1990

Young Shawn: Gus, you've been on this ride like twenty times. Why are you chickening out now?
Young Gus: This ride just doesn't seem mechanically-sound. How do we know it's not going to break and eject us out of the building?
Young Shawn: Gus, the ride is twelve inches off the ground.
Young Gus: Well why are you nervous?can sometimes come to life in the weirdest of situations.
Young Gus: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life.
Young Shawn: Really? Then you go first.
Young Gus: You go first!
Young Shawn: I want to go first. But not until you go.

Present Day

Juliet: Eventually Carlton is going to find out about us.
Shawn: I've seen his detective skills. That could take years.

Juliet: So you told him about us?
Shawn: What are you kidding? That'd be like posting it on my Facebook page. If I had a Facebook page. Or the desire to share intimate life details with people I avoid on the street.

Shawn: Try to understand, this is going to be like a bomb landing on his sweet head. It means he's the odd man out again. If I don't handle this delicately he's bound to go on another caramel binge.
Juliet: He went on one before?
Shawn: Yes. Hot and cold.

Shawn: Dude. You, me, haunted house. Lets ride some rides.
Gus: Wait a second. We haven't even had any churros yet. This year they're wrapped in bacon.
Shawn: Didn't we come here to be scared?
Gus: Exactly. What's more scary than a churro wrapped in bacon?

Shawn: Dude, you're not even looking.
Gus: I'm drinking it all in.
Shawn: You're eyes are closed and you're pretending to be startled by things.
Gus: I was just startled.
Shawn: By what, the exit light?

Shawn: Wait a minute. Gus, did you see that?
Gus: I was testing my watch to see if it really glowed in the dark.
Shawn: Gus, I just saw somebody get killed!

Shawn: You're not listening. I saw a man gasping for his life.
Carol: You saw a volleyball on a broomstick.
Shawn: No! {beat} Yes, I saw that too. The illusion actually played. But this is something different.

Shawn: Listen— {he checks her phone} I am sure Todd is pretty dreamy, even though he can't spell "bitchin'." But I'm assuming that just like Heaven and Exhaling, he can wait.

Shawn: Three ninjas. Mega mountain. Reunited and it feels so, so good.
Ken (Jerry Shea): I like that song. I'm only allowed to use these access keys for business.
Shawn: Murder is our business.

Shawn: Are you in?
Ken: I'm out.
Gus: So am I.

Gus: Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? We're gonna find a dead body, alright. Mine. Drug by one of these ride cars.
Shawn: You'll be the first documented dragging death at three miles per hour.
Gus: Actually, I'll be the third. In 1974, there was a guy—
Shawn: I can't do this with you right now.