Quotes from The Simpsons

Lisa SImpson

Lisa: Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.

Lisa: I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is. All I know is He's more powerful than Mom and Dad put together.

Lisa checking the card catalog: Let's see... Football... Football... "Homoeroticism in"... "Oddball Canadian rules"... "Phyllis George and"...

Homer: Who's going to win today?
Lisa: The Sea Hawks because they have something to prove, the 49ers because they are pure of heart and the Raiders because they always cheat.

Lisa: "List your three favorite books and how they have influenced your life."
Homer: Is TV Guide a book?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Son of Sniglet?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Katharine Hepburn's Me?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Oh, I suck!

Lisa: And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.
Homer breaks lamp: D'oh!
Bart: Aye Carumba!
Marge: Hmmm.
Flanders: Heidely-ho.
Barney: burps
Nelson: Ha ha!
Burns: Ex-cellent!
Lisa: If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.

Marge: Ooh, Lisa! Is that too spicy for you?
Lisa: I can see through time!
Homer: You can't be afraid to try new things. For instance, tonight I'm using a... Apu, what do you call this thing again?
Apu: A napkin.
Homer: Outrageous!

Lisa: Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

Mr. Burns: I'll be taking my puppies back.
Lisa: But they're ours, you stole them from us!
Mr. Burns hands her a cell phone: Here's a phone. Call somebody who cares.
Lisa dials 9-1—
Mr. Burns: Give me that!

Lisa: Pablo Neruda said, "Laughter is the language of the soul."
Bart: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.

Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important
than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool—not caring, right?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried
everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to
be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?

Lisa: May I have that seat?
Comic Book Guy: Yes! If you can answer me these questions three. Question the first!—
Lisa: Never mind.

Homer: Oh, yeah! I'm betting on Jai Alai in the Cayman Islands, I invested in something called "News Corp"—
Lisa: Dad, that's FOX!
Homer: Undo! Undo!

Lisa: Mom! Dad's on PBS!
Marge: Mmm. They don't show police chases, do they?

Lisa and Bart: Augh! It's Sideshow Bob!
Sideshow Bob: Oh Bart, we've been through so much together. Just call me Bob.
Lisa and Bart: Augh! It's Bob!

Marge: I can't count how many time's your father has done something crazy.
Lisa: looking at ticker It's 300, Mom!
Marge: I could've sworn it was 302.
Lisa: Shhh!

Lisa walking past cats in the pound: Too fluffy... too scrawny... too needy... too arrogant... eye infection... stops. Clearly a skunk.

Lisa: To save money on a new dish, we'll call you Snowball II and just pretend this whole thing never happened.
Skinner walking past: That's really a cheat, isn't it?
Lisa: Maybe. Principal Tanzarian.
Skinner: Uh, I'll be moving along then. Lisa... Snowball II.

Lisa: Let's make out with boys! Binge and purge! Rock and roll!

Lisa: If dad ever reads that book he's gonna be so humiliated!
Bart: He'll never read it.
Lisa: What if they make it into a movie?
Bart: He'll never see it.
Lisa: What if they parody it on "MadTV"?
Bart: We're doomed!

Bart: Wicca's a Hollywood fad.
Lisa: Thats Kaballah, you jerk.

Lisa: Mr. Brockman, you're a huge hit.
Kent Brockman: How wide is the web?
Lisa: World.
Kent Brockman: Wow.

Marge: You have to be there. You miss way too many precious moments in the children's lives.
Homer: What? Name twelve.
Bart: Well, just this week there's been field day, pick me up from airport—
Lisa: And the father-daughter dance!

Marge: So how was your outside time?
Lisa: We never outside! We were here all day!
Marge: That quick talking is never a good sign.
Lisa: That's usually true but in this case it's not.

Lisa: Give me an Indian burn.
Bart: But—
Lisa: Don't make me say "Indian" again.

Lisa: I learned that beneath my goody two shoes lies some very dark socks.

Lisa: The intern thing could open up a whole new world of free labor for you. Did you know the Discovery Channel doesn't have a single paid employee.

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