Serena: Blair what are you doing? We said we wouldn't check Gossip Girl all summer.
Blair: Summer's almost over.

Vanessa: What other possible reason could there be in the God-I-Don't-Believe-In's Universe for Georgina Sparks to be leaving lingerie around your house?
Dan: Meet Milo. He's our son.

Rufus: Why do you have Chuck's travel itinerary, bank statements and credit card bills?
Lily: Because I'm afraid he might be in trouble.

Serena: I can't believe it's almost time to go back to New York already.
Blair: I know. And you still haven't made your Sophie's Choice between Brooklyn and the Upper East Side. Serena rolls her eyes. What? If you go back with an uncertain heart there will be drama and disaster for all.
Serena: It's like choosing between eclairs and Napoleons. They're both delicious.
Blair: Except Humphrey's a doughnut.

Juliet: The life of Serena van der Woodsen is like the most complicated Jane Austen novel ever.

Eva: You're a good man, Henry Prince. Too good.

Blair: The good thing about no Gossip Girl: no Chuck. What about you? You're the one who has to start college with an ex-boyfriend loose on campus.
Serena: Oh there won't be any issues. Nate and I are still friends even if he is dating some gorgeous blonde named Juliet.

Serena: Wow. And I thought college was going to be different from high school.
Blair: Who'd want that?

Chuck: I'm sorry for what happened with Jenny. She was in a bad place; I could have helped her, instead I just used her pain for my own self-destruction.
Lily: Thank you for the apology. And welcome home. Please don't disappear again.

Serena: Okay fine. You know what? I will stay away from Nate and Dan. But you have to stay away from Chuck and Eva. No plotting. No meddling. No Blair Waldorfing.

Chuck: Petroleum apocalypse, the education crisis, poverty, disease. Not to mention the recession. It seems outside my Bassian bubble the world is a pretty screwed-up place.

Blair: The woman is a saint! She didn't recoil from those creepy cat rescuers. Or turn away from those pictures of the starving children. She didn't even cringe when that homeless man licked her arm.
Dan: Well she might be used to weird guys licking her.

Serena: Oo, Files. What's going on?
Blair: Researching women of power so I can better forge my path to become one. Sarah Louise Palin? to Zoe: Do you even want to be a minion?
Serena: B, can I talk to you for a minute?
Blair: Yes. Five paces behind. For privacy. to Zoe. Ten for you.

Serena: With Dan and Nate behind me I really feel like I can bury the old me and start anew.
Blair: May you rest in peace.

Serena: I mean who would lie to Gossip Girl like that?
Blair: Do you really want a list? Because I don't know if I have that kind of time.

Jenny: Blair I'm just here for one day. I have an interview with Tim Gunn and if everything goes well then he'll write me a recommendation letter for Parsons.
Blair: Parsons is still in Manhattan is it not?
Jenny: Lower Manhattan. It's a hundred blocks away from the Upper East Side.
Blair: Semantics!

Chuck: I heard Jenny was back. I wanted to speak with her.
Dan: And say what? "I'm sorry for taking advantage of you and letting my psycho ex-girlfriend run you out of town"?
Chuck: Something like that. Except without the sarcasm.

Penelope: The Boom Boom Room is a private club and we're having trouble with the door guy. Can you help?
Blair: Penelope. This isn't congress. Accomplish something!

Dorota: Happy to have you home, Miss. Eleanor.
Eleanor: You didn't think I would miss throwing my only child a 20th birthday party.
Blair: Mother you do know that my actual birthday isn't until next week, don't you?
Eleanor: Twenty-three hours of labor, I am not likely to forget.

Serena: We've witnessed the Waldorf-Bass wars firsthand. We know you both. You have nuclear capability.
Nate: Sooner or later one of you is going to press the other's button and we're going to end up with nothing but cockroaches.

Blair: Dorota, what's going on with me?
Dorota: You aren't fighting with Mr. Chuck so you fight with everyone else.

Serena: I know we agreed to wait, but it feels like meanwhile life is just passing us by. It's not fair.
Blair: Life is tough Serena. Get a helmet.

Blair slapping his hand away: What if someone sees.
Chuck: You don't like that anymore?
Blair: No, you idiot! I mean what if someone we know sees. Wait, what am I saying? There will be nothing to see. This ends here.
Chuck: What about over there?
Blair: Okay. Hurry.

Dan: Hey Serena, it's me. I saw your thing in The Post. Just wanted you to know that Brooklyn is a great place to avoid nasty looks. Unless you throw your recycling in the regular trash or try to open a chain store with questionable labor practices.

Blair: As for your devoted suitors, have you finally decided whom to crush?
Serena: No, and I have feeling for both. I don't want to hurt either. I have a whole new appreciation for Big Love.
Blair: Well. Even in Utah only the men get to have more than one spouse. Which, I've come to realize, is extremely sexist.

Blair: My black Balenciaga will be perfect to publicly condemn you.
Chuck: I love poplin.
Blair: I love condemnation.
Chuck: I love you. prolonged awkward silence
Blair: Of course no one does black like Dior.

Gossip Girl: Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. As always I'll be spending it giving thanks for the bounty of secrets I've harvested from you this year. But leave a place for me at your table. I'll be back for just desserts.

Eric: Do we have relatives I don't know about?
Rufus: It's always a possibility. Your mother wanted to pull out all the stops this year.
Eric: So this is about denial.

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Serena: My name is Serena van der Woodsen. I don't know who I am or how I got here. Please help.

Dan: So. Juliet dressed up like Serena at Saints & Sinners to destroy her relationships with me and Nate.
Blair: And enlist Vanessa and Jenny to mess with me.
Dan: Which is devious and pathetic, but let's face it, around here it's just another Saturday night .
Blair: Well you can't show up at a masked ball and not expect at least one social climbing doppelganger to try and impersonate you.

Gossip Girl: Better step on it, Juliet. Because your clean getaway just got very messy.

Serena: Just, take me away from my problems, please. Tell me, what did you do over the break?
Blair: Why? What did you hear?

Howard Archibald (Sam Robards) from the other room: Hey Nate, need one more for a foursome. You in, dude?
Nate: That's not what it sounded like. But I should go. Good luck.
Chuck: You too.

Serena: So, how was your break? What did you do?
Dan: Why, what'd you hear?

Dan: Crazy question, but why isn't Ben just going after Lily himself?
Serena: Because he knows she'll go to the cops and tell them what Juliet did to me.
Dan: Oh, you mean kidnap and drug you?

Lily: I get Ben out on parole but Serena and Eric continue to treat me like I'm toxic.
Rufus: I know you did what you could, but Ben's still going to have a criminal record. Give them time.

Damien: I don't give anyone anything that they don't come looking for.
Serena: Okay, well then I guess you're only half-responsible that I almost died.

Epperley: Thousands of applications. These are the best of the best.
Blair: I'm the best of the best. I'm Blair Waldorf.
Epperley: Assuming that's your way of saying you're the most distinguished, ambitious student at your school, then they're all Blair Waldorfs.

Dan: We're interns. I may not know couture but I know how to collate.
Blair: And I know how to staple, so stay out of my way or I'll use one to attach your tongue to your shoulder blade.

Gossip Girl: A wise woman once said that every morning when you wake up you say a little prayer. After all, you never know what your day may hold.

Dan: Are you seriously letting Serena's stalker move in here?
Rufus: I told you last week this was a possibility.
Dan: I didn't think you'd actually do it. Especially without talking to me first.

Nate: Did I hear Reina just leave? What is that, three days in a row now? Things are getting serious.
Chuck: Not fast enough. We're stuck in this meaningless mind-blowing sex loop.
Nate: I'm sorry to hear that.

Eric: Contrary to what Rufus and Serena believe, he hasn't changed. He beat up a friend of mine just last week. We have got to get rid of this guy. Show everybody how dangerous he is.

Blair: You and I bonded over a mutual love of scheming. And burlesque. Find something that you and Reina both share. Let your guard down. Show her a side of you that no one else sees. I hear girls love that.

Gossip Girl: It's cold out there, but on the Upper East Side things are heating up. Because Valentine's Day is around the corner.

Serena: Are you sure you're not just burying yourself in work to avoid thinking about tomorrow?
Blair: Tomorrow? I don't even know what day today is.

Lily: Well, I hope hosting this brunch proves to you once and for all I have the company's best interests at heart.
Chuck: And also elegantly forces the enemy to come to you.
Lily: Yes. Sun-Tzu is right beside Emily Post on my bookshelf.

Ben: I don't know about the cater waiter me, but the teacher me thinks maybe you should step out from behind the computer and find out who the new Epperley is. Give her the article in person.
Dan: Hm. The new Epperley. I hadn't thought about that.

Editor: Our inaugural It-Girl has to be special. As should her Valentine's plans. Blair, you're friends with Serena van der Woodsen?
Blair: Yes, well, Serena definitely is "It", but what if there was someone fabulous that we could break ourselves? Someone like Reina Thorpe.