Children of the Gods

Major Samuels: Colonel Jack O'Neill?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Retired.
Samuels: I'm Major Samuels.
O'Neill: Air Force?
Samuels: Yes sir. I'm the General's executive officer.
O'Neill: Want a little piece of advice, Major. Get reass'd to NASA. That's where all the action's going to be. Out there.
Samuels: I'm under orders to bring you to General Hammond, sir.
O'Neill: Never heard of him.
Samuels: He replaced General West. He says it's important. It has to do with the Stargate.

General George Hammond (Don S. Davis): You ever think of writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty?
O'Neill: I've thought about it. But then I'd have to shoot anyone that actually read it. pause. That's a joke, sir.

General Hammond: Anyone you know, Colonel?
Doctor: They're not human.
O'Neill: Ya think?

General Hammond: These people—aliens, whatever you want to call them—came through, killed four of my people and kidnapped another using advanced weapons.
O'Neill: Weapons, sir?

O'Neill: There were no creatures like this on Abydos. Those people were human. They were from Earth. Ra brought 'em there thousands of years ago.
General Hammond: I know all about that. But your report said this Ra was in fact some kind of alien that lived inside a human body.
O'Neill: Yeah, his eyes glowed. That was our first clue.
General Hammond: Are you sure he's dead, Colonel?
O'Neill: Unless he could survive a tactical nuclear warhead blowing up in his face, positive. Why?
General Hammond: Colonel. These people, whatever they are, were guarding another man who retreated back through the Stargate. I got a good look at his eyes, Colonel. They glowed.

O'Neill: Was that—
General Hammond: Kawalsky and Feretti. Yes. They were under your command on the first Stargate mission. Tell me about Daniel Jackson, Colonel.
O'Neill: Why are they questioning my men?
General Hammond: They're not your men anymore, Colonel. You're retired. Daniel Jackson?
O'Neill: You read the report.
General Hammond: Yes.
O'Neill: It's all there.
Samuels: Is it?
O'Neill: What's this all about, General?
General Hammond: You didn't like Daniel Jackson, did you?
O'Neill: Daniel was a scientist. He sneezed a lot. Basically he was a geek, sir.
Samuels: So you didn't have a lot of time for him.
O'Neill: I didn't say that. He also saved my life and found the way home for my men and me. A little thing like that kinda makes a person grow on you.

General Hammond: To the best of your knowledge, Daniel Jackson and everyone else you knew on Abydos is dead, correct?
O'Neill: That's correct.
General Hammond: Good. Then you won't mind if I authorize a go-ahead on our plan.

O'Neill: Obviously the Abydos Stargate had been buried in the rubble.
General Hammond: Well somehow it got unburied.

O'Neill: General Hammond. Sir. I regret to inform you that my report was not entirely accurate.
General Hammond: You didn't detonate the bomb.
O'Neill: No, I did detonate the bomb, sir. And it was aboard Ra's spacecraft so it did kill him and eliminate the risk to Earth.

General Hammond: We'll send the bomb through on schedule.
O'Neill: General you can't do that!
General Hammond: Oh I can't?
O'Neill: There are innocent people on that planet.
General Hammond: There are innocent people here. I have my orders too, Colonel. I obey mine.

Major Charlie Kawalsky (Jay Acovone): Man, Colonel. You and me went through that entire mission together, I never even knew you had a son.
O'Neill: He died. Just before the Abydos mission.

General Hammond: We'll have the prototype probe shipped from MIT.
O'Neill: General, we don't need that probe.
Kawalsky: We don't?
O'Neill: Nope. grabs the tissue box. This'll do.

General Hammond: Care to explain this concept.
O'Neill: Jackson has allergies. He'll know this came from me and not someone... with all due respect, sir, like yourself.

O'Neill: Oh, c'mon, Samuels. Let me be the cynic around here, okay?

O'Neill: Permission to take a team through the Stargate, sir.
General Hammond: Assuming I get the president's authorization, the mission briefing will be at 0800 hours. Consider yourself recalled to active duty, Colonel.

O'Neill: This has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I've just got a little problem with scientists.
Carter: Colonel, I logged over a hundred hours in enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you? Or do we have to arm wrestle.

Carter: You know you really will like me when you get to know me.
O'Neill: Oh, I adore you already Captain.

Carter: Colonel, Feretti needs medical attention now!
Jackson: Go! Help him. I can send you back.
O'Neill: You're coming with us this time, Daniel. I've got orders.
Jackson: I don't care about your orders, Colonel. My wife is out there. And so is Skaara.
O'Neill: And the only way we're going to get them back is for you to come home with us! Feretti might have seen those coordinates

O'Neill: Hey.
Jackson: They don't know what to do with me. And I don't know what to do with myself.
O'Neill: Come on. Let's get out of here.

Jackson: This beer is going straight to my head. What time is it anyway? I must have gatelag or something.
O'Neill: Daniel, for crying out loud. You've had one beer. You're a cheaper date than my wife was.
Jackson: Yes. When am I going to meet your wife?
O'Neill: Oh! Probably, ah, never. After I came back from Abydos the first time she'd already left.
Jackson: I'm sorry.
O'Neill: Yeah, so was I. I think in her heart she forgave me for what happened to our kid. Just in her heart she couldn't forget.
Jackson: What about you?
O'Neill: I'm the opposite. I'll never forgive myself. But sometimes I can forget. Sometimes.

General Hammond: Colonel, what do we know about these hostiles we didn't yesterday?
O'Neill: Not a hell of a lot, General. The Abydon boys who survived the attack on the base camp thought it was Ra.
General Hammond: I thought he was dead, gentlemen. Which is it?
Jackson: Oh he's dead. He's definitely dead. I mean, uh, the bomb... I mean he's gotta be dead, right?
General Hammond: Then who's coming through the Stargate?
Jackson: Gods.

General Hammond: Colonel, you've had the most experience in fighting this hostile. Assuming you have to defend yourself in the field, are you up to it?
O'Neill: We beat 'em once.
General Hammond: I'll take that as a "maybe".

General Hammond: Major Kawalsky, you will head SG-2.
Kawalsky: I will?
General Hammond: Colonel O'Neill keeps telling me it's about time you had a command.
O'Neill: I had a moment of weakness.

O'Neill: Ow!
Teal'c: What is this?
O'Neill: It's a watch.
Teal'c: This is not Goa'uld technology. Where are you from?
O'Neill: Earth. Chicago, if you want to be specific—

O'Neill: I can save these people! Help me! Help me.
Teal'c: Many have said that. But you are the first I believe could do it!

O'Neill: Hey! C'mon.
Teal'c: I have nowhere to go.
O'Neill: For this you can stay at my place. Let's go!

General Hammond: What's he doing here?
O'Neill: General Hammond, this is Teal'c. He helped us.
General Hammond: Do you know what he is?
O'Neill: Yes sir, I do. He's the man who saved our lives. And if you'll accept my recommendation he'll join SG-1.

The Enemy Within

Teal'c: Am I a prisoner?
O'Neill: Uh... yeah.
Teal'c: I understand.
O'Neill: We're not exactly living up to your expectations of us, are we?

O'Neill: Permission to barge in, Sir?

O'Neill: Listen, um, I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me.
Kawalsky weakly: We're friends.
O'Neill: If you don't make it, can I have your stereo?

Teal'c: He was your friend.
O'Neill: My friend died on the table.

Emancipation

Jackson: What a mess.
Teal'c: This temple was destroyed long ago.
O'Neill: Let's get a move on before we meet somebody who remember why.

Jackson: How is it that you always come up with the worst case scenario?
O'Neill: I practice.

Carter: So you think this new anesthesia will be a miracle drug on Earth?
Jackson: Well if it is I bet somebody else will get the credit. We can never say where it came from.
O'Neill: Damn! Guess I'm going to have to cancel that Oprah interview.
Teal'c: What is an "oprah"?

The Broca Divide

Jackson: Wow. What happened to you?
O'Neill: Oh I got in a little wrestling match with Carter.
Jackson: Why?
O'Neill: I guess she's got whatever Johnson got. I had to drag her off to the infirmary.
Jackson: What did she start a fight with you like Johnson did with Teal'c?
O'Neill: No, uh, she tried to seduce me.
Jackson: Oh. pause. You poor man.

The First Commandment

O'Neill: Carter, I want you to take Connor back through the Stargate, report to General Hammond what's happened here.
Carter: No, sir.
O'Neill: "No, sir"?
Carter: If you're going after Captain Hanson I should go with you. I can get to him.
O'Neill: Look, Captain, either we're bringing him back to face a court martial or not. I think we both know what the "not" means.
Carter: I know him, Colonel.
O'Neill: Yeah that would be the problem, wouldn't it?
Carter: I gave him back the ring because I know him. I know how he thinks, how he operates.
O'Neill: How he likes to play god?

Carter: Look, I don't understand how that could happen anymore than you do. But if SG-1 is going after him then I am going with you.
Connor: Wait a minute. No, you can't do that. There are hundreds—probably thousands— of them. He's their god. They'll die for him, they'll kill for him in a heartbeat.
O'Neill: That's not your problem. Now I need someone to report back to the General and that is you.
Connor: No, sir.
O'Neill: "No, sir"? Does it say "colonel" anywhere on my uniform?

O'Neill: Well. We're off to see the wizard.

Teal'c: The perimeter is established. He demonstrates
O'Neill: Perfect. If any little rocks sneak up on us, we'll have plenty of warning.

O'Neill: Let's go. We've got company.
Jackson: Are you sure? {a dart lands near his head}
O'Neill: Pretty sure.

Brief Candle

Jackson: Wow, this place is incredible. It's like we stepped into the Citadel at Mycenae.
O'Neill: I thought you said it was Greek.
Jackson: Oh, um, Mycenae was an ancient city in the southern Peloponnesus region.
O'Neill: Where's that?
Jackson: Greece.
O'Neill: Why do I do that?

O'Neill: What happened?
Carter: To them or you?
O'Neill: We'll talk about that later.

O'Neill: Welcome back, Captain. So what did you find out? Come on now, don't keep the elderly waiting. It's rude.

Kynthia: But you ate the marriage cake, came to my bed.
O'Neill: "Marriage cake"?

O'Neill: Welcome back, kids. It's damn good to see you again. Don't worry. Aside from a little prostate problem we won't go into, it's not so bad.

Cold Lazarus

Sara O'Neill: That other guy. Do you know what he said?
O'Neill: I have a pretty fair idea.
Sara: We were great together.
O'Neill: The greatest.

Thor’s Hammer

Thor (as a Norse God hologram):
O'Neill: Teal'c, I think we just got the answering machine.

Unas (James Earl Jones): Jaffa. I am Unas. The First One.
Teal'c: You do not exist.
Unas: Kill the human.
O'Neill: Excuse me?
Unas: And we will feast together.
Teal'c: I no longer serve the Goa'uld.
Unas: We shall see.

Unas: I know the secrets of the Labyrinth. I could help you escape.
O'Neill: A map would be nice.

The Torment of Tantalus

Jackson: There's no conclusion to the file. No summary, no notes, no... reason to explain why they gave up.
O'Neill: Well whole boxes of material could be missing.
Jackson: No, the Pentagon said this was everything.
O'Neill: Oh please. The Pentagon's lost entire countries.

O'Neill: Daniel, before your head explodes, may I remind you that we've got more important things to deal with right now.
Jackson: How can you say that? Don't you know what this could mean?
O'Neill: Actually. No.

Bloodlines

Teal'c: If we are discovered, you will be brought before Apophis along with us.
O'Neill: We'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Bra'tac (Tony Amendola): No. The bridge is too well guarded.
O'Neill: No, actually there I was using a cliche that...

Bra'tac: Teal'c tells me your world is without gods. Difficult to imagine.
O'Neill: Oh it's not without gods. A lot of people believe there's a god. Not everyone believes in the same god in the same way, but.... Well let's just say nobody believes in anyone with glowing eyes and a snake in his head.
Bra'tac: Then you serve no one.
O'Neill: I serve the SGC under a General Hammond.
Bra'tac: So this Hammond is—
O'Neill: Just a man. A very good, very bald man from Texas.

O'Neill: Alright, here's the plan.
Bra'tac: You will do as I say.
O'Neill: Right.

Fire and Water

Hammond: You know that's my car, don't you?
O'Neill: You should get that window fixed.

Carter: I wonder what they're going to do with all this stuff.
O'Neill: Maybe give it to a museum. Or start one.

Jackson: This is a long story.
Carter: Yeah, I'll bet.
O'Neill: Tell us about it over sushi.
Jackson: That's funny.

The Nox

O'Neill: Sorry to drop in on you like this, but we were... dead.

Jackson: Somehow I don't think we'd make very good Nox.
O'Neill: I think you're right.

O'Neill about Nafrayu: I told him to go home.
Antaeus (Armin Schimerman): I told you the same. The very young do not always do what they are told.

O'Neill: So Shak'l thinks we're unarmed. Apophis thinks he's invulnerable.
Jackson: And they're right. I think I've found the flaw in your plan.

Apophis (Peter Williams): Fool! I will kill you.
O'Neill: Again?

Hathor

Jackson: Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music.
O'Neill: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?
Jackson: In a manner of speaking.

Hathor: We are the mother of all pharaohs.
O'Neill: Of course we are.

Hathor: You, with the crown of marble.
O'Neill to Hammond: She... might mean you, sir.

Carter: Wow. That's a miracle.
O'Neill: Crunches.

O'Neill: Did you find anything?
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Probably nothing we can use. We'll at least get a cellular level analysis on the Goa'ulds. Maybe even find some DNA information.
Jackson: A lot of that will probably be mine.
O'Neill: Ew.
Jackson: Yeah.

Cor-ai

Jackson: That's interesting. I wonder if everyone's coming from some sort of religious event.
O'Neill: Why does it always have to be a religious thing with you? Maybe they're coming from a swap meet.

O'Neill: I don’t suppose we could get him out on bail?
Hanno: He is guilty. He must pay for what he has done.
O'Neill: And you’ve already decided this?
Hanno: Yes.

O'Neill: Did anyone hear that kid say that Teal'c was guilty already? For all we know they want to kill him.
Jackson: Wait, wait, who said anything about killing? I mean all they said was they want to put him through "Cor-ai". Now, near as I can figure is that they want to put him through a simple trial.
O'Neill: Now see it's that "near as I can figure" part that's got me a little worried.

Then who will be his voice?
O'Neill: That would be me.
Carter: Uh. You?

Teal'c: While in the service of Apophis I did many things. For these deeds my victims deserve retribution.
O'Neill: Can we focus on this one case only for now, please?
Teal'c: This case represents the many.
O'Neill: Well it shouldn't!

Hammond: Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs.
O'Neill: Since when, sir?
Hammond: Since this administration was elected.

Singularity

Jackson: So what exactly are we going to see after this eclipse begins? I mean it is black and it is a hole.
O'Neill: Well it might be a black hole.
Jackson: Okay, let me put that a different way.
Carter: No Daniel, you're right. You can't actually see it. Not the singularity itself. It's so massive not even light can escape it. But during the totalitarity phase of the eclipse we should be able to see matter spiraling towards it.
O'Neill: Actually it's called the Accretion Disk.
Jackson: Well I guess it's easy to understand why the local population would be afraid of something like a.... What did you just say?
O'Neill: It's just an astronomical term.
Carter: You didn't think the colonel had a telescope on his roof just to look at the neighbors, did you?
O'Neill: Not initially.

O'Neill: This is fun. Teal'c spins around on his chair. Only eight hours to go. Sweet.

Teal'c: We must get to the Stargate.
O'Neill: No argument from me!

Teal'c: This Goa'uld Nirrti, he once sent an emissary of peace to negotiate a treaty concerning a stargate Apophis had taken control of. The negotiation was a ploy. The Stargate was destroyed.
O'Neill: How?
Teal'c: As soon as he entered the Stargate there was a massive explosion.
O'Neill: The girl.

Jackson: Jack, she's going back down.
O'Neill: The hell she is.

O'Neill: Alright, why don't you guys clear out. No one moves. Right.

Cassandra: What's that?
O'Neill: We have a rule here on Earth. Every kid has got to have a dog. This is a dog. And he's yours.

Enigma

Carter: Temperature: Ground. 1700 degrees fahrenheit. Air: Seems to be in pockets ranging from 1500 degrees down to 200.
O'Neill: Sounds like L.A.

Teal'c: This is knowledge far beyond that of the Goa'uld.
Colonel Mayborne (Tom McBeath): That's exactly what the President and Joint Chiefs want to hear. Colonel Mayborne, sir. NID.
O'Neill: Intelligence? What happened to Kennedy?
Colonel Mayborne: Promoted. I took his place.
O'Neill: Promoted? Talk about failing upwards.

Teal'c: General, we must ensure the Tollans’ escape.
Hammond: I can't let you do that. We'd all be court-martialed.
O'Neill: General, I'm about a hair away from not caring.

O'Neill about the Nox: God I love those people.

Tin Man

O'Neill: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your colonel speaking. Welcome to P3X-niner-eight-niner, where it's a balmy... room temperature.

O'Neill: Well that sounds ominous.

Harlan: You are all such wonderful specimens. to Carter: You in particular.
Carter: Colonel.
O'Neill: Easy, Captain.

O'Neill: What is that, "Comtraya"? Is that like "Aloha"?

Fraiser: Colonel, how do you feel?
O'Neill: Never felt better in my life. It's got me a little worried, actually.
Fraiser: Yeah well, this has got me a little worried. {she hands him her stethoscope}. Listen.
O'Neill: I don't hear anything. What, this is better? I'm dead?

Solitudes

Carter: Try to stay put, sir. I think your leg's broken.
O'Neill: No, my leg's definitely broken. What's the bad news? Because unless they redecorated the Gateroom I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
Carter: Daniel must have misdialed.
O'Neill: Misdialed? You mean this place is a wrong number? For cryin' out loud.

Carter: We're in trouble, sir.
O'Neill: Oh nonsense. We'll just dial home and straighten all this out. Where's the DHD?
Carter: Can't find that either.
O'Neill: Oh. So. We're in trouble.
Carter: We're in trouble.

Carter: Okay, I think it's set.
O'Neill: You think it's set?
Carter: I'm positive. All we have to do is put a splint on it and it'll be as good as new.
O'Neill: Just take it easy, Doctor.
Carter: Wrong kind of doctor, I'm afraid.
O'Neill: You wouldn't think jagged bone digging into raw nerves would hurt, but it does.

Carter: What's wrong with your chest?
O'Neill: I think I cracked a rib too.
Carter: Why didn't you say something?
O'Neill: I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it.

Carter: I didn't know you could cook.
O'Neill: I can't. But my melted ice is to die for.

O'Neill: It's just very hard to sleep with broken ribs when someone's lying on you.

Carter: Colonel?
O'Neill: That's my sidearm, I swear. No giggling. Please.
Carter: If we don't make it, I won't have any regrets.
O'Neill: I'll regret dying.

O'Neill: It's cold.
Carter: It's all right. You can sleep now. It was an honor serving with you too, Colonel.

There But for the Grace of God

Jackson: So if you've never been to Chulak you've probably never even met Teal'c.
General O'Neill: Teal?
Jackson: No. Teal'c!

Jackson: You're sending a nuclear weapon to Chulak?
General O'Neill: You got a problem with that?
Jackson: The Jaffa aren't your enemy. They're slaves.

General O'Neill: Unless this man has more information we can use I don't want to see him again.

Dr. Carter: It's incredible.
General O'Neill: It's supposed to be theoretical.
Dr. Carter: Not anymore.

O'Neill: Okay, let's get him back to Earth.
Jackson: No, Jack! We're all in very big trouble. They're coming. They're coming.

Politics

Jackson: The whole time you thought I had disappeared on P3R-233 I was experiencing an alternate reality.
O'Neill: And you were there. And you were there. And there's no place like home.
Jackson: As a matter of fact you were there!

Carter: Daniel, it's not that we don't believe you.
Jackson: So you do?
O'Neill: No. It's just that. We don't believe you.

O'Neill: All right. Let me get this straight here. Engaged?
Carter: It is theoretically possible.
O'Neill: It's against regulations.
Carter: I'm talking physics, sir.

Carter: Major Samuels.
Lt. Col. Samuels: That's Lieutenant Colonel Samuels now, Captain.
Carter: I beg your pardon, sir. Congratulations.
O'Neill: You'll always be "Sparky" to me.

Hammond: It costs nearly a billion dollars just to turn the lights on around here.
O'Neill: How about a bake sale? Yard sale? Garage?
Hammond: This is what I look like when I'm not laughing, Colonel.
O'Neill: Car wash? {Hammond laughs} I'm sorry, sir.

Senator Kinsey (Ronny Cox): So this must be the infamous SG-1.
O'Neill: Infamous. Yes sir.
Senator Kinsey (Ronny Cox): Colonel, I've heard a lot about you.
O'Neill: Don't believe a word of it, sir. I'm actually a very nice guy.
Senator Kinsey: And this must be the drain through which the money flows.

Jackson: SG-2 just made contact with Kynthia's planet just a few weeks ago. They are living long, productive lives because of us. Now I am very proud of what we did there.
O'Neill: I might even retire there.
Kinsey: You have no fear of it, do you Colonel? It's like a game to you.
O'Neill: No sir. Anything as powerful as the Stargate deserves respect. We know how dangerous it is to do what we do. We also know how dangerous it is.

Jackson: Senator, they are coming.
Kinsey: Then I say let them come!
O'Neill: Where do you get this bureaucratic bull? You're talking suicide.

Teal'c: I would like to request permission to return through the Stargate before it is permanently sealed. If this world does not intend to continue its struggle against the Goa'uld, then here I do not belong.
O'Neill: I think I'm going with him.
Hammond: I can't allow that, Colonel. Sorry, but you know that. The President has made it perfectly clear, if we were unable to convince the Senator we would cease operations effective immediately.
Carter: Sir, there are still two SG teams offworld.
Hammond: We'll keep the light on until they return, but that's all I'm authorized to do.
O'Neill: So what? That's it?
Hammond: That's it, Colonel.
Carter: It can't be.
O'Neill: With all due respect, sir—
Jackson: With all due respect, sir, the good senator is an ass.
Hammond: He is an elected official of the government we are sworn to serve. Whether we agree or disagree, he's made his decision. Our commander-in-chief has given us our orders accordingly. I expect you all to carry them out. Dismissed.

Within the Serpent’s Grasp

Hammond: I never anticipated how much paperwork is involved in shutting down a facility. Not exactly the last brave act I wanted to do before retiring.
O'Neill: So you're still just gonna throw it in, huh?
Hammond: Well I was a month away from retirement before were started the SGC. Only thing that kept me here was... well let's face it. It was a pretty wild ride.
O'Neill: Yes sir. Personally I don't think we should be getting off that ride just yet.

Teal'c: I believe a medical attack could be successful.
O'Neill: Surgical attack, Teal'c. It's called a surgical attack and I'd feel like an idiot.
Carter: Sir?
O'Neill: I was answering Daniel's question. If we don't do something now and they do attack later I'd feel like an idiot. {pause} We go.
Teal'c: I too will go.
O'Neill: It's not an order, Captain.
Carter: I understand that, Colonel. I'm going.

O'Neill: Cool. What are these things?
Teal'c: This is a Goa'uld zat'n'ktel. A weapon using a different form of energy less powerful than that of a staff weapon. Less destructive but still quite deadly.
O'Neill: Sweet. Pass 'em around. What'd you call it?
Teal'c: Zat'n'ktel.
O'Neill: Right. Let's call it a zat gun.

O'Neill: I always get a happy, tingly feeling when I see those guys.

Jackson: Teal'c, what is this?
Teal'c: It is aGoa'uld long-range visual communication device. Somewhat like your television but much more advanced.
O'Neill: Think it gets Showtime?

O'Neill: Hey. How're you doing? Uh... seen a bathroom around here?

O'Neill: Okay. One shot hurts him, two shots kills him. Third shot...
Teal'c: Disintegrates him.
O'Neill: Oh great. You didn't feel this was worthy of mention, I take it.

Jackson: It's happening. We're on an attack ship headed to Earth.
O'Neill: Okay. Well we've got some problems then.

O'Neill: I'm not talking to the thing in your head, I'm talking to Skaara.
Skaara/Klorel: Nothing of the host survives.
O'Neill: That's bullshit!

The Serpent’s Lair

Jaffa are trying to break down the door.
O'Neill: Just a minute!

O'Neill: Well, I suppose now is the time for me to say something profound... Nothing comes to mind.

O'Neill: Well, we have a number of... shuttles.
Bra'tac: These shuttles, they are a formidable craft?
O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Bad day.

O'Neill: What are the odds of taking out a ship like this with four gliders and—maybe—a shuttle?

Bra'tac: We shall have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
O'Neill: You know, that particular cliché doesn't... always work.

Bra'tac: Now we die.
O'Neill: Well, that's a bad plan.

In the Line of Duty

O'Neill: General, without meaning, this time, to sound like a smart ass, are you cracked?

Prisoners

Jackson: P2A-509!
O'Neill: Little brain damage along the way?

The Gamekeeper

Jackson: Where are we going?
O'Neill: Back through the gate to show them what their planet looks like... in our memories... before the virtual reality... Leave me alone.

Need

Thor’s Chariot

O'Neill: You all know I take great pride in my title as Mr. Positive, however, we did destroy their de-Goa'ulding thing. Might not they look unkindly on that?

O'Neill: Daniel, you look suspiciously empty-handed.
Jackson: Yeah, uh...
O'Neill: Yeah, what?
Jackson: There's nothing.
Carter: We did meet the real Thor.
O'Neill: Didja now? Nice fella?

Secrets

O'Neill: General, Captain, General, Waiter...

O'Neill: It's "O'Neill," with two L's. There's another Colonel O'Neil with only one L, and he has no sense of humor at all.

Bane

Teal'c: I've felt great pain, O'Neill. But never a sickness such as this. I do not enjoy it.
O'Neill: Nobody does.
Teal'c: I am also feeling something else.
O'Neill: Hey. I'd be scared too.
Teal'c: I do not want to become something other than who I am.

O'Neill: General Hammond, request permission to beat the crap out of this man.

Maybourne: This is still my responsibility.
O'Neill: Oh I'm holding you responsible, Maybourne. Don't you fret.

Maybourne: Striking an officer is a quick way to a court martial.
O'Neill: I'm not gonna hit you, Maybourne. I'm gonna shoot you.

O'Neill: Pack your bug spray, kids.

The Tok'ra : Part One

Hammond: You don't think it was just a dream?
Carter: No sir. It was real. I could tell.
Hammond: You could tell.
Carter: Yes sir. I don't know how, exactly. But I can tell.
O'Neill: So we're supposed to buy into this... ESP or whatever it is?

Jackson: You said their eyes glowed. Are you really sure that these Tok'ra are what Jolinar said they were? I mean, good guys for lack of a better word.
Carter: Yes.
O'Neill: Yes? Just "yes"? Could you elaborate a little?

Teal'c: According to Jaffa legend, the Tok'ra are the Goa'uld resistance. Their stated goal is the destruction of the System Lords and a change in the ways of the Empire. They are hunted and despised by the Goa'uld.
O'Neill: Yes. My kind of guys.

O'Neill: Where's that Yellow Brick Road when you need it, eh, Dorothy?

O'Neill: You know in some galaxies this is called loitering. How long do you think we can keep it up?

O'Neill: We've done nothing but get interrogated here. Now are we prisoners and are you Goa'ulds?
Jackson: Jack—
Garshaw: You are not. And I have told you, we are not Goa'uld.
O'Neill: Alright, then why do you talk like that? And what's with the glowing eyes? Huh? Might it have something to do with a little reptilian activity in your heads?

The Tok'ra : Part Two

O'Neill: So we are prisoners. You're lookin' like Goa'uld to me.
Garshaw: We're doing this for your protection as well as ours. Knowledge of our whereabouts makes you and your world a priority target for the System Lords.
O'Neill: We're already a priority target.
Teal'c: They previously dispatched two motherships to destroy us.

Hammond: Jacob knows a lot about Earth, this would be like handing over information to the Goa'uld.
Carter: To the Tok'ra!
Hammond: Are you sure there's a difference?
O'Neill: Oh yes, sir. There's a difference, believe me. I won't even pretend to understand what that is, but there is one. One minute you're talking to a Goa'uld, the next minute you're talking to a regular guy.

Hammond: They were holding you prisoner, Colonel. Still are holding SG-3 and the rest of your team.
Carter: Only temporarily, sir. And they thought it was to protect us as much as them.
O'Neill: Yeah, I didn't buy that one myself, sir.

Jacob: You do that a lot?
Carter: Yeah, once or twice a week.
Jacob: It beats the hell out of a shuttle on the back of a rocket.
O'Neill: Goes a lot further too.

Garshaw: Do you not have a dialing device here?
O'Neill: Yeah, we slapped one together.

Spirits

O'Neill: How do I know you're really Daniel?
Jackson: Because.
O'Neill: Yeah, okay.

Touchstone

O'Neill: We came here in peace, and we expect to go in one... piece.

The Fifth Race

Hammond: Colonel, are you sure you're okay?
O'Neill: I am absolutely fine. There is nothing cruvis with me. {everyone looks at him} What?
Jackson: You just said there's nothing "cruvis" with you.
O'Neill: I did not.
Jackson: Yes you did.
O'Neill: No I didn't.
Jackson: Yes you did.
O'Neill: Didn't.
Jackson: Did.
O'Neill: Didn't.
Jackson: Did.
O'Neill: "Cruvis"? What is that?
Jackson: I don't know.

Teal'c: What is the reason for these padded gloves, O'Neill?
O'Neill: So we don't hurt each other. I'll be honest with you, Teal'c. It's so you don't hurt me.

O'Neill: Alright. What the hell is going on with me?
Jackson: What do you mean?
O'Neill: Well apparently I have lost the fallatus to speak properly. That wasn't a joke. I didn't do that on purpose.

Hammond: Colonel?
O'Neill: Yes sir?
Hammond: What are you doing?
O'Neill: I don't know, sir. You know me and computers.

O'Neill: You're the Asgard. Thor's race.
Asgard: You have heard of us?
O'Neill: Nothing but good things.

Asgard: We have studied your race closely.
O'Neill: Ah. What did you learn?
Asgard2: That your species has great potential.
O'Neill: Great potential. That's good.

Asgard: Understand this: the was once an alliance of four great races in the galaxy. The Asgard, the Nox—
O'Neill: Met them.
Asgard: The Furlings.
O'Neill: Don't know them.
Asgard: And the Ancients. The builders of the Stargates.

O'Neill: You folks should understand that we're out there. Now. We might not be ready for a lot of this stuff, but we're doing the best we can. We are a very curious race.
Asgard: You have already taken the first steps toward becoming the Fifth Race.

Holiday

O'Neill: Alright, describe for me the dress your sister wore last week when I took her out.
Jackson: I don't have a sister, Jack, and if I did, I wouldn't let you near her.

Hammond: How did it go, Colonel?
Teal'c (in O'Neill): It did not go well, General Hammond.
O'Neill (in Teal'c): Ya think?

Serpent’s Song

O'Neill: That's between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute. You are your god. That's a problem.

Show and Tell

Carter: He's not Goa'uld or Jaffa. I don't sense any Naquadah. As far as I can tell he's clean.
O'Neill: What's he doing here?
Charlie (Jeff Gulka): I am here to warn you.

Fraiser: Well. As far as I can tell he's human.
O'Neill: No bomb in the chest? A little biohazard in the tooth maybe?
Fraiser: Checked for both. He's no threat to us as far as I can tell.

O'Neill: So what do I call you?
Charlie: I do not have a name.
O'Neill: What's your mom call you?
Charlie: Son.
O'Neill: That's not much of a name.
Charlie: No. It's more of a description.

Charlie: That's why I'm here. To warn you.
O'Neill: Well thank you, Charlie. But we already knew about the Goa'uld.
Charlie: Not the Goa'uld. It's the Re'tu rebels who intend to eliminate you.

O'Neill: Hey Charlie. How're you feeling?
Charlie: Tired. Really tired. {there's some noise in the distance.} Fer cryin' out loud.

Charlie: Mother says not to cry.
O'Neill: Crying's okay.
Charlie: She says the boys of your culture do not cry.
O'Neill: Not true. In fact there's an official list of reasons for which crying is a good thing.
Charlie: Mother is leaving.
O'Neill: Now see, that's a good reason. Mom leaving I believe is number six on the list of good reasons.

Jackson: Isn't he a little young to be a host?
Selmak: He is young. But the Tok'ra symbiote that we introduce to his mind can teach him. He will grow up with the advantages that great wisdom brings.
O'Neill: Two key words there: grow up.

1969

O'Neill: You know, this looks suspiciously like the butt-end of a Titan missile.
Overhead: Standby for test burn in T-minus twenty seconds.
Teal'c: What is a "test burn"?
O'Neill: Just what it sounds like.

O'Neill: This is a top secret facility. Anonymity does not go over big here.
Carter: We cannot tell them we're from the future, sir.

An officer asks them (in Russian) if they're spies.
Jackson: Nyet.
O'Neill: Daniel?
Jackson: He just asked if we were Soviet spies. I just— {realizes the problem}
Guard: Come with me.
O'Neill: Sure. You bet. {on the way out} Nyet?

Thornbird: I'm Major Robert Thornbird. And you are?
O'Neill: Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise.
Thornbird: Your dog tags say otherwise.
O'Neill: They're lying.
Thornbird: Your American accent is very impressive, Mr. Kirk. Before we ship you out and hand you over to wherever it is they take spies such as yourself, I wanted a word. Your little incursion into our training facility is going to leave an embarrassing mark on my record.
O'Neill: Training facility?
Thornbird: You don't think we'd test fire a real missile twenty-eight floors inside a mountain, do you?
O'Neill: Listen, you don't have the exact date—
Thornbird: What was the weapon you used?
O'Neill: Weapon?
Thornbird: Our cameras saw some sort of weapon.
O'Neill: Oh. Well, it's hard to say.
Thornbird: Some sort of state secret?
O'Neill: No, just difficult to pronounce.

O'Neill: I'll be honest with you, Bob. My name is not Kirk. It's Skywalker. Luke Skywalker.

O'Neill: Listen, I don't know where we're headed but they'll probably try to split us up. So we're not going to have much time to—
Carter: Escape and hopefully live out the rest of our lives without affecting history.
O'Neill: Or?
Carter: I can't think of an "or" at the moment, sir.
Jackson: No "or"?
O'Neill: There's an "or."
Jackson: There's an "or"?
Carter: Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
O'Neill: Captain, where there's a will there's an "or."

Jackson: So what's the plan?
O'Neill: Find the Stargate.
Jackson: That's the plan? "Find the Stargate"?
O'Neill: Elegant in its simplicity, don't you think?

Seth

Jacob: So. You guys are the talk of the Tok'ra water cooler.
O'Neill: For what?
Jacob: Kickin' some major Hathor behind.
O'Neill: Yes, we do take pride in good work.

O'Neill: AK47. Couple Uzis. Anyone think they observed the requisite fifteen day waiting period for those weapons?
Carter: Sir, their sidearms. I think it's safe to say there's a Goa'uld there. And it looks like a pair of 50-cals.
O'Neill: Does the concept of overkill mean anything to anybody?

Hamner: You wanna tell me what's going on?
O'Neill: Didn't you say you know more than I do?
Hamner: Well apparently not. I just got off the phone with the President.
O'Neill: Of the United States of America? Sweet.

O'Neill: So help me, if I wake up and I'm singing soprano...

Jackson: You killed him.
O'Neill: Hail Dorothy.

Fair Game

Hammond: It is with great pleasure that I bestow upon you the responsibilities, the respect, and the rank of Major.
Carter: Thank you, sir.
O'Neill: Well done. Major.

O'Neill: Normally, I am a man of very few words. {he is beamed onto an Asgard ship} And in conclusion I'd like to say.

Thor: Greetings General O'Neill.
O'Neill: Greetings. Have we met?
Thor: I am Thor.

Thor: We received word of what transpired between your people and the Goa'uld named Hathor.
O'Neill: She had it coming.
Thor: As a result, the Goa'uld System Lords have turned their attention toward you.

Thor: I have come to offer our assistance.
O'Neill: Now see that would be appreciated. I have seen your work and it's great.

Hammond: Colonel, do we need security?
O'Neill: No, I'll vouch for him sir.

Thor: Three representatives from the System Lords will arrive by Stargate. You must be prepared to speak on behalf of all the inhabitants of Earth.
O'Neill: Well. Maybe not me, personally.
Thor: We have chosen you, O'Neill, to represent your planet at the proceedings.
O'Neill: Alright, now, see that could be a mistake.

Jackson: The second Goa'uld representative we're expecting is Yu.
O'Neill: Me?
Jackson: Yu is the name of the Goa'uld.
O'Neill: Ah. Sorry.

Jackson: ...however it should be noted that Yu did account for a number of notable positive influences.
O'Neill under his breath: Thank Yu.

Carter about the System Lords: I just hate having them here.
O'Neill: Major. I hate having them anywhere.

Thor: Our greatest advantage has been the feudal nature of the Goa'uld. Our greatest concern has been a single Goa'uld rising to dominant power. If Sokar were to overtake the System Lord collective, the Asgard may not have sufficient power to stop him.
O'Neill: So basically you guys are bluffing the Goa'uld big time.

Carter: I still don't think Teal'c would do this.
O'Neill: Well neither do I, but the case against him just got a little more interesting, don't you think?

Jackson: Hathor had the ability to appear and disappear.
O'Neill: Okay, she's dead. {silence} Right? Please, tell me she's dead.
Carter: Uh, yeah.

Teal'c: I did not attack Kronos.
Jackson: Well we believe you, Teal'c. But I don't think anyone else is going to.
O'Neill: Certainly not those lying, scheming, no good, slimy, overdressed style mongers—
Carter: Sir. I'd like to try something.
O'Neill: I wasn't finished.

Carter: We can't prove anything, sir. All we know for sure is that Nirrti lied.
O'Neill: Kronos doesn't know that. Nirrti doesn't know what else we know.
Jackson: Which is nothing.
O'Neill: Quiet. But she doesn't know we know nothing.
Hammond: What are you suggesting?
O'Neill: I'm just saying maybe it's time we take a page out of the Asgard book on dealing with these Goa'ulds.
Jackson: You're gonna bluff?
Hammond: Sounds risky, Colonel.
O'Neill: Yes sir.

Kronos: We will not attack your world. But if you continue to use your Stargate, be warned. Anyone who is caught by one of the System Lords will be shown no mercy. They will suffer greatly.
O'Neill: Well that certainly makes life more interesting.

Legacy

Jackson: I translated a phrase in the tablet that I thought meant "attack." But when I refined the translation, I realized it means "to enter by infiltration."
O'Neill: And you think that's what they're doing?
Jackson: Yes.
O'Neill: Through your closet?

O'Neill: Why are you the only one that can see them? Why didn't they come through my closet? Aside from the fact that yours is cleaner.

Jackson: I don't feel off. I feel fine. No headaches, no tension. I feel... normal.
O'Neill: That's because it was just stress. And I have a very calming effect on stressed out people. How about a game of gin?
Jackson: I'm not very good at gin.
O'Neill: Good! Get the cards.

Jackson: I saw something come out of me and go into Teal'c. And then I heard Machello's voice.
O'Neill: Ah... Machello?
Jackson: Just, just hear me out. I'm guessing it wasn't actually Machello. It was probably some sort of technological or organic recording. And it said something about delivering Machello to the Goa'uld. Which made me start thinking. Maybe I had some sort of... Goa'uld-killing invention inside of me. One of Machello's inventions.
O'Neill: And that's what made you... nuts?
Jackson: Well since I don't have a Goa'uld the side effect of his invention must make normal people act like they're...
O'Neill: Nuts.
Jackson: Schizophrenic. Look, Teal'c is sick, right?
O'Neill: Right.
Jackson: Well he does have a Goa'uld.

O'Neill: Is there anything we can do from in here?
Fraiser: Nothing, Colonel. All the specimens are inside us. And since we're infected with multiple organisms we can expect our symptoms to be rapidly acute.
O'Neill: I'd like to apologize in advance for anything I may say or do that could be construed as offensive as I slowly go nuts!
Fraiser: Likewise, Colonel.

Learning Curve

O'Neill: Hello, children. Daniel. No child labor laws here on Orban?
Jackson: No, these are Urrone. They're like apprentices to the adults. They're everywhere.

Kalan: Colonel O'Neill. You are most punctual. Both Merrin and I are eager to participate in this exchange between our worlds.
O'Neill: Major Carter's eager as well. She's really looking forward to it. So's Teal'c.
Teal'c: I will share my knowledge of the Goa'uld freely.
O'Neill: Teal'c's eager on the inside.

O'Neill: So, Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.
Merrin: Yes.
O'Neill: How old are you?
Merrin: I'm eleven. How old are you?
O'Neill: So Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.

Merrin: You aren't a scientist?
O'Neill: Oh no.
Merrin: Then you are not as smart as Major Carter and Dr. Fraiser.
O'Neill: Well it depends on.... Okay, no. I'm not. But while they were stuck in school I was out doing other things. Like having fun. You do know what fun is, don't you? Okay. Ah. Fun is what you do to make yourself happy. Like music games. It's whatever you do when you're not learning to be a rocket scientist.
Merrin: I am here to teach Major Carter about the reactor.
Carter: Sounds like fun to me.

O'Neill: Alright, Carter. You sleep. {to Merrin} Young lady, if not sleep: fun.

Hammond: So once Merrin returns to Orban she will undergo this Averium and her nanites will be removed.
Fraiser: Yes sir.
O'Neill: Then maybe she won't return to Orban.
Hammond: Colonel.
O'Neill: General! She's going back to get her brain sucked out. And I dare anybody to phrase it more delicately.

Hammond: You've already given me more than enough reason for a court martial.
O'Neill: General, for a few hours today I got to show that little girl how to be a kid. You want to punish me, go ahead.

O'Neill: I guess we'll just have to get to know one another all over again. {Merrin scribbles over his drawing} You're right. What was I thinking? You ever seen a dog? Dogs are my favorite people.

Point of View

O'Neill: All right, I gotta know. What the hell does "kree" mean?
Jackson: Well, actually, it means a lot of things. Loosely translated it means "attention," "listen up," "concentrate—"
O'Neill: "Yoo hoo"?

Deadman Switch

O'Neill: Who are you?
Aris Boch: Aris Boch. Perhaps you've heard of me.
O'Neill: Ah... not I. Teal'c.
Teal'c: I have not.
Aris Boch: Well that's disappointing. I'm one of the galaxies greatest hunters.
O'Neill: Not ringing a bell, sorry.
Aris Boch: Well I know you. Captain Samantha Carter. Dr. Daniel Jackson. The Jaffa traitor, Teal'c. And Colonel Jack O'Neill.
O'Neill: Well fancy that. We're famous.

Carter: Sir, he's not Goa'uld.
O'Neill: And? But? So? Therefore?

Aris Boch: I give to the Goa'uld what they want and they give back to me what I want in return.
Carter: How do you keep from getting killed?
Aris Boch: Takes talents.
O'Neill: So. How do you keep from getting killed?

Aris Boch: And you, O'Neill, you're considered, well, you're a pain in the mikta.
O'Neill: Neck?
Teal'c: No.

Aris Boch: Zat gun?
O'Neill: Dropped the ni'katel.
Aris Boch approvingly: I guess it does save a bit of effort.

Jackson: Jack, he disabled the DHD and Sam said we can't fly that ship all the way home.
O'Neill: So we'll fly it to a closer planet with a Stargate.
Jackson: Good thinking.
O'Neill: It happens.

Teal'c: You must enter the correct combination of five.
O'Neill: How many combinations can there be?
Jackson: Oh boy.

Demons

Jackson: Most Goa'uld that we've encountered that have enslaved ancient human populations have taken on roles of other culture’s deities. Ra, Apophis, Hathor, from the Egyptian pantheon—
O'Neill: Yeah yeah yeah. We got it.
Jackson: Well if these people were already Christians when they were taken from Earth It suggests that this Goa'uld is playing—
O'Neill: God? As in God, God? That's a bit of a stretch, don't you think?
Teal'c: I know of no Goa'uld capable of showing the necessary compassion or benevolence that I have read of in your Bible.
O'Neill: You read the Bible, Teal'c?
Teal'c: It is a significant part of your Western culture. Have you not read the Bible, O'Neill?
O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Yeah, not all of it. Actually I'm listening to it on tape. Don't tell me how it ends.

Simon: The time of sacrifice is at hand. The elders will have to perform the trepanning ritual tonight to cleanse her.
Jackson: Oh no.
O'Neill: What?
Jackson: It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They drill a hole in the person's head. By drilling a hole the evil spirits are released thus saving the person from eternal damnation.
O'Neill: Thus saving a person?
Jackson: Well they didn't call them the Dark Ages because it was dark.

Jackson: I think we were wrong about this Goa'uld. He isn't playing God. He's playing the Devil.

Rules of Engagement

O'Neill: That UAV needs a swift kick in the CPU.

SG-11: Identify yourself!
O'Neill: Colonel Jack O'Neill, SG-1.
SG-11: Which quadrant?
O'Neill: What?

SG-X Member: Boy are you guys gonna get it.
O'Neill: Get what? From whom?
SG-X Member: You can't talk!
O'Neill: Why not?
SG-X Member: Because you're dead.
O'Neill: Dead?
SG-X Member: Pretending not to be dead will just get you into more trouble.
O'Neill: More trouble than dead?

Captain: No rank is above strict adherence to the rules of engagement. Rule two, article four. Unauthorized forces will be shot on sight.

Teal'c: Your standing orders given to you by your previous Jaffa Master?
Captain Rogers: To practice the exercises of battle according to the rules of engagement until the return of our Lord Apophis. When we are ready for the final challenge, he will come.
O'Neill: Don't hold your breath.

Captain Rogers: We study long and hard and know much.
Carter: About Earth?
Captain Rogers: Oh yes. Corn and cotton are indigenous to North America.
O'Neill: That information could save your life one day.

Teal'c: They are intar.
O'Neill: Short for?
Teal'c: Intar.

Carter: Sir?
O'Neill: Just a huge, honkin' Apophis, Major. Nothing to worry about.

Teal'c: This is Colonel O'Neill. He is much loved by Apophis. You may address the warriors.
O'Neill: Apophis wanted me to tell you that you've all been doing a wonderful job. Couldn't ask for more. Well done. But he also wanted me to tell you that the whole "invasion of the Tau'ri" idea has been cancelled due to... rain.

Captain Nelson: You speak more like a Tau'ri than a warrior of Apophis.
O'Neill: Well thanks. You're not so bad yourself.

Captain Rogers: This is the Final Challenge.
Captain Nelson: What happened?
Captain Rogers: The day has come, Nelson. The Final challenge.
Captain Nelson: Blood has been shed.

O'Neill: Ol' Doc Fraiser says you haven't been eating.
Captain Rogers: It's poisoned.
O'Neill: It's hospital food. Of course it is.

Captain Rogers: I will reveal nothing. You may begin torturing me.
O'Neill: Oh, I've already begun. This is the infamous tuna torture.

Captain Rogers: You can go home—wherever that is. The war is over.
O'Neill: No it's not. Because tomorrow the Final Challenge begins. And many of my men will die. For him.

Captain Nelson: What will become of us? Where will we go now?
Captain Rogers: Home.

Forever in a Day

Carter: We were on P8X-873. We were freeing the Abydonians whom the Goa'uld had taken as slaves.
O'Neill: Kasuf sent for us.
Jackson: Shar'e was there.
Carter: Yeah.
O'Neill: She's dead, Daniel. I'm sorry.
Jackson: How?
Teal'c: It is I who am responsible. I was forced to fire upon and terminate the life of Shar'e. Although I assure you, it was done only to save your life.
Jackson: No.
Carter: No?
Jackson: No. They have a sarcophagus. Her guards put her in the sarcophagus. She's out there somewhere alive.

Jackson: You should have waited longer. I would have gotten through to her.
O'Neill: She was trying to kill you, Daniel.
Jackson: No she wasn't trying to kill me. Amonet was trying to kill me.
Teal'c: I have seen many humans killed by Goa'uld ribbon devices. You would have been dead in mere seconds had I not acted.
O'Neill: Teal'c did the right thing, Daniel.
Teal'c: I am sorry Share is dead. However you are my friend. If I had to do it again I would do the same.

Sha're: Daniel, I only came to tell you about the boy.
Jackson: What about him?

Hammond: Is there something I can help you with, Dr. Jackson?
Jackson: Yes sir. I've come to tender my resignation.
Hammond: I won't accept it.
Jackson: I'm not military, sir. And it's a free country. Last I checked anyway.
Hammond: You're obviously in an emotional state right now. You're making rash decisions. Why don't you take some personal time. Then see how you feel.
Jackson: That's not necessary, sir. I joined this program so that I could find my wife. I found her. End of story.

O'Neill: You should meet the whiz kid they saddled us with while you're out of commission.
Jackson: Robert Rothman. He was my research assistant when I was doing my dissertation. Smart guy. Ah, had a good teacher.
O'Neill: Geek.
Jackson: Yes. You used to call me that.
O'Neill: I was talking about you.

O'Neill: We both know you can't stay away.
Jackson: Then I guess we're both wrong. Because I'm gone.
O'Neill: Give it a week. You'll miss me.

Teal'c: Is there not some form of human ritual in which I may ask your forgiveness?
Jackson: No.

O'Neill: Well. It's been a pleasure doing business with you. Dr. Jackson.

Sha're: You must continue. So you can find the boy.
Jackson: Where is he?
Sha're: To continue your travels, you must first forgive Teal'c. He did what is right.
Jackson: He killed you.
Sha're: Yes.
Jackson: But you're here.
Sha're: Yes. Now go back to sleep.

Jackson: It was a beautiful ceremony, Good Father.
Kasuf: It was. My heart is still burdened.
Jackson: Why? Your daughter is with the God.
Kasuf: Yes. But you still have not heard her.
Jackson: I don't understand.
Kasuf: What she has to say is important. To all of our future.

Sha're: You must forgive Teal'c.
Jackson: Yes. You already told me that.
Sha're: And together you must find the boy.
Jackson: Why?
Kasuf: For he is Harcesis. The One Who Holds the Secrets.
Sha're: The boy is the son of two Goa'uld hosts. He contains all the secrets of the Goa'uld. You must find him.

Jackson: How'd you get in here?
O'Neill: Got sick of waiting in the hall so I let us in. You... need a new lock, by the way.

Jackson: What happens if two Goa'ulded hosts have a child?
Teal'c: It is strictly forbidden. Punishable by death.
Jackson: Really? Why?
Teal'c: If two hosts were to mate and have a child, that child would contain all the knowledge of the Goa'uld.
Jackson: So the genetic memory that Goa'uld have in their DNA is passed on to the human offspring.
Teal'c: That is correct. Such children are called Harcesis. These children are hunted down and destroyed by the Goa'uld with great impunity.
Jackson: So the offspring—the Harcesis—would contain all the knowledge, all the secrets of the Goa'uld that—
Teal'c: Yes, Daniel.

Jackson: I've given it some thought and I decided I'd like to come back.
O'Neill: May I ask what changed your mind? You were fairly. adamant.
Jackson: I don't know. Let's just say that there's something through the Stargate that I think I still have to be the one to find.
O'Neill: Now see, I've missed that. I have no idea what he means but I buy it.

Jackson: Keb is a myth.
Sha're: No.
Jackson: Where is it?
Sha're: Promise me you will save the child.
Jackson: I promise.

Teal'c: I am sorry, Daniel Jackson.
Jackson: You did the right thing, Teal'c.

Past and Present

O'Neill: Anybody get the feeling these folks don't do a lot of travelling?

Orner (Jason Gray-Stanford): Where did you come from? How'd you get in here?
O'Neill: Door was open. Is there anyone around here who might be considered... in charge?
Orner: Me. Show me your papers.
Jackson: We don't have any papers. We're travellers. We've come to meet you.
Orner: To meet me?
Layale: Not you!
Jackson: Actually I meant your people.

Orner: Who would give you a name like Teal'c?
Teal'c: It was given by my father. It means strength.
Layale: You remember your father?
Teal'c: For as long as I draw breath.
Orner: Then you could have not been here at the time of the Vorlix.
Jackson: Vorlix? That doesn't ring a bell.
Layale: It was the day that all we know of ourselves was taken away.
Orner: We can only remember the days since the Vorlix. Before that, nothing.

Carter: Well, still don't detect anything out of the ordinary, sir. Neither did the MALP. I think we're okay.
O'Neill: The MALP is worthless. You I'll trust.

Ke'ra: You're not from Vyus.
O'Neill: What gave us away?
Ke'ra: Whatever agent that caused the Vorlix is gone, but its effects were pandemic. If you know who you are, then you cannot be of this world.

Carter: What can you tell us about her?
Ke'ra: That she was somewhat of an apothecary. And that she did not survive the Vorlix.
O'Neill: How do you know that?
Ke'ra: The bodies of an elder woman and man were discovered some days later in a building destroyed by explosion. The only remains of our elders we have found. We deduced the male must have been Dr. Zervis. And the female matches what little description he gave in his notes of the visitor.
Teal'c: What is the name of this elder woman?
Ke'ra: It is mentioned... here, yes. She calls herself Linea.

Fraiser: Colonel.
O'Neill: Oh hi. What's your name?

Ke'ra: There are still so many questions. Why are there no images of children and... where have our elders gone? Through your Stargate perhaps?

O'Neill: I was just thinking about amnesia. Doesn't quite track with Linea's nickname.
Teal'c: Destroyer of Worlds.
O'Neill: Yeah. That one.
Carter: Well actually in a sick way it sort of does. I mean Ke'ra said herself that their society was on the verge of collapse despite their efforts. This world was in trouble, sir.
Teal'c: Perhaps Linea was experimenting with other ways in which to destroy worlds.
O'Neill: Variety being the spice of life and all.

Jackson: She found your world because of us. Through of one of our computers. And that's why we're going to do everything in our power to help.
Ke'ra: I know you will.

Carter: I've been studying Linea's journals. Apparently she found a link between dargol—that's a chemical pesticide the Vyans used—and longevity.
O'Neill: What's a bug spray have to do with longevity?
Carter: Well it seems it was having the effect of slowing the aging process. Not in an extreme way, but certainly significant enough.
O'Neill: Lucky bugs.
Carter: Yes and no. They stopped using it over twenty years ago. It was adversely affecting their fertility rate.
O'Neill: So no kids.
Carter: Right.

Carter: What if there really was a laboratory accident. Some massive chain reaction of enhanced Dargol gas that caught even Linea by surprise? The entire population becomes young again overnight. You realize of course the implication.
O'Neill: No.
Carter: Their elders aren't missing, sir. They are the elders.

Carter: I think we have to at least face the possibility: Ke'ra is Linea.

Jackson: There's a test, it compares what we call DNA. It proves that you and Linea are the same person.
Ke'ra: Well the test is wrong. I'm not Linea.
Jackson: No you're not. You're Ke'ra now. Ke'ra is wonderful. As long as you remain that person that will never change.
Ke'ra: You're telling me that I would never be able to take the antidote. I would never harm anyone, Daniel. Do you believe me?
Jackson: I do.

O'Neill: Listen, I'm not saying the first woman you've fallen for since Sha're isn't a peach. But if she remembers, you'll be the first to go.

Jackson: You've taken the antidote.
Ke'ra: Leave, Daniel.
Jackson: You said all debts have now been paid. That was the message Linea left behind.
Ke'ra: Was it?
Jackson: Did you take the antidote?
Ke'ra: I had to know, Daniel. I didn't believe you.
Jackson: Ke'ra—
Ke'ra: I'm not Ke'ra, am I? I am the murderer you said I was.

Jolinar’s Memories

Gate Tech: Receiving GDO transmission. It's the Tok'ra, sir.
O'Neill: Open the iris. {to Sam} Maybe it's dad.
Carter: Maybe.

Carter: It's my father.
Martouf (J.R. Bourne): I'm afraid he's been captured by Sokar.
Carter: Oh my god.
Martouf: As far as we know, he is still alive.
Carter: As far as you know?
Martouf: You are familiar with the way Sokar has assumed the persona of the entity on Earth known as the Devil?
O'Neill: Yeah. Bit pretentious, don't you think?
Martouf: You must understand when I say that, if Selmak is still alive, he has been sent to Hell.
O'Neill: As in?
Martouf: A place of eternal suffering and damnation, from which there is no return.

O'Neill: So we're talking about a rescue mission here?
Martouf: Unfortunately to our knowledge, no one has ever escaped Ne'tu.
O'Neill: Oh.
Martouf: No one except for Jolinar.
Carter: Oh.

O'Neill: How did Jolinar get out?
Martouf: She never said.
Jackson: No one ever asked her how she escaped from an inescapable prison?
Martouf: She was found unconscious and badly injured in a tel'tak—a cargo ship floating adrift in space. Her recovery was long and painful. She was encouraged to remember how she escaped but she refused to speak of it.

Martouf: The Tok'ra believe that Sokar is about to launch a massive attack against the System Lords.
O'Neill: Isn't that good news?
Teal'c: The chaotic and feudal disorganization of the System Lords' fragmented rule is a far more vulnerable target than that of one powerful Goa'uld.
Martouf: Especially if that Goa'uld is Sokar.
Hammond: He's really that much worse than the others?
Jackson: Of all the gods he picked to impersonate, he chose the Devil.

Martouf: Without wanting to sound overly dramatic, the fate of the galaxy may be at stake.
O'Neill: Sounds a bit overly dramatic.

Jackson: You said Hell, right?
O'Neill: Well I'm going to end up there sooner or later. Might as well check out the neighborhood.

Martouf: If she does not remember Jolinar's method of escape I will not ask any of you to accompany me down to the surface.
O'Neill: Why?
Martouf: Because anyone who does will likely not return.

O'Neill: Well at least it's a dry heat.

O'Neill: The smells keep getting better and better don't they.
Jackson: This, ah, doesn't look encouraging.

Jacob: Am I dreaming?
Carter: No. No, we're real.
Jacob: Are you crazy?
O'Neill: Apparently.

O'Neill: Is he gonna make it?
Martouf: Not here. Unless we get him out of this place soon he will die.

Bynarr: Allow me to offer thanks for returning the Tok'ra Jolinar, the one who betrayed me, so that I may seek my revenge.
Sokar: Of what do you speak?
Bynarr: She arrived today with three others.
Sokar: I did not send her to you. They are intruders. Find out what they want, then kill them.

Apophis (Peter Williams): You will call me Nao'nak no longer. From this day forth I will reclaim my real name. Apophis.

The Devil You Know

O'Neill: You do understand we're not too happy to see you.
Apophis: Your insolence is amusing to my ears.

Apophis: You used this to access the memories of Jolinar left in your mind. That is the only way you could have known how to escape. I will use it to get you to tell me everything you want to know.
Carter: It doesn't work that way.
Apophis: I know how it works. When it's fully activated it makes your memories easily accessible to your conscious mind.

O'Neill: They put that damn memory thing on me. Then they gave me something that reminded me of the 70s.

Martouf: I knew it was you.
Carter: You shouldn't have done it, Martouf.
Martouf: I couldn't watch him kill you, Samantha.
Carter realizing: You lied.

Aldwin: I'm sorry I doubted you.
Teal'c: I am surprised as you that we survived.

Foothold

Fraiser: Loosen your belt please, Colonel.
O'Neill: How's a needle in my butt gonna get water out of my ear?

O'Neill: Listen, really jam it in this time, okay?

Fraiser: It must have something to do with the alien symbiote within him. It took an extremely large dose just to sedate him in the first place.
Hammond: What is the problem with the human?
Fraiser: Her bio-chemistry has been altered. It is related to her prior infestation by the dominant parasitical species of this galaxy.
Hammond: Is there a way to compensate?
Fraiser: I have not found one yet.
Hammond: Place them in a holding cell. Once the invasion is complete you may study them further. Only then will we know if this is a viable new home.

Carter: This is Major Samantha Carter. We have a foothold situation.
Maybourne (Tom McBeath): Major Carter? Where are you?
Carter: I can't tell you that, sir.

Maybourne: Major, you're way outside your chain of command.
Carter: I have reason to believe that may be compromised, sir.
Maybourne: Understood.

Fraiser: Hey Teal'c. How're you feeling? You went a little crazy on us so we had to sedate you. Do you what happened?
Teal'c: I do not.
Fraiser: SG-1 was exposed to chemical fumes from the spill. You became delusional and attacked several people trying to escape from the base.

Maybourne: So. You came to the one person you don't trust.
Carter: I don't know how far up the chain of command the infiltration goes. It may well be contained within the SGC, but if General Hammond was compromised—
Maybourne: He sounded fine to me on the phone.
Carter: What?
Maybourne: He called me, Major. Calm down. He's concerned for you, that's all.
Carter: I told you we had a foothold situation.
Maybourne: Major, a chemical spill causing paranoid delusion is infinitely more plausible to me than aliens taking over the SGC.
Carter: My god. You don't think I can tell the difference between the two? What was I thinking—
O'Neill: Oh hi, Carter.
Carter: Maybourne you are an idiot every day of the week. Why couldn't you have just taken one day off?

O'Neill: Who's that?
Major Paul Davis (Colin Cunningham): Major Davis.
O'Neill: Colonel O'Neill.
Davis: What's going on? How'd we get like this?
O'Neill: You're asking me?

O'Neill: Davis, the latch for that thing is— {Davis drops} You found it.

Davis: What are you doing?
O'Neill: I'm going to wake her up.
Davis: Do you think that's such a good idea, sir?
O'Neill: It's *an* idea.

O'Neill: Maybe they didn't hear that.

Davis: What about the other thing?
O'Neill: The other thing? Okay... She's just an alien. She's just an alien. Yeah, that's an alien all right.

O'Neill: Hello.
Carter: Colonel?
O'Neill: Yes.
Carter: It's you?
O'Neill: Yes.
Carter: It's good to see you. Oh my god. I figured they had to be keeping you alive to access your mind—
O'Neill: Woah! Hey. Who are you?
Carter: Sir? Oh! Sorry.
Davis: Major Carter?
O'Neill: Oh. Well in that case, it's good to see you too.

O'Neill: Maybourne? How'd he get—?
Carter: I called him.
O'Neill: Willingly?

Carter: How did you two get free?
Davis: We just woke up.
Carter: It must have happened when I killed you.
O'Neill: I'm sorry?

O'Neill: I've come for the bald prisoner.

O'Neill: You will come with me.
Teal'c: I will submit to no further experiments.
O'Neill: Oh, but you will. {Teal'c gives him the eye and O'Neill gives him the eyebrow}

Teal'c: O'Neill, I presume.
O'Neill: What gave it away?

O'Neill: You sure you're up to this?
Teal'c: As always.
O'Neill: You're an animal.

Maybourne: What happened?
Carter: They self-destructed.
Teal'c: Their destruction appears to be complete.
Carter: That's a lot of damage.
O'Neill: Coat of paint. Little touch-up. It'll be fine.

Hammond: Appreciate your help in this matter, Maybourne.
Maybourne: Credit Major Carter. I do.

Pretense

O'Neill: So. Who's on trial?
Jackson: -ad.
O'Neill: Triad... al.
Narim: The decision that the Triad must reach is of great concern to a friend of yours. He is an Abydonian by the name of Skaara.
O'Neill: What?

Carter: So you built that Stargate?
Narim: Yes.
Jackson: Way smarter than we are.
O'Neill: Ours is bigger.

Narim: No harm will come to you. The Tollan will guarantee it.
O'Neill: Is that a "money back if you're not completely alive" guarantee?

Klorel: You! You will pay for what you did to my father.
O'Neill: It's good to see you too.

Skaara: I'm very happy to see you. All of you.
O'Neill: What just happened? What's the deal?
Narim: The Tollan designed the device worn upon his chest. It suppresses the Goa'uld's ability to silence his host. The Goa'uld and host are free to speak at will. The device cannot be removed as long as Klorel and Skaara are our guests.

Narim: As you may recall from our last encounter, it is forbidden for the Tollan to give our technology to anyone less advanced than our own.
O'Neill: Still got that arrogance bug, I see.

Travell: You disregarded my warnings.
O'Neill: Mine too. Well done.
Travell: If you were my subject I would be forced to discipline you. However you are not one of my subjects.

Carter: I thought the Nox were pacificists.
Lya: I only hide the weapon. I did not fire it.
Carter: Ah. Pretty fine line you didn't cross.
Lya: Yes it is.

Urgo

Carter: The probe indicates sustainable atmosphere. The temperature's seventy-eight degrees fahrenheit, barometric pressure is normal.
Jackson: No obvious signs of civilization.
Carter: P4X-884 looks like an untouched paradise, sir.
Teal'c: Appearances may be deceiving.
O'Neill: One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
Jackson: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
O'Neill: Never run with scissors.

O'Neill: Au revoir, mon General!
Teal'c: I am unfamiliar with that term, O'Neill.
O'Neill: Au revoir. It's French. It means "ciao". Ciao... means adios. Auf wiedersehen. Sayonara. Which all very loosely translated means... goodbye.

Carter: General, we just left. We went through the Gate and we came back... here.
Hammond: Major you've been gone over fifteen hours.

Jackson: Wow. This coffee's great.
Carter: I was just thinking that.
O'Neill: Is that cinnamon?
Jackson: It's chickory.
O'Neill: Chickory. {Teal'c grabs the pot and downs the rest of the coffee}
Carter: Teal'c?
O'Neill: Isn't that hot?
Teal'c: Extremely.

Hammond: Can these devices be removed?
Fraiser: Not without causing irreparable brain damage, sir.
O'Neill: What's the down side?
Fraiser: How they were implanted without any external marks or injury to the cortex is beyond me.
Hammond: Can we determine what threat they pose?
O'Neill: Apparently all desserts on base are in extreme danger.

Urgo (Dom DeLuise): Do you know that you're all much better looking on the outside than you are on the inside? On the inside it's so complicated.

O'Neill: Carter?
Carter: The technology implanted in our brains, sir. We're looking at some sort of visual communication interface. Controlled hallucination.
O'Neill: So... I... What?
Urgo: He gets confused. By the way, who is Mary Steenburgen?

Fraiser: Okay, so what does he look like?
O'Neill: A famous tenor.

Urgo: Would you loosen up?
O'Neill: Hey! I'm loose.

Teal'c: We are not wild animals.
Urgo: Speak for yourself. Big fella.

Urgo: It's me or death. You have to decide. Me. Or death. ... Well?
O'Neill: We're thinking.

Carter: I don't have time to play, Urgo. I don't care if I'm "it".

Carter: I was just talking to Urgo, sir.
Hammond: I see.
Carter: Oh... I wish you did.

Hammond: Doctor, are we entirely sure the members of SG-1 are... What's the word?
Fraiser: Sane?
Hammond: That's the one.

Urgo: Wait! I can be dull! Want me to be dull? What a nice shade of gray. How about some white bread with mayonnaise? Wanna watch golf on television?
O'Neill: Will you flip that switch?

Jackson: You're Togar?
Togar: Yes! Togar!
Urgo whispering: As handsome as he is evil.

Urgo: I want to live. I want to experience the Universe. And I want to eat pie.
O'Neill: Who doesn't?

O'Neill: Him or death.
Urgo: No, I—
O'Neill: Death or him.
Urgo: Oh my.
O'Neill: Well?
Urgo: I'm thinking.

A Hundred Days

Harriman: They say you've come through the stone ring. Hard thing to ask a man to believe.
O'Neill: I know what you mean.

Harriman: On the third day we could take no more. We fled to the stone ring. Where it used to be.
O'Neill: Used to be?

Hammond: That was our last shot, people. I'm calling this one. As of of right now I'm officially declaring him missing in action.
Teal'c: General Hammond, perhaps Edora could be reached by another means.
Jackson: That's right, the Tok'ra could send a ship.
Carter: Or the Tollan.

Fraiser: You working through the night again?
Carter: Yeah. A lot of work to do.
Fraiser: Look Sam, there's no doubt you are going to solve this, but you have to accept the fact that it's going to take time.
Carter: Yeah, well if I think that way it could take months.
Fraiser: Daniel says the Tollan could have a ship in the vicinity of Edora sometime early next year.
Carter: He shouldn't have to wait that long.
Fraiser: You miss him.
Carter: Yeah.
Fraiser: Is this a problem?
Carter: No. No, of course not.
Fraiser: Okay.

Laira: Come. I would like your company.
O'Neill: I don't even like my company right now.
Laira: You will again. Loss is that way. I mourned my husband for a hundred days. I never left my house, I never spoke to anyone.
O'Neill: After that?
Laira: I left my house. And I spoke to people.

Laira: Paynan has invited you to evening supper.
O'Neill: Why? He doesn't even like me.
Laira: He is very grateful for all the help you've given him in rebuilding his home.
O'Neill: I just hammered a few nails. Well, actually I made the nails first, and then I hammered them.

Carter: Teal'c you'll need to secure yourself above the event horizon as soon as you're on the other side. You'll have to carry everything you need.
Teal'c: I understand.
Hammond: I hope you do, son. Because if you fail to dig your way to the surface, this will be a one-way trip.

O'Neill: Laira, you should know a part of me is never going to let go of the life I left behind.
Laira: Well. That's not the part of you I want.

O'Neill: Teal'c! You are one stubborn son of a bitch.

Shades of Grey

Jackson: Your Eminence, our government has asked us to return to Tollana to arrange formal diplomatic relations with your people.
High Chancellor Travell: Consider it done. You are, after all, the people who saved us from the Goa'uld.
Jackson: Thank you. Yes. Well. In that spirit we'd like to arrange for a trade.
High Chancellor Travell: What would you like to trade?
Jackson: Technology.
High Chancellor Travell: I'm sorry. You know that is the one thing we cannot give you. Tollan law strictly forbids it.
Jackson: Okay, we understand that. However in our culture laws can be changed when it's deemed that the reasons for those laws are no longer relevant.
High Chancellor Travell: The reasons for these laws are still relevant.
Jackson: Okay, please, if you'll just allow me to make our case.
High Chancellor Travell: I assume you want weapons technology.
Jackson: Yes.
O'Neill: One of those ion cannons would be nice.
High Chancellor Travell: I see. And for what will you use such a cannon?
O'Neill: To defend ourselves against the Goa'uld.
High Chancellor Travell: Forgive me, Colonel, but our research shows you are far more likely to use our technology against enemies on your own planet.
O'Neill: What if I gave you my word that would never happen?
High Chancellor Travell: Are you the commander of your entire nation?
O'Neill: No.
High Chancellor Travell: Then in truth you cannot guarantee it.
O'Neill: You know what? Forget it.
Jackson: Jack?
O'Neill: We knew you wouldn't give us anything. We're wasting a lot of time here.
Jackson: Jack—
O'Neill: No, Daniel. Let's go.

Jackson: What are you doing?
O'Neill: We never should have saved their technologically-superior butts. This is that thing they disable our weapons with, isn't it?
Teal'c: As well as the Goa'uld technology.
Jackson: Don't even think about it.
Carter: Sir, isn't this against regulations?
O'Neill: I suppose it is, Carter. Let's go.
Jackson: Jack, you're crossing a line.
O'Neill: Shut up, Daniel.

Hammond: So, what did you have to promise them in return, Dr. Jackson?
Jackson: Actually, General, we didn't, ah... promise to give them anything.
Hammond: They just gave you the device as a reward for saving them from the Goa'uld?
Jackson: Actually, General, the Tollan refused to give us any technology.
O'Neill: Offered us a nice fruit basket though.
Hammond: I'm confused. How did you get the device? Major Carter?
Carter: Um—
O'Neill: I took it, sir.
Hammond: Took it?
O'Neill: Yes.
Hammond: You stole it?
O'Neill: I'd like to think of it as borrowed, sir. Major Carter can figure out how to reproduce it and we'll give it back.
Hammond: I can't believe what I'm hearing. You and your team stole an alien device from an extremely advanced alien culture?
O'Neill: They won't retaliate, if that's what you're worried about. It's not their way. Right, Daniel?
Hammond: This command has already been accused of stealing from several other alien cultures, Colonel. Until now we've denied it. Perhaps that was a bit premature. Dare I ask how many other items you've stolen?
O'Neill: None. This is the first.
Hammond: Colonel, you don't seem to understand how serious this matter is. You and your team committed a court martialable offence.
O'Neill: To be fair, General, I did it. Carter and Daniel protested. And Teal'c... well he really didn't say anything but I could tell he was opposed to my actions by the way he cocked his head and sort of raised his eyebrow—
Hammond: Enough, Colonel. Dr. Jackson, Major Carter and Teal'c, you will return this device immediately to the Tollan. And hopefully smooth over what must be some very ruffled feathers.
Carter: Yes sir.
O'Neill: Why? Our core mission is to go through that gate and find technologies we can use to defend against Goa'uld incursion. Am I right?
Hammond: You are bordering on insubordination. We do not steal from friendlies.
O'Neill: Well with no due respect, General, that's just plain stupid.
Hammond: Colonel—
O'Neill: And since the Pentagon won't approve our back-up program we have no choice.
Hammond: Colonel, do not go there.
O'Neill: We have no choice but to take whatever steps we need to get what we need.
Hammond: As long as I am in command of the SGC we will hold yourself to the highest ethical standard.
O'Neill: And when the Goa'uld wipe us out because we have nothing with which to defend ourselves I'm sure we'll all feel great about ourselves and our high moral standards!
Hammond: Colonel O'Neill, you are out of line. Now stand down.

Hammond: Colonel O'Neill, I am hereby relieving you of your command. You are to report to the infirmary and stay there until I send for you.
O'Neill: No holding cell, sir?
Hammond: That could very well be your next stop if you say another word, Colonel.

Carter: Is there anything I can do?
O'Neill: About?
Carter: Well sir, with respect, you aren't exactly acting like yourself.
O'Neill: No Carter. I haven't been acting like myself since I met you. Now I'm acting like myself.

Hammond: What you have done here is clearly a court-martialable offense. I have to press charges.
O'Neill: Well. By all means, General, do what you have to do.
Hammond: I do have one other option I can offer you, Jack.
O'Neill: What's that?
Hammond: Early retirement.
O'Neill: Now see I tried that once before and you pulled me out of it.
Hammond: The offer is only on the table while you're in the room.
O'Neill: All this for one little indiscretion?

Jackson: You got another one of those?
O'Neill: Yeah.
Jackson: Feel like sharing?
O'Neill: A beer? Sure.

Jackson: So this whole friendship thing that we've been working on the past few years?
O'Neill: Apparently not much of a foundation there, huh?

Maybourne: May I come in?
O'Neill: No. I am in no way obligated to put up with your crap anymore.
Maybourne: I think you're gonna want to hear what I have to offer you.
O'Neill: Offer?

Hammond: Since SG-1 is considered the flagship unit, it falls on me to assure that you have the strongest possible leadership. Therefore I'm reassigning the most senior officer we have in the field as your new commanding officer. Colonel Makepeace will be joining SG-1 immediately. I hope you'll make him feel welcome.
Jackson: Sir, ah, I don't want to seem out of line here but, ah... since I'm a civilian here I'm probably the only one that can say this...
Hammond: Spit it out, Doctor.
Jackson: Well, no offense, but doesn't Major Carter deserve to take charge of SG-1?
Hammond: Major Carter has an exemplary record on the team, as recognized by her recent promotion to Major. But Major is a far cry from Colonel.
Carter: I understand, General.
Jackson: I'm sorry, I don't. What difference does it make what title she has? The point is—
Carter: It's all right, Daniel. Really.

Makepeace: I'm proud to join you folks. I hope you will learn to trust my command as much as you did Colonel O'Neill's.
Carter: I'm sure we will, sir.
Jackson: I never really trusted Jack's command, but... I'm open.

Maybourne: I want to be sure you understand once thing, O'Neill. What I'm about to show you is not so much classified as it is secret. Dangerous would be another word I would use.
O'Neill: Keep talking.
Maybourne: I want you to understand that once you see what I'm about to show you, there is no turning back. You have the choice to go along with it or disappear.
O'Neill: Disappear?
Maybourne: This is your last chance to back out.
O'Neill: Well if you promise to cut down on the melodrama I'll consider crossing the line.

Lieutenant Clare Tobias: What are they doing?
O'Neill: Taking back what's rightfully theirs, I guess. Listen up, all of ya. You've got two choices here. As soon as they stop taking stuff they're going to start taking people. Now you can go with the Asgard, or you can follow me. Your choice. I'll be holding the door open so you can't go anywhere else.

Makepeace: You pissed off the wrong people.
O'Neill: Like the Tollan, Tok'ra, Asgard, Nox.... Those folks?
Makepeace: They refuse to give us the things we need to defend ourselves against the Goa'uld.
O'Neill: We don't need their stuff, Makepeace. We do need them.

Hammond: The Asgard insisted that Colonel O'Neill be the only one involved.
O'Neill: They like me.

O'Neill: Obviously the whole friendship thing, the foundation, it's all solid.
Jackson: Obviously.
O'Neill: Nothing to worry about. No, I feel a little.... I do appreciate that you were the one who came to see if I was okay. That means something.
Jackson: Ah, actually no it doesn't.
O'Neill: Hm?
Jackson: Um... we drew straws. I lost.

New Ground

Nyan: Mallin, I think we found the Gateway.
Mallin: There is no Gateway. That is Optrican legend.
Nyan: Well then how do you explain this?
Mallin: This could be very dangerous, Nyan. Do you realize what this could mean.
Nyan: It would mean we were wrong. And the Optricans were right.

Nyan: Mallin, come back! If you tell them they might kill whoever comes through.

Nyan: We have to hide.
O'Neill: I thought you said they weren't around here.
Nyan: Those are not Optrican. They are my people. Bedrosians.
O'Neill: Good guys?
Nyan: Good is not the word I would use to describe the ones that approach.

O'Neill: Would you believe we come in peace?

Jackson: Well this day just keeps getting better and better.
O'Neill: Yeah.

Rigar: It is impossible for one to travel to other planets, much less through a circle of stone.
Carter: The Stargate isn't made of regular stone. If given enough power, a wormhole forms within the circle and that allows us to travel to other worlds.
Rigar: Wormhole?
O'Neill: Giant worms. Huge!

Rigar: And how is this illusion of water created that I have heard described?
Jackson: Well you're right in that. It is an illusion, it's not actually water.
Rigar: Then what is it?
O'Neill: Magic.

Nyan: You're the most important thing that has ever happened to my planet. Although I have not decided if it is good or bad.

Nyan: Scientific advance in either direction is still an advance.
Teal'c: You sound like Daniel Jackson.

O'Neill: Hey Rigar. You know that "we come in peace" business? Bite me.

Maternal Instinct

Teal'c: What has transpired?
Bra'tac: Chulak was attacked. By Apophis.

O'Neill: Son of a bitch!
Teal'c: Apophis must have transported off of Sokar's ship before it exploded.
O'Neill: Somebody's gotta teach that guy how to die.

Bra'tac: The Goa'uld fear and despise Kheb. They forbade anyone from speaking of it long ago.

O'Neill: Scary stories or not, Apophis is just nuts enough to go. I'd like some backup on this one.
Hammond: SG-2 will accompany you.
Bra'tac: As will I.
Jackson: Let's just hope we're first.

Carter: No welcoming party.
O'Neill: Well someone's been reading Martha Stewart.

Monk: Do you seek oneness with Desala?
Jackson: Desala. I know that word. It sounds tribal, African maybe.
Monk: Desala is everything, everywhere.
Jackson: Nature. It's nature.

Monk: Put no barriers between you and where you are.
O'Neill: Don't look at me.
I believe he wishes us to take off our boots.
O'Neill: Yeah, look. We've been walking a ways today—
Monk: Your journey has only begun.
O'Neill: I'm just saying I think I'm doing us all a big favor by keeping these babies on.

O'Neill: You know me, I'm a huge fan of subtlety, but that's downright encrypted.

Monk: The sun is warm, the wind is wild. The grass is green along the shores. Here no bull can hide.
O'Neill: I don't know about that.
Jackson: Jack, he's speaking in Zen koans.

Bra'tac: So a Jaffa cannot seek oneness before he is willing to die?
Monk: When the mind is freed, no body is required. I sense you are not ready to meet Oma Desala.
Bra'tac: I am not ready to die. But I take solace in the fact that journey is ahead of me.

Monk: Why do you seek this child of flesh and bones?
Jackson: He is the son of my wife.
Monk: But not your son.
Jackson: No. But my wife is dead now and I promised her I would make sure the boy is safe.
Monk: And you are sure he will be safe with you.
Jackson: Yes. Absolutely.
Monk: Because it is so clear, it takes a longer time to realize it. If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.
Jackson: Right. I, ah, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jackson: Why did you tell me to do that?
Monk: Why did you do it?
Jackson: Because you told me to.
Monk: Because you trusted.
Jackson: Yes.
Monk: Well then use the capacity for trust. Trust Oma Desala. Do not believe you can light the candle, believe she can light the candle.

Jackson: The monk is just someone who's sort of taken up a curatorship.
O'Neill: Kind of a janitor?
Jackson: More of a guide.
O'Neill: An usher?
Jackson: It doesn't matter.

O'Neill: We didn't come here to learn parlor tricks. Is the boy here or not?

O'Neill: Please understand I'm on the verge of ordering a complete search of this place, with or without his cooperation.
Jackson: You can't do that.
O'Neill: You're confused, Daniel, I can. So far I haven't.

O'Neill: If we happen to make it out of this one in one piece, remind me to harm Daniel severely.

Jackson: Jack, if you're ever going to trust me now is the time. The alien is the one with the powers and she is not someone you want to fool with, if you get my drift.

Crystal Skull

Carter: Normally neutrinos pass right through ordinary matter, no matter how dense. I mean something like five million billion just passed through you.
O'Neill: No matter how dense?

Jackson: That's a crystal skull.
Carter: How do you know?
Jackson: Because it's exactly like the one found in 1971 in Belize. By my grandfather.

Jackson: No one can explain how the crystal skull that Nick discovered was carved—from a single crystal, against the grain—given the technology of the day. He claimed that it possessed a certain... power.
O'Neill: What kind of power?
Jackson: That if one were to look into the eyes of the skull, one would be teleported to see aliens.

Fraiser: Colonel I can only guess at the effect this type of radiation may have on the human body. I recommend limited exposure. Ten, 15 minutes at the most.
Jackson: Wait a minute, that's not enough time. I mean there has to be some sort of radioactive suit, or a—
O'Neill: Hey! If you'd been listening you'd know that NIntendos pass through everything.

Teal'c: Whoever the builders are, they appear to be a formidable race.
Jackson: You could fit every pyramid on Earth inside this thing and still have room to spare.
O'Neill: Could you imagine heating this place?

Hammond: And if that thing zaps you to wherever it sent Dr. Jackson?
Teal'c: Then I will have succeeded in locating him.

O'Neill: Napoleonic power monger.

Dr. Rothman: A teleportation device? What do you think?
Siler: I think you're gonna get fired.

Hammond: Colonel, you walk a fine line.
O'Neill: Thank you sir.

Jackson: You can see me?
Nicholas Ballard: Yes Daniel. I can see you.
Jackson: Why didn't you say something?!
Nicholas Ballard: You're not real. Something doesn't mean anything.
Jackson: No no no no! Nick! Nick, I'm real! I'm real! You're not hallucinating!
Nicholas Ballard: Hallucinations always say that.

Jackson: Repeat what I'm saying. I'm standing right beside you.
Ballard: Standing right beside me.
O'Neill: He's lost a few pounds.
Jackson: Jack, don't be an ass.
Ballard: Jack, don't be an ass.

Ballard: Now we must wait for the giant aliens.
O'Neill: That just has a nice ring to it.

Nemesis

 

Small Victories

O'Neill: Land of sky blue waters... loofas... "Ya sure, you betcha, snookums"... mosquitoes... home of the loon...

Markov: The sub is Swiss.
Jackson: So they occasionally catch fire, but they keep perfect time. pause. Sorry. I think I've been hanging around Jack O'Neill too much.

O'Neill: I'd be happy to debrief you all after I've debriefed myself for a nice hot shower.
Hammond: Permission to shower granted. In fact, I insist on it, Colonel.
O'Neill: Bad?
Jackson: I wasn't going to say anything...

The Other Side

O'Neill: Didn't I order you to get a life?

Jackson: This is the first time the descendants of Earth have actually called home. I mean, either we try to do... something. Or we let them die.

Hammond: Humanitarian concerns aside, we may have finally met an advanced civilization willing to exchange technology to help us defend against the Goa'uld.
O'Neill: My thoughts sir.
Hammond: I've already talked to the President and Joint Chiefs. If the Eurondian government is open to trade you're authorized to negotiate.

O'Neill: You've got that look.
Teal'c: To which look are you referring, O'Neill?
Jackson: The one that says, "I have misgivings about this mission but deep down I know we're doing the right thing."?
O'Neill: No. The other one.
Jackson: Oh.

Teal'c: You are both surrounded and outnumbered. Why would they not press their advantage?
Farrell: The atmosphere of Euronda has been poisoned since the war began. The surface is unlivable.

Alar (Rene Auberjonois): An enemy craft is approaching our perimeter. Would any of you care to attempt to shoot it down?
Farrell: The target is merely an unmanned reconnaissance drone. Sent for bomb damage assessment.
O'Neill: Unmanned?
Alar: Think of it as a demonstration, Colonel. Are not your people more likely to be forthcoming with assistance if we have something to offer in exchange?

O'Neill: Does this thing take quarters or...?

Jackson: Jack.
O'Neill: Daniel.
Jackson: Shouldn't we ask them what they want the heavy water for?
O'Neill: Oh I don't think so.

O'Neill: Next time I tell you to shut up.
Jackson: I didn't hear you tell me to shut up.
O'Neill: Too subtle for you?
Jackson: Well for once, yes.

Jackson: I was speaking metaphorically.
O'Neill: Well stop it! It's confusing to Teal'c.

O'Neill: You said they were unmanned.
Farrell: I said the reconnaissance craft was an unmanned drone. It presented an easy target and therefore a suitable demonstration. But their bombers are manned.. You have killed several of our enemy, Colonel. And we are grateful.

Alar: Perhaps it would be best if the Jaffa did not return.
O'Neill: Teal'c? Why? He hasn't said a word.
Alar: It's not what he said, it's what he is.
O'Neill: Well he's different, I'll grant you that.
Alar: Not like us.

O'Neill: So, what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: That he is concealing something.
O'Neill: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure. He is concealing it.

O'Neill: What'd you find out?
Jackson: They did it. They started the war. I don't know how they did it, but they did.

Alar: It could have all been yours!
O'Neill: I wouldn't follow us if I were you.

Upgrades

O'Neill: [T]he Tok'ra are starting to annoy me in general.
Carter: Sir?
O'Neill: Don't get me wrong, Carter. Your dad's great, I love him like a brother. It's just that every time they show up it seems like there's all kinds of—
Jackson: Yep. That looks like trouble.

Anise: You may call me Anise.
Jackson: Anise.
Anise: It means "noble strength".
Jackson: I'm Daniel. It means, ah, "God is my judge."
O'Neill: I'm Jack. It means.... What's in the box?

O'Neill: What does that mean?
Anise: The device is working.
O'Neill: I don't feel like leaping any tall buildings.
Anise: It may take time for the device to adjust to your body.

O'Neill: Teal'c. I'm really sorry.
Teal'c: You are not.
O'Neill: He's right about that.

Anise: Your strength is five times that of a normal human.
O'Neill: So, no increase then, huh?

Jackson: Did you just read that?
O'Neill: I guess. Don't 'spose there's another book around that explains this book?
Jackson: What reason did Hobbes give for the fall of the civilization?
O'Neill: Failing agricultural infrastructure.
Jackson: Jack, that's unbelievable.
O'Neill: Hey, it's just theory.

Hammond: Colonel, I'm concerned that you aren't in full control of your new abilities.
O'Neill: Well you might be right about that. It's just so damn exciting, sir!
Hammond: I'm sure it is.
O'Neill: And even if we aren't in total control, shouldn't we be out there doing the damage instead of in your office?

Bar Patron: Geek.
Jackson: Excuse me?
O'Neill: Let it go.
Jackson: No. Not this time.
Bar Patron: What are you going to do?
O'Neill: Well. This is a cliché.

Hammond: I thought the devices were supposed to enhance them physically, not make them stupid.

O'Neill: We'll need snacks.

O'Neill: I should have brought more snacks.
Carter: I don't think that would have helped.

Hammond: What happened?
O'Neill: The damn armbands fell off is what happened.

O'Neill: I'm sorry.
Carter: Me too.
Jackson: Me three.
Teal'c: I have no need to apologize.
Hammond: Teal'c was actually following orders.
O'Neill: Of course he was.

Crossroads

Gate technician: We're receiving Bra'tac's IDC, sir.
O'Neill: Bra'tac.
Hammond: Open the iris. Have Teal'c come to the Gate room.
Shaun'ac: I mean you no harm.
O'Neill: Bra'tac. You've done something with your hair.

Shaun'ac: Bra'tac has told me much of the Tau'ri. You are O'Neill. Teal'c's apprentice.
O'Neill: Yeah. {realizing} Apprentice?

O'Neill about Teal'c and Shaun'ac: I'm thinking they got history.
Carter: History?
O'Neill: Oh yeah.
Jackson: She's a temple priestess.
O'Neill: So?
Jackson: So they don't do a lot of dating.

O'Neill: Is it dangerous?
Jackson: Jack, he's stopping his heart.
O'Neill: I mean for us.

Freya: Egeria came to the Tau'ri. to stop the Goa'uld from taking humans through the Stargate as slaves. Ra found her and killed her, but not before she spawned our movement.
Carter: Literally.
Freya: Yes.
O'Neill: Thanks for that image.

Anise: Your father ask that I shake your hand. And give Colonel O'Neill a big kiss from him.
Carter: Ah, that might be the wrong way around.
O'Neill: Maybe.

O'Neill: How do I hang up with Anise and talk to Freya?
Anise: Why?
O'Neill: I like Freya!

O'Neill: I guess we should just mosey on back to Earth. Tell General Hammond how the Tok'ra boned us again.

Teal'c to Tanith (Peter Wingfield): We will meet again. You have my promise.

Divide and Conquer

O'Neill: Tuesday doesn't work for the President. [...]
Jackson: The President means no disrespect but he has to appear before Congress on Tuesday and there's no way to make up an excuse to get out of that.
O'Neill: Wednesday? How's Wednesday?

Martouf and Anise argue about the Za'tarc technology
O'Neill: Excuse me! Do we or do we not have a Xanax detector?

Anise: When her program is triggered she will inevitably become self-destructive.
Hammond: Let's give Lieutenant Aster the choice.
O'Neill: Some choice.

O'Neill: Well this is fun. Who's next?
Anise: SG-1.

O'Neill: She made a pass at me.
Jackson: Sam?
O'Neill: Anise. Freya. One of them.
Jackson: Really?
O'Neill: The host half.
Jackson: That's odd.
O'Neill: You're telling me. Odd timing too, doncha think?
Jackson: Yes.
O'Neill: Apparently the snake likes you.
Jackson: Really? {Jack attempts to play with a yo-yo} Yep, I think these Jack O'Neill moments that I'll probably miss the most.
O'Neill: What?
Jackson: What?

Carter: Sir, when you wouldn't leave me, are you sure there wasn't something else that you're not admitting?
O'Neill: What are you talking about?
Carter: Something neither one of us can admit given our working relationship, our military ranks.
O'Neill: Oh! Oh, that.

Anise: What were you feeling?
O'Neill: Like someone who was about to die.
Carter: Sir.
O'Neill: I didn't leave. Because I'd have rather died myself than lose Carter.
Anise: Why?
O'Neill: Because I care about her. A lot more than I'm supposed to.

Dr. Fraiser: Okay, if they're not za'tarcs then they're no threat to the President.
O'Neill: Oh, I had some questions for him.

Window of Opportunity

Jackson: Anyway I'm sorry, but that just happens to be how I feel about it. What do you think?

Teal'c: Major Carter, have we not been previously briefed concerning this matter?
O'Neill: I was just going to say that.

Carter: Coronal Mass Emissions, I was just about to bring it up.
O'Neill: There you go! How would I know that?
Carter: Maybe you read my report?
Jackson: Maybe he read your report?

Jackson: I was looking forward to meeting him.
O'Neill: You did! You got along swell. Anyway, at some point a beam shot out from the ruins around the altar and hit the Stargate.
Teal'c: There was a blinding flash of light.
O'Neill: And then I was back in the commissary eating my Froot Loops.

O'Neill: Should've seen that coming.

Hammond: You realize this is a little difficult for me to accept.
O'Neill: Hey, if it was just me I'd agree. But what about Teal'c? Come on, is this the face of a crazy man? ... Bad example.

O'Neill: What kind of archaeologist carries a weapon?
Jackson: Uh... I do.
O'Neill: Bad example.

O'Neill: I ask you. What could possibly be in my eye that would explain this?

Jackson: Anyway I'm sorry, but that just happens to be how I feel about it. What do you think?
O'Neill: Ask me tomorrow.

Teal'c: O'Neill. Should we not be assisting Daniel Jackson in the translation?
O'Neill: I'm taking this loop off.

Jack is about to hit a golf ball through the Stargate.
Hammond: Colonel O'Neill, what the hell are you doing?!
O'Neill: In the middle of my back swing?!

Watergate

The First Ones

Jackson: This is a radio. It's so my friends can find me, and shoot you.

Teal'c: Trust in me, O'Neill.
O'Neill: What if I'm not O'Neill?
Teal'c: Then I was not talking to you.

Unas refusing food: Ka!
Jackson: Now don't say Ka until you've tried it.

Scorched Earth

d

Beneath the Surface

Carter: How do you stay so calm?
O'Neill: I think in another life I handled dangerous explosives. I don't know.
Carter: What do you mean "in another life"?
O'Neill: I don't mean anything by it. It's just an expression, isn't it?

Jackson: Big night-sick guy with the ah...
Carter: Tor.
Jackson: He said we were part of something called SG-1.
O'Neill: Yeah, what is that?
Carter: A team?
O'Neill: What kind of a name is that for a team?
Jackson: I don't know. Look, I just think I'm supposed to be doing something more important.
Carter: We're helping our people survive an ice age.
O'Neill: Yeah, what's more important than that?

O'Neill: Would you two stop talking like that, for cryin' out loud? {they look at him}. It's an expression. Right?

O'Neill: My memory's fine.
Jackson: Really?
O'Neill: Yeah!
Jackson: What did you do in the mines?
O'Neill: I mined!
Jackson: No, what did you do?
O'Neill: I remember shoveling ore into a cart.
Jackson: And?
O'Neill: I did that a lot.

Carter: We have to keep this to ourselves. If the others heard us talking they'd think we're night sick.
O'Neill: What if we are night sick?
Carter: I don't think so, sir.
Jackson: What?
Carter: What?
Jackson: You just called Jonah "sir."
Carter: Well it's an expression. Isn't it?

O'Neill: I dreamed about mining. Naked.

O'Neill: I remembered something. There's a man. And he's bald and he wears a short-sleeved shirt, and somehow he's very important to me. I think his name is Homer.

Brenna: Where does Homer fit in?
O'Neill: You are all they sent down.

Point of No Return

Martin Lloyd: You're not dealing with an amateur here. I know all about Roswell, and the Kennedy cover-ups, and the—
Hammond fast-forwarding: He goes on like that for a while.
Martin Lloyd: ...and the CIA-sanctioned microwave harassment, and—
Hammond fast-forwarding: Quite a while.
Martin Lloyd: ...and the lizard people. {Jack smiles}. But the point is, none of these compare to your little secret, Colonel.

Jackson: You know I've never been on a stakeout before. Shouldn't we have like donuts or something?

Martin Lloyd (Willie Garson): ...a top-secret government program involving instantaneous travel to other solar systems by means of a device known as a Stargate.
O'Neill: Sounds like a good idea for a TV show. If you're into that sort of thing.

O'Neill: There is a top secret government program called Project Stargate.
Martin: I knew it!
O'Neill: But it has nothing to do with space travel.
Martin: What does it have to do with?
O'Neill: Magnets.
Martin: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
O'Neill: Nope. I've said too much.

Martin: Colonel O'Neill, the truth is I'm not just interested in outer space. I'm from outer space.
O'Neill: Check please!

Teal'c picking up a toy laser gun: It would appear this weapon is ineffective.

Martin: Don't you want to know how I found you?
O'Neill: Ah... I'm okay.
Martin: I noticed in your car there was a map for the Sleep-Rite Motel. I checked every one in town.
O'Neill: There's two.

O'Neill: What do you want?
Martin: I want to go home. You have to take me through the Stargate.

Alien: So you're telling me this man is an ordinary technical sergeant.
Jackson: I wouldn't say ordinary.
Carter: He's very good at what he does.
Alien: What's his area of expertise?
Carter: Speech writer.
Alien showing them Teal'c's scan: What about this?
Jackson: Oo. That's very good. Did you draw that yourself?
Carter: What is it?
Jackson: That's a duck, isn't it?

Martin talking into his lapel: Nice van! What do you call that color? Kind of a grayish-green, huh?

Tangent

Hammond: Is there a problem Colonel?
O'Neill: No sir. Not at all. I'm sure Teal'c just felt he'd take her for a spin. Around the world.

General Vidrine (Steven Williams): General Hammond has told me nothing but good things.
O'Neill: Has he sir? Well then I'm sure he's left something out.
General Vidrine: Such as?

General Vidrine: In all seriousness {he looks at Jack} if that's alright with you, Colonel.

O'Neill about Apophis: Well the old boy hasn't lost his touch.

O'Neill: How long will this thing take to get wherever it's going?
Teal'c: Assuming this device is programmed to return to Apophis’ original home world, several hundred years.
O'Neill: Several hundred?
Teal'c: Years.
O'Neill: Yeah. Just, ah, let me do the math on that here. Carry the four...

O'Neill: We just need a nudge.
Teal'c: I am unsure of that specific measurement.

O'Neill: We didn't spring a leak. Though I may have just... taken one.

O'Neill: You know I've already done that freezing to death thing. And it's just not as fun as it sounds.

Teal'c: If we are to die, we die well.
O'Neill: We could do better.

Jackson: We were kind of hoping you could beam them out.
Jacob: Beam them out? What am I, Scotty?

Jackson: Mak tal shree! Lok tak. Mekta satak Oz!
Goa'uld: Mak tal Oz?
Jackson: Mak tal Oz... kree!
Jacob: Alright, we're almost set. Sam's just finishing up.
Jackson: Uh. That's great, because I don't think they bought my act.
Jacob: Why? Who'd you say you were?
Jackson: The... ah... Great and Powerful Oz.
Jacob: Sam!

O'Neill: Jacob, is that you?
Jacob: Yes it is, Jack. Now do what I tell you.
O'Neill: Did you know your ship's bigger than ours?
Carter: Colonel, we need you to concentrate.

O'Neill: Jacob. Thank for stopping by.
Jacob: What the hell. I was in the neighborhood.

The Curse

Sarah: It's like you fell off the face of the Earth.
Jackson: Yeah, it is a little like that, isn't it?

Steven: As I recall, last time I saw you, you were giving a lecture to an empty room.
Jackson: Well it was full when I started.

O'Neill: Carter! You finally ready to take me up on that fishing trip?
Carter: Actually, sir, I have a few projects [of my own].
O'Neill: Come on. Are you really trying to tell me you'd rather work in the dark, dank, dismal underground than sit on a dock with your feet perched up, sipping a cold one and casting for that ever-illusive crappie?
Carter: As strange as it may sound sir, yes.

O'Neill: Teal'c! It'll be great. It'll be just you and me. And the loons. Don't forget the loons!

O'Neill: Just so we're clear on this, sir, it'll be me, Teal'c and the great outdoors. That means no cell phones, no faxes, not another living soul for miles. We'll be unavailable, inaccessible...
Hammond: Incommunicado...
O'Neill: Minnesota, sir.
Hammond: I stand corrected.
O'Neill: If there's an emergency back at the base you better plan ahead and tell me now.

Teal'c: There appears to be no fish here, O'Neill.
O'Neill: T. It's not about the actual fish themselves. Fish are not important in this context. It's about fishing. The act of fishing itself.
Teal'c: I see.

Hammond: Major, if what you're saying is true and the second jar survived the trip unscathed—
Carter: Yes sir. There could be a Goa'uld in there.

Sarah: You're just going to disappear again aren't you?
Jackson: Yes.
Sarah: Maybe Steven was right. You never should have come back.

Carter: You all right?
Jackson: Oh yeah. {about the hand device} Getting used to that thing.

The Serpent’s Venom

Carter: ...The mine will think that Apophis' ship is firing a weapon, move toward it, and explode.
Hammond: Sounds very risky.
O'Neill: Insane might be another word.

Jacob: Once we've moved the mine inside we're gonna need all the room we can get.
Jackson: What about the escape pods?
Jacob: If that mine touches anything in here, escape pods aren't going to do us any good.

O'Neill: Do you understand any of that?
Carter: It's all Phoenician to me, sir.

Jackson: Uh oh.
O'Neill: What uh oh?
Jacob: Don't you recognize the symbols?
Jackson: What symbols?

Carter: Just trust me. It's a math thing.

Jacob: We could not have predicted that Apophis would bring a cloaked fleet into the minefield.
Carter: So what now?
Jacob: Apophis will easily absorb Heru'ur's forces into his own. He is now a bigger threat than ever before.

Chain Reaction

Carter: Sir, every time we go through the Stargate it's a calculated risk.
Hammond: I realize that, Major. But frankly I'm getting tired of sending good people out there never knowing if they're going to come back. I've had enough.
Jackson: I'm sorry, sir. What are you saying?
Hammond: I wanted you all to be the first to know. Effective immediately I'm stepping down as commander of the SGC.

O'Neill: Do you really think I'd believe you're quitting because we ran into a little trouble out there? Hell, we've been presumed dead before.
Hammond: I don't have to explain myself to you, Colonel.
O'Neill: No sir, you don't. You're my commanding officer. But could you throw me a bone?

Hammond: When I took over this command, the Stargate was inactive. This was supposed to be a quick and easy assignment on my way to retirement.
O'Neill: General, need I remind you that I was retired. Some things are worth changing your plans for.

Teal'c: On Chulak, when a great warrior retires from the field of battle, it is customary to sing a song of lament. Fortunately we are not on Chulak.

O'Neill: If it wasn't for SG-1, right now you'd be sitting there with a snake in your head. Instead of your head up your ass.

O'Neill: Come on, General. I never met anyone who liked doing what they do more than you. And you were good at it. Great. You will never convince me you just got fed up. I'll never buy that.
Hammond: I'm sorry, it's out of my hands, Jack.
O'Neill: What does that mean?
Hammond: Can't discuss it.
O'Neill: General.
Hammond: You don't understand.
O'Neill: I won't. Unless you explain it to me.
Hammond: Two weeks ago I was contacted by a representative in the NID. He suggested I should become more aggressive in my policies.

Hammond: He told me if I didn't cooperate there would be consequences. The next day, two men in plain clothes, driving a black unmarked car picked up my granddaughters from school. They took them for a little ride and then brought them home. The girls were fine, but I got the message.

Hammond: Don't get yourself into trouble over this, Jack.
O'Neill: You know me, sir.

Harry Maybourne: Nice of you to come by. I don't get a lot of visitors.
O'Neill: I find that hard to believe.
Maybourne: In my line of work, people don't exactly stick by you through thick and thin. Most of my associates are busy trying to forget they ever knew me.
O'Neill: Your former associates are why I'm here.

O'Neill: It all sounds so cloak-and-daggery.
Maybourne: You're in Special Ops Colonel, Jack. Why do you always pretend to smell like roses?

O'Neill: How do I get them to back off?
Maybourne: You really want to play in my sandbox, Jack?
O'Neill: Tell me what I have to do.

O'Neill: Have you heard of IKEA?

O'Neill: I see you're on that famous beer and mustard diet. How's that working out for you?

General Bauer: We're not stopping the tests.
Carter: Sir, I don't think you understand the implications. Or maybe you do.

Senator Kinsey: You learned to play hardball pretty fast, didn't you?
O'Neill: I had a good teacher.

O'Neill: General. About what you owe me.
Hammond: Anything I can do.
O'Neill: Well nothing right now. But one day I may ask you to buy back my soul.

2010

A note comes through the Stargate
Hammond: What is it?
O'Neill: You tell me.
Jackson: “Under no circumstances go to P4C-970. Colonel Jack O'Neill.” This looks like your handwriting.
O'Neill: It is my handwriting. And it's my signature.
Fraiser: That looks like blood, sir.
Hammond: I want P4C-970 removed from the dialing computer immediately.
Carter: I wonder why you sent it. I wonder when.

Absolute Power

The Light

Carter: That was the bet? Whether or not I'd go? Don't you have anything better to do?

O'Neill: How goes the endeavoring?

Hammond: This letter is to Lieutenant Barber's family explaining that he died in the service of his country. I spent the last two hours on it. I can't tell them anything about how he died or anything about the work he did here. Only that he's gone. Do you get the point?
O'Neill: Yes sir. He does.
Hammond: Get him out of here.

Teal'c: Children of the Tau'ri also seem to enjoy colorful weapons that have no function.

Prodigy

O'Neill: General, I'd like to talk to you about this mission upon which we're about to embark. It seems a bit ridiculous, doesn't it?
Hammond: Have you met General Ryan?
General Ryan: Hello Colonel.
O'Neill: The General Ryan? Chief of Staff?
General Ryan: That's right.
O'Neill: Shouldn't there have been a memo or something?

General Ryan: Thus far we like your work.
O'Neill: Thank you sir. I like yours. Your Air Force. The Air Force. I love the Air Force.

Professor Monroe: That's assuming that parallel realities occasionally overlap.
Carter: Well I'm fairly confident that that's the case.

Professor Monroe: Jennifer Hailey is no longer our problem.
Carter: What do you mean?
Professor Monroe: She got into a fight this morning with another cadet. As fond as General Kerrigan is of her, he'll have to expel her.

Dr. Lee: Are you sure this is such a good idea?
Dr. Hamilton: Hey, I didn't come halfway across the galaxy to wait for permission to do my job.
Dr. Lee: But Colonel O'Neill—
Dr. Hamilton: Colonel O'Neill doesn't have a clue what we're trying to accomplish here. He's too busy polishing his M16.
O'Neill: Actually it's a P90. You boys going somewhere?

Dr. Hamilton: This is typical military thinking. You encounter something you don't understand, you immediately assume it's a threat.
O'Neill: Well. Until we determine there is no threat, I will assume there is one. Do we have a problem here?
Dr. Hamilton: Colonel, with all due respect—
O'Neill: Really?
Dr. Hamilton: When I agreed to this assignment I was under the impression that I was going to be in charge.
O'Neill: You are in charge. Of the other scientists.
Dr. Hamilton: That you even think you are qualified to decide what we can and can't do around here is—
Teal'c: Colonel O'Neill is indeed qualified, Dr. Hamilton. Having encountered many alien species, as have I since before you were born. I strongly suggest you do what Colonel O'Neill says.
O'Neill: Thank you, Rocco.

Carter: What were you thinking, breaking the nose of an upperclassman like that?
Cadet Jennifer Hailey: Swing high?
Carter: That's not funny.

O'Neill: Teal'c and I saw one zip right through a tree. Didn't even slow it down.
Cadet Hailey: That's so cool.
O'Neill: That's exactly what I said! {to Teal'c} I said that.

Cadet Hailey: Colonel, please don't just dismiss what I'm saying because you expect her to be right.
O'Neill: It doesn't matter who's right, Cadet.
Cadet Hailey: Colonel, you're risking your life for nothing.
O'Neill: The decision's made.
Cadet Hailey: How can it not matter who's right?
Carter: If he makes a run for the Gate he's risking his own life. If he waits he risks everyone's life.

Teal'c: Are you ready O'Neill?
O'Neill: No. You could warn me.
Teal'c: I am going to shoot you.
O'Neill: I was thinking more along the lines of "on three". One— {Teal'c shoots him} Two!

O'Neill: I'll never complain about mosquitoes again.

Cadet Hailey: Is it always like this?
Carter: Nope. Sometimes it gets really exciting.

Entity

Hammond: Glad you could make it, Colonel.
O'Neill: Wouldn't miss it, sir. This my favorite part

O'Neill: You look tense.
Jackson: I'd say anxious.
Teal'c: I am neither tense nor anxious. Perhaps concerned.
Jackson: Why?
Teal'c: The address for this planet was procured from the Repository of the Ancients.

Hammond: What's it doing?
Carter: Flying, sir.
O'Neill: MALPs can't fly.
Jackson: Apparently they can.
O'Neill: Shouldn't there be a memo on this stuff?

O'Neill about Fraiser: Who put her in charge?
Hammond: The U.S. Air Force.
Teal'c: In medical matters Dr. Fraiser may overrule those of any rank.
O'Neill: I'm not getting all my memos.

O'Neill playing with the camera: I think it likes me.

O'Neill: Forget to change light bulbs, Siler?
Siler: That's not my job, sir. {he glares at him} Yes sir. My fault.

Jackson: It's obviously fighting to survive.
O'Neill: So do bacteria!
Carter: It's trying to communicate.
O'Neill: So do bac— !

Carter: This one has memory of you.
O'Neill: The one you're talking about is a person. Major Samantha Carter.
Carter: Then. I am Maj—
O'Neill: No. No, you're not.

Jackson: So you came here to? To what?
Carter: Preserve.
Jackson: Preserve your world.
Carter: Yes.
Jackson: How?
Carter: By destroying you.
O'Neill: Well that's not going to happen.

Jackson: In a way you succeeded. We won't go back there. You can repair the damage we did and we won't send any more probes through.
O'Neill: Yes we will.
Jackson: Jack?
O'Neill: We'll send dozens of them. One after another. I don't care what it does.
Carter: No.
O'Neill: Leave her. Now.
Carter: You won't.
O'Neill: You've read my file. Think again.

O'Neill: If you want to preserve, leave Major Carter right now.

Double Jeopardy

Carter: Mission time's approaching eight hours. What are we going to do?
Jackson: Well we can't tell them the truth.

Darian: I do not understand.
O'Neill: I know how you feel.
Darian: There are two of you?
O'Neill: Ah... it's more complicated than that.

Cronus: The treaty between the System Lords and the Asgard does not protect you here. I once told you, if you were ever at my mercy, I would not be kind.

Carter: What's wrong Harlan?
Harlan: Please. It's a very big emergency. You must help, um, you.

Harlan: They were not happy. They could not stop being you.

Carter: Are you saying that our robots are going through the Stargate on missions?
Harlan: Missions. Yes.
O'Neill: What for?
Harlan: I do not really know. What is it that you do?

Hammond: Colonel O'Neill, it was my understanding that the robots were to bury their Stargate and never leave their planet.
O'Neill: Yes sir.
Hammond: Then it would seem that your robot counterpart is equally as good at following orders as you.

Robo-’Neill: Harlan! I told you to stay away from Earth!
O'Neill: Yeah, and I told you to bury your Gate.
Robo-’Neill: You seem to think that solves all kinds of problems, don't you!

Robo-’Neill: Hey, you made this mess.
O'Neill: What we did was help these people!
Robo-’Neill: Oh come on, I know you better than that. You screwed up. And now you're embarrassed.
O'Neill: Well that’s not the point.

Carter: As much as I'd like to see how this plays out, don't we have something more important to do?

Exodus

Tanith (Peter Wingfield): What is happening?
Tok'ra: Sensors systems picked up a mothership entering orbit.
Tanith: We must evacuate immediately.
Tok'ra: We have been expecting it.
O'Neill: Hey kids. We're not parked in a red zone, are we?

Tanith: How exactly did a Goa'uld mothership come into your possession?
O'Neill: Well it was kind of a trade deal.
Tanith: How so?
O'Neill: Kronos gave us his ship. And he got what was coming to him.

Tanith: You will never escape. The System Lords will hunt you down to the ends of the galaxy.
O'Neill: That guy is a living cliché.

O'Neill: Hey! Don't scuff the walls. We want this ship back the way we found it.

Carter: This is the sun that Vorash is orbiting. It's a regular main sequence star with a core temperature of about fifty million degrees and enough hydrogen to burn for five billion years.
O'Neill: Yeah?
Jacob: We wanna blow it up.
Jackson: Wow. That's, ah...
Daniel and Jack: Ambitious.

Teal'c: Twice I have had the opportunity to avenge the murder of Shau'nac. Twice I have let Tanith slip through my grasp. I have failed Shau'nac.
Jackson: That's not true. You let Tanith live so the Tok'ra could use him, and it worked. And now we're about to take down Apophis and the largest Goa'uld fleet ever assembled.
Teal'c: It will be a great victory.
Jackson: That's right.
Teal'c: And yet, knowing what Apophis did to Sha're, would you not trade it all for the opportunity to crush the life from his throat with your bare hands?

O'Neill: This is sooo last time I help someone move.

Carter: Sir. Where's Teal'c?
O'Neill: I'm not sure. I think he's dead.
Jacob: If Apophis has him—
Carter: Well we have to go back.
Jacob: It may not be possible, Sam.

Jacob: Given our current position. at maximum hyperdrive speed, it's going to take us a hundred and twenty-five years to get back. Long-range sensors are picking up another ship. It's Apophis.

Enemies

Selmak: Kree. Apophis. I am Selmak, commander of this ship.
O'Neill: Commander?
Jacob: You wanna bicker about rank now?

O'Neill: He's lookin' a little pissed.
Carter: We did just destroy his fleet.

O'Neill: I'm enjoying their style. Shoot first, send flowers later.

Jackson: My point is that I'm sure you did your best.
O'Neill: Apparently it wasn't good enough.

O'Neill: I distinctly remember somebody saying, "We're not gonna make it!" I think we made it.
Jacob: I'm sorry I overreacted. At the time it looked very much like we weren't going to make it.
O'Neill: Yes, well. Maybe next time we'll just wait and see.
Jacob: And blow the last chance I might ever have to be right?

O'Neill: Whatcha got going here, Teal'c?
Apophis: Well done, Teal'c. Finally you can resume your rightful position as my first prime.

Teal'c: I have never ceased to be in the service of my god.
O'Neill: Alright. That's sounding a little brainwashy.

Jackson: Teal'c, remember when Apophis brainwashed your son, Rya'c? Or don't.

Carter: We can't let the bugs get a foothold in our galaxy. These things are relentless. Even the Asgards haven't been able to stop them.

I'm gonna go check on Teal'c.
Jack. We got his body back. Getting his mind back might not be as easy.

Apophis is dead.
I don't believe you.
Trust me.
Gods cannot be killed.

Threshold

Teal'c: It is good to see you, O'Neill.
O'Neill: You too.
Teal'c: You appear to be well.
O'Neill: Well. Forget appearances. The back's gone, the knee's shot. Forget curling.

Bra'tac: If Teal'c won't hear the truth in words, he must learn it another way. The only way left to us.

Hammond: Master Bra'tac, before we proceed—
Bra'tac: We waste time!
Hammond: Please explain to me what you hope to achieve by depriving Teal'c of his symbiote.
Bra'tac: I hope to save him.
Jackson: By killing him.
Bra'tac: If necessary.
O'Neill: See. I think we disagree on the meaning of the word "save."

Bra'tac: The Rite of Mal Sharran is the only way.
Jackson: Last Rite.
Bra'tac: To save Teal'c's soul, first we must take him to the very threshold of death.

O'Neill: You wanna go first?
Jackson: Sure. {Jackson sits there and stares and Teal'c}
O'Neill: I'll go.
Jackson: Yep.

O'Neill: So explain this to me one more time. You honestly believe that from the moment you broke us out of that prison on Chulak you've been serving Apophis? Because I gotta tell ya, as your best friend—at least in this whole wide world—that makes absolutely no sense at all. I mean that would make you the most ineffective double agent in the history of double agenting.

O'Neill: Velar. Is that what he said?
Teal'c: I thought he said "velour".
O'Neill: "Velour". The fabric?
Teal'c: That's what I heard him say.
O'Neill: Why would he say that?
Teal'c: I don't know. Why would he say "velar"?
O'Neill: I don't know!

Jackson: Woman? Did he just call me a woman?
O'Neill: Yes, I believe he did.

Carter: How's Junior doing?
Dr. Fraiser: The symbiote is fine for now. Although I don't know what we're going to do with it if we let Teal'c die. But that won't be my problem. I'll have already resigned if we let this go that far.

Carter: So is it working? Has he said anything?
O'Neill: He talked about fabric. Briefly.
Jackson: He just called me a woman.
O'Neill: So I think it's working.

Teal'c: I choose freedom.

Bra'tac: The rite has succeeded. He has returned to us.
O'Neill: Ah, just out of curiosity, how do you feel about—
Teal'c: Apophis is a false god. A dead false god.
O'Neill: Good enough for me.

Ascension

O'Neill: How long?
For what?
O'Neill: All of it. How long?
Jackson: Uh well. Days. Weeks. Months, maybe, of meticulous, tedious boring... you know, tediousness. Ah... I could just keeping working now. By lunch at least.

O'Neill: Carter, any idea what this thing is yet?
Carter: No sir. But the technology's very advanced.
O'Neill: So, what? Two hours.
Carter: Very advanced.

Fraiser: Make sure you come back if you start speaking an alien language.
Carter: I'm sure I'll have no choice.

Hammond: Until Dr. Fraiser advises otherwise, I'm ordering you to take it easy.
Carter: Take it easy?
O'Neill: Yeah. You've been a little tense.
Carter: Tense? Me? I'm not tense. Am I? When did you first notice?
O'Neill: As we met.

O'Neill: Take up golf. Fly a kite. Knit something.

Carter: How did you get in here?
Orlin (Sean Patrick Flanery): I won't hurt you.
Carter: No, I'll hurt you if you come any closer.
Orlin: Please don't. I just want to talk to you.
Carter: About what?
Orlin: It's complicated.

Carter: Who are you?
Orlin: My name is Orlin. I'm from the planet you just visited. I followed you back through the Stargate.

Carter: Please don't say "take it easy."
O'Neill: Take care.

Jackson: How's Sam?
O'Neill: Absolutely no evidence of her "secret friend".
Jackson: How's Sam?
O'Neill: Hammond recommended a psych evaluation.
Teal'c: Do you believe Captain Carter has become unstable?
O'Neill: No more than the rest of us.

Orlin: Things have been going well between us, right?
Carter: There is no "us", Orlin. I don't see how there ever could be.
Orlin: That's just because we both used to live on different planes of existence.

O'Neill: So. Now what?
Teal'c: I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of Jello.
O'Neill: Call Daniel.

Colonel Simmons (John de Lancie): Need I remind you, Dr. Jackson, the dangers that we're trying to defend Earth against?
Jackson: Oh, could you? I mean, go slow.

Orlin: You wouldn't believe the things you can make from the common, simple things laying around your planet. Which reminds me. You're going to need a new microwave.

The Fifth Man

Hammond: Report, Major.
Carter: We were attacked by several Jaffa. Lieutenant Tyler went down covering our six and Colonel O'Neill went back for him.
Teal'c: We must assemble a rescue team and return to the planet immediately, General Hammond.
Hammond: Hold on. Who's Lieutenant Tyler?
Jackson: What do you mean, "Who's Lieutenant Tyler"? He's a member of SG-1.
Hammond: What?
Jackson: You assigned him yourself last month, sir.
Carter: Tyler, sir. We've been training him for weeks. This was his third mission.
Hammond: Major I have no idea what you're talking about.

Carter: With or without reinforcements we are going back sir.
Hammond: The hell you are!

Tyler: What is this place?
O'Neill: I wouldn't buy a time share but it's defendable.

Tyler: Colonel. You could have made it to the Gate. You came back for me.
O'Neill: What's your point?
Tyler: I guess I'm grateful.
O'Neill: Well I wasn't going to let you die, Lieutenant. It's like... a ton of paperwork.
Tyler: Paperwork?
O'Neill: It's a joke. My way of deflecting attention from my own obvious heroism. You'll get used to it.

Colonel Simmons (John de Lancie): I'd like you to explain your relationship with Dr. Sarah Gardner.
Jackson: What does that have to do with this?
Colonel Simmons: Dr. Jackson, I am here to investigate potential alien influences over Stargate Command. The fact that a Goa'uld has taken your ex-girlfriend as a host has everything to do with this.
Jackson: What?
Colonel Simmons: You were very close at one time.
Jackson: That's none of your business.
Colonel Simmons: Your entire life is our business.
Jackson: Do I need to call an attorney here?
Colonel Simmons: Serious questions have been raised concerning your viability with this command. I am giving you an opportunity to respond.
Jackson: Okay, respond. Fine. I lost someone I care about. And not for the first time I might add.

O'Neill: Do you know what the Goa'uld really want from us? Minnesota, that's what. For the fishing, mostly. I'll take you some time.
Tyler: Fishing?
O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Ask Teal'c. He can't get enough.

Colonel Simmons: If I were still loyal to the Goa'uld you would know it.
Teal'c: Really?
Colonel Simmons: It would be immediately apparent as I would not hesitate to kill you where you sit.

Teal'c: Lieutenant Tyler is not who he appears to be.
O'Neill: I know. He told me. Stand down.

Hammond: I let this investigation go on long enough to make a few phone calls. I learned enough to know your orders are politically-motivated.
Colonel Simmons: Sir. I thinking you're missing the point. I don't care.

O'Neill: Where's Tyler?
Jackson: You know, I would have asked him. But I was too busy being unconscious after he shot me with that zat you gave him, so...

Tyler: You could have escaped.
O'Neill: We don't leave our people behind.
Tyler: But... I am not your people.
O'Neill: You could have fooled me. Actually you did fool me.

Red Sky

Rite of Passage

Cassandra: Dominic's waiting.
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Fine. invite him in. I'm sure he'd love have a piece of the birthday cake that Sam went to all the trouble to bake.
Carter: Buy.
Dr. Fraiser: Bring.

Cassandra: Mom.
Dr. Fraiser: I'm here.
Cassandra: I couldn't finish the harvest.
Dr. Fraiser: That's okay.
Cassandra: I have to go into the forest.

Cassandra: You're not my mother.
Dr. Fraiser: Okay. Then what have I been to you these past few years?
Cassandra: You don't understand.
Dr. Fraiser: Alright, listen to me. If nothing else, I am your doctor, Cassandra. So let's go.
Cassandra: So what!?
Dr. Fraiser: I care about what happens to you.

Cassandra: I know what's happening to me.
Carter: Oh. Okay. What?
Cassandra: I'm changing. Into something. And there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Carter: You know how me and your mom feel when someone issues a challenge like that.
Cassandra: Dr. Fraiser isn't my real mother. She died. When Nirrti poisoned the village.
Carter: I know that. Janet knows that too. And please, don't call her Dr. Fraiser.
Cassandra: Why?
Carter: Because she loves you and she deserves better. We all do for that matter.

Cassandra: Jack calls them horses.
Carter: Yeah, well, that's Colonel O'Neill for you.
Cassandra: He always pretends he's not as smart as he really is.

Cassandra: What do you see when you look at me now?
Carter: I see you. And until your head starts spinning around—and probably even then—I will still see you.

Dr. Fraiser: Sweetheart, sometimes when a person is sick it's important for them to fight. I want you to fight this, okay?

Jackson about Nirrti: The rings in the lab. That wasn't me, that was her.

O'Neill: I figure you fought her off the first time, I'm safer here with you.
Cassandra: She was here the whole time you've been back.
O'Neill: We'll find her.
Dr. Fraiser: No, she's right. Why did she wait until now to come after Cassandra?

O'Neill: General, with all due respect sir. It's not like we're negotiating with terrorists.
Hammond: It's exactly like that, Colonel. You're letting you emotions get in the way.
O'Neill: Yes. I am. Shouldn't you be?

Carter: Sir, I don't have to remind you what Cassandra has gone through because of the Goa'uld. Now if we're going to put what we may learn or what might happen over her life—
O'Neill: It's time to pack it in.
Jackson: I agree.

O'Neill: We've never dialed these coordinates before. I... sort of hope you know what you're doing.

Beast of Burden

Jackson: These men, whoever they are, abducted the unas I refer to as Chaka.
Carter: That's the one that kidnapped you.
Jackson: Same one.
Jackson: Their dress indicates pre-industrialization, but they don't seem to have any Jaffa tattoos, so the presence of Goa'uld weaponry seem contradictory.
Teal'c: Indeed.

O'Neill: What would they want with an unas?
Jackson: I don't know. But I'd like to find out.
Hammond: What are you suggesting?
Jackson: Well like Jack said, I'd like to find out what they want an unas.
O'Neill: For the record, I don't care. {everyone looks at him in silence}. I care.

Jackson: I left the bait for their trap.

O'Neill: Any ideas?
Jackson: Well let's see how far honesty gets us.
O'Neill not so sure: Okay.

Burrock (Larry Drake): No one has come through the Chappa'ai for as long as anyone can remember.
O'Neill: Well now you'll have a story to tell your grandkids.

Burrock: It is our custom to welcome visitors with a drink. Will you join me?
O'Neill: It is our custom to drink. Of course.

O'Neill: Honesty huh?
Jackson: We're traders.

O'Neill: Daniel. I'm not going to get into a firefight over this right now.

O'Neill: Daniel, do you want to go out and catch a couple of unas? Trade them for Chaka, is that it?
Jackson: I think you're missing the point.
O'Neill: Am I?

Jackson: Sam, it's Daniel. Do you read?
Carter: Daniel, you okay?
Jackson: Ah, I've been better.
Carter: Colonel O'Neill?
Jackson: Oh, physically fine. But I'm, I'm not expecting a birthday present any time soon.

O'Neill: What's he saying?
Jackson: Well actually that means a lot of different things. In this particular case, I'd say, "Thank you for trying to free me. Sorry for getting you into this mess."

Jackson: Jack, it's not his fault.
O'Neill: Daniel, I'm chained up in a mad man's barn with a bunch of unas. Who's to blame is not at the top of my list of concerns... just yet.

O'Neill: Look, we're not going to tell you anything so you might as well just let us go. We'll go back to where we came from, you can go on doing what you do so well.
Burrock: Because now I know for certain, there is more out there.
O'Neill: Yeah, I know, the grass always looks cleaner. Fact is, there's a whole bunch of bad guys with glowing eyes out there, and you really don't wanna mess with them.

Burrock: Impressive weapon. But not as efficient as a fire stick. It seems to stop working after it's been fired for a while. I assume that's what these are for. Tell me how to make it work again.
O'Neill: Give it to me, I'll show you.

O'Neill: You just sent them out to start a war.
Jackson: Well, it was his choice. I told them they didn't have to kill.
O'Neill: You think he understands that?
Jackson: They know what freedom is, and they are willing to fight for it. They deserve a chance.

The Tomb

O'Neill: How hard could it be?
Jackson: It's a dead language. I doubt anyone's even stood here for three thousands years.
Carter: I wouldn't be too sure about that.
O'Neill: Whatcha got there?
Carter: Empty pack of cigarettes. In Russian.

Jackson: If they went through the Gate before everyone at the Russian base was killed they could still be out there.
Carter: It's doubtful they would have survived this long. The planet's surface temperature averages 135 degrees fahrenheit in the shade.
O'Neill: Shade? I don't remember shade.

O'Neill: General, you know I'm a big fan of the Russians, and international relations are a bit of a hobby of mine, however I do believe that SG-1 should handle this one. Alone.
Hammond: The decision's been made, Colonel. They're on their way.

Jackson: If these men disappeared ten months ago, how could one of the bodies decompose that fast?
Carter: It didn't decompose. This skeleton's covered in tiny teeth marks.
O'Neill: Something ate this guy?

Jackson: Shouldn't we open this first, make sure no one's home?

Carter: Whatever killed the Russian soldier killed the Goa'uld as well.
O'Neill: How'd it get in there?
Carter: I don't know.
Jackson: Better question is, where is it now?

Carter: Sir, we've got a problem.
O'Neill: We've got a lot of problems, Carter. Can you be more specific?

O'Neill: This was supposed to be a rescue mission.
Teal'c: It would appear there is no one left to rescue.
Jackson: I wouldn't say that.

Vallarin: Wait here.
Jackson: Yes, you go down the dark hallway alone and I'll wait here in the dark room alone.

Colonel Chekhov: I trust this will have no bearing on our future participation.
O'Neill: I wouldn't count on future participation if I were you.
Colonel Chekhov: Hm. I would.

Between Two Fires

Narim: Counselor Omoc was well aware that he had very few true friends. He was not concerned with trivial relationships. In his testament, he asked that his memorial be attended only by those whom he respected.
Jackson: Uh, no offense, but what are we doing here?
Narim: He may not have shown you much warmth or affection, but I can tell you Omoc had a great deal of reverence for all of you.

Carter: Sir? Narim just handed me this.
Narim: Samantha, I'm sorry I was unable to tell you this in person. I do not know who I can trust. Before his death, Omoc gave me a warning and I believe it to be true. Earth is in grave danger.

Narim: As you know another world once destroyed themselves because we shared our technology with them. That's why we had so strongly resisted sharing what we know with more primitive societies.
O'Neill: You know we prefer "less advanced" if you don't mind.

Hammond: Colonel, under the circumstances—
O'Neill: If you're going to recommend, sir, that I continue to be suspicious and skeptical...
Hammond: I wouldn't waste my time.
O'Neill: Good thinking sir.

Hammond: What you're sensing as trouble could be simple internal political wrangling.
O'Neill: I understand that.
Hammond: Or we could be walking into a minefield.
O'Neill: Thank you sir. These little chats of ours always bring me great joy. And serve to ease my mind.

O'Neill: Do you people practice being vague?

Hammond: As far as what you told me, there seems to be an evil conspiracy among the Tollan Curia, whose apparent goal is to give us everything we ever wanted. That makes no sense.
O'Neill: I said that.

Travell: Apparently the one he serves has no name.
Tanith: Oh, he has a name. The likes of you are simply forbidden to know it.

2001

O'Neill: Break out the fishing gear, General. Our job here is done.
Hammond: I take it your mission was successful.
Carter: In a word, sir. Yes.
O'Neill: In two words. Yes sir.

Hammond: Your initial reports said the Volians were a simple agrarian society.
O'Neill: That they are.
Jackson: They Volians introduced to another race. Friends of theirs.
O'Neill: Who, while lacking a sense of humor, make up for it in advanced technology.

Hammond: By the way, what do our new friends call themselves?
Carter: The Aschen, sir. They're called the Aschen.

Hammond: Dig a little deeper. Find out from the Vollians are the good neighbors they appear to be.

O'Neill: This is what you're wearing?
Faxon: What's wrong with it?
Teal'c: Nothing.
Carter: You look fine.

Faxon: It looks just like—
O'Neill: Oh yeah. Just when you think you're not in Kansas anymore... you are.

Hammond: You're telling me there's a one-in-four chance that the Aschen home world is a planet that I ordered off limits?
Walter Harriman: Yes sir.

Teal'c: Have you discovered something, Daniel Jackson?
Jackson: Oh god, I hope not. Probably though.

Molum: Colonel, you seem pensive.
O'Neill: No, I was just thinking.

Faxon: History will remember your contribution to this.
O'Neill: O'Neill. Two L's.

Desperate Measures

Homeless Guy: Ninjas!

Homeless Guy: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
O'Neill: Why not?
Homeless Guy: I'm just a crazy guy with a shopping cart full of canes.
O'Neill: I'm just a cynical Air Force guy with a closet full of National Geographics.

Jackson: So you think Maybourne's a fan of Gozilla movies?
O'Neill: Eh, he strikes me more as a Mothra guy.
Jackson: I don't get it.
O'Neill: NID agents use these sites to post coded messages. If I know Maybourne, he's keeping tabs on his old buddies.
Jackson: Okay, what kind of message do you want to send?
O'Neill: Make it, "Hutch, we need to talk." Sign it Starsky. He'll understand.

Maybourne: Hi Jack. Don't turn around. {Jack turns around}
O'Neill: Harry. Where've you been? You never write, you don't call. I have a gun.
Maybourne: So do I.
O'Neill: I'm just trying to protect you. I'm a wanted criminal, it's your duty to arrest me.
Maybourne: Always thinking of the other guy. How'd you find me?
O'Neill: Played a lot of hide-and-seek as a kid.

Maybourne: You know how this game is played and the kind of people who play it. You gotta prepare yourself for the possibility that she may not be coming back.

Maybourne: Geez, Jack. You're stealing my routine.
O'Neill: Consider it an homage.

Maybourne: You gonna turn me in?
O'Neill: Actually that overwhelming desire to shoot you is coming back.

Maybourne: You know we make a pretty good team, Jack.
O'Neill: Shut up.
Maybourne: I'm just saying, if you ever get tired of the SGC you could make more money than you ever dreamed of.
O'Neill: Hey. G Gordon. Don't give me another reason to shoot you.

Adrian Conrad: The exits are sealed, Major.
Carter: Who are you? What the hell am I doing here?
Adrian Conrad: My name is Adrian Conrad. You're here because of me.

Jackson: I said I just electrocuted myself. Do you have any idea what that feels like?
Guard: No. {Daniel zats him}
Jackson: Something like that.

O'Neill: You alright?
Carter: Yeah. Very dramatic. Thank you.
O'Neill: You bet.

Conrad: I expect better treatment than this.
Colonel Simmons (John de Lancie): Well right now you have no choice. But once you start delivering on your end of our little bargain, I might be able to move you to better accomodations.
Conrad: You do not offer anything of equal value to the knowledge I possess.
Colonel Simmons: I'm not so sure about that.

Wormhole Extreme

Jackson: Well that looked... familiar.
O'Neill: I don't see it.

Hammond: Plausible deniability. In the event of a future breach of security we'll be able to point to this television program. That is if it stays on the air.

Martin Lloyd (Willie Garson): Okay, scene 23 takes place on another planet. So do you think aliens eat apples?
Crew Member: Why not? They speak English.

Director (Peter DeLuise): We've already established that one shot stuns and two shots kills. Nick just shot everybody twice.
Martin: So, three shots disintegrates them.
Director: You know what? I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, because that is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say.

Director: Because you're "out of phase".
Yolanda: So, how come I don't fall through the floor?

Martin: Never ask a writer where he gets his ideas. In truth, we don't know.

Jackson: Why would somebody with two PhDs become a teamster?
Carter: For the money I guess.

Martin: Okay, fine. I'm an alien. Whatever.
O'Neill: They are aliens too. They're from your planet.
Martin: Okay, that is the stupidest act four opening ever.

Dr. Tanner: Colonel, please. You know as well as I do they're never going to leave us alone. There's nothing for us here. It's time for us to go.
O'Neill: You officially owe me one.
Alien: What about Martin?
Teal'c: I believe Martin Lloyd has chosen a new path.
Martin: We're gonna win an Emmy for this! ... Visual effects category.

Cool special effect.
I've seen better.
Eh. We'll fix it in post.

Proving Ground

O'Neill: Okay. So we're all dead, and there's an armed Goa'uld on the loose. I got a problem with that. Anybody else got a problem with that?

O'Neill: What's your excuse?
Satterfield (Grace Park): I didn't believe Dr. Jackson was the Goa'uld.
Carter: Why not, Sattefield?
Satterfield: I don't know, ma'am. It was just my instinct.
Jennifer Hailey (Elisabeth Rosen): She thinks he's cute.

O'Neill: Okay, so one of your team members distracted you into getting shot by the enemy and you want to poke holes in the training scenario.
Elliot (Courtenay Stevens): It wasn't a fair test.
O'Neill: There's such a thing as overthinking a situation, Lieutenant. When you're dealing with what we deal with, you've got to think on your feet and think fast. These and other clichés will be available to you all for one more day of training with me. After that, you'll either be assigned to an SG team. Or not. Dismissed.

Hailey: Let's all decide, right here right now, we all make it. Together.
Elliot: Like the man said, it's not up to us.
Hailey: You're wrong about that too.

Carter: You have to admit he's got leadership potential.
O'Neill: Do I?
Carter: Grogan. He'll make a fine addition to an SG team one day.
O'Neill: He'll make a fine target. He's good at getting shot.
Carter: Okay, Satterfield's bright.
O'Neill: I give her high marks for her... high marks. But I'd never go into combat with her.
Carter: And there's Hailey.
O'Neill: Oh yeah. Four foot nine fighting machine.

Carter: Think back to when you were their age.
O'Neill: I was never their age.

O'Neill: You left one of your team members behind. That is one thing I will not tolerate, Lieutenant.

Hailey: You guys, something's going on.
Grogan (David Kopp): Maybe he's ordering our execution.

Elliot: You're injured. You're going to need help.
O'Neill: This is not an exercise.
Elliot: No sir, it's a foothold situation. And from what we just saw it looks like it's already reached outside the SGC. You need our help.
O'Neill: Forgive my bluntness, Lieutenant, but I was just about to fail you. I'm not sure I want your help!
Elliot: Can't speak to that, sir. But at the moment we're all you've got.

Elliot: Looks like their leader is Dr. Jackson.
O'Neill: I always knew he wanted that office.

Kerrigan: Same wager as last time, Goeorge?
Hammond: Well that's hardly fair. These young people are up against SG-1.
Kerrigan: I'll give you double or nothing.
Hammond: Well in that case how can I refuse?

O'Neill: Well if he knows it's an exercise he won't show it. However he did appear to enjoy shooting me.

48 Hours

Hammond: Where's Teal'c?
O'Neill: I don't know, sir. He was right behind me.

Hammond: So the Tok'ra intel was right. The Goa'ulds were scouting P3X-116 for a new base.
Jackson: Looks that way. What the Tok'ra didn't tell us is that the Goa'uld in question was Tanith.

Carter: The error we're receiving from the Gate seems to indicate that there is still an energy pattern stored in the memory buffer.
Jackson: Teal'c.
Carter: If the al'kesh crashed into the DHD on the other planet, it woul have cut off power to the outgoing Gate. The wormhole would have been severed prematurely. Now if that happened before our Gate was able to reconvert Teal'c's energy signature back into matter...
Hammond: Teal'c is in our Stargate.
Carter: His energy signature, yes. Stored in the memory.
Jackson: Well let's get him out.
Carter: Right now I'm not sure how. That's not the worst problem.
Jackson: There's worse?

Hammond: Go home.
O'Neill: I'm all right, sir. Just got five minutes of quality sleep.
Hammond: Everything that can be done is being done.
O'Neill: You know this wouldn't be happening if he had followed orders. It's that damned Jaffa revenge thing.
Hammond: Get some rest, Colonel. That's an order.

Colonel Simmons (John de Lancie): I was just introducing Major Carter, and Dr. McKay. The doctor has been studying the Stargate program out of Area 51 for over a year now.
Carter: Without access to a working Gate?
Dr. Rodney McKay (David Hewlett): I had a virtual computer model that was built when the second Gate was there.
Hammond: Well I'm sure it's a thrill to be here to see the real thing.
McKay: Hm. Not really.
Simmons: The Pentagon feels that Dr. McKay has become the world's foremost expert.
Hammond: Next to Major Carter.
McKay: With all due respect, Major. You spend most of your time in the field.
Hammond: Major Carter spent two years working on the Gate prior to her five years of service at the SGC. She's the one who made this program viable.
McKay: Actually, the interface she designed is full of flaws.
Carter: Well I admit it's not perfect, but it's certainly—
McKay: It has caused numerous unnecessary situations, any of which could have ended in catastrophe.
Simmons: And we certainly don't want that to happen. That's why the doctor is here to help.
Hammond: Good. He can report to Major Carter.
Simmons: And the two of them might be able to work together to solve this problem to get Teal'c back in one piece. In the time allotted.
Carter: Excuse me? In the time allotted?
Simmons: Forty-eight hours.

Hammond: I don't care who you are or who you work for, you will not come into my facility and dictate procedure to me.
Simmons: Oh General, don't shoot the messenger. I'm just bringing you your orders.

Harry Maybourne (Tom McBeath): Hi Jack.
O'Neill: You rat bastard!
Maybourne: Hey hey hey. Take it easy.
O'Neill: I'm so gonna kick your ass!
Maybourne: There's people watching.
O'Neill: I don't care!
Maybourne: It wasn't me. It didn't shoot you, Jack.
O'Neill: I trusted you!
Maybourne: Come on, would I come back here like this if I'd done it?
O'Neill: You might!

Maybourne: If you need me I'm at the Accent Inn checked in under the name "Cassidy".
O'Neill: David or Shawn?
Maybourne: Butch.

O'Neill: You know Simmons says you're the one who sullied the good name of the NID.
Maybourne: You believe that?
O'Neill: No.
Maybourne: trust me, Jack. I know him well. I'm the one who recruited him.

McKay: I'm guessing we got off on the wrong foot.
Carter: To what probability factor did you use figuring that out?
McKay: For the record, I don't work for Colonel Simmons.
Carter: What difference does that make?
McKay: I thought I sensed a little tension there.

Carter: My job is to present the risks, not to decide whether to take them. Now if you have something positive to add, do it. Otherwise get out of my lab!

Carter: Is there any chance you could get the Russians to give us their DHD?
Jackson: Not without giving back Alaska.

Colonel Chekov: Don't be ridiculous. How can the United States go to war over something the American people know nothing about?
Major Davis: It wouldn't be unprecedented, Colonel.

Jackson: What would it take to give us your DHD? No seriosuly. Let's put it on the table.

McKay: I wish I didn't find you so attractive. I always had a weakness for dumb blondes.
Carter: Go suck a lemon.

Hammond: Take him away. If he resists shoot him.

O'Neill: Hey. You sure you want to be in there for this.
Siler: Not really, sir.
O'Neill: I wasn't talking to you!

Jackson: Well that never happened in any of the simulations.

Carter: Teal'c, as far as you know what just happened?
Teal'c: I have my revenge. Tanith is dead.
O'Neill: That's nice. I'm happy for you.

Summit

Osiris: You waste my time.
Zipacna: You misunderstand. I'm not asking you to serve me. I must regret that I am merely an emissary for a much more powerful Goa'uld. One whom you once knew well.
Osiris: Of whom do you speak?
Zipacna: Anubis.

O'Neill: It's always "suicide mission this, save the planet that." Nobody just stops by to say "hi" anymore.

Ren Au: The deaths of Kronos and Apophis created a power vacuum that the remaining System Lords have been trying to exploit. Over the past seven months they have suffered heavy losses and expended an enormous amount of resources fighting amongst themselves.
O'Neill: Let the good times roll.
Ren Au: Unfortunately, the good times may be coming to an end. They declared a truce. And now it looks as if they're going to have a meeting to discuss the establishment of a new order.
Hammond: So you want to stop them?
Ren Au: Quite the opposite actually. We want them to meet. It will give us the rare opportunity to strike against all of them at once.
Carter: You're talking about taking out the entire Goa'uld leadership?
Ren Au: We are.
O'Neill: Welcome to the dark side.

Jackson: So how are you gonna get me in?
Jacob: Yu will be among the System Lords attending.
Carter: I thought you said he was going in as a slave.
Jacob: The System Lord Yu.
Carter: Little joke there.
O'Neill: Funny!

O'Neill: Why do I get the feeling there's something you're not telling us?
Jacob: Oh, Jack.

Jacob: All you have to do is prick him. Once. The effect will be immediate. He'll believe you to be his loyal slave Jerren.
Jackson: Jerren?
Jacob: Just don't jab yourself with it.
Jackson: Why?
Jacob: Actually I don't know exactly. That in itself should scare you.

Carter: What are you doing?
Ren Au: I'm cutting power to the base. The energy signature would give away our position. Now they'll have to resort to random bombardment.
O'Neill: Well that's encouraging.

Yu: Olokon is still seething over a recent loss to my forces. He may try to kill you out of spite. Do not make me look foolish by allowing yourself to be murdered.
Jackson: Yes, my Lord.

Ren Au: We will die before we give up its secrets.
O'Neill: You know, we really need to come up with a new strategy. One that does not include us dying.

Jacob: How's it going?
Jackson: Oh, swell. It's kind of like Goa'uld Mardi Gras here.

Osiris: Daniel Jackson. You're a rather long way from home, aren't you?

Last Stand

Jacob: You know what's at stake here, Daniel. No single person's life is more important. Complete your mission.

Osiris: I am here to represent the vote of another.
Yu: Whom do you serve?
Osiris: Anubis.
African SL: What?
Ba'al (Cliff Simon): You lie!
Yu: He is dead!
Osiris: That was what you assumed after you attempted to murder him. Was it not enough that he was banished from the System Lords?
Yu: Never to be allowed to return!
Osiris: That was long ago. And only one System Lord remains from that time.

Jackson: Hey, here's a question for you. Why do you think the Goa'uld are allowing their human slaves to hear everything that's going on?
Jacob: I'm not sure. The truth is we suspected they were going to kill the slaves when the summit was done.
Jackson: And you didn't think that was important enough to tell me?
Jacob: Not considering that you were going to kill all the Goa'ulds.
Jackson: I'm not doing that anymore.
Jacob: True. What's your point?
Jackson: There's a big vat of live symbiotes here.

Osiris: Over the years we have all lost a great deal to the infiltrations, subversions and rebellious acts of the Tok'ra. Today will henceforth be known as the day the blood of the Tok'ra ran free and their rebellion ended for good.

O'Neill: How do we know it's working?
Carter: I guess if someone comes to rescue us.

Fail Safe

O'Neill: I've seen this movie. It hits Paris.

Jackson: Well one of our allies will help.
Carter: I hope you're right. Otherwise in eleven days and sixteen hours, all life on Earth will be wiped out.

O'Neill: ...and after that I kind of lost my temper.
Hammond: What exactly does that mean?
Jackson: Let's just say Jack made a reference to Freyr's mother.
Hammond: We'll discuss your diplomatic shortcomings later.

O'Neill: "Assume there isn't one" what?
Carter: Recall device.
O'Neill: The X-301? That was you guys?
Tech Guy: Well you have to admit it performed beautifully right up to the point where you and Teal'c were sent into deep space.

Tech Guy 2: I think I speak for about six billion people when I say, "good luck."
Carter: You too. {they go to leave}
O'Neill: I'm gonna want to talk to you guys.

Jackson: I'm confident.
O'Neill: Me too.
Teal'c: As am I.

O'Neill: What was that?
Teal'c: I'm having difficulties with the sublight engines.
O'Neill: Yes you are.

Carter: Sublight drive is down.
Teal'c: As are shields and communication.
Jackson: A lot easier to list what is working.
O'Neill: Bomb?
Carter: It's good to go, sir. If it comes right down to it, we can detonate it right here. What's our position?
Jackson: Well, personally, I'm against it. If you want to know where the ship is, we're about five meters above the surface at the bottom of the crater.

Hammond: Shouldn't you be offworld by now?
Dr. Fraiser: I'm leaving with the next group, sir. Your name isn't on the list.
Hammond: That's correct.
Dr. Fraiser: May I ask why?
Hammond: If that asteroid hits, the only chance for the survival of the human race will rest with the Alpha site. We've limited their numbers because they'll have limited resources.

O'Neill: Hey kids. How're ya feeling?
Jackson: Not bad under the circumstances.
O'Neill: That's great. Let's go.

O'Neill: Oh come on! We came, we saw, we planted a bomb. We had a little fun with a meteor shower. It's a great story. Isn't it?

Carter: Sir, the asteroid's core is composed almost entirely of naquadah.
O'Neill: Of course it is.

Carter: ...Now find the wires leading from the timer to the detonator and cut the red one.
O'Neill: Carter. They're all yellow.

O'Neill: You wanna ride an asteroid through Earth?
Jackson: Yeah.

O'Neill: Carter. I can see my house.

The Warrior

O'Neill: Deliverance. Do you have any idea what happened to the guys in that movie?
Bra'tac: I do not.

Hammond: Master Bra'tac, I hope your faith in this man is well-deserved.
Bra'tac: I would stake my life on it.
O'Neill: Ours too, apparently.

O'Neill about the P90: We've used it to win just about every skirmish we've had with the Goa'uld, and the Jaffa who serve them. Those of you who have gone up against us and survived—and you know who you are—you know what I'm talking about.

K'tano: I see you are one who speaks your mind, O'Neill.
O'Neill: Yes, which is why I don't say much.

Carter: K'tano's managed to collect Jaffa from at least six different System Lords. He must be doing something right.
O'Neill: Well they have no problem with dying. I have a problem with that.
Jackson: You have a problem with dying or you have a problem with the fact that they don't have a problem with dying?
O'Neill: Both. I think.

O'Neill: Alright, so let me see if I get this straight. You assassinate one System Lord after another, you take all their ships and warriors—all of whom are willing to die for you—and this is different than the way things are now... How?
K'tano: The Jaffa will be free.
O'Neill: To follow you.

O'Neill: I'm not going to recommend an alliance. Not as long as he's in charge.
Teal'c: Let us speak of this when I return, O'Neill.
O'Neill: I don't think so. Because if you do this, I don't think you're coming back.

Lord Yu: Teal'c. Perhaps I'm not as weak as you were lead to believe.

Bra'tac: Our time will come, old friend. But not this day.
Teal'c: Indeed.

Menace

Carter: There's a pulse.
Jackson: It has a heartbeat?
O'Neill: It has a heart?

Jackson: I don't think she knows she's a robot.
O'Neill: Okay, how is that possible?
Jackson: Well the last time your consciousness was copied into a robot you didn't figure it out right away.

Hammond: Dr. Jackson, what have you learned?
Jackson: Well actually not much, sir. She's kind of hard to pin down on our conversation. Her attention wanders. It's like she has the mind of a child. {everyone looks at Jack}.
O'Neill not paying attention: What?

Reese (Danielle Nicolet): I want to have fun. Don't you ever have fun?
Jackson: Not as much as I'd like to.

Reese about the Replicator: Don't be afraid. It's just a toy.

Reese: It wasn't my fault. The people on my planet were afraid. They wanted to destroy my toys. They wanted to destroy me. They said that my father made me wrong. They thought that I was bad.
Jackson: What did you do?
Reese: I taught my toys to make more of themselves.

Jackson: You stupid son of a bitch.
O'Neill: Hey. You're welcome.
Jackson: You didn't have to shoot her.
O'Neill: Yes. I did.

The Sentinel

O'Neill: The rat bastard.
Jackson: I thought he came across as very nice.
O'Neill: The voice behind the camera.

Col. Grieves: The device is way too complicated for you to try and repair without us. And you already know that, or you wouldn't be here.

Lt. Kershaw: I feel better just knowing there's an archaeologist watching our backs.
Jackson: Yeah, which end do the bullets go in again?
Col. Grieves: I'll be happy to show you.
O'Neill: Our mission objective is to fix whatever you screwed up. If you get any ideas other than that, I'll shoot you. Understood?

Jackson: Just out of curiosity, how many years did you promise to take off their sentence if they managed to fix this?
O'Neill: Actually they'll get a few more years out of this.
Jackson: More?
O'Neill: They were on Death Row.

Marul (Henry Gibson): What will I tell them? That the very people who doomed our world now ask us to trust our lives to them?

Teal'c: The Sentinel was indeed a device with great power. It would be wise to ask the Latonans to study it further.
O'Neill: Oh I think I know what they'd say.

Meridian

 

Jackson: I'm gonna miss you guys.
O'Neill: Yeah. Me too.

 

Revelations

Osiris: Our days of bowing to the Asgard are finally over.

Carter: So what are we supposed to do, keep working like nothing happened?
Hammond: I understand how you feel.
Carter: With all due respect, sir, I don't even understand how I feel. We didn't even have a memorial service.
Hammond: We're not even sure that he's dead.

Freyr: There has been an incident with the Goa'uld.
O'Neill: An incident?
Freyr: Commander Thor has been killed.

Carter: So maybe Daniel has achieved something of great cosmic significance. I don't know. And to be honest with you right now I don't really care. I'd rather have him back.
Teal'c: As would I.

Carter: I thought Thor was dead.
Heimdahl: He is not. Although his life is in great danger. He is a prisoner of the Goa'uld.

Heimdahl: It is only a matter of time before the Goa'uld pinpoint our location.

Thor: The Goa'uld are attempting to download the information stored in my pre-frontal cortex. It is only a matter of time before they break through my mental defenses.
O'Neill: Yeah well, you know. Love to help you, but we've got our own problems here.
Thor: I am aware of your situation. I believe I can rewrite some minor subroutines in the security protocol.
Teal'c: To what end? {the doors open}
O'Neill: Sweet.

O'Neill: Okay, next time I'm the hologram!

Osiris: Major Carter.
Carter: Osiris.
Osiris: We have Colonel O'Neill and the sholva. So that just leaves... Dr. Jackson. Where is he?
Carter: Forget it.

Teal'c: Perhaps we should take them all.
O'Neill: Here's a thought. {he shoots the crystals}

Osiris: Once more. Where is Dr. Jackson?
Carter: He's dead.
Osiris: You lie.
Carter: Go to hell.

O'Neill: Thor! Buddy!
Thor: O'Neill. You can not take me with you.
O'Neill: Why not?
Thor: The link between myself and the Goa'uld ship has not been severed. They will be able to track our position. You must leave me behind.
O'Neill: Right. That doesn't work for me. It's not an option, okay?

O'Neill: Any ideas?
Heimdahl: We can not risk capture. We must destroy the ship ourselves.
O'Neill: Any good ideas?