Quotes from Gossip Girl

Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley)

Season Five

Episode List

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Dan: Once Blair and Louis say, "I do" then Serena and I can say we don't anymore and go back to just being friends.
Rufus: Well at the very least this whole thing is probably a distraction from any Graduate thoughts you might have.
Dan: With Blair? No, any thoughts of her running off with me are long gone. If anyone's in danger of pulling a Braddock, it's not me, it's Chuck.

Dan: "Mrs. Grimaldi"? What is going on, is this happening?
Serena: Well it better be, otherwise all those commemorative plates are for nothing.

Dan: Who was that?
Nate: Someone I should have remembered. Maybe that's my issue. I'm paying too much attention to the wrong girls and not enough to the right ones.
Dan: Well if we're listing your issues i'm not sure I'd start with that one.

Serena: I think I may have just done something really bad.
Dan: What'd you do?

Serena: About before—
Dan: Oh, you mean what Georgina said? Forget it, she's crazy.
Serena: No, I owe you an explanation.
Dan: Okay. Go ahead.
Serena: I'm sorry I lied and made you carry on our... whatever it was longer than we had to.

Serena: Nate was right about grand gestures. We all need to make them in our lives. So here's mine: I love you, Dan Humphrey. Always have, always will.
Dan: Serena.
Serena: No. You don't have to respond now.

Dan: This was the only car with the keys in it.
Blair: That's fine. Just go.

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The Backup Dan

Dan: I don't understand. The Dominican Republic?
Blair: Louis may not agree to a divorce here in the states but I think I can get one there without his consent.
Dan: Was researching divorce law part of your wedding prep? Because that should have been your first sign.
Blair: Elizabeth Taylor got her fourth divorce there. There's some weird loophole in the law where you don't need the groom. Or maybe they just take bribes. Either way, I'll figure it out when I get there.

Dan: Don't tell anyone I'm calling, and please don't freak out, but I'm at the airport right now. With Blair. She's going to the Dominican Republic to get a divorce.
Rufus: What are you talking about?
Dan: You just gotta trust me.

Rufus: I don't think Blair should be dragging you into this.
Dan: She needs me, Dad. If you could see how upset she is you would understand. Please, please. Just stall them.

Blair: I think the hotel clerk recognized me. Did you notice him staring?
Dan: You mean after you lectured him about the lack of spa amenities?

Blair: I can't believe that in just a few short hours I went from being a princess with a private jet and a palace, to flying coach and hiding out in an airport hotel room with Dan Humphrey. What have I done to deserve this?
Dan: How about what I've done? Like be there for you completely and without question and you still treat me like crap. would it kill you to be just the tiniest bit appreciative?
Blair: In case you haven't noticed I'm not exactly having fun either. This was supposed to be the best day of my life and now it's a big mess and you don't need to be yelling at me on top of it!
Dan: If you haven't noticed I've been helping you the entire time and you're the one who's yelling! Alright, now I'm yelling too, but you started it.
Blair: I hope someone yells at you on your big day so you know how it feels!
Dan: You already did. Remember the day my book came out, you blamed me for creating all your problems with Louis. And you never even read it!
Blair: I read the most important part! The part that never happened!
Dan: Look, all I've ever tried to do is be your friend, but friends don't treat each other the way you treat me, so if you really think you're better off without me then why don't you try it out!
Blair: That's right, go ahead and leave. I didn't want you in the car and I don't need you now.

Dan: Are you really mad about Blair or is this about us, about what you said at the wedding, because I haven't given you an answer yet?
Serena: You just did.

Dan: If you're looking for Serena, she's on her way back to the city.
Blair: I was looking for you. I want to apologize. Everything you said was right. I could never have survived this last month without you. I also know you wrote those vows.
Dan: Well, you know, Louis asked me to. I just tried to write down what I assumed he would love about you.
Blair: Well you did a great job. It's pretty obvious you care way more about me than Louis. As a friend of course.
Dan: Of course.
Blair: And I care about you too. Even if I have odd ways of showing it, like bossing you around or making fun of your hair. Seriously, you should cut it already. Thank you for helping me. And I really am sorry for maxing out your credit card and not reading your book.
Dan: Listen, you have much bigger problems to deal with. Speaking of, what now?
Blair: I know what I have to do. But I just need to know that you'll be there for me.
Dan: Always.

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Crazy, Cupid, Love

Dan: I was just coming by to pick up those Blurays I let Lily borrow. I thought maybe I could give them to Blair. I know she's back from her honeymoon alone, so...
Rufus: So you figure that if you drop them off, maybe she'll ask you to watch one with her.
Dan: Well cinema's always been intended as a communal art. It's better to watch with another person.
Rufus: She's a married woman now, kid. It might be time to move on.
Dan: I appreciate the advice, Dad, but I'm just trying to be a good friend. Really. It doesn't mean anything.

Dan: Blair's trying to set me up with Serena, which reminded me I didn't exactly have a great time in high school. So I'm not eager to relive it.
Nate: Before you say no, think about this. There's gonna be grown women here dressed like school girls.
Dan: I know, I'm sorry. I can't make it. If it makes you feel any better I will totally sign your yearbook.
Nate: No, it doesn't.

Dan: Georgina. You're Gossip Girl?
Georgina: What? No. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Blair: I sent Serena to look for you. Am I just setting her up for disappointment?
Dan: Do you really want us to get back together?
Blair: I just want you to be happy. Tell me what would make you happy, Dan.

Dan: That kiss, it wasn't like last year. You kissed me back. I felt it.
Blair: It doesn't matter what you think you felt. Because Serena's my best friend and I would never do anything to hurt her. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Have a Happy Valentine's Day.

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Despicable B

Dan: What could be more important than strategizing ways to publicize yourself?
I don't know, maybe the banking crisis or what's going on in Syria, or...
Blair: Dan. You know you're never going to be trending on Twitter if you choose those topics to discuss. You know, just be humble. Self-deprecating. With a tinge of intellectual superiority.

Dan: Who was that guy?
Dorota: Some representative from FIT. More like similar word, but spelled S—
Blair: It doesn't matter. How was the meeting with your publicist?
Dan: They just wanted to see me in person so they could tell me I'm one of the five people nominated for the New York Public Library's 2012 Young Lions Fiction Award.

Dan: Do I need to remind you that Lily is still your wife?
Rufus: Don't tell me you're on her side.
Dan: No, I'm not on any side. But you gave me some very good advice recently on the importance of equality in a relationship and if Lily is taking steps to make things better, how can you not at least try to do the same. That's all.

Dan: Did you really feel the need to steal the spotlight from me tonight because I was above you on the back page of some magazine?
Blair: No. That's ridiculous.
Dan: Is it? Because you said in your speech something about me being brilliant and "high-brow" and if it's about that it's a bit of an overreaction, don't you think? I mean, you know none of that stuff means anything to me.
Blair: Well it means something to me, and it isn't just about the magazine. I don't want to live in someone else's shadow anymore. I did it the whole year I was with Louis and then with Chuck before that. I am sick of being behind-the-scenes in a relationship.
Dan: You're not behind-the-scenes with me. That's what I love about us. We are equals in this.
Blair: Well that's not how I feel. And it's clearly not how other people view me.
Dan: Maybe you are so focused on how everyone else perceives you that you no longer know who you are. And that's too bad, because if you could only see what I see...

Blair: You were right. The problem wasn't your success. It was me. Somehow between being traded for a hotel and selling out for a tiara I lost my true self. But I want to be found. Could you possibly help?
Dan: I have a feeling that the Real Blair Waldorf is a lot closer than you think. Wasn't all that long ago that she and I were working side-by-side at W. And I totally fell for her.
Blair: And what was that girl like?
Dan: That girl is fiercely strong. Independent. Outspoken. Beautiful Capable of anything. And no man or magazine should be able to take that away from her.
Blair: She sounds great. I look forward to meeting her again.

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Raiders of the Lost Art

Blair: You know after my theatrics at the Young Lions Club, it's time I quit my moping. And get back in touch with what it truly means to be the Blair Waldorf.
Dan: That's right. OGB. Original Gangsta Blair.
Blair: Exactly. I need to find that Blair again. And what better place to look for her than at the Met, surrounded by some of my favorite paintings.
Dan: You better not meet any princes this time.
Blair: You don't need to worry, believe me. I'm done with fairy tales. It's time to be real again.

Blair: Did you find your inspiration?
Dan: Yes. But the only problem is it's in Rome.

Dan: Hey. I love you. You know that, right?
Blair: I do now.

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The Fugitives

Blair: That was your agent. She wants you to reconsider the program in Rome. Which is odd, because you told me they went with someone else.
Dan: Ah, well, yesterday when you ended up with Chuck I was a little nervous about leaving for the whole summer. And I know you told me there were other people there and it was not romantic, but... come on. It's Chuck.
Blair: So you lied to me.
Dan: I figured you would just think I was some jealous freak if I told the truth.
Blair: Well maybe because you are. But you don't have to be. You have nothing to worry about. Take the offer. It's an amazing opportunity and I would never stand in the way of it.
Dan: It means the entire summer apart.
Blair: But it's not like I can't come visit. Rome is just two glasses of chardonnay away.

Dan: You don't think this is too much? I mean it's just an interview with one person.
Blair: Well we want to impress him, right?
Dan: I think they're just trying to make sure we're a sane, stable couple. I guess they've had some trouble in the past. Apparently Padma Lakshmi and Salman Rushdie broke up during their stay and it caused all kinds of drama.

Dan: Where the hell is Blair? If she didn't want to go to Rome with me she should have just said so.
Serena: Something came up.
Dan: Is she with Chuck?
Serena: No, of course not. She's with Eleanor. But she knows how important this is and she really wants to go. So she sent me in her place.
Dan: You're not really helping.
Serena: I don't know. He just said we made an interesting couple.
Dan: Not in a good way.

Dan: Do you really want to spend the entire summer with me in Rome? Chuck's dad is alive. That is going to change his world deeply.
Blair: His, yes. But not mine.
Dan: I understand why you did what you did today, but I need to know for me—for us—what is really happening here.
Blair: There is nothing I want more than to spend the summer right by your side.

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The Return of the Ring

Dan: Have you heard from Lily?
Rufus: No. Nothing.

Blair: You saw Gossip Girl.
Dan: You want to reimburse me for my new phone 'cause I'm assuming it's you that took the old one?

Dan: Blair I told you I loved you and you pretended like you didn't even hear me.
Blair: Dan, let's just put all that behind us.
Dan: See, you're doing it again. Do you even want to be in this relationship?
Blair: Of course!
Dan: Is the reason you can't say you love me because you're still in love with Chuck?
Blair: No.
Dan: Then I need to know how you feel about me. By tonight.
Blair: Dan—
Dan: We're supposed to be spending the summer in Italy together and I don't want you coming unless we know where we stand.

Dan: I don't know who you are anymore.

Dan: I'm busy.
Serena: I never meant for you to get caught in the crossfire of my battle with Blair. I deleted the video so no one knows about it and no one got hurt. And please don't act like you're innocent here. I mean it was mutual. We both used each other.
Dan: I was trying to escape my own pain and you were trying to destroy your best friend. Those are two different things.
Serena: I'm sorry for how it happened, but I love you Dan. And I don't think that you would have done what you did if you didn't still have feelings for me. And now there's nothing standing in the way of us.
Dan: Serena, there is no us. There's only you. And now that our parents are splitting up I never have to see you again.

Georgina: Dan Humphrey. Come to whisk me away for a rendez vous under the Tuscan sun. You're lucky you're on my free pass list otherwise Phillip might have put up a fuss.
Dan: This invitation isn't about seduction, Georgina. It's about scandal.
Georgina: Can't a girl have both?
Dan: I need your photographic memory and your passion for social upheaval to help me write the book about the Upper East Side. The book I should have written from the beginning.
Georgina: Hm. Nothing like a scorned lover to scorch the earth. I can hardly wait.

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