GG: Hey Upper East Siders, there's nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a surprise. And Blair has a two-for-one special.

Eleanor: Before you tuck into that, you might find a lowfat yogurt more appealing.

Chuck: You've lived through Ivy Week and hopefully gained entry into the college of your choice. Now. Let's ruin those chances. Let me remind you of the rules. As of this moment there is no outside world that I do not show you. You eat what I provide, practice what I preach. Until I say so, the only girls you talk to are the ones I've paid for. Let the lost weekend commence.

Chuck: Who brought the sasquatch?
Nate: Isn't that Carter Baizen? I haven't seen him since the eighth grade when he was in the tenth. He looks intense.
Chuck: Are you high? He looks like Matthew McConaughey between movies. The guy's a loser. Look, anyone who trades their trust fund for a fanny pack flies in the face of all that is holy to Chuck Bass.

Nate: Baizen, my man. Heard you went rogue.

GG: Doesn't Chuck know a party isn't a party until someone crashes?

Dan: Took a couple of Cubans for me and my dad. Sandwiches. Not cigars.

Blair: That was disgusting. The DOH should shut them down.
Serena: The bathroom?
Blair: No, the people. It's called Nolita not No Showers. {seeing Dan} What are you doing here? Do I smell pork? And... cheese? Okay, well when you're done with you charity work why don't you come find me.

Dan: Isn't that the girl who told the entire school and, oh, several colleges that you had a drug problem?
Serena: Yeah, but Blair can be a little... Blair.

Chuck: As much as I love the speech about not needing material things from a guy who has that much product in his hair, this party is about excess. Not exposition. Stop talking. Start partying. {two girls sidle up beside him} Now here is something that doesn't need material. As a matter of fact it's about to come off. Who's with me?
Nate: I think I'm just gonna hang here for a bit.
Chuck: Fine. I'd hate to break up a matched set anyway.

GG: Is that a smile we see on B's lips? The spotlight's on her for once and S helped her get it. I guess miracles can happen.

Kati: I think this is my best pose.
Iz: That's because you can't see what you look like. You're just a hand model and that's it.

Dan: Can I just please talk to Serena?
Blair: Apparently you can, Cabbage Patch.

Bex Simon: I've heard a lot about your gallery. I wasn't expecting a piece like this from a former rock star.
Rufus: I prefer "one hit wonder".

Chuck: What is Carter still doing here?
Nate: I invited him.
Chuck: Or he invited himself. That is his style. begging us to break free of our prisons while stuffing his face with free food and draining our booze. He's a deadbeat and a hypocrite.

Chuck: This is the lost weekend for juniors, not senior citizens. Go jump into a volcano.

Serena: Let's do something crazy, like Britney with the umbrella, okay? Britney with the umbrella. Go! Blair starts wailing on her I'm the car! I'm the car!

Serena: Posh Spice in America. Ready go!
Blair: That's Cyborg Spice to you.

Chuck: And remember, don't dip your shalaly in the wrong pot o' gold.

Dan: She's best friends with this girl, Blair Waldorf. Who is basically everything I hate about the Upper East Side distilled into one 95-pound, doe-eyed, bon mot tossing, label-whoring package of girly evil.
Rufus: No one's that bad.
Dan: She is. I would barely be exaggerating if I told you Medusa wants her withering glare back.

Blair: You haven't done this since I was little.
Eleanor: You haven't been in bed by ten since you were little.

Serena: How would you like to see what really happens at a fashion shoot?
Dan: I'm sorry, this is Dan Humphrey. Are you sure you're not trying to reach my sister?

Serena: Okay, what if I buy you anything you want from craft service?
Dan: I thought craft service was free.

Terry: Your girl is rigid like a twig. You know, she's afraid to let you in. So your works of art and she fail to achieve— what's the word?
Eleanor: Symbiosis.

Gossip Girl: The rules for a model the day of a photo shoot are similar to those of a patient pre-surgery. No food or drink twelve hours prior, wear comfortable clothing, and make sure your affairs are in order. You never know what could go wrong in a flash.

Rufus about the painting: What are you doing with that?
Lily: The questions is, what are you doing selling it to me?

Lily: Your wife despises me.
Rufus: I wouldn't say that.
Lily: Well she did. She may have been wearing a slip dress and Doc Martens at the time, but she definitely meant it.

Rufus: So what did you think of it?
Lily: I thought... it was extraordinary.

Serena: Look, Blair. I encouraged you to do this. Why would I try to steal something from you that I pushed you to do.
Blair: Because you take everything from me—Nate, my mom. You can't even help it. It's who you are. I just thought this time it'd be different.

Eleanor Waldorf: Who are you? What are you doing here?
Dan: I have no idea, actually.

Dan: I thought you wanted to be on the sidelines here. I thought you wanted to be here for your friend, Blair. You know, we were going to get craft service and I'd have your full attention.
Serena: Say it.
Dan: I don't think I have to.

Blair: Serena send you here to talk to me?
Dan: No, believe it or not I actually came here myself.
Blair: Normally I wouldn't be this close to you without a tetanus shot.

Chuck: Look, you've got my watch and my ball. You keep them. Take care of these guys. I don't call the cops. And we walk out of here.

Blair: Did you choose Serena over me? You could have picked a stranger. You didn't have to choose my best friend.

Eleanor: You've always been my biggest supporter, my biggest fan.
Blair: I'm your daughter.
Eleanor: And as my daughter I knew that you would forgive me, in time. But if my company had lost this deal because of you I'd never forgive myself.
Blair: I hope you never do.

Gossip Girl: You didn't hear it from us, but in every girl's life there comes a moment when she realizes that her mother just might be more messed up than she is.

Serena: Hey, how about you ask me out again?
Dan: How about you actually show up?
Serena: Okay. No drama, no disruptions. I promise.
Dan: You promise? Oh no! That means it's never going to happen now!
Serena: Okay, quick, I take it back! I un-promise.
Dan: Friday. 8 o'clock.
Blair: I think we can agree to those terms. But you can't wear those shoes. Mm. Or that hair.

Gossip Girl: This just in: S and B committing a crime of fashion. Who doesn't love a five-finger discount. Especially if it's the middle one.