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I came in here to make fun of some spam I got, then I realized how long it’s been since I wrote anything. My poor little planet suffers in silence and the world is deprived of my babbling nonsense. Tragedy, that.

Oh! No, I totally did have something to mock. Sort of. See, I got a three-way linking spam email (“You link to us, we’ll link to you and you’ll be famous!”). I get them probably a few times a week. My planet is little enough that I don’t enough noise to be noticed. So spam is mercifully low. Anyway, the thing that gave me pause is that this spam included an email string with a reply from me. Clearly forged because it was like the dullest response ever.

But what stood out even more was that they were sending this reply today to a supposed email from me dated over two months ago.

If you’re going to take the time to fake an email from me, at least do me the courtesy of replying in a timely manner.

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I keep seeing ads for a show on NatGeo about Doomsday Preppers. Which couldn’t help but remind me of my own experience with someone afraid of the coming Apocalypse. Plus it’s easier to add a repost than come up with something new:

 

How Not to Prepare for the Apocalypse

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I am currently sitting in the lobby of a hotel in Iowa City. Hootie and the Blowfish is playing overhead and Two and a Half Men is on the television in front of me. Neither of which I can change.

It’s like my worst nightmares have joined forces to create a perfect storm of awful. I realize I could just change seats, but it’s more fun to whine.

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I am having a stupidly bad day. I’m trying to wrap things up before leaving on business and it’s not going well. Mainly because I have two websites that got hacked and I’ve been trying to fix them for a few days. Thought I had it finally covered. Woke up this morning and it’s back.

I take it very personally when this happens. As a result I’ve had this massive headache all day—both literally and figuratively. And I’ve been pouring over files and permissions and code and logs and god knows what else.

With the TV on in the background I heard the faint strains of a Pixies song from Surfer Rosa. And I thought, “Pixies! Pixies always cheer me up.” So I wandered over to my very dusty CD collection (poor things, they must be lonely) and proceeded to look for Doolittle, which should be sandwiched somewhere in the middle of the Ps.

Only it’s gone.

Of course there’s no way to even start to figure out what may have happened to it. Too many moves, too many roommates, too many house parties. Lord knows when it wandered off. And of course it just makes me wonder what other CDs are now gone.

Can one thing go right today? Just one. All I ask.

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So the next Presidential election looms and we’re in the thick of the primaries. I’ve sort of accepted that there’s a good chance my team’s not going to win this one. And I’m okay with that. It’s how these things work.

But I must admit the GOP primaries have me worried. Although not for the reason(s) you might think. See, I would prefer that this country not elect a president who kinda seems like a douche. And Gingrich kinda seems like a douche.

I may not have liked GW as president, but I would have at least grabbed a beer with him. I may not like Romney’s politics (although I have no problem with his private equity past–some of my favorite people work for and/or run private equity firms), but I wouldn’t classify him as a douche. Gingrich? Can’t so much say the same.

I think it’s the same way I’d feel if I lived in Italy. I wouldn’t have liked Berlusconi as PM on the same principle.

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Pantone Color of the Year : Tangerine TangoIt wouldn’t be a new year without a new Pantone Color of the Year. This year it’s Tangerine Tango. Or 7625C for those of you keeping score with a handy dandy Pantone book.

I have two, just for the record. Ostensibly because I need them to pick colors when dealing with printed pieces but mainly because I thought it would make me feel like a real designer.

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I had kind of a crappy week. Just par for the course really. But that’s neither here nor there. And eventually I should write down some thoughts about the passing of Steve Jobs. ‘Cause I have a lot of them. And about the fact that Occupy MN started today. ‘Cause I have a lot of thoughts on that too.

But no. Today is Friday and I’m not going to think about all that. But I will share a random story.

One of my clients is in NY this week doing media-type things. I’m not the media side of his business (I just make things pretty) so I don’t exactly know why he’s there. But he’s there. And I know this because he emailed me that he had just finished a radio interview and the hosts made a point to mention how much they liked the clean simplicity of his website. They said that their staff were “gushing over it”. Or something to that effect.

How awesome is that? Made my week.

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I am currently off-world. Or off-planet. One of the two. Maybe both. Maybe neither. What’s it to you?

I’m also tired and a little punchy. Clearly.

Anyway I am visiting my folks (one-half of my folks) in a far off and distant land known as “Wisconsin”. It’s a mysterious place, full of cows and cranberries and governors who hate unions. Which means it’s a less friendly place than it once was. Even the cows have gotten surly. And the cranberries are (wait for it) sour.

But my folks are still awesome.

Random story: So unlike many Doctor Who fans I never really watched the original series. I tried. When I was little it would be on during the weekends and so I would watch it at my dad’s house. Except they always ended with a cliffhanger–and a scary one at that–so I would have to wait until the next weekend to watch it.

Slight problem: the next weekend I was at my mom’s and as a general rule she wasn’t big on me watching TV (that turned out well). Which meant I always got the scary cliffhanger and no happy ending. So I remembered not really liking the show or watching it much because of that.

But as I was talking to my folks tonight the subject of Doctor Who came up and they both remembered me watching it every weekend I was there. And as I sort of related my reasons for not getting into it (scary cliffhanger) my step-mom reminded me that I must have liked it well enough since we had the Doctor Who board game.

Totally forgot about the Doctor Who board game.

Perhaps because it was sort of dull. My dad remembers it as kind of like Monopoly–a game that takes so long to play out that halfway through you get bored and go play tiddly-winks. But I can’t help wishing they still had it because I would so be stealing the little game pieces right now.

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I have seen some truly questionable theories put forth by television programs over the years. But none so questionable as When Pop Culture Saved America: A 9/11 Story. Which is—apparently—the story of how celebrities eased America’s pain after 9/11.

I won’t lie. I didn’t watch it. I did sit and stare at my television for a minute to decide whether or not it was a joke. Because seriously? Celebrities? I swear to Christ, if anyone—other than celebrities—actually believes that load of crap then I have lost faith in everything I hold sacred.

Where the fuck is it written that, because someone is famous, they suddenly become anything other than, you know, famous? I don’t think fame gives people any sort of magic, nation-healing superpowers.

The audacity is just amazing. The ego involved… To try and take some sort of credit for that is just beyond. Absolutely beyond.

God, everybody tries so hard to claim a piece of 9/11 as their own. It’s gross. It’s tacky. And sometimes it’s downright scary. And it’s just been amplified this year with the ten-year anniversary. I hate it. I’ve been avoiding any coverage or programs involving 9/11 for the past few weeks.

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I think I have a cold. Which is so not fair.

I’m still trying to work out exactly why it’s not fair though. I believe it has something to do with it being a holiday weekend.

Or it being September. Although it is sort of chilly these days. We went from 90s last week to 60s this weekend. Which I like. Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. The weather gets a little cooler, the holiday season starts creeping up and my birthday peeks out from the corner.

Love that.

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Right. So I finally gave in and started tweeting. I haven’t actually decided if this will last more than a week or two (since I may not ever have anything to say–especially in a shortened version). So me and Twitter are sort of doing a trial marriage. I still think she’s a shallow, mindless bimbo with very little useful content. But I also know the same could be said for me some days—many days.

I haven’t decided which route to go yet. I think it’ll probably teeter between useful (it will mainly be updates for visitors to this site) and being completely inane. And, if I get lucky, downright cryptic on occasion.

Which… the same could be said for me some days.

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So anyone that knows me knows I’m a huge fan of cartoons.

My current favorite would have to be Martha Speaks. Because I gotta say, the writers make me laugh out loud on occasion. Which doesn’t happen often—animated or live action. Plus the theme song is super catchy. Just sayin’.

But the award for worst cartoon on my list has to go to Curious George. I actually don’t watch it because it must be geared toward super young kids (and those are tough to watch even for me). But every time I do watch it, I get super annoyed.

One, the story itself is outdated. Stealing a monkey from its African habitat so it can live with you in a large city is like the epitome of Colonialistic excess. It offends my liberal sensibilities. Two, with all the incredibly destructive and thoughtless things that George does to the Man in the Yellow Hat’s apartment, I would have taken that meddling monkey ass out with a twelve-gauge years ago.

But what floored me today was watching one of those “real kids” segments that always airs between the two stories.

If there’s one thing all PBS cartoons tend to do, it’s promote and encourage good choices—eating healthy, conserving resources, not polluting… all things that are great for kids to learn. But this episode had four kids out in their driveway seeing how water flows by hooking up random pipes to a garden hose and then turning it on and just watching the water flow. Down the driveway. To nowhere.

Not only is there like no rhyme or reason as to what you’re supposed to learn from this (because watching how water flows is not exactly scientific discovery), but talk about a serious waste of water. I kept waiting for them to say something about a least collecting the water so they could water the garden. Or wash a car. Something. Anything.

Nothing. Just a complete waste of perfectly usable water.

Terrible.

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I find it slightly ironic that since I started building websites almost exclusively in WordPress I’ve pretty much abandoned my little corner in here. Well not ironic so much as true to form. Once this site starts feeling too much like my work I tend to lose interest.

Doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to write lately. Such potential topics have included, “Shark Week: I Just Don’t Get It” and “News Corps Hacking Scandal: Kinda Our Fault.” Then there’s that old chestnut, “Politics: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Potential Shutdown.”

But like so many of my rants, by the time I get around to writing them they’re already old news. And I’m behind on so many current events in the world, I at least like to pretend I’m somewhat up-to-date in here. It is my planet, after all.

I did have a bit of a weird week anyway. Whenever we have a storm, my power goes out. Last week it was for an hour and a half. This week it was for a day.

Woah! Holy shit. Time out. Sorry. Tangent.

I bought some Vitamin Waters today in an attempt to cut down on the ungodly amount of pop I drink. And I just took a sip and my dear god is this the worst tasting crap ever. It’s like… oo! Like, you know how when you’re a kid and a friend of yours has a birthday party at McDonalds and they bring out that huge thing of weird orange drink that tastes watered down and looks radioactive? It’s kind of like that. Except worse.

And I took a huge swig and that was just clearly not a good decision in hindsight. I gotta go… do something to get this… Aw man, it has an aftertaste. Good Lord.

You know, this is my fault. When Vitamin Water first came out and they product-placed the hell out of it in every stupid TV show and movie and the ads were everywhere all I could think was, “Probably tastes like crap and I’m not buying anything that is that blatantly targeted at me.” And my resolve held strong. Until today, apparently.

Oh wow is that horrible.

Oh and it’s got stupid ad copy on it too! Great. I hate when they do that. You know, the kind–it tries to be clever but you just end up wondering if the person who wrote it now hates themselves for putting such crap out into the world.

Wow. That is terrible. On several levels, clearly. And now I’ve completely lost the original plot. Wasn’t that good anyway. I’ll just put this out of its misery.