It was bound to happen sooner or later, I suppose... a potentially large plot point on a show I quote has been spoiled for me because of searches into the site.

In unrelated news, Doctor Who starts up again in the US on Friday.

I am currently boycotting adding any sort of writing or musings to this site. It was a difficult decision, but until the US withdraws all military presence from Canada my silence will remain testament to my disapproval.

Oh who am I fooling with my awesome lies? I just can't think of anything to write.

I was deciding on which type of eye cream gunk to buy yesterday (you'll just have to bear with me on this one). Because how do you know what really works anyway? Usually no matter what you buy the product doesn't actually do anything.

I assume that's the unspoken rule about women's beauty products—they're useless.

But I felt the need for some eye gunk. So instead of trying to find the most effective brand, I fell back on my tried and true method of purchase: buy the product that has the most attractive packaging.

I know, I know. It goes against "Consumer Reports" type thinking. All the reports about how it's all basically the same except the packaging—nice packaging equals higher prices. "Don't fall for the pretty packaging!" they tell you.

But really, if a company sits down and takes the time and energy to make it look so very very lovely, doesn't that count for something somewhere? Anywhere?

I certainly think so. And apparently so do the makers of my recently purchased eye cream.

On the subject of interesting packaging, I have this random tin box from a cologne purchase. The buyer didn't want two attractive effeminate men staring back at him every time he used the cologne, apparently, so he gave it to me. I think he was afraid if he kept the thing it would further confirm to those around him (like... his wife) that he was turned on by hot shirtless dudes.

It now stands as my monument to heavily-closeted married, gay Evangelical Christian men. Wherever they may be.

Plus it totally matches the color scheme in my bedroom.

In other news, an acquaintance of mine recently returned from Guantanamo Bay. She works for a law firm that has a client currently being detained there. Although I guess it took some time for her to receive proper security clearance to visit.

She didn't have much to say about it (to my cousin, who relayed the story), but one thing I found interesting was how difficult it can be for the lawyers of the detainees (to say nothing, OBVIOUSLY, of those being detained) because their clients often fear that these strangers are actually just more interrogators trying to deceive them.

So the law firms try to obtain information about their clients, like tracking down their families, and will bring their client’s favorite food or a message from a loved one in an attempt to convince them that they're telling the truth.

I can't even begin to fathom what goes on there...

In other other news: I've been flipping channels and it took me a full minute to realize that the random motorcycle versus border cop chases occuring on two channels were not only sorta similar, but in fact exactly the same.

TNT and SciFi are airing the exact same X-Files episode at the exact same time—except they're about 30 seconds off from each other.

If I keep flipping back and forth I'm gonna start yelling at the screen. "Dude, you shouldn't have gone through the door on the other channel! Don't go through there again! Dude!"

Or some such utterings...

And yet... who knew Alan Dale was on the X-Files?

Well he does, most likely. But I didn't.

That sexy Kiwi shows up everywhere.

Look. If people would just stop paying attention to rich, out-of-control idiots they'll go away. Everyone claims not to care—or even hate—these people, and yet they go on and on about them. No wonder they're in the media every five minutes.

Just. Don't. Care. Really. Ignore them.

Whatever. On to more important things:

I went and got my license plates on this weekend. I couldn't do it myself if I wanted to, so I went to an auto shop that my mom highly recommended. Turns out the bolts on the rear plate were stripped so it took longer than anticipated.

And they didn't charge me anything for it. The guy said it was just a license plate and no big deal. Which I thought was completely awesome. I figured my mom would too. Something along the lines of, "I told you they were great to go to."

Nope. Apparently last time she went they charged her $20 to get them done.

Oops.

I think I need to drum up some corporate sponsors for my cult. Nothing big. Maybe a drink company or indie record label. It could happen.

Right now, however, I'm trying to figure out whether I have a cold, allergies, strep or the plague. My throat is driving me nuts.

I'd throw in a TB joke but I think they've been exhausted for some time now.

So far my cult has The Well of Eternal Bliss and Plastic Frogmen.

And that's about it. Starting a cult is a lot more complicated than I had imagined. I wonder if there's a "Starting a Cult for Dummies" book out there. They have one for just about everything else.

I think my cult needs to have wood paneling as well.

I once went to an open house near my ancestral homestead. The house had to have been around $300-$500k, judging from size and neighborhood. But it must have been on the low end of things. Clearly owned by a single man, half the house had an indoor pool in it with the rest of the rooms in the house looking into the pool room. Or sort of. The condensation situation was intense.

ANYWAY: the foyer was all wood paneling with just dozens of painted saws hanging on the walls. Nice colorful scenes of deers frollicking in the woods and cabins with smoke coming out of the chimneys. And I was left trying to figure out who made the damn things and how anyone could acquire/want to acquire a few dozen of them.

I think I'll skip the painted saws. But fake wood paneling is good.

I was cleaning out my email and I found this. It's a screed on how rock and roll is ruining America. One of our semi-regulars owns a record shop a few blocks away (yes, records) and someone had left in her store. So I grabbed a copy. I think I still have it somewhere.

Anyway, here's why rock and roll is ruining America. It's scientific... and long:

ROCK N' ROLL TAKES ITS TOLL!

Today's homes, schools, factories, stores, restaurants and beaches are permeated with the ever-present racket of Rock n' Roll. This mawkish, maudlin, madness assaults our ears and insults our intelligence!

Webster tells us that music is "the art of making pleasing or harmonious combinations of tones." With no stretch of the imagination can Rock n' Roll be considered an art, nor is it pleasing or harmonious. Its jungle beat is accompanied with vulgar, suggestive and blatantly sexual lyrics. It is unpatriotic and certainly unchristian. It is not even good for your health! It even affects the health of your house plants!

A New York City psychiatrist, Dr. John Diamond, has studied the beats of over 20,000 recordings of different types of music and has tested various music on people. In his testing he has discovered that a specific beat can prove stressful and depressing and, on the other hand, waltz music, for instance, can pick you up, strengthen you physically and give you an optimistic attitude.

" It has nothing to do with the volume, " Dr. Diamond stated, "nor whether or not you like the music. It has all to do with the rhythms and the beat."

" I've concluded," he said, "that a specific beat, found in over half of the top hits of any given week can actually weaken you." That beat of which Dr. Diamond speaks is called "stopped anapestic rhythm." It is marked by two short beats and one long beat.

" In nine out of ten cases that I have tested," the doctor said, "muscle strength drops more than 50% while a person is listening to records with this beat."

" Stopped anapestic rhythm is contrary to our natural body beats and rhythms," the doctor explained.

" When we tape-recorded the beat of the heart and the blood vessels," the doctor continued, "we found it to be the exact opposite of the rock beat. The heart and body goes DAH-dit dit, one long, two short. This is much more like the waltz beat."

" The stopped anapestic beat further interferes with brain wave patterns causing mental stress," according to Dr. Diamond. "Tests conducted in factories and schools showed that students and workers performed 15% better without rock music, " he concluded.

The crude lyrics of today's songs were appalling to Disc Jockey Jack Carey and he quit his job in disgust. He stated that the rock music industry is leading millions of teenagers and young adults down the evil path of drugs, sexual promiscuity and social irresponsibility.

Long ago we reached the saturation point where Rock n' Roll is concerned, but it drones on, and unbelievably, it has invaded our church sanctuaries and choir lofts. This materialistic and carnal substitution for the spiritual hymn will certainly not draw souls closer to God! Since it will even penetrate cotton in the ears the only alternative is to protest - loud and clear above the din!

Complain to store clerks and managers and anyone else who is chasing from the scene any concentration, constructive thought, or creative imagination! Do not patronize restaurants which insist on serving a constant bombardment of frenzied and amplified heathen discord.

Fill your home with inspiring and soothing music; for where else will tomorrow's great musicians come from? The raucus noise of today is a miserable substitute for music. It is depressing and befuddles the mind and certainly is a big factor in the weighty problem of teenage suicide! While soothing music tames the savage beast, Rock n' Roll only makes the savage beast more savage! It is truly the pornography of the music world!

ROCK AND ROLL WAS INTRODUCED FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF DESTROYING THE MORALITY OF THE YOUTH. It is not music. It is a mockery!

Yes, folks, Rock and Roll is just another part of the plot to destroy America - YOUR country! To cater to this abomination by purchasing or applauding this drivel, only helps to hasten America's demise.

The more you know™...

Don't think I've abandoned the whole starting-a-cult thing. I'm still working out the details.

For instance, living quarters. I mean, one or two followers could probably fit in my livingroom okay but if this catches on I gotta accommodate the masses. And I'm not giving up my room.

But I have decided that there will be a well.

A well? you ask.

A well. In particular, one of those wells that used to be in the waiting areas of Perkins with cheesy toys in them for the kids. Those are completely awesome. And needed in my cult. You can fish out enlightenment or something.