Pilot

Seth: I have this plan. I don't know what you'll think. But, um, next July the trade winds shift west, and I want to sail to Tahiti. I can do it in 44 days, maybe even 42.
Ryan: Wow. That sounds really cool man.

Seth: Well... I don't know what to say. Except that you totally had my back out there. You were like out of Fight Club or something. I don't know.

The Model Home

Seth: You know what I was thinking? I think that this being your last night and all, we should do something special. I don't know what. Possibly get a couple of tattoos, or some hookers and lose our virginity. Right? Nothing. Okay, dude, I don't know. There's a shark movie at the IMAX if that's what you're into.

The Outsider

Seth: It'd be good to take some me-time—work on the novel. Tonight would make a good chapter. Were you scared?
Ryan: Yeah.

Seth: United, we're unstoppable, but divided it's like—
Ryan: People get shot.
Seth: That's what I'm saying.

The Girlfriend

Seth: I would like some answers.
Ryan: Yeah, okay. We hooked up.
Seth: What?
Ryan: Isn't that what you were asking with the whole "exhibit A"?
Seth: I noticed some heavy flirting, yes. You hooked up with my grandma? Actually that's kinda hot.

The Escape

Seth: The plan is undeniable, Ryan.
Ryan: I'm denying it.
Seth: We have my mom's Range Rover. We have a perfect alibi as I go to this comic-book convention every year, and we also have my entire life of never doing anything wrong which completely lulls my parents into a false sense of trust.
Ryan: And you wanna throw all that away for Summer in a wet t-shirt doing body shots?
Seth: I'm sorry, I thought that was a rhetorical question. Yes, Ryan, yes. On the last weekend before school, one goes to Tijuana. It is tradition. And it is a rite of passage. And you know what else? What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.
Ryan: What happens in Mexico?
Seth: I don't know, because it stays there. That's why we must go!

The Perfect Couple

Seth: But you have before, right? Wow. That's what I thought. I just didn't want to jump to conclusions. Because my experience is sort of limited. And?
Ryan: And what?
Seth: Was it awesome?
Ryan: Which time?
Seth: Ah... There were— I don't know. How many times were there?
Ryan: Same girl or different girls?
Seth: There were different girls? How many different girls were there? Ryan starts counting in his head. I have to sit down.

The Best Chrismukkah Ever

Ryan: What are you wrapping?
Seth: Two Seth Cohen Starter Packs. We've got Death Cab, we've got Brighteyes, we've got The Shins. we've got Kavalier and Clay. And we've got Goonies. It's not just for kids, Ryan. It's not. I don't care what they tell you.

The Countdown

Seth: I can't breathe.
Ryan: What?
Seth: I'm claustrophobic.
Ryan: Seth this place is huge. It has a kitchen and a bathroom.
Seth: Shh. Ryan, do not use up all the oxygen.
Ryan: Want a sandwich, a shower? We got all that here.
Seth: Ha ha ha. We're gonna die and I'm the glib one?
Ryan: I sleep here every night. Three of the walls are made of windows.
Seth: Yes, which currently are looking out on naked dudes, man. We're trapped like rats.
Ryan: Rats in an enormous pool house! By the way, your aunt's really cool.
Seth: Yeah I know, she's be a bit unpredictable sometimes. My shirt's strangling me.
Ryan: Great, my girlfriend's kissing some guy and I'm stuck here with a lunatic.

The Goodbye Girl

Ryan: You and Anna, you guys talk?
Seth: Do not change the subject to me because I am powerless not to talk about it. I tried and she gave me a list of reasons why she's leaving.
Ryan: You didn't make the cut, did you?
Seth: But she's lying. I want her to know that, you know, I'm sorry I hurt her feelings but she doesn't have to do this. She shouldn't be doing this.
Ryan: Then just tell her.
Seth: “Just tell her.” Simple. Honest. Direct. No wonder I never considered it. Okay fine. I will. I'll tell her tonight but I have to have a little bubbly first. A little veritas and vino, know what I mean?
Ryan: Hardly ever.

Seth: What if the girl I'm supposed to be with just went back to Pittsburgh?
Ryan: What if she went back to Chino?
Seth: Why would Anna go to Chino? pause. Kidding.
Ryan: Nice one. Well, at least we have each other.
Seth: Actually, I have Summer now. But I'll put a little Seth/Ryan time on the books. It's quality time.
Ryan: Thanks, buddy. I could always hang out with Luke. I wonder what he's doing right now.
Seth: Discovering fire. Hunting and gathering. Shaving his chest with a buck knife. You guys could do that together.

The L.A.

Ryan about Grady: He's kinda like you.
Seth: What? Handsome and charming?
Ryan: No. Geeky and sarcastic.

The Nana

Seth: So what's the GPRA?
Ryan: I have no idea what you just said.
Seth: Game plan, Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: You're just using initials now?
Seth: Yeah. They save time.
Ryan: Well, not if you have friends that don't.
Seth: GP.
Ryan: Game Plan?
Seth: Good Point.

The Proposal

Seth walking in on Ryan donning a wifebeater: Hey! Oh... sorry. I'm surprised that hasn't happpened before. Not saying I'm disappointed it hasn't happened before just saying the mathmatical probability of...
Ryan: Yeah. Crying during chick flicks... walking in on me getting dressed...
Seth: Yeah, what's your point? Okay, I'm not seeing what you're getting at. Do you work out?
Ryan: Not really.
Seth: Cool, me neither. I'm gonna go watch some hockey.
Ryan: Hockey season's over.
Seth: Dammit. Where are you going?
Ryan: Gonna go find Luke. Beat the crap out of him.
Seth: Oh. Where shall this can of whoop-ass be opened?
Ryan: I'm gonna go down to his house, try the pier...
Seth: Yeah, well have you considered the backyard?

The Ties

Ryan: You're talking to a boat, Seth.
Seth: Yeah, I talk to a plastic horse, too. But that never worries anyone.
Ryan: Yeah. It worries me.

The Distance

Ryan: Hey, so, ah, I was thinking.
Seth: I was thinking too. You know they don't even have a water polo team here. That's just gonna be a problem for me.

Ryan: How'd you make it all the way from Newport on that little catamaran?
Seth: Hm. Well, Ryan, sit down, my son. motions for him to sit down. It was a long and torturous journey, and I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna sugar coat any details with you—
Ryan: Please don't.
Seth: —'cause we're friends. First, I sailed to Catalina. Then, I sailed to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara, I ran out of snacks. Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash, took a Greyhound to Portland.
Ryan: You took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. But don't say it like that, cause it was a local. Okay, have you ever been in one of those? Okay, not for the faint of heart.
Ryan: I can't believe after all that you took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. I think we're definitely going to have to come up with a better story for school though, that'd be good.
Ryan: I don't know, I like the bus idea. It's cool.
Seth: Okay, what about maybe... boat sank, saved by whales? It's very Whale Rider.
Ryan: What else you got?
Seth: I took a boat, boat sank, saved by a mermaid? Boat sank, stranded on a desert island...

The Way We Were

Seth: We can not go.
Ryan: We can't not go.
Seth: We can so not go.

Ryan pointing at the Comic Book Club flyer: Who's this guy?
Seth: That's me with powers. The power to be handsome. What do you think?
Ryan: I think this has something to do with the whole outcast thing.

Seth: Ryan would you please take the minutes?
Ryan: Uh, Seth it's just us.
Seth: Yeah, uh huh. write that down. I now call to order this year's first Harbor School Comic Book League meeting. Members include Seth Cohen, present. Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: Uh Seth, it's just—
Seth: Ryan Atwood?
Ryan: Present. Seth, it's just you and me, can we maybe do this at home?
Seth: Yeah, we could, but then wouldn't get our pictures in the yearbook.
Ryan: That might not be such a bad thing.
Seth: Yeah, maybe you couldn't undermine me in front of the league. What about that?

Seth: Dude, I love that guy.
Ryan: You're not the only one. motions at Summer kissing Zach
Seth: No. She cannot be dating him. That's not even possible. How is that possible?
Ryan: A second ago you wanted to date him.

Seth: Dude, do you really think Summer's gonna want to be friends with me after what I did to her. Especially now that she has the Zach Attack? The guy's like Superman.
Ryan: He's not like Superman.
Seth: He's like a thoroughbred. And I'm a monkey. With cymbals.

Seth: I will bring these walls down with one single grand gesture!
Ryan: No! No grand gestures!

The New Kid on the Block

Seth: The Bait Shop? Could be our very own CBGBs.
Ryan: Could be what?
Seth: C'mon. What? The only music they had in Chino was the sound of gunshots and helicopters?

Seth: I have a mop, Ryan!
Ryan: You got a mop, Bro!
Seth: So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the urinals! walks off whistling as Ryan stands there stoically until Seth wanders back the other way
Seth: I don't know where they are.

Seth: Please, dude. I just need to talk about me for like several more hours at least.
Ryan: I thought you didn't do that anymore.
Seth: That was the new Seth Cohen. I'm back, Ryan. Cohen Classic. Red, white, and blue.

The SnO.C.

Seth: Ryan Atwood, afraid of a girl?
Ryan: I just might like her, and every time a big event happens...
Seth: Things go awry.

The Family Ties

Ryan: You realize we're screwed.
Seth: Dude, I'm wearing a wifebeater.

Sandy: What's going on? trash cans crash You guys are okay? Seth?
Seth: Shh! We're being stealth! tries to roll across the front of the car. And fails.

Ryan: Talked to Alex?
Seth: She won't answer my calls.
Ryan: Hm. Might have sometihng to do with all the vomit.
Seth: All the vomit? How much vomit? Like, the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?
Ryan: Well, you wanted to be the bad boy.

The Accomplice

Ryan: How'd it go with Zach?
Seth: Well great until Summer came over and discovered my sketchbook.
Ryan: What'd she do?
Seth: Well I thought she was going to get a restraining order, but it turns out she's just gonna get her own action figure.

The Second Chance

Ryan: Is this about Alex?
Seth: Ah, no no. She's merely kitchen table fodder at this point. She's no longer up to poolhouse standard.

Seth: So then you're saying I'm just complaining that I have nothing to complain about?
Ryan: This is what I'm saying.

The Rainy Day Women

Seth: Unless I can think of one last grand romantic gesture, Summer's gone.
Ryan: Wow. You know, I remember when I first heard about Summer. We were sailing and you said you named your boat after her. Which I thought was a little weird considering you never actually talked to her.
Seth: Eureka, Ryan! I can't believe I just said Eureka. That's it!
Ryan: What's it?
Seth: The way to win her back. The grand romantic gesture that's gonna put Zachary's Euro-Trip to shame. I shall take her on a sailing adventure aboard the Summer Breeze.
Ryan: Except you sold the boat for bus fare.
Seth: I did. Dammit. Eureka, Ryan! I shall buy back the Summer Breeze! Yes.
Ryan: Uh huh. Except with what money?
Seth: Okay, if I wanted my parade rained on, I would just step outside. Let me ask you, man. Do you like the shape of the idea, even.
Ryan: Definitely.
Seth: Okay great. So all I need is money. Hang on. Yes, got the answer. But before I say Eureka again, do you see any other potential flaws or holes in my plan?
Ryan: No.
Seth: Then Eureka, Ryan! Eu-friggin-reka!

Seth: Marissa and Alex: no longer welcome in the Red States.
Ryan: That I wouldn't have predicted. Think it's real?
Seth: God, I hope so.

The Mallpisode

Ryan: This thing with Lindsay is... different.
Seth: Different how?
Ryan: Different as in not fixed by pancakes. And don't ask me how I feel about waffles.
Seth: Got it.

The Blaze of Glory

Seth: I gotta say, last year? Better than this year.
[...]
Ryan: Maybe it's because last year was new.

Ryan: Live in the now, Seth.
Seth: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I can't do that.

Ryan: You're kinda creeping me out.
Seth: I'm okay with that.

The Risky Business

Ryan: Okay, you stay here.
Seth: What are you going to do?
Ryan: I don't know.
Seth: Okay, I got a plan. The kind of plan that made me All-Camp Capture-the-Flag Champ Tahoe. And it is extremely stealth.

The Rager

Seth: Hey, you know this is actually our first conversation in the poolhouse since Marissa left.
Ryan: Let's not talk about Marissa.
Seth: What? C'mon, we did me, let's go around the horn.

The O.C. Confidential

Seth: Okay, so then when the cops showed up and asked who's responsible for the girl floating in the pool, he was like, what? "I'm an ex-con on parole. I know, I'll say me."
Ryan: No, I think that when the cops showed up and went to put the cuffs on Marissa he did what he had to do to stop them.
Seth: What makes you say that?
Ryan: I was about to do the same thing.
Seth: Sure. The compulsive need to rescue Marissa Cooper must be in the Atwood DNA.
Ryan: It would explain a lot.

The Return of the Nana

Seth: I don't believe it, Ryan. Brighteyes has two albums in the top ten.
Ryan: You okay with that?
Seth: Yeah I just feel like the rest of the world's finally caught up to me. It's a little bit scary.
Ryan: Yeah, it's a lot scary.
Seth: Tell me I'm still special.

Seth: Who are those guys?
Ryan: Uh, they're in the same Bible study class.
Seth: Oh. Think we could convince them to turn the other cheek?

The O.Sea

As Seth comes to visit Ryan in the early morning
Ryan: What time is it?
Seth: It's 5:30... ish.
Ryan: You're showing up earlier and earlier.
Seth: Yeah, well, we have a lot of ground to cover, so I figured, since we're both up, we may as well get a jump on it.

Seth: Something occured to me. A new wrinkle.
Ryan: Prom?
Seth: Yeah. And I have to convince Summer to go with me. We as a couple, Ryan, must partake in the magical rite of passage known as prom.

Seth: Look, just because you saw Trey leaving Marissa's does not mean they're hooking up.
Ryan: Yeah? What does it mean?
Seth: Maybe he went over there to borrow something. Like a book. Or one of her News Boy caps.
Ryan: Yeah, or maybe they hooked up.
Seth: Okay, just married to the worst possible scenario.
Ryan: I'm going to talk to her about it today, but whatever happened she seems dead set on keeping it from me.
The phone rings
Seth: Kind of early for a phone call.
Ryan: Kind of early for a lot of things.

Seth: Maybe I've seen too many Saved by the Bells, but if it's taught me anything, it sure has taught me that prom is this seminal moment. Okay? It's meant to be shared.
Ryan: Is this about you and Summer?
Seth: No. Maybe. I don't— Yes, but only because Summer and I aren't going to go to our prom because of some stupid fight. So, you should really learn from the error of my ways. Please. Somebody really should.

The Dearly Beloved

Ryan: How are you doing?
Seth: Well, I was depressed. Now I'm depressed and confused.
Ryan: A rehab center. Where'd you get this?
Seth: My dad's office. I don't think he's trying to kick bagels.
Ryan: I don't think it's for your dad.

Seth: This whole floating in the pool thing is not really helping.
Ryan: Yeah, I hear you.
Seth: Neither is video games or the wisdom of Chuck Klosterman.
Ryan: You know, we should get out of the house. Hit up an old age home, some shuffleboard action.
Seth: I'm not really in the mood for old people.
Ryan: IMAX movie? Something with sharks?
Seth: Eh, I don't really like sharks. {doorbell rings} The way things have been going, I bet that's Oliver.

The Aftermath

The Last Waltz

Seth: Alright, come on buddy, get ready. For some old-fashioned Seth/Ryan Time.

Seth about Ryan and Marissa: Well, that is a pickle.
Ryan: That's it? No advice?
Seth: What advice? Call her, apologize. It's not rocket science. Man. You home school kids are pathetic.

Ryan: Seth what are you doing here?
Seth to Ryan: I'm here to stop you man. And if that means throwing myself between you and the gym, I only ask that you spare the face.

The Perfect Storm

Seth: You realize Ryan, of all of our hair-brained schemes—of which there are many—quitting school for a life at sea, it may be number one.
Ryan: I can't say the idea's gotten an enthusiastic response. Except from your dad, who's throwing me a dinner.
Seth: He's calling your bluff.
Ryan: I'm not bluffing.
Seth: I would say it was working.
Ryan: I think he's just hoping to give me enough rope to hang myself.
Seth: And instead you've fashioned said rope into a perfect little sailor's knot.

The Disconnect

Seth: So was Marissa totally cool with you canceling on her last night?
Ryan: Didn't have a problem with it.
Seth: But do you have a problem with it?
Ryan: Why would I— I cancelled on her.
Seth: Yeah but if it were me I'd have a problem with it. And if, you know, I cancelled on you and you didn't have a problem with it then I might have a problem with that.
Ryan: Sounds like you already got a problem. And not with me.

Ryan: Don't do this man.
Seth: Do what?
Ryan: Compete with Summer.
Seth: Why? Because you think Summer would win?

Seth: So, Ryan. You're a working man now. How's the job going? Model homes, calculators, dudes in suits. I bet that's pretty exciting stuff.
Ryan: You'd be surprised. So would Marissa.
Seth: Oo. What's she been up to?
Ryan: I don't know. I'll ask her when I see which hopefully will be tonight. What's with all the questions?
Seth: Nothing. I'm just trying to exhaust all your issues 'til we get to mine. Have we covered everything?
Ryan acquiesces
Seth: My biggest fear, stated plainly: what if Summer's being smart changes our whole dynamic?
Ryan: Why would it?
Seth: Because my intelligence was the one quality she admired in me. It made me almost a man in her eyes.
Ryan: C'mon, man. That's not true. You've got plenty of other positive qualities. You're funny. When you want to be.
Seth: Have you noticed how Summer's gotten a lot funnier lately? I mean I think she's funnier than me now.
Ryan: You're an expert in comic books and Yakuza films.
Seth: Girls don't like that.
Ryan: You know how to work a grill. I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry. I thought I would come up with more. The point is Summer doesn't want to be you, she wants to be with you. Right? You want that too, so—
Seth: Apologize, I know.

The Chrismukkah Bar Mitzvahkkah

Seth: Seriously. I think you should really consider it.
Ryan: What, a Bar Mitzvah?
Seth: Yeah. You've brought some much needed Chris to the Cohens, but I think you really use some Kah.
Ryan: I don't think so.
Seth: That's tough talk for a guy that eats a lot of bagels.

Ryan: I can't believe this is you.
Seth: Hard to believe I was once skinny and awkward, I know.
Ryan: No, but seriously. You went out in public like this?
Seth: It's one of the unfortunate truths of the Bar Mitzvah, Ryan. It's the most awkward time in a young Jewish boy's life. But also the most photographed.
Ryan: Is there a videotape too?
Seth: You would have to kill me first.

Seth: As soon as you hear "that's what friends are for" you're done.
Ryan: That song is Jewish?
Seth: It might as well be. It's a staple of every Bar Mitzvah. It's you and all your friends, your arms around each other swaying. It's awesome.
Ryan: I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke's birthday party.
Seth: It's hypothetically awesome.

The Sister Act

Seth: Marissa got back into Harbor. You guys seem to have resolved your surftastic love triangle. My girlfriend got a near perfect score on her SATs but we've never been happier.
Ryan: Seth, it's senior year. It's supposed to be the best year ever.
Seth: No, you should know better. Every time things are going too well around here, that's when doom comes a knockin'.
Ryan: Doom?
Seth: A knockin'. doorbell Or aringin'. Right on time. Don't answer it. It's probably a flaming bag of crap.
Ryan: Or FedEx.

The Cliff Hanger

Seth: So I wanted to be alone. Are you the only one in this family that's allowed to brood?
Ryan: Man, whatever it is, you can tell me.
Seth: My Brown interview did not go so well. Actually it didn't go at all.
Ryan: Blew it off?
Seth: Yep. And then for the cherry on top of that I went ahead and lied to Summer about it.
Ryan: Right. Well, why not talk to her?
Seth: Yeah, it's just Summer was over pot by the tenth grade. She thinks it's totally juvenile. It'd be like telling I'm into Beanie Babies.
Ryan: Well, at least tell her you missed the interview. You do that, I'll keep quiet about the rest of it.
Seth: We're getting dangerously close to an After-School Special here, Ryan. It's marijuana and I did it twice.
Ryan: So you're telling me you didn't come down here to buy a bag?
Seth: Fine. I wasn't going to smoke anymore anyways.

Seth: Hey. Morning.
Ryan: Mm.
Seth: Oh no! The Atwood grunt. That's never a good sign. What's the matter? I'm gonna guess Marissa. Or Johnny. Or maybe Kaitlin. I'm gonna say probably a combo pack.

The Road Warrior

Seth: Dude, where are you?
Ryan: Indio. How much trouble am I in?
Seth: Ah, none yet. Mom and Dad think you're helping inner city kids paint an overpass mural. I'm rolling around in your bed right now. So it looks slept in.
Ryan: You probably do that anyway.
Seth: So? Have a little gratitude.
Ryan: You're right. I owe you. But trust me, it's for a good cause.
Seth: Any chance you want to clue me in on what the cause is?
Ryan: The less you know the better. Just keep doing what you're doing. Except the bed thing. That's just creepy.

The Journey

Seth: Hey man, you busy?
Ryan: Would it matter?
Seth: Not really. Now in my capacity as Birthday Captain I went ahead and reserved the Bait Shop for Sunday.
Ryan: I guess you don't remember me saying small.
Seth: I did. I chose to ignore it. Do you want to see the invitations? The store made me print like a hundred. I told them you only knew like four people but it was some kind of a policy.
Ryan: Get me one for Sadie.
Seth: Sadie, huh? Interesting.
Ryan: She's a friend.
Seth: Okay, well, what do you want to do with this? holds up Marissa's invitation
Ryan: You're the Birthday General.
Seth: First of all, I'm the Birthday Captain. And the decision of whether to invite Marissa or not is way beyond my pay grade.

Ryan: So what exactly was the thinking here?
Seth: Well, turning 18 is all about assuming your adult identity, right? So I thought I would show you all the different avenues available to you.
Ryan: Because I might want to be a cowboy.
Seth: Or my personal favorite, but no less gay, Fireman Ryan.

The Undertow

About the car
Seth: You know, I know Trey's not made of money, but he could have at least sprung for a shirt or something.
Ryan: It's an inside thing. Long story.
Seth: I like long stories.
Ryan: Too bad. I don't feel like telling this one.

The Day After Tomorrow

Seth: Hey. Thanks, man.
Ryan: Sure.
Seth: Did you talk to the parents yet?
Ryan: You know what? In hindsight, breaking the Sadie news to them that way? Probably not a good plan.
Seth: Well at least my dad didn't have an actual heart attack at the table. So that's a plus.
Ryan: That's true. Anything happen after I left?
Seth: Summer and I got into a soul-crushing fight about Brown.
Ryan: Mm. I'm sorry. Did you talk to her?
Seth: No. But even if I did and she forgave me, it's like, then what? You know? It's just— I don't know. It's complicated.
Ryan: Seth, uh, I gotta ask. Did you really get into Brown?
Seth: Did I get into—? Ryan, now who's smoking pot. Listen to me: the only class that I've ever gotten less than an A in is gym. My essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs. Rushfield cry. So of course I... augh, how could I not get in?
Ryan: Why are you lying about it?
Seth: For Summer.
Ryan: Well, don't you think she's going to notice when you're not there first semester?
Seth: She said that if I didn't get in and she did, she wouldn't go to Brown. I'm not gonna let her do that. It's the opportunity of a lifetime.
Ryan: Well I think that's up to her. Sorry man, I think you gotta tell her the truth.

The Dawn Patrol

Seth: I think I made the worst mistake of my entire life. Now I need to get Summer back and I have to get into Brown.
Ryan: Great. How?
Seth: That's where you come in.
Ryan: We need a plan?
Seth: Gonna be a long night, Ryan. A lot of whining, a lot of pining, ah, maybe some brainstorming, you don't mind?
Ryan: It's good to be home. Alright, how are we going to get your Summer back?
Seth: Plan A: I fake my own death. You never wanna underestimate the power of the sympathy vote.
Ryan: Is there a plan B?
Seth: Yeah yeah. Uh, I could hack in through the Brown firewall into the Admission's office mainframe and reverse my acceptance.
Ryan: That's actually a good idea. You know how to do that?
Seth: I had an uncle that went to DeVry.

The College Try

Seth: You taking all that? You only own, like, a wifebeater and two hoodies.

Ryan: So, um, you're going to fly to Brown...
Seth: And then I will somehow get them to admit me. Yeah. I don't have the, ah, details, okay? But Brown's a spiritual place. I'll go, I'll get a vibe, you know, bump into the ghost of Old Man Brown. Or whoever they named the school after.

Ryan: I just don't want to see you get deeper into this mess, okay?
Seth: Dude, you're going to Berkeley with your ex-girlfriend.

Ryan goes to hug Seth
Seth: We can save the hug for later.
Ryan: Yeah, okay.

Ryan: Hey Seth.
Seth: Hey man. How's Berkeley?
Ryan: It's cold and wet and pretty cool. I can't believe I'm actually on a college campus.
Seth: Ryan, I am touching ivy right now.
Ryan: What?
Seth: Real ivy. It grows on the buildings here. Those pictures in the brochure, they are not Photoshopped.
Ryan: I take it you're in the middle of the quad right now?
Seth: Yeah. Dead center.
Ryan: Pretty stealth. I can't imagine anyone actually seeing you there.
Seth: I know, I know, it's a Summer hot zone. I just had to come and visit campus for a few minutes.
Ryan: And it's perfect?
Seth: Man, it's better than perfect. Seth Cohen has come home to roost.
Off Screen: Cohen!
Ryan: Who's that?
Seth: I don't know. I'm too afraid to turn around.

The Party Favor

Ryan: Have you told her there's nothing going on between you and Anna?
Seth: I've tried, but every time I get close she pulls her rape whistle.
Ryan: Well you know, I'm not going. So if you wanna hang out, rent a movie.
Seth: Ryan, I love you. But if I have to spend my senior prom playing video games with you, I'm gonna kill myself.

Seth: Now that the baby thing's resolved, the pressure's off. It's perfect. Do it.
Ryan: But I mean she still has the baby, I can't just, you know—
Seth: One night, they have these new crazy things called babysitters. I'm just saying, senior prom with your childhood sweetheart. You have to respect the romantic symmetry.
Ryan: You know what, I'll think about it. And I appreciate you not bringing up the idea of Marissa and I going as friends.
Seth: No, I get it. It's in the past. Plus, I assumed she'd be going with the surf Nazi anyway. Unless he's selling crack to blind kids or— sees Volchok. Fondling some girl at the end of the pier. Ah, maybe that's his cousin. His really... dirty cousin.

The Man of the Year

Seth: Hey man. Today's a good day for me, Ryan. I finally came clean and told the truth about not getting into Brown and things are great. Life is so much better when you're honest. You just mean what you say, you say what you mean. I feel like you.
Ryan: Well, now that you're on a roll, you gonna tell Sandy and Kirsten about Brown too?
Seth: Yeah. I don't think so. I'm gonna wait a little bit on that one.

The Avengers

Seth: Aren't you going to invite me in? So the utility closet is the new poolhouse. Things change. It's the Seth-Ryan Time that counts.

Seth: I'm not going to go anywhere until you come with me.
Ryan: Yeah? What are you going to do, you gonna fight me?
Seth: Well, seeing as how I don't fight back— Ryan shoves Seth
Ryan: Just don't anymore, okay?

The Night Moves

Seth: Um, you may find this hard to believe, Ryan, but when I was younger I used to be a bit of a worrier.
Ryan: You don't say.
Seth: To distract myself from worrying, I would sometimes make lists. Um, it didn't matter what the lists were—it could be anything. Every cereal I've ever eaten, or the names of every planet mentioned in Star Wars.
Ryan: You want to make a list, Seth?
Seth: Huh? Oh, you know, whatever. I mean sure, if you want to. We could start with everyone you've ever punched in the face since you moved to Newport. The first would be Luke at Holly's beach house.
Ryan: Yeah, and number two would be Luke.
Seth: Right. At the diner.
Ryan: Yeah. And again at the model home.
Seth: Holly's dad at Cotillion
Ryan: That was more of a tackle.
Seth: Which takes us back to Luke.
Ryan: Yeah. At TJ.

Seth: Alright buddy. We have to keep you alert and on your feet. Now, when last we checked the list—need some help—we were on Trey. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe we went from Trey to a lengthy Volchok period.
Ryan: Yeah. Hey, thanks for this.
Seth: Yeah. Now unless you hit that Chili guy. Or Johnny. I know a lot of people were rooting for that.
Ryan: Well I did punch Johnny's dad. Or a bounty hunter who worked for him.
Seth: Johnny's dad was a bounty hunter?
Ryan: Oh yeah. I never told you that?

Seth: Okay, I've always wondered this. In your opinion who is a better food industry server? Chloe, the magical waitress from Albuquerque. Or Donnie, the angry busboy who shot Luke?
Ryan: Uh.. Chloe.
Seth: Chloe, huh. Good. That's what I figured. [?] Sadie the tough-as-nails yet soulful jewelry maker or Lindsay my grandfather's illegitimate booksmart child?
Ryan: I can't, Seth.
Seth: Sure you can. It's very easy.

Seth: The doctors say you're going to be fine. Although you're going to have to wrap your head around the fact that we're really brothers now. Or... blood brothers.
Ryan: You donated blood.
Seth: Eh. I had an etra few pints flowing through my veins. It was no big deal.
Ryan: You're not a big fan of needles.
Seth: Nor of fainting, it turns out. But the bank was a little low and us O Negative guys gotta stick together.
Ryan: Hm. That's weird because all the sudden I have this strange urge to listen to Death Cab and read comic books.
Seth: For real?
Ryan: No.
Seth: Ah, that's too bad. Because if we could've turned this into a body swap comedy we could've squeezed another year or two out of this.
Ryan: So listen, I don't know if I said this today, but—
Seth: You did. But after all the times you saved me, I was up. So...

The End's Not Near, it's Here

Six months later...

Seth: I thought I had them with the hands in the cement.
Ryan: Me too.

Seth: I've been doing some checking up on your new roommate. His favorite book and movie are the Da Vinci Code. He's no me.
Ryan: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Seth: At least I leave you funnier than when I found you.
Ryan: A lot better off than when you found me.
Seth: Me too.