I will not torment the emotionally frail

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

I will not spin the turtle

Teacher is not a leper

This punishment is not boring and pointless

I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I do not have a cereal named after me

I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far

Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

I was told not to do this.

I no longer want my MTV

Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story

Sherri does not "got back"

I have neither been there, nor done that

I will stop phoning it in

Substitute teachers are not scabs

My suspension was not "mutual"

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

A belch is not an oral report

I will not waste chalk

"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge

I will not surprise the incontinent

The nurse is not dealing

Science class should not end in tragedy

Network TV is not dead

"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap

I will not scare the Vice President

Nobody reads these anymore

The giving tree is not a chump

This school does not need a "regime change"

SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

Global warming did not eat my homework

I will not look up what teacher makes.

Pearls are not oyster barf

I will not wait 20 years to make another movie.

The Wall Street Journal is better than ever

I am not an FDIC-insured bank

There's no such thing as an iPoddy

I will not bring the chalkboard home

I did not see teacher applying for welfare.

Eating my vegetables is not a Mother’s Day present

I will not bring the chalkboard home

I did not see teacher siphoning gas

I must not write all over the walls

My piggie bank is not entitled to TARP funds

Batman is not "nothing without his utility belt"

I do not have the hots for my mom

I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy

Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas.

Candy canes are not elf bones

January is not Bart History Month

End of LOST: It was all the dog’s dream. Watch us.

Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King

I will not make fun of Cupid's dink

Loose teeth don't need my help

I'm not here on a spitball scholarship

"Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank

I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket

I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother"