Quotes from Gossip Girl
Best of Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively)
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Chuck: I love this town. I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena: And if you get a drink they're also serving pigs.
Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena: You just love it when a girl talks to you.
Chuck: Actually I prefer it when they're not talking.
Serena: Hm. I've missed your witty banter.
Serena: So you'll pick me up at eight?
Dan: You'd really go out with some guy you don't know?
Serena: Well you can't be worse than the guys I do know.
Lily: I know how hard it is for you to be back, but the more you hide yourself away the more people are going to think you have something to hide.
Serena: Coming from someone who's keeping my brother in an institution.
Blair: I have new traditions now.
Serena: Well they're not traditions if they're new.
Serena: God, please don't tell me it's over.
Dan: You were there. I would say it's pretty much over.
Serena: I meant the assembly.
Serena: Let's do something crazy, like Britney with the umbrella, okay? Britney with the umbrella. Go! Blair starts wailing on her I'm the car! I'm the car!
Jenny: You don't leave much room for surprise.
Serena: Well I don't know how to dress for surprise. Not everything goes with it, you know.
About the Palace
Dan: It's a nice place that you and... eight hundred other people have got here.
Serena: Yeah, the identical surroundings do make you crazy after a little while. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a secret government experiment.
Serena to Dan: There's something vibrating in your pocket and I really hope it's your phone.
Lily: Do you think that Eleanor Waldorf will find this "Night in Tangiers" enough?
Serena: Maybe if you brought a goat.
Blair: I mean, who gets wasted on Thanskgiving?
Serena: The holidays are lonely for people. I wanted to keep 'em company.
Serena: Blair's a bossy genius.
Serena: Is that really necessary, mom? From what I hear you have been in places far dirtier than this.
Blair: I'm actually glad I'm going with Prince Theodore instead of Nate. The further we get from the breakup, the more self-involved I see he was. Always so brooding, so tortured. Ugh. A girl wants Romeo, not Hamlet.
Serena: Romeo died.
Blair: Is you mom mad that you're not being presented?
Serena: Well she doesn't really have a leg to stand on since I found out she used to be my boyfriend's father's biggest fan.
Serena: I think Dubai is overrated.
"Ms. van der Woodsen hopes to bed as many billionaires as she can before settling down to—" Oh my god!
Serena: All you care about when people look at me is what they think of you.
Dan: How about an antique butter churn?
Serena: Oh my gosh. That would go so well with my loom.
Serena: Mom. You can not date Bart Bass.
Lily: You just said a moment ago you didn't care who it was.
Serena: That was before I knew who it was.
Eric: He only has one facial expression. He scares me.
Serena: And he raised Chuck. That scares me.
Dan: The arts and crafts were impressive, but how did you manage the real snow?
Serena: I'm well connected.
Chuck: Why don't I turn that one piece into a no-piece?
Serena: Find a floaty to talk to, Chuck.
Serena: I would rather be Chuck's stepsister than Dan's.
Eleanor: What's going on?
Serena: Ask Blair. Her version of the story's always better.
Blair: I took the test. I'm not pregnant.
Serena: Oh, I'm so happy. I would have no idea what to wear to a paternity hearing.
Serena: There's Chuck with a mini-Chuck.
Serena: B, I say this out of love. But your being a bitch is what got dairy in your hair in the first place.
Serena: How do you like a brother who treats you like a drug mule?
Serena: If I go down, you go down with me. In the meantime, stay out of my life.
Georgina: I don't need anybody in my life that doesn't want to be there.
Serena: Then we're agreed.
Serena: Hey Dan. I've been trying to reach you all night. I know it's early... or late if you haven't slept like me. But um, I'm pretty sure after this message I will have officially filled your voicemail so I... I'm coming over.
Serena: Hey. I'm sorry, I know it's early but I couldn't sleep. I had to see you. And you're here, which means you slept here. Which is a relief but not a surprise.
Georgina: Serena.
Serena: But that is surprising.
Serena: So, Tuscany with Chuck. Sounds romantic. Minus the Chuck part.
Blair: He invited me. In his father's private plane. And I was headed to France, so...
Serena: So it's worth a week with Chuck to avoid airport security?
Serena: Blair and Chuck. Now there's a couple you can root for.
Quotes from Gossip Girl
Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively)
Season Two
Summer, Kind of Wonderful
The story continues...
Serena: This is the first time I've seen you look in the mirror all summer. Here I thought if you did you'd turn to stone. Must be pretty nervous about something if you're willing to take that risk.
Chuck: Ha ha, Sis. I'm on my way out to Lily Pond. With the triplets returning to Rio I thought I'd continue my tour of South America. Maybe Argentina.
Serena: Then what are the flowers for? You wouldn't perhaps have heard a recent phone call with a certain best friend of mine. Who mentioned she's on her way of here on the Jitney.
Chuck: What's a Jitney?
Serena: If that's your way of saying No then I'm glad to hear it. 'Cause Blair will never forgive you for what you did to her.
Chuck: Who told you that little piece of advice, your boyfriend Nate?
Serena: Nate didn't say anything.
Chuck: Good. 'Cause I don't think it's wise taking relationship advice from somebody in a fake relationship. Call me crazy. Enjoy another night alone with your thoughts.
Serena: Good luck on your suicide mission.
Blair: You didn't do anything? All summer? Please don't tell me you just sat around watching The Closer and eating takeout from Nick and Tony's.
Serena: No. Della Femina.
Blair: Oo, a honk instead of a knock. Did someone order a townie?
Serena: And god, the lifeguard's got a Camaro. And not in an ironic I've-got-a-Camaro way.
Eric about Chuck: He's got a PI on speed dial.
Serena marching over: Nate!
Eric: I know that face. That face is not your friend.
Serena: Wait wait wait. No, let me guess. You can explain.
Dan: I haven't been able to get you out of my head all summer. I was hoping, when I saw you I would that we did the right thing. But I don't feel that way. I don't feel that way at all.
Serena: Can we not talk about this right now? I have to make sure that my grandfather's suit from the 70s isn't ruined. Any more than it was by being my grandfather's suit from the 70s.
Dan: I missed that little laugh of yours.
Never Been Marcused
Serena: It was so romantic, what you did. Showing up here. And it feels so right to be together.
Dan: But you're having second thoughts.
Serena: No. I, I just think that we should think before we get back together. Right?
Dan: Yeah, I, I thought this meant we were back together.
Serena: And you really expect me to believe this isn't all revenge on Chuck?
Blair: Revenge is so twelve hours ago.
Blair: Marcus dated the descendant of Princess Grace. His consort needs to be able to host royal dinners and hobnob with oligarchs and dictators.
Serena: Well if you can't find common ground with a dictator I don't know who can.
Serena: Wait, so does this mean you actually think Dan has a redeeming quality?
Blair: Well as long as he knows
his arse from his Arsenal I think he's aces.
Blair: This party's a complete bust. My whole life's a bust.
Serena: Well it serves you right. You were scheming to convince Marcus you're someone you're not.
Blair: But my intentions were good. I really do like him, I just— As soon as I knew he liked me I would have relaxed and dropped the manipulative plotting and devoted myself to being the best girlfriend ever.
Serena: See? Thank you! There's my B. Show this girl to Catherine and she'll want you to be with Marcus. This is you, just be yourself.
Blair: She made Waldorf rhyme with Spears. I may as well have gone commando and held my party at Nyla's Burger Basket.
Serena: Who are we kidding? What do you say we just forget about thinking and follow our hearts.
Dan: You sure it's your heart you're following?
The Dark Night
Dan: A coming out party?
Serena: Well sooner or later people are going to figure out we're dating. We're not exactly the world's most covert secret couple.
Dan: Yeah, my family's getting curious about my new friend that Clive that keeps calling... and calling.
Serena: Why can't you support me?
Blair: Have you two talked about everything? About all the very real reasons you broke up last year?
Serena: Not completely.
Blair: Well when you do, if you're still together, I'll be happy for you. 'Til then I just think you're fooling yourselves.
Serena: Who was that?
Chuck: A little whiff of the Far East.
Serena: Sometimes I envy you. The way you just— Ew. What am I saying? You're disgusting.
Chuck: Relax. Nothing happened with Madame Butterfly.
Serena: Yeah. right.
Chuck: No. Nothing happened. Same as nothing's been happening all week.
Serena: What are you talking about? You've had different girls every day. No.
Chuck: I'll take your incredulity as a compliment.
Serena: C'mon. You must have tried—
Chuck: Everything. From the erotic to the pharmaceutical.
Serena: I'm sorry. I'm not laughing. It's just so obvious you're not over Blair. Look, c'mon, this is your body's way of telling you.
Chuck: I don't have a romantic bone in my body. Least of all that one.
Serena: I forgive you for Georgina.
Dan: And I forgive you for.... I don't know.
Serena: I can't change who I am, Dan.
Dan: Me neither. So what happens now?
Serena: I don't really feel like talking.
Dan: Yeah. Me neither.
Serena: I'm scared.
Dan: I know. Me too.
Serena: When I step out of here it's over.
Dan: I think, I think it was already. It just took us this long to realize. To get used to the idea. Serena? I still...
Serena: I know. Me too. the door closes. I love you.
The Ex-Files
Chuck: Humphrey was holding you back. You're a born queen this is your year to rule. Why fight it?
Serena: Because I don't want it, okay? Being queen is Blair's whole thing. Plus, if she needs a eunuch she knows where to look.
Chuck: You may feel differently when the trumpets call. Bring the OJ. There's champagne in the limo.
Eric: He's kidding. I think.
Serena: I loved you. And just because we broke up doesn't mean I could just turn it off like that.
Dan: Maybe we should stay away from each other for awhile.
Serena: Yeah, you're right. You and Amanda should probably go.
Dan: Are you ordering me to leave?
Serena: Consider it a suggestion.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: a beautiful blonde phoenix rising from the ashes of a major public humiliation.
Serena: Never again. From now on, everything goes through me.
Welcome back, Queen Serena. Consider us your humbled servants. 'Cause if looks could kill we wouldn't want to be Dan Humphrey.
The Serena Also Rises
Lily: There's a Mappelthorpe that's coming up for auction, uh—
Serena: Wait, Mappelthorpe. Isn't that the one who took all the pictures of the naked guys?
Lily: Yeah. Um. Not just guys.
Blair: You blew off our most beloved tradition.
Serena: Just get over it, Blair.
Blair: Excuse me?
Serena: My whole life I have been bending over backwards to protect your feelings. And you what? It's not my fault you're so insecure.
Blair: And I'm sure it's not your fault you're so conceited.
Serena: I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back so I don't outshine you.
Blair: Oh my god. Can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?
Serena: It's just the truth. From now on, I'm going to be who I am. And if you can support that and not be threatened and competitive, then great. If not...
New Haven Can Wait
Serena: Well I know you may find this hard to believe, but not everyone wants to go to Yale because not everyone wants to be Blair Waldorf.
Blair: Not everyone can be.
Blair: Of all the things—Nate, my mom, the girls at school—you wouldn't take this from me. Because if you do, I swear I will take you down.
Serena: I'm not taking anything from you, Blair. I was invited. And as for taking me down. I'd love to see you try.
Serena: Chuck, no. You just told me two things I never wanted to hear. And one is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Serena: I hate this stupid headband!
Blair: What are you doing here? Making sure the Dean knows it's all my fault?
Serena: No. I came to tell him that Yale is your dream and you deserve to go here more than I do. What are you doing here?
Blair: Doing the same thing for you.
Serena: I was up all night thinking about the first time we came here together when we were nine. Your dad took us to that Harvard-Yale game and you tackled Senator Shumer's daughter for wearing a Harvard sweatshirt.
Blair: I bet those grass stains never came out.
Serena: I don't want to not know you. I can't not know you.
Blair: Maybe we just had that fight because the reality of being separated next year is just too scary to think about.
Chuck in Real Life
Bart: Did you get the little suit that I laid out for you, Serena?
Serena: That was for me? I thought the housekeepers got new uniforms.
Lily: Conservative, yes. But classic. Bart brought it from Paris. It had its own seat on his plane.
Serena: Bart bought me a suit?
Eric: New watch.
Chuck: Cash. Direct deposit into one of my offshore accounts.
Serena: What's next, no TV until after you finish your homework?
Eric: They're just a few rules, Serena. Who watches TV on the TV anymore anyway.
Serena: It's not about the rules, Eric. It's about mom. When it's just the three of us it's fine. But anytime she gets a new guy she Stepfords out and lets him make all the decisions.
Eric: I don't think that's what's happening.
Serena: Remember when we had to move to [Chemany] because German Klaus wanted to ski all year round.
Eric: That wasn't so bad.
Serena: Oh. What about Paolo. The raw food diet family. Colonics. Or Samir. I know I enjoyed our brief conversion to Islam.
Eric: I see what you mean.
Chuck: Isn't it about time you ended this bromance? What happens at Yale stays at Yale.
Serena: I'm sorry about everything.
Dan: I am too.
Serena: I'm really glad you're Nate's friend. He needs someone like you right now.
Prêt-à-Poor J
Dan: Hey. How's AP Economics treating you?
Serena: Well today there was a rousing debate about inflation versus liquidity. Which Isabel solved by calling Warren Buffett. Apparently he's her godfather.
Dan: Hey, um, so the other night, seing you was really nice. I know the first leg of the "Dan-Serena: Let's Be Friends" tour was a disaster.
Serena: Well we were young and stupid then. Now we're older and wiser.
Blair: I have an itch that only Chuck can scratch and he won't oblige unless I tell him I love him.
Dan: You need help getting Chuck to sleep with you? Really?
Blair: You hear the judgment in his voice right now, right?
Serena: He's working on that.
Serena: Wow. This looks complicated.
Aaron: Don't worry. You walk into a surgery halfway through it looks like murder.
Serena: Can I help?
Aaron: You know how to weld?
Serena: Um, I've seen Flashdance several times.
Aaron: If you can tell me the fate of Cecil the Caterpillar I will go out with you.
Serena: Okay, I don't really date crazy people who speak in riddles.
Blair: Chuck just texted me. He wants to meet me on the roof.
Serena: The roof?
Blair: Well this way if he doesn't say it back to me then I can just jump. And then he'll be really sorry.
Serena: Oh no, don't do it B. You don't want your obit to say you died in Brooklyn.
Aaron: I don't know how it works in high school, but I like to date more than one person at once. You're free to date other people too.
Serena: Well thank you for the condescending lecture but that's not really my thing.
Blair: Remember, Serena doesn't share!
Serena: Remember, Blair should learn to.
Aaron: Lexi likes to sleep with guys on the first date. She claims it's a political statement against male-dominated sexual hypocrisy. Or something.
Serena: Can't she just vote?
Eric: I know. Sounds like it's got Grandma written all over it.
Serena: And reeks of gin and Chanel No. 5.
Blair: What are you doing?
Serena: I'm just reading the Brown catalog. Oh! And I ordered a home dreadlocking kit.
Serena: Wait, back up Blair. Nate and Vanessa broke up?
Blair: Well they had a falling out after the van der Bilt party. Hadn't spoken for a week and broke up last night.
Serena: How do you know all this? Have you dumped me for Vanessa?
Serena: Gabriel. It's a movie. You know most of them are only like 80 minutes these days.
Serena: It was Friday night and you were out spying on my boyfriend. Instead of seeing a movie. Why can't anybody see a movie around here?