Quotes from Oz
Diane Wittlesey: There's something in the air. And it ain't love.
Kareem Said: I would give my life for you.
Jefferson Keane: You gonna have to.
Lenny Burrano: Donald Groves. You killed your parents and ate them, right?
Donald Groves: I only ate my mom. I was saving my dad for Thanksgiving.
Lenny Burrano: That's festive.
Leo Glynn: after McManus refuses a dinner invitation Too much work to do, right? You can take a break from saving the world. Even Jesus had supper.
Tim McManus: Yeah, and right afterwards he was betrayed and crucified.
Groves: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
Father Ray Mukada: What?
Groves: I don't know what to do. I've never done this confession thing before.
Mukada: Catholicism is "nifty"?
Groves: You have that whole mystical transubstantiation bit going.
Mukada: That's right. The Eucharist becomes the body of Christ.
Groves: So you're actually eating His flesh and drinking His blood.
Mukada: That's right.
Groves: Now how can I not get behind a religion like that?
Jeremy Goldstein: I mean, you don't think of me as a Christ-killer or anything like that?
McManus: Well I'm not even really sure that Christ died.
Groves: They say lethal injection causes no pain. How do they know? Did someone come back from the dead and say they didn't feel anything?
Beecher: Were you around when the last person in the state was executed?
Bob Rebadow: I was the last person in the state executed.
Miguel Alvarez: Hey, Father. Where was God when my son died?
Mukada: Same place He was when His own son died.
Sister Pete: Christ was executed, you know. And if he hadn't been, the world would be a very different place.
Glynn: A better place?
Sister Pete: I didn't say that.
Ross: I was a man in love. I still am.
Wittlesey: Save it for the shower room.
Schibetta to Adebisi: How do you keep that hat on your head? Velcro?
Groves: Mister Said. I just wanted to tell you that, um, the whole thing with the spoons, the whole Allah thing? It's awesome. butchering Arabic A-salami I-like-em.
Sister Pete: Don't think of me as a psychologist. Don't think of me as a nun. Think of me as your mother. Kareem, take your medicine!
McManus announces a lockdown
Alvarez: Gee Dad, I hope I can still make it to the prom.
Officer Anthony Nowakowski: Hey, what're you doing?
Officer Nowakowski: Yeah? Why don't you do it somewhere else?
Kenny goes under the stairs
Wangler: Stupid hacks.
Adebisi: You' the lookout!
Wangler: I'm the lookout.
Adebisi: Go on! Look out!
At the beginning of the riot
Glynn: What's this about, Said?
Said: If you have to ask, Glynn, we got a long day ahead of us.
Said: I am willing to share the power. That is why I asked you here. You see, we can become a kind of council. We will—together—make all the decisions.
Ross: We can talk parliamentary procedure later. How many guns do you have?
Augustus Hill: I never lie. Not 'cause I'm so honest, but because I have a bad memory. And you can't be a good liar if you got a bad memory.
Alvah Case: Ooo... Ryan O'Reily.
Ryan: Yo, yo, that's me, mon.
Case: Vehicular manslaughter, reckless endangerment, possession of controlled substances, possession of a deadly weapon, violation of parole. Woo... that's an amazing list of crimes.
Ryan: Yeah, well, you know, I applied myself.
Case: Still, I mean, even with all those talents, you must have had a hard time adjusting to life in Oz.
Ryan: No. I can take care of myself.
Case: Yeah, I can see that. But how?
Ryan: I'm like the Lord of the Fucking Dance. I got moves.
Ryan: in solitary and just given a cigarette This is good. When I'm done puffing on this, I can suck on my own secondhand smoke.
McManus walks into the cafeteria that Kenny is mopping
Wangler: McManus! You're fucking up my floor, McManus!
Beecher: Whatcha reading? Mein Kampf? I'll tell you how it ends. The Aryans get their ass kicked!
Schillinger is trying to get Alvarez to kill Beecher
Schillinger: I work the mail room, right. I can push whatever you need, in or out, through the system.
Alvarez: I thought you were anti-drugs.
Schillinger: I don't care if you smuggle in fucking tacos. I want Beecher dead. Today.
later... it goes poorly
Schillinger: God dammit. You fucking spic cocksucker!
Alvarez: See? That's the Schillinger I know and love.
Richie knocks on the door.
Mukada: Come in. Richie. pause What's up?
Richie Hanlon: I love to take it in the ass.
Mukada: Uh huh.
Richie Hanlon: Now lots of people think that's perverse, but it's my choice. So I say fuck them, right?
Mukada: Richie, are we going someplace with all this?
Alvarez: No offense. No offense. But drop fuckin' dead.
Alvarez: Come on, boys. Be all that you can be.
Judge Grace Lema: Mr. Beecher, I appreciate your taking the time to see me.
Beecher: Well, you know, it's a nice break from getting fucked up the ass.
Schillinger: Well, look who's here. What brings you down to the low-rent district?
McManus: Hey, just because you're not in Em City anymore doesn't mean I don't care what's going on with you.
Schillinger: Bull-fucking-shit. McManus, I had to listen to your sanctimonious crap when I lived in Em City, but I don't have to now. Bye.
McManus: All right, I don't care how you're doing.
Schillinger: Hey boys. Honesty.
Keller: So you never wrestled before?
Beecher: Once, in high school. When Arthur Wiener got his leg broken by Pat Lefkowski, I heard that snap, I got up, I got out.
Keller: We'll make sure nothing of yours snaps.
Glynn: Said is representing Vern Schillinger?
Pat Fortunato: Mm hm.
McManus: Didn't Nostradamus predict this? Doesn't this mean we're two steps closer to the end of the fuckin' world?
Kareem Said: I understand you have some information regarding the governor James Devlin. Information of a damaging nature.
Jiggy Walker: Damaging? Depends on how you view crack.
Rebadow: Busmalis, I'm beginning to have second thoughts about this excavation.
Agamemnon Busmalis: Second thoughts? Well have third thoughts.
Beecher: Don't be mad.
Keller: I'm not mad.
Beecher: Yeah, you are.
Keller: No, it was a stupid idea. I just didn't think things through. That's my problem. I don't think anything all of the fucking way through.
Beecher: I hate it when you're self-deprecating. It's so cute.
Ryan: You leave Cyril where he is and Schillinger will suck his bones dry.
McManus: Well Schillinger's gonna suck anyway, so why should your brother be the one that's spared?
Adebisi: O'Reily, if she sucks my cock, I suck yours.
Ryan: That's an appetizing thought. *beat* Pass.
Antonio Nappa: Needless to say, I was saddened by Peter Schibetta's rape. His father Nino and I were paisans. I'm Peter's godfather. Glynn and Mcmanus exchange looks No, his actual godfather. At baptism.
Wangler: It's fucking what I heard Rebadow collected like 3Gs. And that money's gone tomorrow. Know what? I'm thinking we go to Rebadow, we take the dough, and so these other fucks don't get mad, we make Rebadow swear he sent it.
Wangler: What do you mean, no? It's $3,000.
Adebisi: I said no.
Adebisi: 'Cause sometime it's good to be human.
Alvarez: You trying to escape, Hill?
Hill: I been exploring the possibilities.
Alvarez: Right. Okay, well, hospital ward, that's like a dead end. 'Cause if there was a way out, my ass'd be like a vapor. But hey, you find a crack, you let me know, all right? moving arms like he's pushing Hill's wheelchair 'Cause I'd be right there behind you, ok?
Hill: How hard is it to hide a couple of bodies up in Oz, son? Temporarily, at least.
Mukada: Sometimes "shit" is the only word that fits.
being examined by Dr. Nathan
Shirley Bellinger: Am I well enough to die? Healthy enough to execute?
Keller: I been out of the hole two days, I haven't spoken more than ten words to Beecher.
Schillinger: Yeah, I've seen him. He's a fucking mess. He is on the ledge.
Keller: I say it's about time we pushed him off.
Nathan: You need to cut those fingernails.
Beecher: I will. As soon as I get back to my pod.
Keller: Hey, fuck you, ya fuck.
Claire Howell: You were right about Tim McManus. He's dreamy.
Wittlesey: I don't recall ever saying Tim McManus was dreamy.
Cyril O'Reily: I want to put on Miss Sally's Schoolyard.
Busmalis: Yeah, Miss Sally's got big bazooms.
Cyril: Big bazooms.
Ryan: Settle down, Cyril.
Keller: You know... you know what went on between us, right?
Sister Pete: I know that Tobias was in love with you and that you broke his arms and his legs.
Keller: Jesus Christ, you put it that way it makes me sound so cold.
Sister Pete: So why don't you rephrase it so you come out the hero?
Beecher: Never considered that, huh? That it could've been me, standing in the dark in that storage room, watching you stack copying paper. And then, boom, boom, baby!
Keller: Toby, was it you?
Beecher: No. But for a second, you believed it could have been. It could have been good ol' Toby.
Keller: You didn't kill Metzger.
Beecher: Nah. How could a little pussy bitch like me hurt anyone?
Keller: Beecher, if you weren't in the storage room, how did you know I was shelving copy paper?
Beecher: Hmm... I dunno. Shit, maybe it was me.
Beecher: You're wondering what I'm going to do to the son of the guy who double-fucked me.
McManus: It crossed my mind.
Wangler: Miguel, how it feel to get your ass whipped by a faggot?
Alvarez: You better watch your fucking mouth.
Wangler: Whatcha you gonna do? Hit me with your purse, motherfucker?
Ryan: Hey, Bricks. Nice one, man. You' like Tyson all right. Cecily Tyson.
Ryan: Yo, Vern!
Keller: How you doing?
Beecher: Came to get some exercise. Work up a sweat.
Andy Schillinger: They're gonna teach me how to wrestle.
Schillinger: That's fine. We'll just stand here and watch.
Beecher: Tsk, tsk, tsk... Vern, you need to adjust your attitude. If not, I got no reason to keep being the good friend to you that I am.
Schillinger: Good friend?
Beecher: Yeah. If not for what I have done, then for what I haven't.
Schillinger: What's that?
Beecher: I haven't fucked him. At least not yet. You see, because I was there for Andrew when he needed someone, holding him—comforting him—I think he's developed a little bit of a crush on me. I have been tempted to at least deep tongue him a couple times, but I knew that would upset you so I haven't. Even though he wants me to stick my dick up his ass. And I'm afraid one of these nights, he and I alone in our pod, I'm not gonna be able to control myself.
Schillinger: You'll be dead before you get the chance.
Beecher: Well, you better hurry. Keller's getting horny and O'Reily's been talking about a three-way with Cyril and Andy.
Schillinger: Those are not the kind of men you should be hanging out with.
Andy: As opposed to who? Those standup individuals that make up your merry little band? You know, I gotta tell you something, Dad, my whole life you crammed into my head how superior we white folks are. Well I don't see the truth in that. Hey, I look around this room and I see white faces and black faces, every color in between. The only thing that I know for sure is that we're all shit. Shit don't come in degrees. I mean, white or black, shit is shit. So fuck everything you believe in, fuck everything you stand for, and fuck you.
Howell: You know what your problem is, Diane? You wanna be everybody's best pal.
Wittlesey: And your problem? You wanna be everybody's worst nightmare.
Hill: Life in Oz sucks, and only a fool or a Republican will tell you different.
Margarita Ricardo: You don't understand!
Wittlesey: If I had a nickel for every time I didn't understand you'd be talking to an empty chair.
McManus: Well, how about a hanging? When you die, your feet do a little dance, a little dance of death.
Hill: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The rats, on the other hand, is a whole different story.
Howell: Seasons greetings, fuckwad!
Beecher: Keller, I just asked McManus to let you be my roommate again.
Murphy: Life's full of disappointments, O'Reily. I think you would've grasped that by now.
Cyril: The man I hit. Is he getting better?
Ryan: Yeah, he'll be fucking fine in about ten minutes. Now go to sleep, Cyril.
Murphy: So, what do you call a guy that eats his own flesh?
Guerra: Fuckin' Alvarez. He's got more lives than a cat.
Beecher: Chris, sometimes, most times, I wish I could wipe away the past. I wish I could wipe away everything I've done, everything I've said to hurt the people I love. I wish I could look at people and not see all the hurt they cause me, and maybe this is the way to start making that wish come true.
Keller: Are you listening to yourself, man? What are you, Tinkerbell? Wishing on a star?
Keller: You know what? Oz didn't make you a bitch. You were born one.
Murphy: Beecher, we had a major incident here, all right? And now we've lost Tim McManus. Your boyfriend's health ain't a priority for me.
Hernandez: You know, I want to see Alvarez dead. I don't know why, you know? It's like one of those reflexes you get when they tap you on the knee and your leg shoots up.
after Beecher and Keller are reunited
Howell: That was such a touching moment, I'm gonna write about it in my diary.
Keller: Hey, man, they stab me, they shoot me, I ain't going down.
Stanislofsky: You Americans think that just because you have democracy you're better than everybody else. Elections are not what makes a country great.
Ryan: Yeah? And what does? Vodka?
Busmalis: Being free, even for a few hours, was so wonderful. I mean, I had no money, no overcoat. It was cold out there. But man, oh man, I was so happy. I stopped in the middle of the street and did a little dance. gets up and dances Of course, that's when they caught me.
McManus: Quiet night?
Andrea Phelan: If you count two fistfights and some anal penetration as quiet, yeah.
Howell: What the fuck you doing with a cigarette, Pancamo?
Pancamo: Smoking it?
Howell: Put it out now, or I'm coming in there.
Pancamo: Now her I'm afraid of.
Mondo Browne: Hey, Keller, man, I gotta ask you a question, man. You mind if I fuck your girlfriend Beecher? You mind if she sucks my cock?
Keller: I don't give a fuck what you do or what he does.
Lawyer: I didn't decree the system, Moses. I just wallow in it.
Keller: Hello Eli. You know, this room really isn't that safe. I got stabbed here once myself.
Eli Zabitz: Fuck, Keller, no! Sees Robson. Oh, thank god. Get him!
James Robson: Schillinger wants you dead.
Zabitz: What? Fuck!
Keller: Robson, this is my kill.
Robson: Take a fucking walk, Keller.
Zabitz: Please don't kill me! Please! collapses
Keller kicking the body: He's dead.
Said: Don't hate yourself.
Beecher: Why not? My son is dead because of me. My daughter's a mess because of me. And Keller... Keller doesn't love me. But I tried this new detergent, it really seems to get the whites clean.
Keller: My relationship with Beecher. It started with brutality, it'll end in brutality.
Ryan: Ah, trouble in paradise.
Keller: But not enough to be of any use to us. You know what we got here, O'Reily? A fandango. And we gotta do something about it.
Ryan: Hey, I don't like being in the minority, but what can we do? Even these fucking Muslims are kowtowing to Adebisi.
Keller: Well, we could detonate a few well-placed depth charges.
Ryan: Whatever you need, K-boy.
Logan: All these incidents involved two other prisoners, Christopher Keller and Vernon Schillinger. Tell me about your relationship with them.
Beecher: We sing in the choir together.
Lisa Logan: Is there a lot of homosexual activity?
Keller: Well, by "homosexual" do you mean deep-rooted love of one man for another, or guys fucking guys in the ass?
Keller: Shit happens.
Busmalis: Do I look okay?
Rebadow: You look like you.
Busmalis: Oh shit.
Jack Eldridge: What do you do before lights out?
Eldridge: For what?
Cyril: The lights to go out.
Murphy: The fourth estate is gone.
McManus: Now, when you violate a rule, instead of sending you to the hole, we're going to stick you inside that cage. In full view of your adoring public. Any questions?
Keller: Mr. McManus, sir, how big is your penis?
Keller: My esteem for you has risen 69 percent. But tell me, as one manipulative turd to another, now did you fuck Howell for the sex, or to get her to do some other kind of nasty?
Ryan: Just the sex. Check.
Robson: What's the matter? Don't think that's funny?
Said: No. But you? You're a joke.
Schillinger: Will somebody tell him we can take care of Said ourselves? We don't need to sub-contract.
Keller: Beecher. That your little brother I saw you with in the visiting room? He's cute. He fool around?
talking about Barlog
Beecher: He's cute. Does he like to fool around?
Ronnie Barlog: So I guess I'm on the bottom?
Beecher: Unless you want to be on top.
Barlog: No, no. I'm good with the bottom.
Glynn: Don't be snarky.
Robson: Hoyt, we agreed I'd do the talking. Let me do the fucking talking.
Fred Wicke: Other than the lice, I feel great. I'm thinking maybe I'm one of the five that got the placebo. suddenly falls face down on the table and dies.
Robson: Your kid was involved in all kinds of shit. Drug deals, pimping. So there's any number of people who might want him dead.
Schillinger: This is you consoling me?
Beecher and Keller kiss.
Keller: I'll see you.
Keller: Back here. Or in heaven.
Beecher: You really think we're gonna get into heaven?
Keller: Ah... you and me together? God doesn't have the balls to keep us out.
Rebadow about Beecher: He misses Keller.
Ryan: I don't.
Edward Gallson: As long as we understand each other. Fucking faggots are ruining the military. "Don't ask, don't tell," my ass.
Beecher: I agree. You know, I think the military should stay the way it's always been—a bunch of redneck He Men who murder children and rape women.
Gallson: You making a joke of me?
Beecher: Seems like you're doing a pretty good job all on your own.
Misc. C.O.: Robson, you looking for jerk-off time in the Hole?
Robson: Uh, no.
Misc. C.O.: Well then goose step your butt outta here.
Clayton Hughes: I hereby declare this the Republic of Huru!
Beecher: Imagine that. Said, Schillinger, and me in a three-way.
Timmy Kirk: If you're not part of the solution, you're Satan's tool.
Kirk: Ever since Jeremiah Cloutier's unfortunate accident—
Mukada: I would hardly call being bricked up in a wall accidental.
Alvarez: How do you keep them safe from the other prisoners?
Alicia Hinden: Like I said. Love and trust.
Alvarez: Shit. Now that's like conjugals and cigarettes.
Alvarez: That's two things don't exist in Oz.
Schillinger: Hey there Petey. You having some shrink time? That's good. After all, a trauma like you went through—getting gang raped and all—it's healthy to talk about the experience. You probably shouldn't get too specific in the details though. That might not be so healthy after all.
Peter Schibetta: Leave me alone.
Schillinger: Sure. Keep your sunny side up.
Beecher: If you meet him... He's very seductive. You're going to fall in love with him, too.
Catherine McClain: I'm willing to take that chance. Besides, I can't pass up the opportunity to meet my boyfriend's boyfriend.
Howell: Here you go Keller. A bag of atomic fireballs per your request.
Keller: Thanks Claire. I always need a little something to suck on.
Ryan: Well I got a little somethin' somethin' I might bust out at the variety show.
Omar White: Damn. You all right McManus. Oh boy, you a straight-up motherfucking humdinger, boy.
McManus: Yeah, yeah. That's me. A humdinger.
Kirk: Father, I want to make confession as well. I want to be Roman Catholic again.
Kirk: What? What do you... you can't refuse me.
Mukada: I sure as hell can.
Father Daniel Meehan: I'm on the bottom?
Ryan: You got that right.
Meehan: Look, I have a meeting tomorrow with Father Mukada, and I was thinking that--
Ryan: Lights out means shut the fuck up.
Sister Pete: Look at us. We're complete and utter failures at out jobs.
Nathan: So what do we do instead?
Sister Pete: Form an all girl band?
Sister Pete: Well, I'll do... I'll do everything I can to help.
Keller: Show me your tits.
Sister Pete: Don't do that.
Said: May I remind you of your promise to yourself never to speak to Keller again?
Beecher: Yeah. Well the great thing about breaking a promise to yourself is that only one person gets hurt. And I can live with my guilt a shitload easier than I can live without ever seeing Keller again.
Rebadow: Libros. Libros para los muertos.
Rebadow: So Norma was here again today?
Busmalis: So we're both in prison?
Rebadow: Excuse me?
Busmalis: I'm sorry. I though we were asking questions that we already knew the answer to.
Morales: I figure, you and Guerra made peace you won't be stabbing each other with silverware. Besides, I got a question.
Alvarez: Nine inches, baby.
Ryan: Hey Chucky, got a minute?
Pancamo: For you, O'Reily, I got only 28 seconds. But the way you double-talk it should be plenty.
Cutler: You and me? We're gonna spoon. Now bend the fuck over.
Ryan: Hey, Robson. What shade of lipstick is that, huh? Dick suck red?
Pancamo: Yeah, we heard you're working receiving and discharge.
Franklin Winthrop: I interest you?
Keller: Fascinate is a better word. Meet me later. Storage closet, Unit B.
Alvarez: Yo, I'm as bugged out as you. I mean, I know you guys spent a lot of time with Cutler. Did he ever mention anything about me?
Robson: Yeah. In his sleep at night he'd whisper your name. Fuck off.
Dave Brass: Morales. He had Martinez cut me, which screwed with my head, which made me take off with your winnings. He's the bastard you should hate.
Rebadow: There's room in my heart for both of you.
Beecher: Same old story. I got fucked in the ass.
Redding: I suppose you wouldn't want to trade that service spoon for a telephone, O'Reily? Come on over and join our company?
Ryan: Yeah, that'd be a dream come true; pissing off strangers at dinnertime.
Redding: Ain't no money in the kitchen.
Ryan: That's why my middle name is "subsidize."
Fitzgerald: What the fuck is going on here?
Keller: Just a little harmless fun between two consenting adults.
Alvarez: It's Torquemada. Club owner. The king of the night.
Alonzo Torquemada: Miguel Alvarez. I hear you're the man to know.
Alvarez: Whoever told you that was an idiot.
Howell: on her unexpected pregnancy I'm going to take a leave of absence, drop the calf, and from then on keep my fucking legs crossed.
Torquemada: I have a little confession. You see, I'm a virgin. I've never had sex with man, woman, fish, or fowl.
Torquemada: I don't want to fuck you. That would be too common. I want to be you, Miguel Alvarez.
Schillinger: You're dead, sweetpea.
Schillinger: realizing Keller switched the shanks That cocksucker!
Keller: I couldn't face living the rest of my life in here without you. Don't you see? I did what I did out of love.
Beecher: I loved alcohol. I loved heroin. But I had to put them behind me because they were poison. Death. You... are death.
Keller: going over the railing Beecher, no!
McManus: All I know is that the move is temporary. We'll be back someday.
Hill: So, what have we learned? What's the lesson for today? For all the never-ending days and restless nights in Oz? That morality is transient? That virtue cannot exist without violence? That to be honest is to be flawed? That the giving and taking of love both debases and elevates us? That God or Allah or Yahweh has answers to questions we dare not even ask? The story is simple: a man lives in prison and dies. How he dies? That's easy. The who and the why is the complex part. The human part. The only part worth knowing... Peace.