Gossip Girl: Welcome back, Upper East Siders. After a long, hot summer away I see it didn't take much time for you to dirty up the clean slates I gave you. My inbox is overflowing, so let's get to the good stuff shall we? potted: Chuck Bass up to his old tricks. Poor B. I guess nothing good lasts forever.

Dan: Our bags are packed, the house is closed up, but the real question remains: now that you've spent your whole summer drinking your coffee out of Cece's china will it taste as good coming out of your Welcome Back Kotter mug at home?
Rufus: Sure it was great out here but I like the real world too.

Blair: Summer was great. We had a lot of fun. Summer's over.

Vanessa: Hi.
Dan: What— Vanessa? What are you doing here?
Vanessa: Nice suit.
Dan: You couldn't judge me enough in New York, you had to follow me to another state to do it too?.

Blair: I can't rule the NYU masses from the Upper East Side. I need to spend time in the dorm to establish myself as queen.
Chuck: It's not Constance, Blair. The only queens are the ones with tickets to see Liza at Carnegie Hall.

Blair: Let's make it clear from the start: we don't know each other here.
Dan: Works for me.
Vanessa: Me too.

Rufus: If you and Eric will let me, I'd really like to be more to you than Lily's most recent husband. Let me help you with this.
Serena: Wow. I, uh, I would really appreciate that Rufus.

Gossip Girl: Morning in New York. Time to wake up from bad dreams, roll out of the beds we've made, and start making plans for a brighter future.

Jenny: Dad, Scott's been spending a lot of time here lately.
Rufus: Yeah he's a good kid. Good guitar player too.

Serena: If you want to date Georgina then more power to you. I would just check to make sure that there's not an ice pick under the bed.
Dan: We're not dating. We are just hanging out.

Serena: If you don't trust me then what are we doing?
Carter: I'm not sure.

Blair: NYU is hell.
Chuck: Well what do you expect from a place where the men wear sandals.

Chuck: I need you. You're fooling yourself if you don't think you were born to rule this school.
Jenny: People change, Chuck.
Chuck: Not you. Not about this. Jenny Humphrey who used to sit in Brooklyn and watch the lights across the water. Who went toe-to-toe with Blair Waldorf and actually won her respect. You can't tell me that girl's not still in there.

Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You'd really insult me like this?

Chuck: So Bree, you went home last week.
Bree: Yeah. Tried to mend the "I'm dating a van der Bilt" fence. Didn’t work. We're Southern, so family loyalty’s real big down there.

Nate: So you're happy with Chuck. Don't I deserve to be happy as well?
Blair: Trust me Nate. I know women. And none of us are that nice.

Rufus: Well we can keep asking each other if we can do this. We can keep planning and talking adjusting and talking some more. Or we can just leap. So let's leap. Let's get married.
Lily: We're already getting married, Rufus.
Rufus: I mean soon. I mean tomorrow. We leap.

Olivia: So what are you gonna do this weekend to thank me?
Dan: You know, actually, about that. I was thinking I would invite you to the Parent-Freshman Dinner with me and my parents. I know you're probably exhausted—
Olivia: I would love to.

Blair: Are you upset because you kissed a guy?
Chuck: I'm upset because it's somebody that wasn't you. You really think I've never kissed a guy before?
Blair: Love me?
Chuck: Always.

Dan: So you really think the sight of Olivia in fake fangs reciting stilted dialogue is going to be a deal breaker, don't you?
Nate: Oh the dialogue is awesome. It's the part without the talking that's the problem.

Eric: Oh c'mon. She's still the same Jenny underneath. She just has to wear the mask for school.
Jonathan: That mask is becoming her face.

Nate: I'm surprised Blair isn't here. What, are you guys in another fight?
Chuck: A fight implies time and energy. This is more of an ongoing detached distrust.

Dan: Listen, as much as I enjoy my current girlfriend talking to my ex-girlfriend about her fake boyfriend who is also my current girlfriend's ex...

Nate: What are you doing here?
Serena: I left you a message but you never called me back.
Nate: Yeah well as you can see I've been sort of busy and I really have nothing to say to you.

Chuck: Isn't it about time you and Serena made up? You love cotillion. You should be doing it together.

Blair: Jenny, you're lucky to have me. Don't push it.
Jenny: Your era's over. And so is that headband.

Nate: What are she and Serena fighting about this time?
Chuck: Basically how each one loves the other more than the other loves her.
Nate: Can you even fight about that?

Nate: Oh. Dan. Girl problems. You don't even want to know.
Serena: Sounds like you’re everyone's therapist today.
Nate: Yeah well. Affairs with married people. Love triangles. Just so happens everyone's problems are well within my area of expertise.

Olivia: If you just let yourself, you'll see that your feelings for her are real. And you should stop kidding yourself.

Serena: I'm not having an affair with Trip. And since you're going to find out anyway he's leaving his wife. And it's not for me.
Blair: Then what are you exactly? An eighteen-year-old blonde coincidence?

Dorota: I'm not talking with Vanya. Now he not stop calling. And texting. Tweeting. Writing on Wall.

Blair: This whole Scrooge act? You should be at home today. Or laying flowers on your father's grave. I know today is the anniversary of his death.
Chuck: Why don't you take the car and meet me at the hotel later for lunch. We'll have our quiet time then.
Blair: Fine. Pretend like you never get sad.

Serena: You're asking me to be his mistress?
Maureen: It's a time honored political tradition. I'm Jackie. You're Marilyn.

Dan: I dated Serena for over a year. And if you want to make things work you're going to have to be able come up for air. Which is really not her favorite thing to do.

Blair: You are the one Nate has always wanted and could never have. It's like a diet. After years of starvation you can't just let him gorge on sundaes. He'll panic and decide he hates ice cream.

Nate: You came with him?
Serena: You came with her? I think you're in the wrong place. Prom is down the street.
Nate: Oh that's fine. I'll just let you get back to your Euro fun.

Blair: Chuck called?
Nate: No. I mean yeah, he called. But he was just wanting me to put his phone in his briefcase so he didn't forget it.
Blair: Oh god, I miss that.
Nate: What?
Blair: Dating someone who's a horrible liar. It's so much easier.

Serena: Who's Elizabeth Fisher?
Chuck: Her name used to be Evelyn. And she's my mother.

Lily: How are things going with Jenny?
Rufus: We have an understanding. She goes to school, she comes home, she does not date boys with pills.

Rufus: Lil, I think this morning has been a step in the right direction. But I'm not quite in the mood to celebrate any of your former husbands right now.

Chuck: If you are who you say you are, then you won't mind me doing a DNA test, right?
Elizabeth: I should have known you would never let me in. You are your father's son.

Jenny: Dad, the last time I worked for Eleanor it didn't exactly end well, remember?
Rufus: But I also remember that my daughter used to love working in fashion.

Blair: There's something about waking up the morning of a fashion show, the smell of pleats wafting through the city.

Chuck: Victor. Is everything alright?
Victor: Mr. Bass, you need to vacate the premises immediately.
Chuck: I think you've misunderstood. I may have put my mother in charge for the time being but I'm not leaving the hotel.
Victor: Actually, sir. These orders come from her.

Jack: It's an interesting feeling, holding another man's prized possession. You wonder how far he'll go to get it back. If there's anything he wouldn't do.
Chuck: I will do anything.
Jack: Well there is something that caught my eye.

Serena: Everything will be fine, Blair. No matter what, Chuck has you, and he loves you. The Empire's just a hotel.
Blair: You don't understand. The hotel is proof that Bart was wrong about Chuck. It's become who he is.

Gossip Girl: Careful B, don't forget your first rule of battle: beware of Basses bearing gifts.

Nate: Look, we're concerned about our best friends. And whatever he did, I'm sure you can find a suitable punishment for him.
Blair: There is no punishment for what he did.

Blair: The only reason you're giving it is so you can spend time with me. You know weddings are my weakness.
Chuck: Really? It never occurred to me.
Blair: Everything occurs to you, Chuck.

Serena: I may have encouraged him to make a gesture but throwing a whole wedding was his idea.
Blair: That's the thing with him, S. Everything is a game..

Serena: You ready?
Lily: To explain to Rufus the real reason I've been lying to him? No. But I know I have to.
Serena: Well it's Rufus. He'll understand.

William van der Woodsen: Hello Rufus.
Rufus: Will, what the hell are you doing here?
Will: I'm here to see Lily. Is she home?
Rufus: If she was you still wouldn't be welcome.

Blair: You twisted, manipulative psychopath! How could you?
Chuck: You're going to have to be a tad more specific. It's been a busy few days.

Eric: What? He left when I was two. The man's a total stranger to me.
Serena: You have to at least give him a chance.
Eric: No. I don't.

Zoe: You probably don't remember us. But we met at your mom's fashion show.
Blair: Yeah, of course. Hair Band Girl. I never forget a good accessory.

Eric: Please stop acting like you and I have any kind of relationship.
Will: You're right, I have a lot to make up for.
Eric: I'm sorry. The window for that closed somewhere between my twelfth birthday and my suicide attempt. Don't worry, I'm fine now. Going through all that without a father made me realize that I don't need one.

Chuck: Lily's pills are ivermectin. They're great at battling parasites and African River Blindness. But lymphoma, not so much.

Lily: Rufus, you of all people could understand why I might have a doubt. You didn't talk to me for weeks after you found that letter from William.
Rufus: Lily, maybe you would do that, but I wouldn't. And I didn't. When you're ready to hear that and talk about it, give me a call.

Rufus: I didn't cheat on you, Lil. I would never cheat on you.
Lily: Rufus—
Eric: So she's not sick? I just want to be clear.
Rufus: She's not sick anymore. He's been lying since he got to New York. To all of us.
Eric: Do you think he's even coming back?
Serena: Yes, of course he is. You heard what he said. I'm sorry, Mom. I don't want you to be sick. But Dad is not lying to us.

Dorota: Blair loves the Empire State Building even though she doesn't want to and she should just admit it and make all our life easier.

Serena: I feel terrible about Nate.
Dan: Oh god. I know. I know— Which part, exactly? Was it the kissing me part or the him finding out part? Or wait, was it the part were he asked us if we had feelings for one another.