Quotes from Gossip Girl

Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester)

Season Two

Episode List

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In the Realm of the Basses

Blair: It's a New Year, Dorota. Time to focus on a new, unencumbered, future. sees the text from Jack Then again. To deny one's past is to deny oneself.

Jack: Blair. You came to greet us.
Blair: Not you, Jack. Chuck. You said you found him.
Jack: In Bangkok. He was staying at our hotel there. I mean, you hear the term "den of iniquity" but to really see it—
Blair: Do you have him or not?
Jack: Nephew mine, vous etes arrivés! (Jack and the chauffeur pull Chuck out of the limo) Tell his teacher’s he'll be taking a personal day.

Serena: Hey, did Jack ever find Chuck?
Blair: Yeah. What was left of him. I'm surprised they made it through customs. Chuck's body odor could have given a contact high to half of Manhattan. S. I have to tell you something. I did something so stupid.
Serena: B., what is it?
Blair: I told Chuck I loved him.
Serena: Oh my gosh! That's great!
Blair: Great? No, it's awful. Not only did he not say it back but he disappeared. For a month. I could just go back and strangle myself as the words come out.
Serena: I'm sure Chuck will say it back. He was probably thinking about you the whole time he was gone.
Blair: Not unless I was a Thai hooker named Beau. There's something else.
Dan: Hey.
Serena: Oh. Hey, this is my news. When I was in Buenos Aires I—
Blair: A postcard would have been fine. I'm really happy for you. I'm going to go vomit now.

Blair: You want to get kicked out?
Chuck: Hello to you too, lover. Long time no see.
Blair: Put that out!
Chuck: You didn't say the magic word.
Blair: What are you even doing here? You should be passed out. Or hooked up to an IV.
Chuck: I didn't want to miss the first day of school. Oh, it looks like I already did.
Blair: That's the reason you came here. Not because you had something to tell me?
Chuck: Like what?
Blair: You know "like what". grabs his face Look at me. she looks into his eyes Who are you?

Queller: Miss Waldorf, this is not normal.
Blair: Headmistress Queller, Chuck is in no state to represent himself and as Mrs. Bass is—
Chuck: Van der Woodsen. My father's dead.
Blair: —is indisposed with grief, someone has to be here. So I am.

Jenny: Nelly has put in a full year of service. She should be allowed to leave without reprisals. For example, people breaking into her locker and smashing her glasses.
Blair: I see. Rebuttal.
Penelope: First, there's been a long tradition of newer members being subjected to more... attention.
Hazel: Some of the things I had to do? Disgusting!
Blair: Oh I remember. I made you do them.
Penelope: But more importantly, once people find out you can quit, the girls at the steps will be finished.
Jenny: C'mon, Blair. What's your decision?
Blair: Tonight I'm hosting the selection committee at The Colony Club.
Iz: You're getting into The Colony Club? They never take girls from high school.
Blair: I know. I was surprised too. That's not entirely true. The point is, enough of this high school nonsense. Nelly or no Nelly, who cares? I have enough going on already. God!

Blair: I need to talk to you.
Dan: And I'm— I'll see you later.
Blair: Have you seen Chuck today?
Serena: No. Why?
Blair: Did he come home last night?
Serena: Blair, I don't know. What's wrong?
Blair: Yesterday Queller caught him smoking hash at school. There was a meeting. And to say it went badly would be an understatement. I'm worried.
Serena: Blair, it's Chuck. He's somewhere blowing off steam. That's what he does. He'll show up in a few days minus several million brain cells and some liver tissue.
Blair: That's true. He always disappeared. Marrakesh. Prague. And he always came back. Tie perfectly knotted. But this time I looked in his eyes. I couldn't see him anymore.
Serena: You're really worried. Okay, um, okay. Just give it 'til tonight and if he hasn't shown up yet I'll help you.

Blair: Hello Chuck. I thought I'd find you here.
Chuck: Blair. Ladies, would you give us a moment?
Blair: I thought you sold this place.
Chuck: Bought it back last night. Owner took me to the cleaners. Some things are worth the price.
Blair: You should go home. Lily, Serena, Eric—
Chuck: Is not my home. Or my family.
Blair: Fine. Go to The Palace. Just get outta here.
Chuck: Oh that would be rude. Since I'm throwing a party here tonight. I just posted it on Gossip Girl. Maybe you'll grace us with a dance.
Blair: Chuck. Stop. All this doesn't help. It isn't you.
Chuck: Wrong. Bart may have been a bastard, but he saw me better than anyone. I'm simply living up to my potential. It's time to let go of your fantasies.
Blair: I don't believe you.
Chuck: That's your business. Now is that it? Or were you going to tell me you loved me again?
Blair: Why did you even come back?

Serena: Hey, is everything okay? I came as fast as I could.
Blair: Fine. False alarm.
Serena: Wait. What happened?
Blair: Chuck. He's holed up at Victrola in some Jim Morrison downward spiral. Sad in a way. Luckily, it's not my concern. Thank you for coming. Dorota! I think my guests from The Colony Club are here.
Serena: Wait. If Chuck is really in trouble then we need to help him. He doesn't have any brothers and sisters. We are all he has. You are all he has.
Blair: He doesn't want my help.
Serena: So that's just it? You're going to abandon him for some society matrons?
Blair: Those "matrons" as you call them, are helping me build a life. All Chuck can do is destroy one. I'm not abandoning Chuck. I'm just saving myself.

Blair: I have to go. That piece of work, Chuck Bass, needs me. And Serena and her mother are kind, wonderful people.
CC Shrew: Blair, do you know what you're doing?
Blair: I thought I was leaving high school behind. I guess you never do. Dorota will get your coats.

Jack: Chuck!
Blair: No! You idiot! You don't surprise someone standing off the edge of a building!
Jack: Chuck. Come away from there. Let's go down and join the party.
Chuck: I was at the party. I'm not really that into it.
Jack: Chuck, your father wouldn't have wanted this.
Chuck: Dear old Dad? Unfortunately all I know is what he didn't want. Which is me. I'm Chuck Bass! No one cares.
Blair: I do. Don't you understand? I'll always be here. I don't want you going anywhere. I couldn't bear it. So whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do it to me. Please.
Chuck: I'm sorry.
Blair: It's okay.

Blair: So you know, I don't trust you.
Jack: All I want is what's best for my nephew. And as for trusting me, do you really have a choice?
Blair: He can't know what happened on New Years.
Jack: Goodnight Blair.

Gone with the Will

Blair: Morning Jack.
Jack: Blair.
Blair: Chuck asked me to come to the reading of the will for support.
Jack: Only thing he's going to need support for is the massive influx into his bank account.
Blair: Charming.
Jack: Come out with me tonight.
Blair: I told you I'm not interested.
Jack: Didn't seem that way on New Years.
Blair: Whatever may have transpired between us, what's important is what it means to me. Which is nothing.
Jack: Do you think it would be nothing to Chuck? Let's ask him now, shall we?
Blair: Let's not.

Blair: I wouldn't have come to this party if I didn't know I wasn't VIP.

Jack: Chuck, this letter represents your father's final words.
Blair: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it.
Nate: Yeah, aren't you curious to know what it says?
Chuck: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son." "I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already." "Why do you wear so much purple."

Blair (reading the letter): Dear Son,
I know I've always been hard on you—

Chuck: True.
but my goal was always to prepare you for this day. To help you go from being a boy to a man.
Chuck: An Italian au pere took care of that.
Blair: Chuck, please. She continues:
Sadly, there is nothing like the passing of a father to aid in this rite of passage for his son. Ultimately I do feel that I did my job and you are prepared for this next chapter of your life. Therefore I am bequeathing to you the majority share of Bass Industries.
Chuck: Surely that's a mistake.
Nate: No it's not.
Blair: He believed in you.
Jack: That son of a bitch.
Blair: Jack!
Chuck: No, Jack's right. My father can't be one way my whole life then all of the sudden he's okay. It's nice that he finally decided I'm worthy. But I don't want it. If you wait it, you can have it.

Chuck: It's like he's setting me up to fail from beyond the grave.
Blair: You really think Bart would leave his whole company to you if he didn't think you could do it?
Chuck: It doesn't make sense. My father never trusted me with anything.
Blair: He's trusting you now. He left you his legacy. I know you can do this.
Chuck: I wouldn't even know where to begin.
Blair: Start by reading the rest of this.

Jack: What do you say we throw him a party to celebrate him running the company?
Blair: Why not celebrate Bart dying? That would be just as tasteless.

Serena: Are you sure this is the best time for a flare-up of Chuck fever?
Blair: I'm having no such thing. We're just friends. He's gone through a lot. And he needs someone to be there. Anyway, you're the one that told me to help him out in the first place.Hey, what's up with Gossip Girl putting out a hit on Dan?
Serena: Excuse me?
Blair: Apparently Gossip Girl is looking for evidence to prove that Dan's cheating on you. Not that anyone else would ever want Dan Humphrey—no offense.

Serena: Blair, who did this? sees two Mean Girls I see they act alone now.
Blair: It's so hard finding obedient minions.

Serena: So how was your non-date with Chuck last night?
Blair: He had to reschedule. Spare me those expressive eyebrows. I can't wait 'till you get botox.
Serena: I'm just saying—
Blair: You're just saying nothing.

Chuck: I'm sorry. I screwed up.
Blair: It's too late, Chuck. I stood by you through all of this but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer.
Chuck: Jack set me up.
Blair: There's no one to blame but yourself. I believed in you. Your father believed in you. You are the only one who didn't. All I wanted to do was just... be there.... But today when you called me your wife, you made it sound like the ugliest word in the world.
Chuck: Blair, please.
Blair: Sorry. But I'm done.

You’ve Got Yale

Blair: Refresh! Refresh! Refresh! That's not my Eli account.
Nelly: No it's mine. I applied to Yale too, remember?
Blair: Yes, but your application was merely a formality to appease your overbearing parents. You know very well there's no way Yale is going to accept someone who got a 2360 on her SATs. So give up and go for the gold—my gold. So refresh!

Blair: I'm sorry. I simply can't read it. The font's to small. I'll have to check it on a real computer. Nelly rudely grabs it out of her hands.
Nelly: It says wait listed. In bold.

Serena: Well if you're on a witch hunt that means you can't be too upset, right?
Blair: Witch hunts are my valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm.

Blair: This is a B.
Rachel Carr: Yes, it is.
Blair: You're new here so you don't know how it works.
Rachel: I have a feeling you're about to explain.
Blair: Second semester seniors get a free pass. Like pregnant ladies or fourteen year-old Chinese gymnasts. Constance wants their students to get into the best colleges. That's why this free pass exists. The headmistress, if she knew about this grade, she'd rap you on the wrist.
Rachel: Maybe in time I'll get in trouble for not inflating grades like everyone else, Miss Waldorf. But until then I'll give them based on merit.
Blair: I need to keep my GPA perfect to get into Yale.
Rachel: You should have thought of that before.

Serena: I know that look. You're up to no good.
Blair: Good is subjective. Look it up.

Blair: You're the Constance student? to Hazel Cancel the Nelly Yuki project now!

Blair: What are you doing?
Serena: I'm just reading the Brown catalog. Oh! And I ordered a home dreadlocking kit. Want to meet up later?
Blair: Definitely. Maybe we can get a jumpstart on your veganism. Have some celebratory seitan at Angelica Kitchen.
Serena: Um. I can't think of anything better. Or, grosser.
Blair: I'll call you after.
Serena: Okay.

Blair: Put that puppy down, Dorota.
Dorota: What happened Miss Blair?
Blair: It's what's going to happen that you should worry about.

Gossip Girl: Not all beginnings are cause for celebration. A lot of bad things begin. Fights, flu season, and the worst thing all...
Dorota: Uh oh. Is it war?
Blair: Yes. But this one will be different. I need to wait for my moment and then I'm going Black Ops. Off the radar, no accountability. This war I'm gonna win.
Gossip Girl: Wanna be startin' something. XOXO —Gossip Girl

Carnal Knowledge

Blair: Never, in my 16,982 hours of schooling have I ever been sentenced to detention.
Serena: I can't believe you added up all the hours of class we've had. Makes me wanna play hooky.
Blair: One month with Ms. Carr and I'm serving a week of hard time. Dorota! Hey, be more thorough!
Serena: Well I think you might have had a little something to do with that. The opera. The boathouse. Ring a bell? Look, all I know is I've never had a teacher who's actually taken me seriously. It feels like she really gets me. Is that weird?
Blair: Looks like Humphrey has some competition.
Serena: Dan and I have barely spoken all week.
Blair: They say conversation is the first thing to go.

Blair to Dorota: Serena's sympathetic to the enemy. I have to cross her off my list of recruits.

Harold: You know, Blair Bear, I'm proud of you for handling your punishment with such grace.
Blair: Well, we Waldorfs are nothing if not graceful.
Harold: I wish you'd let me speak to the school. It sounds like this teacher's been after you from the start.
Blair: Thank you. I wanted to handle this on my own.
Harold: It speaks volumes of the mature young lady you've become.
Blair: I wish everyone could see me through your eyes.
Harold: You keep your chin up. I'll see you after school.

Dorota: Miss Blair. Your martyr act? No good.
Blair: Pick up the pace, shall we?

Miss Carr: Blair. If I'm correct you completed your detention this morning.
Blair: Yes Ms. Carr. Sign and dated by the Preservation Society.
Miss Carr: I hope the experience was educational.
Blair: I made friends with a family of squirrels and had lots of time to think.
Miss Carr: Oh. Henry David Thoreau found nature inspiring as well.

Blair: Girls. Now that my days of community service are behind me, time for a takedown. They ignore her. Hello! Do you need a refresher? I I say, you do.
Iz: To be honest Blair, none of us are that into 5a.m. trash duty. I think we're gonna sit this one out.
Penelope: B, why are you doing this? Queller will tell Yale you're finished with detention and it's over. This is madness.
Blair: No! This. Is. Constance. Don't you see? If Cornflower Mary can come in and tell us how to run things then everything we stood for, for all those years, is nothing. This isn't about Yale. This is about our legacy. What we do here today echoes. Through eternity. Who's with me?
Penelope: Sorry B. This is your vendetta.

Hazel: Thank you Jesus.
Blair: No. "Thank you Blair". And thank you, Dorota.

Blair: I want you to dig deep—and I mean deep—into Rachel's past. We're gonna run that Commie Corn Husker straight out of Constance.

Hazel: Seriously. She's the midwestern Mother Teresa.
Blair: Impossible, Hazel. Your methods of inquiry must be as tired as your hair.
Iz: We searched everywhere. My fingers are raw.
Blair: When the truth fails you, you have no choice but to abandon it. They look lost. Make something up. Idiots. to herself With friends like these, who needs friends.

Blair: Ladies. You can give your tiny brains a rest. Once again the world has proved: anything you can do I can do better.

Blair's GG text: Lonely Boy and Ms. Carr? Mary Kay Letourneau alert! XOXO.

Blair: The ladies room? I knew you and Serena were having problems. I never knew they were anatomical.
Dan: The only reason I'm trespassing on sacred ground is because I know you sent that rumor to Gossip Girl.
Blair: Sorry. No idea what you're talking about. You can go now.
Dan: Whatever issues you have with Rachel she cares about people, she cares about her job.
Blair: Oh that is so sweet. Maybe you should write a short story about it and have Rachel give you notes. Naked.

Headmistress: This school has been aware of the Gossip Girl website for some time. Up until now the content has focused on the students, the students haven't complained, so we've turned a blind eye. However now that a teacher has become involved I have no choice but to deal with it.
Blair: I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about.
Ms. Carr: Blair. I know you posted the rumor about me.
Blair: Whatever rumor you're talking about I had nothing to do with it. I find this accusation preposterous.

Headmistress: Blair your actions threaten the reputation of the entire teaching staff and this school. You give me no choice but to ask you to leave Constance Billard.
Blair: You're expelling me?

Harold: Headmistress Queller is standing firm on the expulsion.
Blair: Yale will revoke my acceptance as soon as they receive word. This is my darkest hour.
Harold: Blair, if you started that rumor—about Dan Humphrey and the teacher— she has a legitimate case for slander. So I need to know: did you?
Blair: I might have posted something on Gossip Girl. All the girls do it. It's how we communicate. But anything I wrote was the truth. I didn't lie. I promise Daddy.
Harold: You should have been honest with the headmistress about that. But the real issue here is not teenagers gossiping online.
Blair: It's not?
Harold: No. It's that a teacher is having an inappropriate relationship with a student. I'm going to contact my lawyers. We're going to fight this.
Blair: Fight it? Oh, I don't—
Harold: You will not be punished for telling the truth.
Blair: Thank you daddy.

Blair: Turns out I can still apply to Oberlin. The face, Serena. Try and pretend it's not totally tragic.
Serena: You were right about Dan and Rachel.
Blair: Seriously? I must have picked up on something. We need proof. You have proof! Give it to me.
Serena: Dan said that nothing was going on. So I should probably just talk to him first.
Blair: And give him another opportunity to lie to you. How awful. I'm so sorry S. But this is the smoking gun I've been waiting for. Dorota!
Dorota: Yes Miss Blair?
Blair: Go get my dog back!

Blair: I believe it's called exculpatory evidence. I love Damages.

Blair: I'm back in. I saved myself and Gossip Girl.
Dan: You used this photo of Rachel and me to back up a rumor that is nothing more than a vengeful lie.
Blair: So?
Serena: Blair. Uh uh.
Blair: You say "lie", I say eerily prophetic.
Harold: Blair?
Blair: Daddy.
Harold: I was going to congratulate you. The driver will take you home. I need some fresh air.
Blair: Daddy, please.

Harold: You allowed me to defend a lie. A lie that you looked me in the eyes and told. Why did you do that?
Blair: Yale was on the line. I have to go there. Like you. It's our plan.
Harold: Sweetheart, what matters most to me is not what college you go to, it's what kind of person you grow up to be.

The Age of Dissonance

Blair: When I saw The Age of Innocence with Daddy I always saw myself as Winona. But playing a stronger, more emotionally complex female lead just feels so right. Dorota! Hair pin. Besides, you're so much more suited to play May, who is so... pretty.
Serena: Uh. Thanks.
Blair: Alas, my life is perfect. My only problem: how to relate to my character. Countess Olenska is a ruined woman with no prospects. And let's face it, I have the world on a string. Of course there is the odious task of playing opposite Dan Humphrey. Dorota! Enough. How are you two doing, BTW?
Serena: I'm just trying to think about it. Distracting myself with other... distractions.
Blair: You mean your crush on our director?
Serena: Julian is kind of amazing. Isn't he? Did you know that he directed—
Blair: Bogosian off-Broadway in his last year at Juilliard. Blah blah blah. You can always depend on Constance to snare some wunderkind. But S. aren't you sick of brooding artists?
Serena: Well he broods in the sexiest way. That is when he's not looking right through me.
Blair: Well my life is so bountiful I don't need a boyfriend to feel fulfilled.
Nelly screams off-camera: Oh my god! Come look at this!
Blair: But I do need silence to emotionally prepare for the stage! What are you two clucking about?
Iz: Nelly just got in early to Yale.
Blair: Uh, that's impossible. Yale only accepts one Constance student early a year and that's me.
Penelope: She just got an email directly from Dean Berube.
Blair: I have to find Headmistress Queller.

Blair: Nelly Yuki claims she got into Yale early. There must be some mistake.
Queller: I'm sorry Blair. There was no mistake. I was on my way to tell you that I received a call from Dean Berube. They've rescinded your acceptance and given the spot to Nelly.
Blair: Is today April Fool's?
Queller: I had previously informed Yale of your intention I did not tell them what the punishment was for. But apparently an anonymous caller did. The Dean called for me to confirm the story. I had no choice.
Blair: But I did penance for that.
Queller: I explained that you made amends. But Yale considers hazing a faculty member a very serious offense. I'm sorry.
Blair: But there must be something we can do.
Queller: Blair. It's over. You will not be attending Yale.

Blair: Get out of my way! I need to make a fat lady sing.
Nelly: Pull!
Iz: It's stuck.
Blair: No, leave it. She'll need as much padding as possible.
Nelly: What is your problem?
Blair: My problem is a two-faced four-eyed devious little snipe in a fat suit. Did you really think you could rat me out to Yale and get away with it?
Nelly: I don't know what you're talking about.
Blair: Everyone's jealous of me because my life is perfect. And you've always been the most jealous of all.
Nelly: People aren't jealous of you Blair. They hate you! I didn't call Yale but good luck figuring out who did. There are about a thousand people who would relish taking you down.

Blair: Airing my dirty laundry to Yale and sending the Lord Marcus Gossip Girl blast makes you officially my enemy number one.
Vanessa: I don't know what you're talking about, Blair. Honestly.
Blair: And what are you doing with her? We hate her.
Serena: I don't hate her. She's my friend. And you just need to calm down.
Blair: Calm down? Serena. She got me axed from Yale. You're seriously taking her side. Fine. But a word of advice: she will be destroyed and you don't want to become collateral damage.

Blair: I've lost everything. I'm humiliated. And shunned. They've made me flesh-and-blood Countess Olenska.
Dorota: You are an actress. Pour it into the role. Use pain on stage.
Blair: You're right. I'm an actress. No, I'm a seagull.
Serena: No. You're a shameless bitch.
Blair: Now what?
Serena: Everything you've done—spreading rumors about who I've had sex with, what alley I puked in, or telling Dean Berube that I killed Pete Fairman—I forgave everything, all because one day I thought one day you'd grow up. But putting out a Gossip Girl blast about Yale and the press release.
Blair: Serena, I didn't put out the blast.
Serena: At least have the dignity not to lie to my face.
Blair: But I'm not lying.
Serena: Only two people knew about it. You and Dan. And Dan would never do something like that. I always want to believe the best in you, Blair. The bottom line is, betrayal's in your nature.
Blair: I didn't do it, Dorota.
Dorota: I believe you, Miss Blair.
Blair: And if I didn't, that means Dan Humphrey did. Vanessa told him about Marcus and he could have put that out too. All to get revenge for Teachergate. Do you know how hard it is when your enemy is changing every five minutes?
Dorota: You need to calm nerves and warm vocal cord. You want tea?
Blair: No. I want Dan Humphrey's head on a platter.

Blair: Student sex in the costume closet. Is that what they mean by Heartland values? I at least expect a denial.
Rachel: No. I don't deny it.
Blair: Well the Headmistress told me that my fate at Yale was sealed. So the question is, how do I make your fate as bleak as mine.
Rachel: I don't know what's happened to me. I don't know what I've become. I'm... so sorry.
Blair: Well your punishment is... just... live with it. I should know. It's not easy.

Serena: I know it was Rachel that sent the Gossip Girl blast. I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
Blair: Why would you.
Serena: What do you mean?
Blair: Believe me. Nine times out of ten I would have sent the blast. Like you said, betrayal's in my nature.
Serena: I didn't mean—
Blair: Spare me, Serena. I don't need a stirring speech telling me what I could person I am. I know I'm not. Yale kicking me out is the karma I've earned.
Serena: Blair—
Blair: Could you please leave? I want to be alone.
Serena: You're still my best friend.

Carter: Hello Beautiful.
Blair: Carter. What are you doing here?
Carter: Buying you a drink.

The Grandfather

Chuck: I would have come here earlier. I stopped to pick up something.
Blair: How thoughtful.
Chuck: Serena thinks you're in some kind of trouble. Seems to me your only problem is having a party all by your lonesome.
Carter: Except she's not alone.
Chuck: What are you doing with this insect?
Blair: Having the time of my life. Thank you very much

Chuck: Blair. This guy—
Blair: What? Dishonest? Bad news? He can't be any worse than you.
Chuck: I'm the one trying to help you!
Blair: Help me? Is that what you were doing at your little gentleman's club while my life was going up in flames? I'd rather take Carter's help.

Blair: Do you know how exhausting it's been being Blair Waldorf for the past 18 years. All the work, the planning.
Serena: You mean the plotting?
Blair: Yes. I'm glad it blew up in my face. It was a wake up call. I was such an overachiever I was headed for a quarter life crisis at 18.
Serena: Well B, you've had a couple of setbacks but there must still be a way to get into a great college and if anyone can do it, it's you.
Blair: No S. I've learned the hard way. I can't control everything. Plan everything. Now with Carter's help I'm trying something different. In fact, if I'm somewhere and I can say "Blair Waldorf would never do that" guess what? I'll do it. She walks off with purloined sunglasses
Serena: B. B, You have to pay for those.
Blair: So call security.

Serena: B, why didn't you tell us?
Blair: What? That I was coming to debase myself by begging to be accepted to Sarah Lawrence? Gee, you're right. Why didn't I update my Facebook page?

Serena: Blair! Hey, you look great.
Blair: I feel great.
Serena: Why?
Blair: Because I realized that while we can't tear out a single page of our life we can throw the whole book in the fire. George Sand. She understands me. And what better place to go up in smoke than in front of the crème de la crème of New York society?

Blair Waldorf. How are you, dear? I heard you rejected The Colony Club. Too stuffy for my tastes as well.
Blair: That's because your tastes include sleeping with your driver and popping prescription meds.
Serena: Okay. Not good.
Blair: Not good. Like Dan having sex with Rachel Carr in the costume closet during the school play not good. By the end of tonight the old Blair will be dead and buried with no chance for a resurrection. Hey! You! Garçon with the bubble butt. Arrête.

Blair: So what are we talking about?
It's good to see you Blair! Is your mother here?
Blair: No. It's a shame though. She should be here to see this.
You must have her call me. Gerald and I just got engaged and I need an Eleanor Waldorf design for the big day.
Blair: Sure. Though I think she discontinued her third-trip-down-the aisle-only-took-the-plunge-for-money line.

Chuck: What are you doing? Trying to destroy the old you? Burn every bridge? It won't help. Believe me I've tried.
Blair: Well maybe I should head up to the roof, make it a little more dramatic.
Chuck: This isn't you.
Blair: How would you know?
Chuck: Because I know you better than I know myself.
Blair: Oh. Right. You can see right through me. Can't you, Chuck? Right to my core. Do you remember the first time you saw the real me? The Blair that danced for you that night at Victrola? The Blair with none of the hang ups, none of the frustrations. That's the Blair right here. Take me now.
Chuck: Why?
Blair: To prove that nothing matters.
Chuck: No. This isn't you. It's not the Blair I want.
Blair: That's right. And I never will be again.

Blair: What happened? And when did everything get so screwed up? This isn't how it's supposed to be. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel so—
Nate: Lost. Do you remember when you used to make us watch your favorite movies over and over again? Like Tiffany's and Holiday. It used to drive me nuts.
Blair: This is a pep talk.
Nate: Well I finally asked you why you like watching movies you've already seen. And you know what you said?
Blair: I like knowing how things are going to turn out.
Nate: Exactly. Well growing up I never knew who I was supposed to be. So I'd spend all my time apologizing for the privilege and the wealth and the opportunities I felt other people deserved more than I did. Well you know what I finally learned? You can't fight against who you are. And you are Blair Waldorf.
Blair: What happened to the Nate Archibald who just wanted to get high and play Halo?
Nate: I don't know. Well I better head inside.
Blair: Nate. he turns. Don't forget your jacket.
Nate: Thank you.

Blair to Nate: Wait. Stay.

Remains of the J

Blair: Nate and I have—had—plenty of spark. Better than that, fireworks.
Chuck: That was us.
Blair: Chuck. Don't act like I didn't fight for you. I did. Hard. For a long time. So please, forgive me if now that we're over I'm exhausted.
Chuck: So why are you with Nate? Because it's easy?
Blair: I'm not "with" Nate. But if I was what's wrong with easy? Maybe it's easy because it's right.
Chuck: Oh really. Is that why Nate is so reluctant to break things off with Vanessa. You do know they're still dating, right?

Blair: You know what I was just thinking? Jennifer Aniston is totally fine now. I'm sure Brad doesn't even feel bad anymore.
Nate: Okay.
Blair: I mean I'm sure that there was some collateral damage which is always sad, but his fate lay with Angelina and he knew that. So he had the tough conversation and moved on.
Nate: This is your way of saying I should break up with Vanessa? So you and I can—
Blair: Embrace our fate.
Nate: Ah.
Blair: Yes.
Nate: Okay, well I wasn't actually going to tell you this until afterwards but Vanessa called a couple of hours ago and she just wants to talk so I asked her to meet me for dinner.
Blair: But can't you just text?
Nate: No.
Blair: But what if when you see her there's sparks? Or fireworks even. You know they say break-up sex is—
Nate: Hey hey hey, it feels over. And I'm sure she's going to tell me the same thing.

Blair: It's 10:30 Dorota. What took him so long?
Dorota: Maybe girl from Brooklyn cry. Mr. Nate nice boy. He wipe tears, he touch her hair, she touch his—
Blair: Dorota!
Dorota: Not that this ever happen to me.

Blair: Pour that Dom down the drain, Dorota. Wait. Is that the 96?
Dorota: What happen Miss Blair?
Blair: He kissed me. On the forehead. Like Chevalier kissed Gigi. Like he was a man and I was a little girl. No passion, no spark. Maybe Chuck is right. Maybe all Nate and I have together is just history.

Serena: Wait, back up Blair. Nate and Vanessa broke up?
Blair: Well they had a falling out after the van der Bilt party. Hadn't spoken for a week and broke up last night.
Serena: How do you know all this? Have you dumped me for Vanessa?

Serena: When are you getting to my party?
Blair: You mean Jenny's party.

Nate: Blair stop acting like me being your friend is some sort of plot to humiliate you. Okay? Did you ever think that maybe things didn't work out between us because we weren't friends?
Blair: You're right Nate. This week you've become my friend. It's amazing. And I've never wanted to kiss my friend so much—
Nate: Hey hey hey. We're at a party full of people in Chuck's room. And he and Vanessa are right behind the wall.
Blair: Does it excite you?
Nate: Blair. he brushes her hair away.
Blair: Don't. Only my boyfriend gets to touch my hair.

Blair: The ducks do soothe me.

Seder Anything

Blair: Just because I lost Yale does not mean I'm wasting my time at a non-Ivy reading Beloved six times and experimenting with lesbianism.

Blair: Can you please remind the attendants not to seat me behind Caroline Kennedy. She may be American royalty but that woman is a giraffe.

Maureen: Blair. That's so sweet of you to come.
Blair: Yes, it's going to be so beautiful.
Maureen: I have some disappointing news. The Whitney Junior Committee felt you were too new on the scene. They chose Elizabeth instead.
Blair: Your bridesmaid.
Maureen: Give it time. When it comes to these things it takes awhile to start to matter.

Mr. van der Bilt: Tell me, what are your plans for next year? I know you put off college. Any word from the junior committee for the Whitney?
Blair: Actually they didn't accept me.
Mr. van der Bilt: I think that must be some kind of mistake. I'll call Agnes Chisner immediately and clear that right up.
Blair: Really.
Mr. van der Bilt: For a friend of my grandson there's nothing I wouldn't do.
Blair: Yale is an amazing school and... Nate would look dashing in Bulldog Blue. van der Bilt gets up. And I want to be a bridesmaid.
Mr. van der Bilt: I think she may have room for one more.

Blair: S! You're back from Spain.
Serena: Yeah. I just landed. Hey, are you at home?
Blair: No. More like avoiding it. My mom and Cyrus are hosting Passover. I thought first borns were supposed to be spared.
Serena: So you're not going to be at the apartment all day?
Blair: I'm getting a dress fitted at Reem Acra. And then me and Nate are going to his cousin's rehearsal dinner. S, I'm one of the Chosen Ones. I was wandering the Bassian Desert and now I've reached the Van der Bilt Promised Land.

Blair: You know now may not be a good time to say anything to your grandfather about Columbia.
Nate: Well that should be easy since I'm not going to speak to him.

Nate: I trusted him. Was I wrong?
Blair: No. You're wonderful. I'm going to go get my coat. Then we can go.

Nate: Did you tell my grandfather you would convince me to go to Yale in exchange for him making you a bridesmaid?
Blair: I can explain.
Nate: That's great, you know. First my grandfather sells my father out. And then you sell me out for a picture in the Style section.
Blair: But I didn't! I mean, god I did. But I realized when he asked me again—
Nate: You, know I really thought this time would be different. But you're just the same girl you always were.
Blair: No. I'm not. I was just scared. About next year. And us.
Nate: I want to trust you, okay? But I can't think of a single reason why I should. The car will take you home.

Blair: I can't believe I sold out Nate to be the next Jackie O.
Serena: Yeah I always pictured you as the next Hillary.
Blair: Except I'd win.

Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Blair: NYU? What was I thinking? You know how I feel about ironic facial hair.
Nate: Well you were thinking a) you're lucky to get into a school at all. And b) you're super lucky because where you got in happens to be in the same city as your fantastic boyfriend.
Blair: That's true.
Nate: I've been coming down here for years and I'm going to teach you everything you need to know. The best latté, the best slice, the best pot dealer. But first. The most important lesson of all: how to ride the subway.
Blair: Nate! You're sweet. But obviously you've inhaled too much patchouli. There's no way I'm going down there. It's full of mole men and middle-class professionals.
Nate: Well you have to learn. How else are you going to visit me at Columbia.
Blair: Why do you think God gave us car service.
Nate: Our schools are at opposite poles of Manhattan. I mean the traffic could take hours. The subway's definitely the quickest way.
Blair: Please don't ask this of me.

Blair: Rats go underground. Not Waldorfs.
Serena: Well you could always borrow Chuck's helicopter. Kidding...
Blair: Chuck. What a waste of time that was. You know it's not a real relationship if you can't hold hands. Oh and Nate is good to me. Good for me. And he's learned a thing or two.
Serena: Hm. So being a kept man does have its perks.
Blair: Yeah, but no man is worth suffering the indignity of mass transit.

Blair: How's the foreigner?
Serena: Blair, Gabriel's from North Carolina. That's in the United States.
Blair: Not by choice. Let me remind you of a little thing called the Civil War.

Blair: Gabriel is disappearing for a reason. We need to get to the bottom of it.
Serena: No. We don't.
Blair: Oh come on! Let's follow him tonight. We can dress up, use code names. Dorota is a great help with surveillance equipment.

Chuck: Blair. I see you're wearing your beret. Who are we spying on tonight?
Blair: Serena's shady Southerner.
Chuck: Well I can't say he does much for me either. Why the intrigue? Don't tell me. Not enough drama in domestic bliss with Nate. You know when people step outside their relationship for a thrill it's usually not alone and in the dark.
Blair: I happen to be worried about my best friend. Serena said Gabriel just disappears—Poof! Well I'm going to find out where he's poofing to. And besides, it's good for couples to have different interests. Sh!
Chuck: This feels eerily familiar.
Blair: Shut up! Look. Poppy?

Blair: You have to dump him! We caught that redneck red handed.
Serena: Well B obviously I'm not thrilled, but I'm going to get to the bottom of this on my own. You know why can't you worry about your own relationship problems for a change?
Blair: What is that supposed to mean?
Serena: It was Friday night and you were out spying on my boyfriend. Instead of seeing a movie. Why can't anybody see a movie around here?

Blair: Let me get this straight. Gabriel is still popping Poppy and you're okay with that? No no. This is too MOB. Put on the Vena Cava.
Serena: For the hundredth time, he's not still sleeping with her. And while it's not ideal he is going to break up with her next week.
Blair: And what proof did he offer of that?
Serena: He doesn't need proof, B. Because I trust him. We have this amazing connection. Do you know he said he fell in love with me the first time he ever saw me?
Blair: Oh That is interesting. Considering the fact that he was on vacation with his girlfriend.
Serena: Actually the first time he saw me was a year ago when I was out with Georgina. He busted me on my fake Southern accent.
Blair: And what night was that? Don't tell me it was that night. That night that you blacked out and don't remember anything. He fell in love with you while you were roofied. How romantic.
Serena: No no no. It wasn't like that. He said I was completely lucid. It must have been before Georgina drugged me. I just don't happen to remember it.
Blair: Believe me, I had to learn the hard way. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship.
Serena: And we have that.
Blair: The way I trust Nate and he trusts me? Even though he may as well be going to school in Guam next year. I wouldn't worry if I can't find him. Because I know he will always be true to me.
Serena: I hope so B. Because no offense but we both know that that hasn't always been the case.
Blair: What are you saying, that Nate is in love with you?
Serena: What are you saying, that Gabriel isn't?
Blair: No! I just know he's not going to break up with Poppy! Why would he? He's having her cake and eating yours too.
Serena: So both Nate and Chuck are obsessed with you but my boyfriend can't stay faithful to me for seven days.
Blair: No that's— I love you. I just don't want to see you get hurt. Okay?

Blair: So what do you say Bass? One last mission?
Chuck: By any chance do you have Poppy Lifton's phone number?

Blair: I can't believe I have to see my sworn enemy with Nancy Pelosi hair.
Chuck: Now that you mention it, maybe it's best if I go in alone.
Blair: What?
Chuck: You just said it: you're enemies. Why would she help you?
Blair: Because I'm going to threaten to send her back to boot camp if she doesn't.
Chuck: Blair, Georgina and I go way back. We have a special bond. I can handle this one.
Blair: You didn't even need me here. You just wanted to get me alone. Away from Nate. Away from our first night in our apartment.
Chuck: And his motives were pure of course. I'm sure it's a simple coincidence that he asked you to move in right when you and I began speaking again.
Blair: He asked me so I wouldn't have to take the subway next year.
Chuck: That's maybe why he got the lease on the place. But asking you to move in was for my benefit. Ask him yourself. Or you could just trust him. The fact remains: you chose to spend the night in a car over a night in your honeymoon suite with nate. But then again we all know your weakness for limos.
Blair: I came here for my best friend.
Chuck: Is that the only reason?

Blair: I made a mistake. I shouldn't have gone with Chuck.
Nate: Oh it's okay. I'm just glad you came back. Well come in. Let me show you around.
Blair: You know I loathe Murray Hill. Why did you get this apartment?
Nate: I got it so we wouldn't be so far apart next year.
Blair: And is that why you asked me to move in with you?
Nate: Blair— Knowing you and Chuck were hanging out made me jealous.
Blair: You said you trusted me. But you really don't, do you?
Nate: Blair. I'm so sorry. Hey, I love you. So take your coat off and stay. Please.

The Wrath of Con

Blair: We'll have to continue this later. Serena needs me.
Nate: No. No no. Serena needs me is officially no longer an excuse to avoid talking.
Blair: She's my best friend. The question of whether you got this apartment because you love me or because you don't trust me will have to wait.
Nate: Fine. But that wasn't even the question. The question was—and remains—do you want to live in it with me?

Serena: Thank you so much for... for bringing Nate?
Blair: I'm just as flummoxed as you are. I got out at 53rd and made a run for it but he's faster than he looks. What happened? Don't tell me that hick gave you scabies.

Dan: What's going on?
Blair: Not that it's any of your business, but Serena's fake boyfriend's investment was also fake.

Georgina: Blair, everyone else has forgiven me. I'm just waiting on you.
Blair: Everyone who? And beside some things are unforgivable.
Georgina: God will help me find a way to earn your forgiveness.
Blair: Oh, looks like He answers my prayers faster than yours. Chuck, what happened?
We've got the wrong guy. Believe it or not the puppeteer is Poppy.

Blair: If you cut revenge out of the Bible there's not even enough pages to make a pamphlet.

Serena: I don't care what my mother says, Poppy Lifton must pay.
Blair: I knew you'd come to your senses. Ta da!

Chuck: Listen. Blair—
Blair: No, me first. Nate's waiting for me to give him an answer.
Chuck: I heard.
Blair: But you want to know what's stopping me. I can't answer his question while I'm waiting for you to answer mine. The one I asked you forever ago. What are we Chuck?
Chuck: Blair—
Blair: Last fall you said we couldn't be together. And I believed you. But every time I try to move on you're right there, acting like—
Chuck: Acting like what?
Blair: Like... maybe you just want me to be as unhappy as you are.
Chuck: I would never wish that on anyone. I want you to be happy.
Blair: Then look down deep, into the soul I know you have, and tell me if what you feel for me is real. Or if it's just a game. If it's real, we'll figure it out. All of us. But if it's not... then please Chuck. Just let me go.
Chuck: It's just a game. I hate to lose. You're free to go.
Blair: Thank you.

Chuck: Where is she?
Blair: She's inside but they won't let us talk to her.
Chuck: We'll see about that.
Nate: You called him?
Blair: Of course I did. He's her brother. You have nothing to worry about with Chuck anymore.
Nate: Did he tell you that?
Blair: He gave me my answer. And you deserve yours. I don't think we should move in together.
Nate: Me neither.
Blair: Then why—
Nate: I'm sorry, I was just using the apartment to force our issues and it's just too big of a step. I'm sorry.
Blair: Well perhaps a more suitable step would be for you to ask me to prom.

Georgina: Hello Blair.
Blair: Georgina? You don't sound like yourself.
Georgina: That's funny. Because I feel more like myself than ever.
Blair: Where are you?
Georgina: Taking care of what you obviously couldn't.
Blair: I don't think Jesus would approve of that.
Georgina: Well. You can tell Jesus that the bitch is back.

The Valley Girls

Blair: Serena's been in jail for over four hours. She's already served more time than Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan combined.
Chuck: She's a socialite mistakenly accused of stealing a bracelet. I doubt they're working her over with a phonebook.
Blair: When I called Lily she said she was on her way. where is she?
Nate: I just can't believe she had her own daughter arrested. I mean who does that?
Chuck: Someone who's never been arrested.

Blair: Why are you still in jail?
Serena: It's my choice.
Blair: Oh god. You're not going to come out of there with a mullet and a girlfriend, are you?

Blair: What's this for?
Dorota: Strength. You will need. I have good news and bad news. Which do you want?
Blair: Good news first. Always
Dorota: There is replacement.
Blair: What are you talking about?
Dorota: It makes more sense if you pick bad news first.

Blair: Oh my god, look at this place. I've always tried to make my life resemble the movie in my head and tonight no effort required. Voila!

Vote for prom king and queen?
Blair: We don't do prom queen. That's for suburban schools and the lame teen comedies set at them.

Serena: Hey! There you are. Where's the prom king?
Blair: We broke up.
Serena: What? But everything was so perfect. It was like a fairytale.
Blair: Turns out fairytale's end when they do for a reason.

The Goodbye Gossip Girl

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