Gossip Girl: Hey Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here. And I have the biggest news ever. One of my many sources, Melanie91, sends us this: "Spotted at Grand Central, bags in hand: Serena van der Woodsen." Was it only a year ago our It girl mysteriously disappeared for "boarding school"? And just as suddenly, she's back. Don't believe me? See for yourselves.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lonely Boy. Can't believe the love of his life has returned. If only she knew who he was.

Isabel Coates: Someone saw Serena getting off the train at Grand Central.
Chuck: Good. Things were getting a little dull around here.

Gossip Girl: Word is that S bailed on B's party in under 90 seconds. And didn't even have one limoncello.

Gossip Girl: Why'd she leave? Why'd she return? Send me all the deets. And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. The only one. XOXO. Gossip Girl.

Rufus Humphrey: Guess who's dad is cool.
Jenny: It's a trick question.
Dan: Yeah, 'cause it can't be ours.
Rufus: Look at this.
Dan reading Rolling Stone: "Top Ten Forgotten Bands of the 90s."
Rufus: Check out who's #9.
Jenny: He's very proud.
Dan: Hey! Hey! Way to be... forgotten.

Jenny: One of the girls in my art class saw my calligraphy and she said that if I addressed all the invitations that I could have one.
Rufus: Sounds very fair. Sweat shops could learn a thing or two.
Jenny: Dad this is not platform for one of your anti-Capitalist rants.
Rufus: Yes it is.
Jenny: Besides, you make us go to private school.
Rufus: That's for your education.
Jenny: So we should just be anonymous losers who eat lunch alone and never get invited to parties.
Dan: Works for me.

Nathaniel Archibald: Your mom told me you guys were staying here at the Palace.
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, we're renovating again. You know my mom. If it's not broke, break it.

Nate: But you're back now.
Serena: I didn't come back for you. Look, Blair's my best friend. And you're her boyfriend. And she loves you. That's the way things are supposed to be.

Chuck Bass: Serena looked effing hot last night. There's something wrong with that level of perfection—it needs to be violated.
Nate: You are deeply disturbed.
Chuck: And yet you know I'm right. You're telling me if you had the chance—
Nate: I have a girlfriend.
Chuck: You guys have been dating since kindergarten and you haven't sealed the deal.
Nate: Who says "seal the deal"?

Chuck: Are you following us or something?
Dan: No, I go to your school. Identical uniforms, isn't that kind of a tip-off?
Nate: That's funny.
Dan: So, you guys wanna sit together at lunch?

Serena: So when's the party?
Blair: Saturday. And you're kinda not invited.

Gossip Girl: Spotted on the steps of the Met: an S. and B. power struggle.

Blair Waldorf: Well we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you've got a lot of yogurt left.

Dan to his dad: Save some trees. Have a blog.
Rufus: Maybe if musicians got off their "blogs" and picked up their guitars the music business would be in better shape.
Dan: Spoken like a true relic.
Rufus: Thanks son.

Serena: I talked to the nurse and I'm kidnapping you.
Eric: We're going shopping, aren't we?

Serena: Jenny, right?
Jenny: Yeah hi.
Serena: This is my—
Eric: Stylist. And personal shopper, Eric.

Chuck: This is some good stuff.
Nate: I'm gonna need it. Blair's mom's at the country house.
Chuck: Yeah? Well then maybe I should swipe some of my dad's Viagra. Nate looks nonplussed. Or my mom's Paxil? Nathaniel, you're finally about to have sex with your girlfriend. It's like you're headed to your execution.
Nate: No man. I'm good.
Chuck: Talk to Chuck, buddy. You and Blair have been dating forever. Now there's a problem?
Nate: There's no problem. It's just, do you ever feel like our lives have been planned out for us? That we're just going to end up like our parents?
Chuck: That's a dark thought.
Nate: Aren't we entitled to choose? Just to be happy?
Chuck: Look, easy Socrates. What we're entitled to is a trust fund. Maybe a house in the Hamptons. A prescription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu. So smoke up, and seal the deal with Blair. 'Cause you're also entitled to tap that ass.

Blair: Do you know how it felt calling your house when you didn't show up at school and having your mom say, "Serena didn't tell you that she moved to Connecticut?"
Serena: I had to go. I had to get away from everything.

Chuck: I love this town. I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena: And if you get a drink they're also serving pigs.
Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena: You just love it when a girl talks to you.
Chuck: Actually I prefer it when they're not talking.
Serena: Hm. I've missed your witty banter.

Chuck: Best friend and the boyfriend. That's pretty classy, S. I think you're more like me than you'd admit.
Serena: No. No, that was then. I'm trying to change.
Chuck: I liked you better before.

Dan: Look, when Prince Charming found Cinderella's slipper they didn't accuse him of having a foot fetish.
Dexter: And you're Prince Charming? There's Miss van der Woodsen now. Oh, Serena!
Dan: No no no. What are you doing don't—
Dexter: Do you know this young man?
Dan: She doesn't know me. Nobody knows me. It's cool. It's fine.
Serena: Oh, from last night. Right? I'm sorry about that.
Dan: You remember me? She remembers me.
Dexter: Well he claims he found your cell phone.
Serena: Oh, you found it!

Serena: So you'll pick me up at eight?
Dan: You'd really go out with some guy you don't know?
Serena: Well you can't be worse than the guys I do know.

Nate: Look, Blair. I really hurt you. And I know that. And I wanna fix it.
Blair: Really? And how are you going to do that?
Nate: I'm going to put everything in the past. I'm not going to see Serena again or even talk to her. It'll be like she doesn't exist.
Blair: I think that's a good idea. Let's not mention it again.

Rufus: Lily. Are you shopping for some art to match your furniture?
Lily: Why is my daughter going to one of your concerts?
Rufus: 'Cause we're awesome.
Lily: With your son.
Rufus: Dan scored a date with Serena?
Lily: Mm hm.
Rufus: Well our kids were bound to meet. It's a small island.
Lily: Are you sure it's not some ploy—you're using my daughter to get to me now that your wife left you?
Rufus: How do you know about Allison?
Lily: Like you said, small island.
Rufus: Oh, I get it. You hear about Allison, use your daughter as an excuse to start something.
Lily: In your dreams.
Rufus: Well you are in my dreams, Lily. And one in particular recurs. It involves finding you in the back of a Nine Inch Nails tour bus with your shoes in your earrings and Trent Reznor. Oh, that happened.
Lily: No need to rehash details of decades past. So I moved on.
Rufus: Yeah. From Trent to Layne to Perry. Until you switched up rock stars for billionaires.
Lily: You think you're so cute. Washed-up band. Crappy so-called art gallery.
Rufus: Well. Not all of us have settlements from multiple divorces to sustain us.

Eleanor: Blair, you will never be more beautiful or thin or happy than you are right now. I want you to make the most of it.
Blair: I guess I have time to change.
Eleanor: And put some product in your hair. The ends are dry.

Serena: So you took me to meet your dad on the first date?
Dan: So, this is a date? Ah, maybe I shouldn't have worn my loafers then. Dressed down a bit.

Dan: My sister was right. You're nice.
Serena: You asked me out on a date and you didn't think I was nice?
Dan: No. I just thought you were hot. Technically, you asked me out?
Serena: Oh. Okay, okay. I see. So, um, sensitive tortured soul boy is actually kind of superficial, huh.
Dan: Yeah, just a little bit.
Serena: Good to know.

Chuck: Who are you anyway?
Dan: How many times do I have to tell you?

Dan: So, think I've got a shot at a second date?
Serena: Well I don't think we could top this one.
Dan: I did punch someone.
Serena: True. We'll talk about it in the cab.

Spotted: Serena making a heroic exit from B's party. Too bad for her there's school on Monday.