Quotes from Stargate SG-1

Season Eight

O'Neill: I've spent my whole life sticking it to the man.
Jackson: Well now you will be the man.
O'Neill: I don't think I can be the man.

Jackson: Teal'c, I know it isn't your strongest suit, but this is not the time for jokes.

O'Neill: Look, T, I'm not gonne tell you how to raise your kid, but I've always found that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems.

O'Neill trying to make a decision: Do you know what it took to get approval for Tailgate Tuesdays? Bra'tac smiles. Will there be cake?

Corinne: I have chosen poorly for a husband!
Ryak: Then perhaps I have chosen poorly as well!
they storm off
Bra'tac: I can see why one must rehearse these events.

O'Neill: Teal'c. Are you there?
Teal'c: Proceed, O'Neill.
O'Neill: You know how I get when you don't call.

Technician: Let me ask you something. Being here late at night, do you ever get the urge to just dial up random planets and check it out for a minute or two?
Dialer Guy: That would be a no.
Technician: Yeah. Me... me neither.

O'Neill about the Asgard: Usually they ask nicely before they ignore us and do what they damn well please.

Jackson: What's this?
Carter: This is [ethylpropyl-something].
Jackson: Which is?
Carter: Nerve gas.
Jackson: Okay. Putting that back.

O'Neill: So they didn't get the memo.

Bad Guy: Our position's been compromised. We can't take them with us.
Jackson: I don't mind going for a little ride.
Carter: Me neither.

Vala Mal Doran: Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you.
Jackson: Good.
Vala: Much. I hope.

Maybourne: I get to name all sorts of things. You should see the Grateful Dead burial ground.

Carter: Let's not touch anything yet. I'm kinda fond of this era.

Maybourne: Jack. How long has it been?
O'Neill: Oh, since you got us stranded off-world and tried to kill me.
Maybourne: Ah. Takes me back.

O'Neill: Nice ride.
Jackson: Yeah, Ancients like to fly in style.

O'Neill: You're gonna have to help me out here, Carter. Got any quarters?

Maybourne: Glad tidings of... comfort and joy. Comfort and joy.

Aries' Prime: Know this, Shol'va (sp?), I will see to it that you suffer slowly.
Teal'c: And I will see to it that you die quickly.

Maybourne: I made a life here, Jack. I can't walk away from my home, my people, my wives...
Carter: Wives?

Jackson: Is it possible that Kinsey's lying?
Teal'c: That is always possible.

O'Neill to Kinsey: Think of it this way: if you don't do what they want, they'll kill you. If you don't do what we want... we'll let 'em.

Carter: We need to come up with a code word to let us know if you need help.
Kinsey: How about something simple like... help?

Jackson: Your English is excellent.
Russian Captain: Thank you. Do you speak Russian?
Jackson in Russian: I'm conversational. I think I can get by.
Russian Captain: We'll stick to English then.

Russian Captain: Have you eaten a proper lunch?
Jackson: Oh, I had something on the plane.
Russian Captain: Then you have not eaten a proper lunch.

Joe: I'm trying to reach one of your officers. Colonel Jack O'Neill. Two Ls.

Customer: Well what about the Furlings? Are we ever gonna hear about them?

Worker: I'm not sure you should have sent in Seth.
Joe: They rejected Hathor? But it was gold!

O'Neill: I know your gun isn't real. However... this one is.

Joe: You have a thing for The Simpsons, fishing, Mary Steenburgen, the color peridot and you're a terrible ping pong player.
O'Neill: Have we met?

Joe: Between you and me, I totally see the analogy: Burns as Gou'ald.
O'Neill: Thank you!

Joe: Dr. Jackson, can I just say, thank goodness you're back. Not that Jonas was a bad guy, but after all you've been through together you belong here with SG-1.
Jackson: Thank you. Jack?
O'Neill:He's a barber.
Jackson: Broke into your house?
O'Neill: Yeah.
Jackson: Second week in a row.
O'Neill: Mm hm.
Jackson: Alarm.
O'Neill: I'm thinking dog.
Joe: You could try locking your front door.

Joe: I know the hair makes you look different, but didn't you used to be more gold colored?

Oma: Order what you want.
Jackson: Okay, I'll have the truth with a side order of clarity, please.

Jackson: Jack, we need to talk! Oh! Sorry for interrupting.
O'Neill: No! It's important. You must interrupt. You must.
Jackson: I think we may have found a ZPM.
O'Neill: Yes!

Carter: Just because my reproductive organs are on the outside instead of the inside... God! That's horrible! Who would say that?!?

Jackson: I like what you have done to the place.
Teal'c: I have discovered there are many programs on television which offer advice in the area of home design and decoration.

Jackson: What's this?
Hammond: Non-disclosure agreement. What we're about to discuss has been classified top secret by the United States government.
Jackson: What if we don't want to sign it?
Hammond: Then you're free to leave.
Carter hurriedly signs it.

Carter: What do you think they're going to do? Ask us to join an elite team of intergalactic space heroes? Look at us. I think the only reason they showed us the tape is because we're on it.
Jackson: Exactly.
Carter: Oh.

Carter talking about Daniel: SG-11 insisted he seemed perfectly normal. Did you notice anything peculiar about him, sir?
O'Neill: I thought it odd that he was shooting up the Gateroom.

O'Neill: So, why don't you just send her right on through. Before you know it, you'll have old camel ass back in your grubby old nits.

Ba'al: You dare mock me?!
O'Neill: Baal, come on you, you should know. Of course I dare mock you.

O'Neill: Did Anubis leave anything cool behind?
Jackson: No, not really.
O'Neill: Nuts.

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