Caleb: What is the point of living in Southern California if it's going to be this cold?
Sandy: Fifty degrees in December, Cal. That ain't cold.
Caleb: Yeah, my blood must have gotten thinner.
Sandy: Or you've got ice in your veins.

Sandy: Spare me. You're not trying to protect Lindsay, you're trying to protect yourself. Because you know once you come clean you're gonna get what's coming to you. But facing Kirsten and Julie has got to be better than going to jail.
Caleb: Kirsten maybe. Not Julie.
Sandy: Well this is it. I'm done. And so are you. Happy Holidays.

Seth: If my sense of the cultural zeitgeist is accurate—and I do believe it is—this is the year that Chrismukkah sweeps the nation. Okay, people?

Kirsten: I've invited the Nichols... or the Cooper-Nichols... or whatever they're called these days.
Seth: They're called Gentiles. And a whole slew of them I bet. Now we're going to have to really put our heads together and do some serious Jewcruitment. Ryan, do you think you can rope in some new recruits?
Ryan: Blond hair, blue eyes. No problem, I'm a natural.
Seth: Fair point, my Aryan friend. Now, where are we going to find some Jews in Orange County? Father! I have just discovered the ideal job for you this Chrismukkah.
Sandy: Chrismukkah. Oh, leave me out of it.
Kirsten: Oy humbug.
Seth: Oy humbug.

Seth: For Chrismukkah to sweep the nation, we're gonna need an anthem.

Julie: Does this count as adultery?
Jimmy: Cheating on your husband with your ex-husband? Technically I think it does, yeah.

Renee: Why did you want to meet here?
Sandy: I've run out of places to go. I've had so many clandestine meetings lately I feel like I'm in an Oliver Stone movie.

Kirsten: I thought you and Jimmy were getting along really well.
Julie: Oh really. What makes you say that?
Kirsten: Because last week you said you and Jimmy were getting along really well.

Lindsay: Every kid grows up, stops believing in Santa. I stopped believing in my dad. And there's no pine needles to clean up.

Marissa: This sucks. Last year the holidays were so much fun.
Summer: Yeah. I got rejected by Cohen in a Wonderwoman costume and you got caught shoplifting.
Marissa: It was memorable though.
Summer: I guess it was.

Seth: Hey. Somebody just went from taupe to putty!

Seth: Hey, ye of little faith. Trust those of mixed faith.

Seth about the Yamaclaus: Holy Moses, it's beautiful.

Renee. What are you doing here?
She's doing what you're about to do.

Kirsten: No one's going anywhere until someone tells me what the hell's going on.
Julie walking in with Jimmy: Hey. What's going on?
Seth: Good thing the kitchen's roomy.

Ryan: How'd it go with your mom?
Seth: Ah, we're at charcoal, on my color-coded holiday alert system.

Ryan: So Chrismukkah?
Seth: Cancelled. The way nature and, apparently we, intended.
Ryan: That is so sad. Chrismukkah is supposed to bring people together.

Summer: Well you guys can all give up, but I still believe in a Chrismukkah miracle. {silence} And I have a plan.

Julie: You and your secrets, Cal. We need a walk-in closet for all your skeletons.

Seth: Congratulations. You're a Cohen. Welcome to a life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.
Lindsay: It's a little soon to joke.
Seth: Not for us Cohens. It's what we do. Laugh through our tears. Make jokes inappropriately soon after traumatic events. Sometimes we'll just make the joke during the traumatic event.

Lindsay: What does Moses have to do with Hanakkuh?
Seth: You know, I think you're missing the point of the holiday completely.

Seth: So Summer Roberts, you saved Chrismukkah.
Summer: I kind of did, didn't I.

Seth singing: Moses and Jesus, they both had beards.

Seth: Will you punch someone, please? For old time's sake?

Seth: It's a story as old as time, really. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy finds out girl is surrogate mother's illegitimate half-sister.
Sandy: I'm guessing it's too soon to joke Seth. Even for a Cohen.

Seth: Holy 80s teen comedy plot!

Sandy: Keep shucking, Seth! I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home.
Seth: menacing his father with corn Hey! Maybe I don't feel like shucking these... Okay, maybe you should go and shuck 'em yourself, old man!
long pause until Sandy and Ryan start laughing
Ryan: That's good.
Sandy: You had me shaking in my boots.
Seth: I'm so screwed. Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the hulk. I get mad I turn into like a 75 year old yenta... named Sylvia.

Seth: Alex, she called me nice. So what I'm trying to do, Ryan, is to cultivate more of a... bad boy image.
Ryan: Yeah. I don't think it's gonna get the job done.
Seth: You're right. I need to borrow your wrist cuff. Oh hey! Also, you remember that choker you used to wear?
Ryan: No. Just... no.

Seth: You're extra... broodish. What's up, man? Is the Lindsey thing still bothering you?
Ryan: Not at all. We had a really nice family dinner.
Seth: I know! I thought so. Which is... part of the problem.

Ryan: You realize we're both screwed.
Seth: Dude, I'm wearing a wife beater.

Jimmy: I've got terrible news, really. I've fallen in love with my ex-wife.
Sandy: You were married before Julie?
Kirsten: You're in love with Julie?
Sandy: I don't believe that.
Kirsten: Well unfortunately I do.

You're leaving?
Jimmy: Yeah. I need to get away from here before I do any more damage to myself. Or to my kids. Or to Julie. I love Newport. But it's no good for me right now. In the last year I've nearly been arrested and bankrupt for stealing from my clients. I got punched out at my daughter's cotillion. I lost my house, my family. I tried to kiss you—which I still feel terrible about. I spent the summer drunk on a boat with your 25-year-old sister. And now I'm getting back together with the woman who started this in the first. I just can't stay here any longer.

You're giving me the pinky?
Ryan: I'm not really into public displays of affection.

Summer to Seth: Your breath smells like Marissa! You are so drunk!

Alex: Ryan, you have to take Seth home right now. He is wasted, and leaving a path of destruction in his wake.
Summer storming out: I can not believe you. And I can not believe you told Cohen!
Alex: See?

Ryan: Shh! Okay, we gotta be really stealth here.
Seth: Hey! I was all-camp Capture-the-Flag at Camp Tacahoe. I invented the stealth.
Ryan: Right. You did.
Seth: I sure did.
Ryan: But you need to be quiet.
Seth: I haven't been this wasted since your first night in Newport when we beat up those kids.

Sandy: What's going on? {trash cans crash.} You guys okay? Seth?
Seth: Shh! We're being stealth! {rolls across the hood of the car. Sort of.}

Seth: Hello. I just came by to tell you I'm dying and and thank you for your friendship. And also to apologize for whatever happened last night.
Ryan: Well you don't have to apologize to me. Have you talked to Zach?
Seth: No. Why?
Ryan: Well. You kind of destroyed his relationship with Summer.
Seth: Oh. I violated the code of man.
Ryan: Talked to Alex?
Seth: She won't answer my calls.
Ryan: Hm. Might have something to do with all the vomit.
Seth: All the vomit? How much vomit? Like, the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?
Ryan: Well, you wanted to be a bad boy. You did bad.

Kirsten: Ah! If it isn't my son the wino.
Seth: You guys found out?
Kirsten: You weren't exactly stealth.

Summer: Actually, I'm gonna go alone.
Zach: You're going by yourself?
Summer: Hans Solo. But if I change my mind I'll have Cohen get drunk and let you know.
Zach: Summer, c'mon!
Summer: Hooking up with your tutor, Zach? Not even that cool in the 80s. I mean she could of at least have been a hooker and helped you get into Princeton.

Seth: Listen I'll see you in a few. I'm going to slip out for awhile, try to fix things with Alex.
Ryan: What about your parents?
Seth: They're scary. Which is why I need you to cover for me. Okay? Just throw up a smoke screen, give them some of that famous Ryan Atwood double-talk.
Ryan: I barely talk.
Seth: Good point. The less said, the better.
Ryan: I don't think this is a good idea, man.
Seth: And you call yourself a bad boy.

See ya James.
So long Jules.

Summer: Kind of a boring party.
Marissa stumbles in with DJ
Ryan: Not for long.

Julie to Jimmy: You see what you're leaving me with? You see how screwed up she is?
Marissa: Of course I'm screwed up. I'm the daughter of a thief and a slut.

Lindsay: That was close.
Ryan: Maybe we should just keep this to ourselves for now.
Lindsay: At least until we know we're not breaking any laws.

Hey Dad. How was the party? whispering I think somebody called the cops.

Marissa: I brought bagels.
Sandy: Well that's the secret password in the Cohen household.

Seth: If you're alone, cough twice.
Ryan: I'm alone.
Seth: Okay, it's not as stealth but it works too.

Marissa: What happens with Seth and Alex has nothing to do with you and Zach.
Summer: I know. But I always thought that I would have sex first and that Cohen would catch syphilis from a public toilet.

Seth: I call this part "prepping the oven."

Seth: We made blueberry, buttermilk... and if you're feeling especially sinful, chocolate chip.

Sandy: Nothing like Julie Cooper to put fear into the hearts of children.

Seth: I think we should have a secret knock or something.

Sandy: We can't fight a war on multiple fronts. Have we learned nothing from the Nazis?

Marissa: Who's Kofi Annan?
Summer: Some guy Zach's mom knows. I think he works for United Airlines.

Sandy: Ask me while you're giving me the massage. I'm inclined to say yes.

Seth: Why have guys night out when we could have guys night in.

Summer: Am I about to get whacked?

Kirsten to Julie: Oh my. There's so much you here.

Sandy: Okay, honey, I don't want to alarm you, but there's a giant Julie Cooper on the table.

Zach: Have you seen the infomercials for Girls Gone Wild? Because this is exactly how it begins.

Seth: Ryan, my girlfriend hooked up with a girl. There's only one thing to do in this situation.
Zach: You're gonna hook up with a guy?

Sandy: It's my fault. I've once again gotten caught up in this nasty game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo.

Seth: I've got a lot of testosterone pumping. Testosterone being the key ingredient missing in Alex's previous relationship.

Ryan: Look, I don't know, I... I... I guess I was hoping this could be easy. For you and me to stay friends. For you and Lindsay to be friends.
Marissa: And have us all live happily ever after?
Ryan: Yeah, something like that.
Marissa: I know, it seems like a million years ago we dated, but it wasn't.
Ryan: I know that.
Marissa: And okay, maybe you're over it. Maybe it doesn't mean anything to you anymore. Maybe it never did. But it meant a lot to me. You meant a lot to me. Still do.
Ryan: It's not like that, I don't know what it's like. And thinking you and Lindsay should be friends was a bad idea.
Marissa: Why? I like her. And if you do the math, she's my stepsister, so...
Ryan: I guess...
Marissa: Clearly, it's going to be strange for us for a while.
Ryan: Yeah, I know, you're right. I'm sorry. And that's what I came here to say.
Marissa: I'm sorry, too.

Seth: Is she back together with her lesbian ex? And if so is she open to some sort of menage-a-threeway as in the film Summer Lovers?

Zach: You should just focus on the good stuff in your life. Like school. Seth grimaces. Or... comics. Yeah, I got nothing.

Alex on the phone with Marissa: Are you calling me from outside my door? Because that would be... opens door and sees Seth Creepy.

Alex: Sorry, I would have introduced you guys, but I didn't want you two to meet.

Gail: As you can see, it's a bit of a fixer-upper.
Kirsten: That's one way to put it.
Sandy: Who are you kidding, Gail? This place is a first-class dump. And I like it!

Max surveying Sandy's new office: I was under the impression you'd become a successful lawyer.

Marissa: You're not my father, Cal. You know what, if you want to be a parent go over to Lindsay's house and try to ruin her [life].

Seth: Hey! Brian Gatwood. AKA Kid Chino!

Seth: Turns out I don't make a very convincing Super Hero.

Summer: I don't wanna hear it. What are you guys? Like Kavalier and Gay?
Seth amused and impressed: That was funny.
Summer indignant: I know.

Summer about the purloined sketchbook: Princess Sparkle, you are not going to believe this.

Seth: I know that it's totally creepy. I know that. I'm sorry. It's was just a very long summer and I'm sorry and I will destroy all of them right now. I just need to find my X-Acto knife.

Ryan: How'd it go with Zach?
Seth: Well great until Summer came over and discovered my sketchbook.
Ryan: What'd she do?
Seth: Well I thought she was going to get a restraining order, but it turns out she's just gonna get her own action figure.

Ryan: Is this about Alex?
Seth: Ah, no no. She's merely kitchen table fodder at this point. She's no longer up to pool house standard.

Ryan: Look, I'm not the biggest fan of your dad—no offense—but I mean Luke Skywalker was happy to have a dad, even if it was Darth Vader.
Kirsten: You're right, she needs a dad.

Alex: Who knew you Harbor girls could throw down.
Marissa: Yeah, well, I'm not like the other girls.
Alex: Well, then I guess it's about time I show you the meth lab in the basement.
Marissa: I thought you'd never ask.

Sandy: I can see how that might salt your game.
Rebekah: "Salt my game"? Is that how they talk in Orange County?
Sandy: Stick around, you'll be saying "rad" in no time.

Ryan: Alright, look. Luke Skywalker was happy to find his dad, right? Even if he turned out to be Darth Vader.
Lindsay: Ryan, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader fought each other with light sabers until one of them died.
Ryan: When you put it that way—
Lindsay: Look, just don't worry about my family. Or... our family. Whatever they are. Just let it be, okay?

Caleb: You know that... Yogalates or... Cardiobar... or whatever it is you've been up to are working wonders on your figure. And that top, it's so... fetching.

Summer: Oh, I will compromise your vision. Do not forget about my rage-blackouts!
Seth: Oh I have not. In fact it's part of your super powers.

Zach: And Cohen, you gotta nail Summer!
Seth: What?!
Summer: Excuse me?

Kirsten: Well didn't you use that Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader analogy?
Ryan: She poked a serious hole in that analogy.

Sandy: Yeah, while I'm harboring a fugitive I'll go score some pot on the street.

Summer: Okay, let's be more professional! Less drooling, more drawing. And don't give me any junk in the trunk, either.

Seth: Okay, the way you're holding the pencil, you're choking it.
Summer: I am not! This pencil can breathe on its own!

Kirsten after Caleb's heart attack: That's the last time I try cooking.

After Kirsten sends roses down the trash compactor
Seth: Looks like I'm not the only one at odds with the universe.

Summer about her earrings: Do you think these are too bling for a meeting?

Julie to Marissa: Are you going to throw your bedroom furniture in the pool now?

Sandy: There are days that I think me and Kirsten are bulletproof. I don't wanna test that theory.

Summer: You know what? My teeth are all plaque-y. I'm gonna go for a last-minute floss.

Seth: Our noses grazed. And it was like the most sexually charged nose-graze in the history of nose grazes. It's essentially nose-humping, is what it is.

Seth: So, for Valentine's Day, you're giving Lindsay... Grandpa?

Caleb: I'm sorry, Ryan. I know it wasn't easy for you to string so many words together.

Caleb about Ryan: Setting fires... impregnating teenage girls...

Seth: Do you not see what's going on here?
Ryan: Yes. You're wallowing.

Ryan about Seth's obsession with Zach and Summer: No, Seth, you can't ask her. It's weird and it's creepy and it's none of your business.

Kirsten: Have you seen Seth?
Sandy: Well I've smelled him. Smells like Teen Spirit to me.

Julie about Caleb adopting Lindsay: And I told you, you have nothing to worry about. I will take care of that. Kirsten gives a look I saw that, Kirsten.

Sandy: The FBI was here.
Kirsten: Well it wouldn't be the Cohen house if it wasn't a visit from law enforcement.

Summer on the phone with Zach: I haven't seen Cohen, why? Well he always smells kind of weird.

Summer: I'm only saying this for the people that live with you: take a shower, Cohen. Zach and I didn't have sex.

Julie: You should get another glass of champagne. 'Cause this is one surprise you won't find posted on the internet.

Seth: I think closure's overrated. I'm more of a fan of open unrequited love.

Lindsay: I don't need to take a test. 'Cause I know that my real dad wouldn't treat me this way.

Summer: See ya, Cohen.
Seth: See ya, Summer.

Ryan about the movie: He tries to do good but he usually ends up destroying everything.
Sandy: Ah, good. My kinda hero.

Seth: Think we should stick together? Kinda two-by-two like Noah did? He's very wise, Ryan. He had a beard.

Sandy: I feel like we've become like strangers.
Kirsten: Well, I was taught never to talk to strangers.

Julie: That's very punk of you. You know, I used to like the punk in my day.
Marissa: Mom!
Julie: Okay, Marissa. It still is my day. I was just being modest.

Seth: Spiderman is really the only protective headgear I own.
Summer: Well, it's too bad you weren't wearing protective headgear when you were dropped on your head as a child.
Seth: Oh, zing!

Ryan about Lindsay's ranking system: So I come in right below pizza. That's good to know.
Lindsay: Yeah, well. A girl's gotta eat.

Kirsten: Well, my husband is currently transporting a fugitive who used to be his girlfriend.
Julie to Kirsten: I'll see your fugitive former flame and raise you a lesbian daughter.
Kirsten: Marissa? Well I'm sure it's just a phase.
Julie: It was for me.

Seth: Unless I can think of one last grand romantic gesture, Summer's gone.
Ryan: Wow. You know, I remember when I first heard about Summer. We were sailing and you said you named your boat after her. Which I thought was a little weird considering you never actually talked to her.
Seth: Eureka, Ryan! I can't believe I just said Eureka. That's it!
Ryan: What's it?
Seth: The way to win her back. The grand romantic gesture that's gonna put Zachary's Euro-Trip to shame. I shall take her on a sailing adventure aboard the Summer Breeze.
Ryan: Except you sold the boat for bus fare.
Seth: I did. Dammit. Eureka, Ryan! I shall buy back the Summer Breeze! Yes.
Ryan: Uh huh. Except with what money?
Seth: Okay, if I wanted my parade rained on, I would just step outside. Let me ask you, man. Do you like the shape of the idea, even.
Ryan: Definitely.
Seth: Okay great. So all I need is money. Hang on. Yes, got the answer. But before I say Eureka again, do you see any other potential flaws or holes in my plan?
Ryan: No.
Seth: Then Eureka, Ryan! Eu-friggin-reka!

Summer: I don't want the Italians to think I have bad style. I'm representing America.
Zach: Well, that's very patriotic of you.

Seth: I appreciate you selling me my boat back. When I sold it I was in desperate straits. Low blood sugar, no snacks.

Julie: Look, Marissa, I'll admit it. I experimented a bit when I was your age. Albeit it involved a little Motley Crue and a lot of Jager.
Marissa: Woah, Mom. Way too much information.

Seth: Marissa and Alex: no longer welcome in the Red States.
Ryan: That I wouldn't have predicted. Think it's real?
Seth: God, I hope so.

Kirsten: Lindsay, no matter what happens, you'll always be a part of the family.
Caleb: I couldn't have said it better myself.

Nurse: Okay, we have a match. Caleb Nichol is the father of Lindsay Wheeler Gardner.

Seth on voicemail: Hey, it's me. Look, perhaps you're screening.... Perhaps you're being screened by security.

Summer: I can't go. I can't do this.
Zach: Truth be told, I didn't think you'd make it past security.
Summer: I'm really sorry.
Zach: You can't fight fate.

Kirsten: You took the bus.
Sandy: I told you, nothing could keep me away from you.
Kirsten: Is it over?
Sandy: I can promise you it never started.

Ryan: This thing with Lindsay is... different.
Seth: Different how?
Ryan: Different as in not fixed by pancakes. And don't ask me how I feel about waffles.
Seth: Got it.

Seth: This thing with Lindsay is just really kicking Ryan's ass.
Summer: Which is why it's a good thing we're like the Marines.
Seth: How are we like the Marines?
Summer: We leave no man behind. Look, Lindsay may have turned her back on Ryan, but we won't. No. You have got to cheer him up. Semper Fi.
Seth: Oh, Semper Fi. That's so cute.

Seth: And besides, now with Lindsay out of the picture, maybe Ryan and Marissa will get back together.
Summer: Are you crazy? They're like the worst couple ever. And besides Marissa's happy now.
Seth: Okay, and by happy you mean gay.

Julie: Why this guy? He launched a magazine called The Ugly Americans.

Seth: Ah. Father. I'm glad to see you finally found your calling.
Caleb: Exactly what I said.
Sandy: Ah, nothing like a good crack about a plumber.

Carter: Look, I just don't think the world needs more proclamations about how Mukluks are the new Uggs.
Kirsten: Our bar's not that low.
Julie: He's right about Mukluks. Write that down.

As Ryan and Seth crawl through the duct system
Seth: Hey, Ryan what did I tell you. Isn't this great? It's like Goonies meets Die Hard by way of Mission Impossible. With I think a... slight hint of National Treasure.

Summer: Trapped in a department store. Which is like my ultimate fantasy.
Ryan: Okay, and what if we get caught?
Summer: We'll be stealth.

Ryan: So what do we do now?
Summer: I have an idea. puts on a hockey mask.
Ryan: You're going to kill us all with a chainsaw?

Lance: Actually, I have something for you.
Julie: Yeah? Last time you gave me something I drank cranberry juice for a week.

Julie: Alex, and I'm not saying this to be mean. Because you actually seem like a nice enough girl, and... I like your pants. But you're this week's yard guy.

Julie to Alex, about Marissa: She's only really been in love once, and he looked a little different in a wife beater.

About the Skill Crane ring prize
Caleb: You really want that ring, don't you?
Sandy: More than anything.
Caleb: I'll get more quarters.

Seth: How is it that Ryan and Marissa are now the functioning couple?
Summer: Oh my god, we can not be more annoying than Ryan and Marissa. They're monsters.
Seth: I like monsters.

Seth: I gotta say, last year? Better than this year.
[...]
Ryan: Maybe it's because last year was new.

Ryan: Live in the now, Seth.
Seth: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I can't do that.

Kirsten: He wants to take it beyond gossip and dish. Focus on culture, the local art scene.
Sandy: So it's really more of a pamphlet than a magazine.

Seth: That guy worked an entire summer in construction. And also he enjoys architecture and burning stuff down.

Marissa: That's a good idea. Thanks.
Seth: Don't mention it... especially not to Summer.

Ryan: So... can I borrow Captain Oats?
Seth to Captain Oats: Oats? Now Ryan is going to use you as an
inspiration. Now, if he touches you any place weird... and by weird I mean whispers to Captain Oats, I want you to neigh as loud as you can.

Sandy: Julie, you scared me. More than usual.
Julie: Always a pleasure, Sanford.
Sandy: Only Caleb gets to call me Sanford because he won't not.

Sandy: So you started out with a porn director and ended up with Caleb. I'd consider that a lateral move.

Carter: This magazine is just a photo opportunity for 55 year old women with 25 year old breasts.
But this is chance to turn this community upside-down. Be subversive, irreverent.
Carter: I'd rather be drunk.

Seth: Did I say slept in a tent? What I mean to say is that they repented for lent.

Seth: Someone's going to kill me.

Ryan: I'm not going to the bonfire.
Julie: But you have go to the bonfire.
Ryan: What, are you and Seth working on the same team now?

Ryan: It's not about me, I'm here because of her mom.
Alex: What are you and Julie Cooper a team, now?

Marissa: Hey. I thought you weren't coming.
Ryan: Captain Oats was rather concerned that he wouldn't be represented.

Julie: I am so screwed.
Sandy: I know. I saw the footage.

Ryan getting off the phone: That was Trey.
Kirsten: Your brother?
Ryan: Yeah. He's getting out of jail tomorrow. Wants me to pick him up in Chino.
Seth: Well, there's that family trip you wanted.

Kirsten: I know Trey is the only family that Ryan has and I do think that we should help him—
Sandy: But you're scared I'll want to adopt him.

Summer seeing Zach pull up on a Vespa: Oh my god, I'm having a panic spiral.

Julie: I made a mistake, Kiki. A naked mistake.
Kirsten: Excuse me?
Julie: A hundred years ago, a boyfriend convinced me to let him film me. In the act. I was young, living on ramen, and I needed the money.

Seth to Zach: Hey, man. You came back. People never leave and come back.

Seth: You're still an Atwood. Only a slightly more edgy, darker version. I think. But some people think Ryan's gotten softer.
Trey (Logan Marshall-Green): Ryan said you talk a lot.

Caleb: Is there anything else?
Julie: Well I made an adult film in the 80s with an ex-boyfriend who's is now threatening to to release it on the internet unless I pay him half a million dollars. And I would really like to redo the kitchen.

Zach: I'll always remember how you owned that Whack-a-Mole.

Summer: And you told Cohen because you knew it would get back to me.
Zach: Within minutes.

Ryan: Remember what happened last time you came to Chino?
Marissa: Yeah. I saved your ass.

Seth: I saw the high road there and I just did not take it on that one.

Julie: You can go on with your life, Cal. But I am never leaving this room. My Howard Hughes phase starts now.

Trey: Just ah, something I picked up in prison.
Seth entering: Ah yeah, the old scallion and shiv omelet. I've seen Lockup. Stallone's finest work since Over the Top.
Trey: Stallone, huh? Eh, I'm more of a Van Damme fan.
Ryan: What, are you kidding me? Segal, man.
Seth: Yeah, a divided house can not eat. Now we all gotta get together between a single action hero.

Sandy: So a charity event where the donors keep half the profits and a yard sale with no yard. Hm. So that's how they do it in the OC.

Sandy: Hey, guys. I'm chairing The OC Pseudo-Charity Non-Yard sale.
Seth: Hey, Dad, that's fantastic.
Ryan: Good luck with that.

Trey: This is the crystal egg from Risky Business?
Newpsie 2: Well it's not the F-14 from Top Gun.

Sandy: Joanne. Tell me you didn't order those napkin rings? This is not a mob wedding.

Sandy: Okay, folks, here's a beautiful Erté-esque statue. Yes, indeed. Very fetching. What do we start the bidding at? looks at sheet $75. I guess it's more "esque" than Erté.

Ryan: Okay, you stay here.
Seth: What are you going to do?
Ryan: I don't know.
Seth: Okay, I got a plan. The kind of plan that made me All-Camp Capture-the-Flag Champ Tahoe. And it is extremely stealth.

Ryan: Hey, go deep.
Seth to himself: This never worked in PE.

Sandy: I tell you the timing in this household is a thing of beauty.

Trey: I'm sorry, Ryan. Okay? I screwed up. And you and Seth and Marissa saved my ass. I know that. Will you please just accept my apology?
Ryan: Don't keep Sandy waiting.

Seth: He doesn't exactly seem overburdened with possessions. Unless that bag of his is like Mary Poppins’. {pause} I wish I'd never made that reference.

Carter: Kirsten, congratulations. As of this morning you are a bona fide magazine publisher.
Kirsten: I know. The first issue's on the stands.
Carter: I was referring to our very first libel suit.
Kirsten: What?
Carter: Nick Morton. Newport Beach Politico. Doesn't like the profile we ran. Thinks it makes him look sleazy.
Kirsten: You wrote that profile.
Carter: I know. I made him look sleazy.

Carter: A surfboard coffee table. I am in The O.C.

Marissa: Nice bean bag.
Trey: Yeah. It's kind of a stupid first thing to buy, but I've always wanted one.

Seth: Listen, I love girls and I love comics. But the two do not mix okay? It's gonna be like, "Let's make their outfits cuter..."

Reed about Zach: You're like Doogie Howser meets Gordon Gekko but with dimples.

Ryan: Why are you doing all this? Going over to see him, wanting to throw him a birthday party?
Marissa: He's your brother.
Ryan: Exactly. He's my brother. And if everyone had just let me handle it from the beginning then none of this would have happened.

Seth: Hey, you know this is actually our first conversation in the pool house since Marissa left.
Ryan: Let's not talk about Marissa.
Seth: What? C'mon, we did me, let's go around the horn.

Sandy: Ah, you're just out of practice. Everybody hits themselves in the face with the board.
Carter: Three times in one wave?
Sandy: Well, that was impressive.

Summer: Oh my god, you are the most supportive non-girlfriend in history.

Lance: Jules. How the hell did you find me?
Julie: Well it was easy, Lance. I just looked for the cheapest, scummiest motel near a liquor store and voila.

Lance: Let's just be reasonable here, Jules.
Julie: I am being reasonable. In one night you destroyed a life I spent almost twenty years building. So I'm here to kill you.
Lance: Wait! {she pulls the trigger} No bullets.
Julie: No. Unfortunately. But just for a second I wanted you to feel like your life was being taken away.

Ryan: People who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Well, I've learned.
Seth: Yeah, you've learned. But, you know, the great victory is gonna be what? Not seeing your brother anymore? Congratulations.

Seth: Would you relax. He's probably just going to buy cigarettes. Or getting into that suspicious looking Camaro. With a guy that looks like Lou Reed.

Trey: You know it's funny, 'cause when I saw you I thought to myself, "My brother's come over to take me to breakfast for my birthday." You know, maybe I'm the idiot for believing.

Marissa: Afraid someone's gonna steal your beanbag?
Trey: Yeah, actually.

Summer: Cohen learned how to use the grill this summer. It's a major life achievement.
Seth: That's right. I grilled some corn, I grilled some veggies.... I found something in Marissa's fridge, I just, I grilled it.

Julie: I don't want to come home and find I'm living in Delta House

Kirsten: Hey Carter. You look nice.
Carter: Oh thanks. Sandy told me to spiff it up a bit.
Sandy: Yeah, I didn't want him to embarrass us.

Ryan: You won't get into trouble for this, right?
Marissa: Yeah. It's not like I'm throwing a rager.

Ryan: I think your mom would understand, don't you think? If she came home right now.
Marissa: Oh definitely. I mean, she did say Trey could have a beer.

Ryan: You've been amazing.
Marissa: I know what it's like to have someone who believes in you when no one else does.

Seth: It's déja vu. OC party, attacked by a water polo guy, saved by an Atwood.

Zach: What are you doing telling her I'm gay?
Seth: Now I said "gay vibe." I distinctly remember saying "gay vibe." And the two are very different.

Lance: Look, don't go yet. One more drink. For Whitesnake.
Julie: For Whitesnake.

Summer: Cohen, just shut up. 'Cause even when you're not lying you're lying.

Sandy to Trey: Keep your mouth shut. I'll meet you in jail. {to the arresting officer} Officer, I'm his lawyer.

Seth: Okay, so then when the cops showed up and asked who's responsible for the girl floating in the pool, he was like, what? "I'm an ex-con on parole. I know, I'll say me."
Ryan: No, I think that when the cops showed up and went to put the cuffs on Marissa he did what he had to do to stop them.
Seth: What makes you say that?
Ryan: I was about to do the same thing.
Seth: Sure. The compulsive need to rescue Marissa Cooper must be in the Atwood DNA.
Ryan: It would explain a lot.

Seth: Are you thinking of going undercover in a high school sting operation? Because that would be very 21 Jump Street of you.
Ryan: Whatever it takes.
Seth: Yeah, okay. I get to be Richard Grieco.

Julie: All I'm asking is that we not mention any lesbian dalliances or bodies in the pool. Okay?
Marissa: Maybe I should stay with Summer tonight. I mean, that way you don't have to worry about me slipping up with Caleb and you can make all the "personal sacrifices" you want.

Carter: I'm sorry, it's just, I hate drinking alone. pause. Well, I hate drinking wine alone.

David: Also, we're wondering about Cosmo Girl. Her magic flask. Could she get her power from like, oo, like a sport drink instead? The thing is Legal's like worried about lawsuits from the parents of teen alcoholics. Um... oh, the Ironist. Boy, a little cerebral.
Seth: Is he being ironic?

Summer: You know, it's one thing blowing me off, but blowing off Death Cab?

Julie: Welcome home, sailor.
Caleb: What's all this?
Julie: What does it look like?
Caleb: It looks like one of your movies.
Julie: That's not funny.
Caleb: It's not supposed to be.

Summer: I mean, where other than The Bait Shop, are tickets always plentiful and the band never too loud to talk over.

Marissa: Don't mind my friend. She's really, really stoned.
Summer: Totally. Very, very high. Isn't this place, like, so visual?
Marissa: So do you wanna go sit down?
Jessica: Can't. Looking for a friend.
Marissa: The kind who could hook me up?
Jessica: Actually he lost his stash last weekend. But he's taking orders for tomorrow night. You want in?
Marissa: Definitely.
Jessica: Water Polo is throwing a party. We can meet up there. Here's the address. Cash only.
Marissa: No problem.
Jessica to Summer: How 'bout you?
Summer: Hm? Oh no, strictly ganga. What's from the Earth is of the greatest worth.
Marissa as Jessica walks away: I'm gonna kill you.
Summer: I hope you know what you're doing.

Seth: Is Summer around? I need your help. I have a little quagmire to... un-quag.

Kirsten: Except for my hair issues, great call on the convertible.
Carter: Well, that's the way the California coast was meant to be seen. And your hair looks great.
Kirsten: Liar. For your punishment I control the radio on the way home.
Carter: No. No one who has won on American Idol ever sings in my car.

Lance: No pre-nup?
Julie: I think a porn scandal more than nullifies it.

Lance: What are you doing?
Julie: I'm writing you a check.
Lance: You don't gotta pay me to kill your husband.
Julie: It's not for that. It's to get you out of town. I'm not a murderer, neither are you.

Kirsten: How many wines have we tasted?
Carter: According to my notes {checks notes} I stopped taking notes.
Kirsten: Should we fire ourselves for drinking on the job?
Carter: Drinking was the job. And I did my job rather well because I'm hammered.

Carter: Could you possibly find a driver for us tonight? We failed to make use of the silver bucket.
Server: Are you staying locally?
Carter: Ah, no. Orange County, actually.
Server: Ew. I'm sorry.

Caleb: Are these real tears?
Julie: No one's more surprised than me.

Kirsten: Neither of us are actually in the right shape to drive just yet, so—.
Sandy: A little too much of the Indian Spirit, huh?

Seth: I don't believe it, Ryan. Bright Eyes has two albums in the top ten.
Ryan: You okay with that?
Seth: Yeah I just feel like the rest of the world's finally caught up to me. It's a little bit scary.
Ryan: Yeah, it's a lot scary.
Seth: Tell me I'm still special.

Sandy: You know the Nana and her schedule. Friday night's Mah Jongg.
Seth: What? Since when's Friday night Mah Jongg? That totally throws off my schedule.

Summer after clocking Zach: Zach! I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I was in a rage blackout and my therapist told me boxing might help me work through it.

Seth: I can't believe she beat me.
Ryan: I can. Can we eat now?
Seth: Absolutely not. I won't go down like that. These people look up to me. I'm like a god to them.

Seth: So what kind of dancing are we talking about? A little Jazz Step, a little Soft Shoe?
Mary Sue: Actually, it's not quite a dance contest.
Seth: It isn't?
Mary Sue: No. pulls out whipped cream
Ryan: She's got whipped cream, Seth.
Seth: Yeah, I know. Maybe she's... baking a cake.
Mary Sue: See, I'm gonna cover myself with whipped cream, and you're gonna lick it all off and eat a cherry out of my mouth before any of the other contestants.
Seth: Did she say cherry?
Mary Sue: If we win it would mean so much to my grandma. Not having to worry about my college loans. With all the money she spends on medication.
Seth: Yeah. It's for Grandma. What exactly does she have?
Ryan: Yeah, we'll just hope Summer hasn't paid her cable bill.

Bobby: She's a great lady, huh? Your mom. Quite the pistol.
Sandy: I always thought of her as more of an AK-47.

Bible Beater Boyfriend: ...but her best friend told me she entered some contest down here. Immodestly revealing her body for money.
Ryan: Well, Spring Break. That does happen.
BBB: Doesn't where we're from.
Ryan: Where's that?
BBB: Bob Jones University. If they find out what she's doing here, she'll be expelled. Which won't matter when she's burning in hell.
Ryan: Mm. Yeah, that's rough.
BBB: Worst part is, I think she's cheating on me with whoever her partner in sin is. That's why I brought my boys with me.
Seth: Oh, yeah? Your frat brothers?
BBB: Bible Study Buddies.

Marissa: Yeah, well, I thought I was All-Newport, but clearly you're in a league of your own.

Seth: Who are those guys?
Ryan: Uh, they're in the same Bible study class.
Seth: Oh. Think we could convince them to turn the other cheek?

Sandy: Do you think I look like Tony Blair?
Kirsten: Uh, you have nicer hair.
Sandy: Good hair, leader of Great Britain. I would call it a wash.

Summer: You know, I really thought things were going to be different this time, but you haven't changed at all. You've found new and even more public ways of disappointing me.

Caleb: You spent two hours making Eggs Benedict for a man with a heart condition. Doesn't that seem a little insane to you?

Knock on the door
Kirsten: Come in! Oh, hey, Claire. What is it?
Claire: The men were cleaning out Carter's office and they found this with a note saying it should be given it to you.

Seth: All this time I thought you were a nice guy.
Zach: Wake up. I'm a water polo player. We're never nice guys.

Zach: It's gonna take a little more than quick quips and pop culture-laden bromides to win Little Miss Vixen.
Seth: So it's war.
Zach: It's war.

Caleb: So what's today's heart attack special, Julie? Deep-fried ribs? Steak Tartar? That Supersize guy oughta spend some time with you.

Ryan: Seth, please tell me you're not using the Comic Book Club to spy on Summer and Zach.
Cut to Comic Book Club member spying on Summer and Zach.

Julie: Oh my gosh. How much vodka did you put in this?
Kirsten: Normal amount. Little less.

Reed: Summer, Seth and Zach have talent. They could have careers in comics. But you are the Nico of the group.
Summer: I'm sorry. I don't get references before 1990.

As Seth comes to visit Ryan in the early morning
Ryan: What time is it?
Seth: It's 5:30... ish.
Ryan: You're showing up earlier and earlier.
Seth: Yeah, well, we have a lot of ground to cover, so I figured, since we're both up, we may as well get a jump on it.

Seth: Something occurred to me. A new wrinkle.
Ryan: Prom?
Seth: Yeah. And I have to convince Summer to go with me. We as a couple, Ryan, must partake in the magical rite of passage known as prom.

Seth: Look, just because you saw Trey leaving Marissa's does not mean they're hooking up.
Ryan: Yeah? What does it mean?
Seth: Maybe he went over there to borrow something. Like a book. Or one of her News Boy caps.
Ryan: Yeah, or maybe they hooked up.
Seth: Okay, just married to the worst possible scenario.
Ryan: I'm going to talk to her about it today, but whatever happened she seems dead set on keeping it from me.
The phone rings
Seth: Kind of early for a phone call.
Ryan: Kind of early for a lot of things.

Summer: You guys are going to them prom together, right?
Marissa: I wouldn't count on it.
Summer about Ryan: Coop, did I miss something? 'Cause for like a blip you guys actually seemed happy.
Marissa: It's complicated.
Summer: Well, it's you and Ryan. It's supposed to be.

Marissa: So, everyone's saying you're going to be voted prom queen. Isn't that like your fifth grade dream coming true?
Summer: No. My dream involved an actual date. A hot guy in a tux with a carnation pinned in his lapel. Instead I'm drawing straws between Nerd Boy and Ass Clown.

Julie: Sandy, I did not come here to talk about myself. But as long as we're on the subject, I could kind of use your advice.
Sandy: Hey, if this involves you being naked, please: you gotta warn me.

Seth to Zach: Dude, I'm so sorry about the launch. I had a Bruce Banner moment.

Seth: Summer. Hey. We were both just talking and—
Summer: Save it, Cohen. I'm done listening to your excuses.
Zach: Summer, we're really sorry. Are you willing to forgive us?
Summer: Nope. Don't wanna forgive you. But prom is tomorrow night. And I have wanted to go my whole life. So I'm not going to let our demented little threesome ruin that for me. So I'm going. With on of you.
Seth: Well, which one of us are you going to take?
Summer: Don't care. I am too pissed off and tired to choose. So you're going to decide. Don't care how. Tomorrow I will be outside in front of my house in a dress and one of you will pick me up. Got it? Good. Oh! You know, my dress is a magenta color, so my corsage should be in that general family.

Zach: She is totally hanging by a thread.
Seth: Yeah, okay. I'll take one for the team. I'll take her to prom.
Zach: No way! Why do you get to go?
Seth: Because, dude. I saw her first.
Zach: That doesn't make sense.

Seth: Dude. The ladies are all over us. And not in a good way.

Seth: I understand you're probably a little bit upset about the launch. Well. I think one day, pretty soon, we're all gonna have a good laugh about this. Ha ha ha. I know that day feels far off, but comedy is just tragedy plus time.
Zach: Reed, we're really sorry. We had a huge opportunity and we blew it. I hope we can make it up to you.
Reed: Thank you Zach.
Seth: I was going to say that.
Reed: Look, I hate to give you good news, but unfortunately, I have some. George Lucas is interested in Atomic County. He might want to make it into his next movie.
Seth: Oh my god!
Zach: This incredible!
Seth: Oh my god, it's happened. We're like this decade's Matt and Ben.

Reed: Face it, you two can't do anything together except whine about Summer. I can't face another debacle. I can't handle another debacle. No. One.
Seth: Well which one of us do you want?
Reed: Unfortunately I am pissed off enough that I don't even care.

Sandy to Caleb: What Kirsten needs right now is a little support. If you can't give her that, then show yourself out.
Caleb: I see you're employing your usual soft ball approach. That might be appropriate when your son runs off to Portland, but this is a tad more serious.

Caleb: My god, did you give any thought to your kids?
Kirsten: I am a good mother.
Caleb: You are also an alcoholic. Your mother was one, too. She did her best to hide it, but I always knew.
Kirsten: Why do you think mom drank the way she did?! Why do you think Hailey left the house at 17? If this family is screwed up it's because of you.
Caleb: I gave you everything you ever wanted.
Kirsten: I may like my Chardonnay but I am not gonna die alone and that's more than I can say for you!

Seth: What if we can't decide?
Summer: Rock paper scissors. Flip a coin. I don't care how you do it.

Seth: Maybe I've seen too many Saved by the Bells, but if it's taught me anything, it sure has taught me that prom is this seminal moment. Okay? It's meant to be shared.
Ryan: Is this about you and Summer?
Seth: No. Maybe. I don't— Yes, but only because Summer and I aren't going to go to our prom because of some stupid fight. So, you should really learn from the error of my ways. Please. Somebody really should.

Julie: So send me the papers. I'll make the margs. We'll make a party out of it.
Caleb: Oh why not. Fitting end to a bizarre marriage like ours.

Caleb: I see you pulled out all the stops. One last ditch effort to stop this divorce from going forward.
Julie: God! Paranoid much?

Trey: Your girl, she can drink, she can't hold her liquor. Look, I'm sorry, Ry. She threw herself at me.

Theresa: Ryan, Trey has been jerking you around your entire life. And Marissa—
Ryan: Has made mistakes.
Theresa: She would never hurt you like that.
Ryan: How do you know?
Theresa: 'Cause last year when I needed you, you know, she let you go. Even though it broke her heart. They both love you, but of the two of them? Marissa is the one you can trust.

Summer: I'm glad it's you.
Zach: I didn't know what magenta was so I got you white.
Summer: Perfect.

Summer: Where's Ryan?
Marissa: He couldn't make it. He's sick.
Summer: Sick? Too sick to take you to prom? He better be really sick. Like dead. ’Cause if he isn't I'm gonna strangle him with his own wife beater.

Zach: I saw your face when I got out of the limo.
Summer: And I saw yours. You want to be there, talking about your comic book with Reed. Look, my prom fantasy, it didn't quite happen. But... you've been dreaming about this comic book your whole life. This is your shot. You should go.
Zach: I can't abandon you.
Summer: I did it to you.
Zach: Good point.
Summer: Go. Save Cohen from himself.

Seth: So we ended up— well, we flipped a coin.
George Lucas: You flipped a coin?
Seth: Yeah. And you know, I know it sounds crazy, but at the time—

Caleb: You know, I've never been in this pool before.
Julie: No, you're more of a land shark.
Caleb: We should have done this sort of thing more. Enjoyed each other more.
Julie: Well, we had our moments.
Caleb: I suppose this calls for a toast. You know, I really did love you, Ju-Ju.
Julie: Oo. Past tense. That stings.
Caleb: Sorry. Grammatical error. To us.
Julie: Wait stop!
Caleb: What?
Julie: I didn't put lime in your drink. Let me make you a new one.

Seth rushing in to prom: Sorry I'm late. I was caught in traffic. realizing with dawning horror: I'm on stage.
Crowd Member: That's not Zach Stevens!
Seth: No, I'm not.
Emcee Guy: I think you should step down. You're not the prom king.
[...]
Crowd Member: But he's a tool!

Ryan: Sorry I missed prom.
Marissa: You're just in time.

Julie: Cal? Cal!

Sandy: What are we going to do about you? I found your stash.
Kirsten: It's just in case.
Sandy: I trusted you. I believed you when you said you were done.

Sandy: [...] Wait wait wait. Calm down. Say that again? [...] Oh my god. I understand. [...] Of course. {he hangs up.} It's about your father.
Kirsten: What is it? He's all right isn't he?
Sandy: He's dead.

Ryan: How are you doing?
Seth: Well, I was depressed. Now I'm depressed and confused.
Ryan: A rehab center. Where'd you get this?
Seth: My dad's office. I don't think he's trying to kick bagels.
Ryan: I don't think it's for your dad.

Julie: All my black dresses look like they should be accessorized with a broomstick. Do you have anything I could borrow?
Marissa: It's a funeral mom, not a fashion show. {pause} Sorry. Look, let me see what I've got.
Julie: Wait. I can do it.
Marissa: No. You've been through more than enough. I didn't mean to be a bitch.
Julie: Apples and trees. You are my daughter.
Marissa: Which means I must have something that will look great on you.

Jimmy: Hey Jules.
Julie: Jimmy. What are you doing here?
Jimmy: Well you didn't think I would leave you two alone during all of this, did you?

Hailey: After all these years, I caused him nothing but stress and anxiety.
Kirsten: Nothing made him more proud than your getting your life together. Me? Last time I saw him I told him he was going to die alone.

Seth: Princess Sparkle, you're in my room.
Summer: Yeah. I figured Oats would pretty down and could use the companionship of someone sweet and pretty and with shinier hair. Who would just, you know, be there for him.
Seth: Well the Captain's pretty lucky.
Summer: Yeah, well, if he gets fresh with her it's straight to the glue factory. I know you and your grandpa were close.
Seth: It's actually my mom that I'm worried about.
Summer: Your mom?
Seth: Yeah. This morning I was in my dad's office and I found, like, a brochure for rehab.
Summer: Oh my god. Has she been drinking a lot?
Seth: Well, I mean she is a WASP living in Orange County, so it's all relative, right? I don't know, she has a glass of wine at dinner, maybe two.
Summer: Maybe more than that?
Seth: That's the thing, I've been so self-involved this past year I don't even know. I have no idea. I'm sure it's, you know, at least partially my fault. I know running away was really hard on her last summer.
Summer: Cohen, no offense, but you're being self-involved again. I think this is bigger than you.

Sandy giving Caleb's eulogy: Caleb Nichol was not a man of many words. He was however a brilliant man. He leaves a legacy of possibility. But his true achievement were his children. He was a caring father, a wonderful grandfather, a truly terrible father-in-law. [...] So, he may be gone, but he won't soon be forgotten. Rest in peace, Caleb. And if you can't do that, I'm sure heaven could use a few more McMansions.

Hailey: So you moved to Hawaii. How is it?
Jimmy: It's fantastic. You would not believe the North Shore.
Hailey: So I've heard.

Julie: If it would help, I could take over Kirsten Watch for awhile.
Sandy: I don't know if anything's gonna help.
Julie: So then let her glower at me. I'm used to it.
Sandy: Unfortunately, so am I these days. Thank you Julie.

Seth: Okay, I've officially talked to every pillar of the community. I'm sick of pillars.
Ryan: At least you don't have everyone asking if you're the guy that burned down Caleb's model home and caused him to have his first heart attack.
Marissa: Yeah, well everyone's looking at me like I'm the grieving step-daughter. I don't think the guy could stand me.

Seth: Okay, where's Summer? Is she smoking the salmon herself?

Sandy: I am powerless before a white fish.

Seth about the Bait Shop: Do I still even work here? I should find out for tax purposes.

Summer: One girl, two brothers. It's all a little Legends of the Fall.
Marissa: Hm. I never saw that one.

Hailey about Kirsten: How long has this been going on?
Sandy: Too long. And last night sealed the deal. She's getting help whether she wants it or not.
Hailey: Speaking of help, how can I?

Trey: I was helping Jess out and it got a little outta control.
Ryan: Story of your life, right?
Trey: Yeah, but that was it, man. I told her I'm done.
Ryan: Done. You've been done before, too.
Trey: Dude, I know, but Jess turned out to be a little crazier than I expected.
Ryan: Really? That’s a surprise considering you met her face down in a pool?

Sandy: There's a doctor coming here this afternoon. He's going to help us stage an intervention.
Seth: What? Is this like an after-school special? Her dad died, she's sad. She's having a few drinks.
Sandy: This has been going on for a long time. The car accident she had—
Seth: Yeah?
Sandy: Did you know she'd been drinking?
Seth: No. I didn't. Because you never told me! You never told me anything until right now and you expect me to help ship her off.
Sandy: We're trying to help her.
Seth: Right. How do I know you didn't cause her to drink? Something weird's been going on between you two all year.
Sandy: I get that you're upset. I'm upset too.
Seth: Okay, well if your way of showing that you're upset is shipping her off so you don't have to deal with her, that's fine. I'm just not going to be a part of it.
Sandy: You are a part of it, whether you want to be or not. You want to run away again? Get in your boat and sail away? Your mother needs you. {Enter Ryan} Come on in Ryan, you should hear this.
Seth: Yeah, apparently mom's a drunk and today's the intervention. So plan your afternoon accordingly.

Ryan: If you want, I could talk to him, tell him you're doing the right thing. 'Cause you are.
Sandy: Thanks. That's my job.

Kirsten: Oh, don't you say a word. I let you into this house.
Ryan: Yeah, you did. Because my own mom couldn't take care of me. Because she wouldn't get help even though I asked her to. I don't want to see that happen again to someone I love.

Kirsten: Are you going to be okay?
Seth: Yeah, I'll be fine. Don't worry about Dad. We'll set up a stage in the living room. Give him a microphone and the music to Starlight Express.
Ryan: I've got the takeout menus covered.
Seth: I'll order. I'm good with the phone.
Ryan: We'll be fine.
Kirsten: I love you both so much.

Jimmy: What if I decided to stay? What if we gave it another shot? We're both older and wiser now.
Julie: Well, I’m certainly wiser.

Jess: You a gambler, Trey?
Trey: I hooked up with you.

Seth: This whole floating in the pool thing is not really helping.
Ryan: Yeah, I hear you.
Seth: Neither is video games or the wisdom of Chuck Klosterman.
Ryan: You know, we should get out of the house. Hit up an old age home, some shuffleboard action.
Seth: I'm not really in the mood for old people.
Ryan: IMAX movie? Something with sharks?
Seth: Eh, I don't really like sharks. {doorbell rings} The way things have been going, I bet that's Oliver.

Seth: Before I tell you, you gotta promise you're gonna stay calm. You're not gonna go all old school Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: What is it?
Seth: It's upsetting.
Ryan: Yeah, we covered that.
Seth: So. I know what happened with Trey and Marissa. What really happened.
Ryan: What do you mean?
I guess when we were away he sort of like, attacked her or something. Kind of forced himself on her. I mean nothing happened, she fought him off. But that's why he got the cut on his head.
Ryan: All year, I have tried to be a different person. I can't do that anymore.
Seth: Wait, Ryan, what are you gonna do?
Ryan: I'm gonna settle this with Trey. Once and for all.

Marissa: Hey, what's going on?
Seth: Well, we're on our way to Trey's, but you're closer. Maybe you can stop him.
Marissa: What are you talking about?
Seth: Ryan knows.