Gossip Girl: Why'd she leave? Why'd she return? Send me all the deets. And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. The only one. XOXO. Gossip Girl.

Blair Waldorf: Well we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you've got a lot of yogurt left.

Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena: You just love it when a girl talks to you.
Chuck: Actually I prefer it when they're not talking.
Serena: Hm. I've missed your witty banter.

Lily: Why is my daughter going to one of your concerts?
Rufus: 'Cause we're awesome.

Dan: Hey, how you doing? I was in yesterday with Serena.
Dexter: How could I forget.
Dan: Yeah, well. Um. Is she in?
Dexter: Just missed her actually, but you're welcome to wait.
Dan: Yeah, okay. Maybe I will. She probably won't be that long, right?
Dexter: Once she went out and didn't come back for six months, but feel free to sit. Over there.

Serena: Blair, it's Sunday morning. Coffee, croissants, Breakfast at Tiffany's. It's our tradition.
Blair: I have new traditions now.

Ref: Running out of colors here, Blair.
Serena: And I'm running out of patience. That's enough.
Blair: It's enough when I say it's enough.

Gossip Girl: Hey Upper East Siders. We hear that World War III just broke out. And it's wearing kneesocks. Choose your side or run and hide. We have a feeling this one's to the death.

Nate: Isn't that Carter Baizen? I haven't seen him since the eighth grade when he was in the tenth. He looks intense.
Chuck: Are you high? He looks like Matthew McConaughey between movies. The guy's a loser.

Blair to Dan: What are you doing here? Do I smell pork? And... cheese?

Dan: She's best friends with this girl, Blair Waldorf. Who is basically everything I hate about the Upper East Side distilled into one 95-pound, doe-eyed, bon mot tossing, label-whoring package of girly evil.

Serena: Look, I'm really sorry but this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something. I—
Blair: I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination.

Gossip Girl : Couture and canape are just another Saturday night until you add a mask. But preparing for a ball is an event in itself. Which is why queens invented handmaidens.

Rufus: Since when were you the patron saint of former rock stars?
Lily: Since when were you a star?

Serena: You think, all the money we spend on private school, they could at least give us a comfortable spot to make out.
Dan: Or better chemistry teachers. Mr. Pizer is a little weird.

Dan: How was I?
Serena: I don't know. Let's ask the judges.
BT1: I was gonna give you a three, but since you're a virgin I gave you an extra point.
Dan: Hey, I chose to wait. Sex is meaningful. Like art. And you don't rush art.
BT2: Who's Art?

Gossip Girl : Speak of the Devil and he doth appear. Wearing his trademark scarf.

Mrs. Archibald: It's important that Blair knows how much you value her loyalty.
Nate: Her loyalty or her mother's?

Allison Humphrey: I asked if you were okay with me going away and I'd hoped that if there was a problem you would say something.
Dan: Like what? Your daughter's a freshman at a school populated by mean girls and date rapists, I think she needs her mom? Or maybe, My father is madly in love with you and will probably never get over this. Why should I have to tell you this?

Serena: Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge.
Blair: Well it wasn't because I like his natural musk.

Lily: There's nothing wrong with having Chinese food on Thanksgiving. Jews have been doing it on Christmas since forever. Look, a pumpkin. It's festive, yes?
Eric: We're going to eat a pumpkin?

Blair: Ugh. A girl wants Romeo, not Hamlet.
Serena: Romeo died.
Blair: Yeah, but he died for something exciting. And I want my debutante ball to be something to die for.

Jenny: A debutante ball is all a girl could ask for. It's gorgeous and formal and totally legendary.
Dan: Don't forget out of touch and totally classist.

Jenny: Yeah, you got your dream girl and your story in the New Yorker. Maybe you should just die now.
Dan: That's true. I may have peaked.

Rufus: I kept your date for you with Alex. He's actually a pretty cool guy other than the fact that he's in love with my wife.

On the Upper East Side it's easy to think the world is exactly as it appears. Refined. Elegant. Imposing. But sometimes all it takes is a little key to open the door to the wild side.

Blair: Isn't there someone else you could torture?
Chuck: Probably. But I choose you.

Vanessa: So what will it be, Dan? Cheerios and Chaucer or an illegal party at your prep school with your high society girlfriend and her nasty cohorts?
Dan: Dad? Vanessa and I are going out.

Serena to Blair: Whenever something happens that's not a part of your plan you pretend like it doesn't exist. You act like you're in this movie about your perfect life then I have to remind you the only one watching that movie is you.

Serena: I took a public bullet for you, let another rumor about me run rampant. The whole school heard, even Dan.
Eleanor: What's going on?
Serena: Ask Blair. Her version of the story's always better.

Gossip Girl : Wakey wakey, Upper East Siders. Spring Break is done and I'm starved for a dish. Were you sunning in Crete or sinning in Croatia? Give me the deets. And has anyone spotted our ex-Queen B? Where does the dethroned royalty vacation these days?

Serena; Okay, let's get one thing straight. Our parents may be insisting on blending our households, but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.

Blair: How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?
Serena: Because I'm nice. You should try it sometime.

Rufus: You used to beg me to walk you to school. You'd cry if I didn't walk you to class.
Jenny: That wasn't me. That was Dan.
Dan: It's true. But I was six. It was an emotional time for me. It was post-tee ball.

Vanessa: Is there a reason you insist on looking so desperate and needy?
Dan: She's been like that since we were kids. Venomous without provocation.
Vanessa: It's better than being a charity case.
Dan: She's rude too.

Gossip Girl: It looks like the battle between the Queen B and Little J has moved from the streets to the blogs. Who's sending this debasing dish? I have a feeling.

Lily: If Serena's indiscretions were as PG as Jenny's I wouldn't have needed the Botox.

Blair: Cheating, drinking, drugs. It's all fair game. But outing your sister's boyfriend is dark. How did Squeaky Clean Humphrey even come up with that?
Dan: I didn't come up with anything.
Blair: Oh my god. You know something. Spill it.
Dan: Yeah, I might have seen Asher kissing another guy.

Blair: Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.

Gossip Girl: In our modern age, when you call someone and can't find them you can be pretty sure they'll get the message. But if they don't call you back, it usually means they don't want to be found.

Dan seeing Nate at Blair's: Hm. Guess I missed a chapter. {and Chuck} Or... four. Don't all of you hate each other?
Blair: Yes.
Chuck: No.
Nate: Absolutely.
Dan: Well that's fascinating and rife for a psychiatrist's case study somewhere.

Blair: Who? What? When? Where? Why?
Chuck: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.
Blair: And you were on the floor.
Chuck: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Blair: Why? It's not like you ever do anything athletic.
Chuck: Well that's not entirely true, now is it?
Blair: Fine. Nothing that requires removing your scarf.
Chuck: It was one time. It was chilly.

Serena: I know it's my fault. I was just so scared.
Dan: I get it. "Hey I killed someone and I'm being blackmailed by a crazy girl pretending to be someone else" doesn't quite roll off the tongue.