you switched off the tranceiver?
Tosh: Yes.
Jack: Are you sure?
Tosh: Well I was until you asked.

Tosh: Come on guys, that wasn't even difficult. A disappointment.
Ianto: It's almost obscene what you do to security systems.

TO THE LAST MAN

Tosh: You're the only one who can stop this. If you don't it's the end of everything!

Tommy: Seems like there's always a war somewhere.
Tosh: It's not exactly a war.
Tommy: Looks like one.

Tommy: Did you never wonder if we're worth saving? The human race?
Tosh: Yes. I think we're worth saving. Wars and all.

Tosh: Does Tommy know what happens to him?
Jack: No.
Tosh: If he asks then what do I say?

MEAT

Tosh: Maybe the answer is to go out with someone who knows what you do.
Owen: Look around you, Tosh. Only we know what we do.

ADAM

Tosh: You write about artifacts in your diary?
Ianto: Among other things.

DEAD MAN WALKING

Gwen: Jack what have you got? Jack holds up the glove Oh my god.
Tosh: You can't use that. Not after Suzie.
Gwen: I'm using the glove. I'm bringing Owen back.

Jack: Okay Team, say your goodbyes. Gwen? Gwen is at a loss.
Owen: Gwen, no offense but I've only got two minutes to live.
Jack: Tosh?
Tosh: Owen, I'm going to miss you. And I love you. Always have.
Jack: Owen, I need the code for the alien morgue. You're the only one that knows it.
Owen: You brought me back for that? For that?!?!

Tosh: Owen! What I said before, when I thought you were dead—
Owen: I'm not dying, I'm dead. I'm a headless chicken I just haven't stopped running about yet.
Tosh: Well, when I told you I—
Owen: Yeah. You didn't mean it. I know.
Tosh: You do?
Owen: Yes. I mean, you didn't say anything before and then suddenly I'm dying and it's like, "I love you". That's not love, Tosh. That's grief. You're losing something so suddenly you desperately desire it. Textbook response.

Tosh: Are we seriously going to act on something she "Googled"?

SOMETHING BORROWED

FROM OUT OF THE RAIN

ADRIFT

FRAGMENTS

EXIT WOUNDS

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