Various and Sundry Short Stories
Nightmare Roommate
These stories come from living with the most horrible person ever for two excruciatingly long years. The Butter Story is probably the best. The rest are mainly my passive aggresive way of getting revenge on her for putting me through hell.
NR HEARTS CATS!
When I started living with NR, I found out that she loved cats.
Loved them so much that she had cat-themed items. She had salt and pepper shaker-shaped cats, blankets with cats on them, cat-themed
clothing... Loved her some cats, she did. So she of course excited that I had a cat. Because she could live with a cat and put her cat-themed
crap everywhere.
I have a cat, yes. I like her well-enough, yes. But cat-themed anything ever anywhere? A resounding no.
Soon after we moved in together it became obvious that Ramona was terrified of Nightmare Roommate. NR would do everything she
could to coax Ramona over to her. Instead of a potential petting, Ramona ran like hell from the room. Which was weird.
I came to discover that when we initially moved in Nightmare Roommate regularly caught my poor cat unawares, grabbed her, picked
her up, and hugged and petted the crap out of her.
Yeah, Ramona loves that shit.
I explained to her that Ramona hated being picked up by anyone she wasn't completely comfortable with. That she often got pissy when I
did it. It didn't really matter, of course, because Ramona never got within 10 feet of her again.
After our "no picking up my damn cat" conversation, we started talking about NR's cat, who she just loved so very very much.
She told me they had a special game they played. Every time she visited her parents she would track down her cat, pick her up,
and just hug her and hug her. Fluffy in turn would hiss and scratch her and struggle to escape. And that was their special game.
I don't think anyone informed her cat of the rules for this game.
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