Holmes: How do you feel about the violin?
Watson: I'm sorry, what?
Holmes: I play the violin when I'm thinking. Sometimes I don't talk for hours on end. Would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other.
Watson: Are you—? You told him about me?
Stamford: Not a word.
Watson: Then who said anything about flatmates?
Holmes: I did. Told Mike this morning that I must be a difficult man to find a flatmate for. Now here he is, just out to lunch with an old friend. Clearly just home from military service in Afghanistan. Not a difficult leap.
Watson: How did you know about Afghanistan?

Watson about Sherlock's deductions: That. Was amazing.
Holmes: You think so?
Watson: Of course it was. Extraordinary. It was quite extraordinary.
Holmes: That's not what people normally say.
Watson: What do people normally say?
Holmes: "Piss off".

Mysterious Gentleman: You have an intermittent tremor in your left hand. Watson nods Your therapist thinks it's posttraumatic stress disorder. She thinks you're haunted by memories of your military service—
Watson: Who the hell are you? he gets no response How do you know that?
Mysterious Gentleman: Fire her. She's got it the wrong way around. You're under stress right now and your hand is perfectly steady. You're not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson. You miss it.

Watson: That was ridiculous. That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever done.
Holmes: You invaded Afghanistan.
Watson: That wasn't just me.

Holmes: Almost can. You did get shot though.
Watson: Sorry?
Holmes: In Afghanistan. There was an actual wound.
Watson: Oh! Yeah, shoulder.
Holmes: Shoulder! I thought so.
Watson: No you didn't.
Holmes: The left one.
Watson: Lucky guess.
Holmes: I never guess.
Watson: Yes you do.

Watson: Anytime you want to include me... "No, I'm Sherlock Holmes. I always work alone because no one else can compete with my massive intellect!"

Holmes: I need to get some air. We're going out tonight.
Watson: Actually I've got a date.
Holmes: What?
Watson: It's where two people who like each other go out and have fun.
Holmes: That's what I was suggesting.
Watson: No it wasn't. At least I hope not.

Watson: I'm not Sherlock Holmes!
General Shan: I don't believe you.
Holmes: You should, you know. Sherlock Holmes is nothing at all like him. How would you describe me, John? Resourceful, dynamic? Enigmatic?
Watson: Late.

Watson: Over a thousand years old and it's sitting on her bedside table every night.
Holmes: He didn't know its value, didn't know why they were chasing him.
Watson: Should have just got her a lucky cat.

Holmes: "Sherlock sees through everyone and everything in seconds. What's incredible though is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things."
Watson: Now hang on minute, I didn't mean that in a—
Holmes: Oh! You meant "spectacularly ignorant" in a nice way. Look, it doesn't matter to me who's Prime Minister or who's sleeping with who.
Watson: Whether the Earth goes around the sun.
Holmes: Oh god, that again. It's not important!
Watson: Not important? It's primary school stuff. How can you not know that?

Watson: Charming. Well done.
Holmes: Just saving her time. Isn't that kinder?
Watson: Kinder? No. No, Sherlock. That wasn't kind.

Watson: There are lives at stake, Sherlock! Actual human lives. Just so I know, do you care about that at all?
Holmes: Will caring about them help save them?
Watson: Nope.
Holmes: Then I'll continue not to make that mistake.
Watson: You find that easy do you?
Holmes: Yes. Very. Is that news to you?
Watson: No. No.
Holmes: I've disappointed you.
Watson: That's a good— good deduction. Yeah.
Holmes: Don't make people into heroes John. Heroes don't exist and if they did I wouldn't be one of them.

Watson: You know I'm still waiting.
Holmes: Hm?
Watson: For you to admit that a little knowledge of the solar system and you'd have cleared up the fake painting a lot quicker.

Holmes frantically ripping the jacket off of Watson: Alright? Are you all right?!
Watson: Yeah, I'm fine. Sherlock— Sherlock! Are you okay?
Holmes: Me? Yeah. Fine. Fine. That, ah— thing that you did. That you, um, you offered to do. That was, uh, good.
Watson: I'm glad no one saw that.
Holmes: Hm?
Watson: You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk.
Holmes: People do little else.

Watson: Do you just carry on talking when I'm away?
Holmes: I don't know. How often are you away?

Mycroft Holmes (Mark Gatiss): Just once can you two behave like grown-ups?
Watson: We solve crimes, I blog about it and he forgets his pants. I wouldn't hold out too much hope.

Watson: Punch you?
Holmes: Yes. Punch me. In the face. Didn't you hear me?
Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.

Irene Adler: Hello Dr. Watson.
Watson: Tell him you're alive.
Irene Adler: He'd come after me.
Watson: I'll come after you if you don't.
Irene Adler: Hm, I believe you.

Watson: Not now, Sherlock.
Holmes: Oh please. I've been cooped up here for ages.
Watson: You're just showing off.
Holmes: Of course. I am a show-off, that's what we do.

Holmes: Nice touch.
Watson: I haven't pulled rank in ages.
Holmes: Enjoyed it?
Watson: Oh yeah.

Watson: Did we just break in to a military base to investigate a rabbit?

Watson: So...
Holmes: So we know that Dr. Stapleton performs secret genetic experiments on animals. the question is, has she been working on something deadlier than a rabbit.
Watson: To be fair, that is quite a wide field.

Holmes: Henry's right.
Watson: What?
Holmes: I saw it too.
Watson: What?
Holmes: I saw it too, John.
Watson: Just... just a minute. You saw what?
Holmes: A hound out there in the hollow. A gigantic hound!