Quotes from The OC

Episode List

Season One

Season Two

Season Three

Season Four

Some of the Best Quotes

Sandy Cohen: There's no need for sarcasm.
Seth: I'm not being sarcastic.
Sandy: Well, it's hard to tell sometimes.

Marissa driving : Why won't you tell me where we're going? This is pretty far away.
Seth: Oh, wow. Complaining. That's very interesting considering nobody invited you.
Marissa: Before I came along you were on a skateboard.

Ryan panicked: You didn't tell me there was dancing.
Seth: Well if I told you there was dancing, I'd be here by myself right now.
Ryan: Because I don't really dance.
Seth: Neither do I. I just move well.

Ryan: It's kind of a shady area up there. It's a hardcore neighborhood.
Seth: Dude, it's Long Beach, not Chechnya.

Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.
Ryan: What happens in Mexico?
Seth: I don't know, because it stays there. That's why we must go!

Summer: This is a nightmare. I'm sweating to death, driving ten miles an hour on, like, a rickshaw, listening to this... music.
Seth: Hey, do not insult Death Cab.
Summer: It's like one guitar and a whole lot of complaining.

Kirsten: Doesn't Seth look rad?
Sandy: Oh, you do look rad. Mad props, son.

Sandy: You're brave to face the preppy little savages. And I mean the teachers.

Anna: So, this is your crib? This is where all the magic happens?
Seth: Well, if by magic, you're referring to the card game, then, sadly, yes.

Ryan: Titans. What about Legion? That was kinda cooler.
Seth: The guy is in prison, man. Have you seen Oz?

Seth: Ryan. That's extremely minty of you. I didn't even know they had musicals in Chino. I didn't even know they had dancing. Or... laughter.
Ryan: That's because no one who lived there is as funny as you.
Seth: So, we finally agree I'm the funny one. Well look at that! Looks like we all learned some valuable lessons this Thanksgiving.

Ryan: You better pray for a Chrismukkah miracle.
Seth: I've got Moses and Jesus on my side, man.

Jimmy: Marissa and I were just trying to work out an appropriate punishment.
Julie: Oh really? Well way to rule with an iron fist, Stalin.

Seth: Separate seats, you guys. There's no sex in the champagne room.

Summer: I was being sarcastic.
Marissa: So was I.
Summer: Which we never were before Cohen showed up and taught us all irony. Jackass.

Julie: Hey, you guys wanna join us? We're celebrating my new position.
Sandy: Ohhh, I'm not gonna touch that one.

Seth: You don't think that's a little crazy?
Luke: Have you met Oliver?

Kirsten: I sense sarcasm.
Seth: Well, you're perceptive, mother.

Seth: Maybe they're not having sex. Maybe they just go to spoon and watch Charlie Rose.

Seth: So what's the GPRA?
Ryan: I have no idea what you just said.
Seth: Game plan, Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: You're just using initials now?
Seth: Yeah. They save time.
Ryan: Well, not if you have friends that don't.
Seth: GP.
Ryan: Game Plan?
Seth: Good Point.

Sandy about the pancakes: Enjoy them now, because we only have two hours to unleaven the entire house.

The Nana: Oh god. What am I doing here? I hate this state, I hate the sunshine, I hate the ocean, I hate Schwarzenegger!

Summer: You're such a dandy, Cohen.
Seth offended: You're a dandy, woman!

Caleb: Besides, we're family.
Jimmy: Right. pause Are we? I can't keep track.

Seth: There's really been no need for the Seth Cohen retaliatory zinger.

Kirsten on the phone, about Caleb: And he hates carnies.
Sandy: Note to self: hang with carnies.

Kirsten to Theresa: You won't want to drive. I'm an excellent driver. And an amazing parker.

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Season Two

Sandy: I've always liked Luke. Kind of a big Golden Retriever.
Ryan laughs: Actually, he kinda is.

Ryan: Hey, so, ah, I was thinking.
Seth: I was thinking too. You know they don't even have a water polo team here. That's just gonna be a problem for me.

Ryan: How'd you make it all the way from Newport on that little catamaran?
Seth: Hm. Well, Ryan, sit down, my son. motions for him to sit down. It was a long and torturous journey, and I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna sugar coat any details with you—
Ryan: Please don't.
Seth: —'cause we're friends. First, I sailed to Catalina. Then, I sailed to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara, I ran out of snacks. Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash, took a Greyhound to Portland.
Ryan: You took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. But don't say it like that, cause it was a local. Okay, have you ever been in one of those? Okay, not for the faint of heart.
Ryan: I can't believe after all that you took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. I think we're definitely going to have to come up with a better story for school though, that'd be good.
Ryan: I don't know, I like the bus idea. It's cool.
Seth: Okay, what about maybe... boat sank, saved by whales? It's very Whale Rider.
Ryan: What else you got?
Seth: I took a boat, boat sank, saved by a mermaid? Boat sank, stranded on a desert island...

About the Sandy Cohen lox scramble with rye toast
Caleb: No, I'm not dragging Sandy into anything. Before he put these eggs in front of me he was the closest thing I had to a friend in this town.

Ryan: You realize we're both screwed.
Seth: Dude, I'm wearing a wifebeater.

Sandy: We can't fight a war on multiple fronts. Have we learned nothing from the Nazis?

Seth: Ryan, my girlfriend hooked up with a girl. There's only one thing to do in this situation.
Ryan: You're gonna hook up with a guy?

Summer: I don't wanna hear it. What are you guys? Like Kavalier and Gay?
Seth amused and impressed: That was funny.
Summer indignant: I know.

Sandy: The FBI was here.
Kirsten: Well it wouldn't be the Cohen house if there wasn't a visit from law enforcement.

Julie: That's very punk of you. You know, I used to like the punk in my day.
Marissa: Mom!
Julie: Okay, Marissa. It still is my day. I was just being modest.

Seth: Marissa and Alex: no longer welcome in the Red States.
Ryan: That I wouldn't have predicted. Think it's real?
Seth: God, I hope so.

Seth: And besides, now with Lindsay out of the picture, maybe Ryan and Marissa will get back together.
Summer: Are you crazy? They're like the worst couple ever. And besides Marissa's happy now.
Seth: Okay, and by happy you mean gay.

Lance: Actually, I have something for you.
Julie: Yeah? Last time you gave me something I drank cranberry juice for a week.

Julie: Alex, and I'm not saying this to be mean. Because you actually seem like a nice enough girl, and... I like your pants. But you're this week's yard guy.

Ryan: So... can I borrow Captain Oats?
Seth to Captain Oats: Oats? Now Ryan is going to use you as an inspiration. Now, if he touches you any place weird... and by weird I mean whispers to Captain Oats, I want you to neigh as loud as you can.

Julie: I am so screwed.
Sandy: I know. I saw the footage.

Seth: I saw the high road there and I just did not take it on that one.

Ryan: Hey, go deep.
Seth to himself: This never worked in PE.

Seth: Would you relax. He's probably just going to buy cigarettes.... Or getting into that suspicious looking Camaro.... With a guy that looks like Lou Reed.

Sandy at Caleb's funeral: Caleb Nichol was not a man of many words. He was however a brilliant man. He leaves a legacy of possibility. But his true achievement were his children. He was a caring father, a wonderful grandfather, a truly terrible father-in-law... So, he may be gone, but he won't soon be forgotten. Rest in peace, Caleb. And if you can't do that, I'm sure heaven could use a few more McMansions.

Seth about the Bait Shop: Do I still even work here? I should find out for tax purposes.

Doorbell rings
Seth: The way things have been going, I bet that's Oliver.

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Season Three

Summer: Thanks for almost getting my bathing suit wet, Cohen.
Seth: My pleasure.
Ryan imitating Summer: Cohen. I can't believe that you did that, Cohen.

Summer: She's Taylor Townsend. She's like the Karl Rove of our school.
Seth: So, you can take Karl Rove— You know who Karl Rove is?
Summer: Yeah, my step-mom sometimes naps in front of CNN. I hear things as I'm dragging her off to bed.

Seth: Is it my fault that most of our half-baked adolesent schemes goes hopelessly awry and my dad has to bail us out?
Ryan: Uh, usually, yeah.

Summer: You can't leave. I won't let you.
Marissa: I know.
Summer: No, I really mean I won't let you. I'll restrain you if I have to. You may be tall, but I am wiry and I have Ryan on my side.

Seth about Ryan and Marissa: Well, that is a pickle.
Ryan: That's it? No advice?
Seth: What advice? Call her, apologize. It's not rocket science. Man. You home school kids are pathetic.

Seth: Hey. It's The Return of the Not-So-Ancient Mariner.

Taylor: Sorry! I can't hear you.
Summer to Taylor: What do you mean you can't hear—? You're responding!

Summer: What, like you didn't start it by hooking up with someone's girlfriend?
Seth: Good point. Or unnecessary to continuity. Either/or.

Julie: Now, I think it's time you left, don't you? This town's only really big enough for one manipulative bitch.

Seth acting out the conversation: "Dad, I'm not applying to Berkeley. Where did you get that gun? Why do you have this gun?" That doesn't have a good ring to it.

Summer: These are our college lists. Do you see a difference?
Seth: Yeah. The font. Looks like you went with the, ah, Times New Roman.
Summer: The schools, Doofus. None of them are the same. None of them are even in the same time zone.
Seth: Okay, so you went West Coast, I went East Coast. It's not a hip-hop war.

Gus: Hey, Julie!
Julie: I've got a gun, Gus.
Gus: That's cool.

Julie: Sandy, I don't think I'm in favor of low income housing.
Kirsten: Julie, you live in a trailer park.

Kirsten: Is that a pirate costume?
Seth: Summer and I are at war.
Sandy: A pirate war?

Sandy: What did I tell ya!
Kirsten: Best. Chrismukkah. Ever.

Taylor withdraws from the campaign
Seth: I guess that means no button guy.
Summer: Seth!
Seth: I just wanted to meet the button guy!

Neil about the pork rinds: I'll just, take these and be outside trading stock tips with your friend, Gus.

Seth: I love how people just come in now. No more of that useless back and forth to the front door.

Julie: It's my own fault. I let you do the scheming. Clearly not your wheelhouse.

Julie: Oh no. I don't do oysters. If I'm going to swallow something that disgusting there better be something in it for me.

Seth: I've got two girls in bikinis trying to seduce me. Which sounds awesome. But I'm scared, I'm wet, and I'm cold, Ryan.
Ryan: Okay. Alright, I'll be right there. I just gotta towel off.
Seth: Why do you have to towel off?

Seth: Ugh. Get a room.
Sandy: Hey, count your blessings. Kids with affectionate parents grow up to be better adjusted sexually as adults.
Seth: I know. I meant get a room. My room. And do it in front of me.

Seth: He's got good abs. Women like abs. I got a six-pack myself. I know.
Summer: Cohen, those are your ribs.
Seth: Oh.

Summer: We have a major problem. Marissa just bailed on our parents' engagement party to skank out with the surf Nazi.
Seth: Your dad and Julie got engaged? You kind of buried the lead there, Summer.
Summer: We've got bigger fish here, Cohen. Marissa is on a slut spiral and we need to stop her.

Neil: Hey. You okay?
Julie: Please, I just— I can't do this right now.
Neil: Do what?
Julie: Sit here and be tested as wife/mother material while I'm worried about my daughter's future. I get it, okay? It's not what you expected. I failed. Fine. But right now I need to think about Marissa.
Neil: Julie, I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you were being tested. I— I was wrong. And you've hardly failed. I think Marissa is very lucky to have you as her mom.
Summer: Hey, guys. We're going to the party.
Marissa: Bye Mom, bye Dr. Roberts.
Neil: See what I mean.

Taylor: Hi. I'm Taylor. I used to be like total enemies with those guys but I'm pretty much second circle core now.

Julie: Marissa, honey, you know it's not too late to go with you. I promise I won't embarrass you. I can pretend to be part of your entourage. Or your Scientology guide.

Summer: You know, just everyone, leave me alone.
Seth: She probably just needs a moist washcloth. Or maybe, like, a towelette.
Anna: Cohen.
Seth: What? What? Is there a no-towelette clause in your plan? 'Cause right now I'm thinking that phase two kinda sucks. Does anyone have a towelette? Does anyone have a towelette?!?! We've gotta find a towelette!

Summer: I love you.
Seth: I love you too. We can kiss later. Summer throws up again Alright. Want me to hold your crown? she throws up again Hey! Rigatoni. Nice.

Volchok: You probably think I'm an idiot, huh? Screw things up with Marissa. Steal money when everyone's gonna know I took it.
Ryan: I don't think about you. But yes, you're an idiot.

Taylor: It has been a pleasure being second circle core.
Seth: You can join the inner circle.
Taylor: I can? Oh my god! The Fab Five!

Marissa: I'm sorry for all the craziness.
Ryan: I wouldn't have done it any differently. Except maybe Oliver.

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Season Four

Julie: Hey Kaitlin! Why aren't you in school?
Kaitlin: 'Cause it's 8 PM. And it's Saturday.

Sandy: You know what I think this is?
Kirsten: A coded message.
Sandy: Nothing. Probably the name of a band. Seth wrote it on a paper and put it in his pocket. Relax, sweetheart. phone rings Hello.
Seth: Dad, it's me. Did you get my note? I had to write it in code in case Ryan found it.
Sandy: Right. The note.

Julie: Tell me about her.
Ryan: What?
Julie: Anything. Just... tell me about her.

Ryan: You know you might want to relax.
Taylor: Distract me. Tell me about this, uh, cage fighting. It's something I've been meaning to get into.
Ryan: Yeah? Ask me for another favor and I'd be happy to show you.
Taylor: Oh, Ryan Atwood with a side of sauce. I like it!

Che: At the reservation they taught us, sometimes the weaker gazelle must be devoured for the good of the herd.
Summer: Oh Che, just shut up, okay? Before I tie you up with hemp rope, set you on fire and get high off the fumes from your burning flesh.
Che: Dark.

Julie: Veronica, listen. I know you're not the warm and fuzzy type. But it is Christmas Eve and it would mean so much if you could be there. And if you get on that plane right now I'll tell security you have a bomb.
Kaitlin: Wow. Very Jack Bauer of you.

Ryan: There's some guy who wants to meet you in the master bathroom. Something about getting a thong off.
Alt-Julie: Oo! That's charity talk. Thong is an acronym for The Homeless of Newport... Go. Or something.

Kaitlin: Stupid Winter clothing drive.
Will: You may not know this, but there are homeless people that live in Newport.
Kaitlin: Really? turns toward Newport's homeless Hi Daryl, Hi Bill.
Daryl and Bill: Hey Kaitlin.

Henri-Michel: So you are here to beat me up. I warn you, my family is hemophilic. I will bleed.

Kirsten: You are going to call all those woman tomorrow and you are going to tell them the truth.
Julie: Okay. But not Linda. Please let Linda think she has an STD.

Ryan about Kirsten: You don't think she knows about the party?
Sandy: What? No. Are you kidding me. No one plans a surprise party like Sandy Cohen. I could have been with the CIA.
Seth: I hear they're known for their birthday parties.

Bullit: Hey Peanut. Just left the airport.
Kaitlin: We need to talk.
Bullit: Well not if it's about that duty-free booze you asked me to buy.

Che: You realize this is the second time you and I've spent the night together?
Seth: So.
Che: So, does that mean anything to you?
Seth: You'll be going on your little adventures by yourself from now on?

Frank: Julie, it's alright.
Julie: No it's not. And where did she get her hands on clown porn?

Ryan: Seth, the hospital is like a mile away.
Seth: I know. Which is why I'm taking the secret back roads way that's only like a half mile. That was sarcasm. I'm pretty sure my shortcut got us lost.

Taylor: Summer, how can we keep looking for Pancakes when there's a giant elephant in the room.
Summer: We walk around the elephant—it may be big but we are crafty.

Six months later...
Ryan: We've all had to make adjustments since the earthquake.
Kirsten: Especially Kaitlin. [With] the entire Cohen family taking refuge here.
Kaitlin: It's been nice. I mean, I've perfected my Sandy Cohen. Listen to this: "I shmeared it for ya."
Sandy: Well, you know... not bad. I am very sexy.
Julie walking in: Baby, stop mimicking Sandy.

Summer about Pancakes: Oh my god. I'm a bad crack mother.

From the the flyer
The Devil Bullit: It's all about the Benjamins, Fuzzy Butt!

Summer: Ow! Soap stings!
Taylor: Well that's because it's lye.

Sandy: Is there any chance we could see the kitchen? Just to see if the Seth Cohen growth chart is still notched in the wall?
Patrick: It isn't. We thought it was termites.

Julie: Summer, you're a great girl. And the world deserves to know you. You deserve it too. Don't settle for comfortable.

Bullit about Julie: That woman is like nailing jello to the wall.

Summer: Just remember, this isn't goodbye. You're my destiny, Cohen.
Seth: Go save the world, Summer Roberts.

Seth: I've been doing some checking up on your new roommate. His favorite book and movie are the Da Vinci Code. He's no me.
Ryan: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Seth: At least I leave you funnier than when I found you.
Ryan: A lot better off than when you found me.
Seth: Me too.

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Quotes from The OC

Episode List

Season One

Season Two

Season Three

Season Four

Some of the Best Quotes

Season Two

Season Three

Season Four

Quotes from theoc