Blair: This whole Scrooge act? You should be at home today. Or laying flowers on your father's grave. I know today is the anniversary of his death.
Chuck: Why don't you take the car and meet me at the hotel later for lunch. We'll have our quiet time then.
Blair: Fine. Pretend like you never get sad.

Blair: I know how hard it was to let your guard down. To let me in. But you've changed.

Serena: I can't believe Nate's finally coming home tomorrow.
Blair: I feel the same way about Dorota's return. I never should have agreed to let her spend the holidays with Vanya.
Serena: Did I tell you that he texts me every night before he goes to sleep. It's so sweet.
Blair: Sexting is not sweet. It's off limits until you're in a relationship. You haven't even been on a date.
Serena: Well you'll be happy to know he asked me to go to a dinner for the French ambassador tomorrow night.
Blair: Oh. Well chastity belts go very well with formal wear.

Blair: You know how torturous it is for me to find shiny things that aren't intended for me.
Chuck: It's just a worthless trinket some woman left by my father's grave.
Blair: And you aren't even the least bit curious about someone who wears your father around her neck?
Chuck: One of his concubines had his name tattooed on her ass. I have more important things to do than search for another member of the female Bart Bass Fan Club.
Blair: Like helping me achieve the college experience I so greatly deserve?

Serena: Hey.
Blair: Oh. Looks like my advice went the way of the clog.
Serena: What are you talking about?
Blair: The clog? An ugly wooden show that tried to make a statement and then disappeared. Just like your resolve to take things slow with Nate.

Dan: I dated Serena for over a year. And if you want to make things work you're going to have to be able come up for air. Which is really not her favorite thing to do.

Blair: You are the one Nate has always wanted and could never have. It's like a diet. After years of starvation you can't just let him gorge on sundaes. He'll panic and decide he hates ice cream.
Serena: Except I'm not ice cream and Nate and I don't need to play games.
Blair: Everyone needs to play games. Look you've already failed to come out of the gate with any restraint or control. Now all you can do is introduce some competition. Make him work for it.
Serena: Blair! That's the worst advice I've ever heard.
Blair: Mm hm. Just wait 'til he starts passing on dessert.

Blair: Vronsky, where are you? Anna Karenina texted you an hour ago. She wants to celebrate.
Chuck: Look, I'm sorry but Anna will have to wait. I'm about to walk into a meeting.
Blair: Monsieur [D'Uri]? Are you bringing him here to surprise me?
Chuck: As it turns out I wasn't able to attend the lunch.
Blair: Are you in the hospital? Since I know that you're alive there could be no other possible reason you would sacrifice my entire future.

Nate: Woah. Hey Blair.
Blair: It's Anna Karenina. You never read it. Don't worry about it.
Nate: I never do.

Blair: Serena! And not Nate. Hi. I'm Blair.
Damien: Damien. Pleasure.

Blair: I see you took my advice. It's good to keep Nate on his toes. And nice choice of competition.
Serena: Thank you. Your idea's completely juvenile. But it seems to be working. I still can't believe he came with Jenny though.
Blair: If I know Jenny, she came with him.

Blair: Chuck. I knew you'd see the error of your ways. Monsieur Durie just stepped out for his cigarette break. Which gives us two and a half minutes, maybe four if it's a Galoise.

Blair: You know your mother died during childbirth.
Chuck: What if she didn't? What if it was just another of my father's many lies?
Blair: Look. It makes sense that when you finally let your father go your mother would reappear.
Chuck: She's not a ghost Blair.

Blair: Whoever she is, it just seems like she'll make losing your mom hurt all over again.
Chuck: Do you really think anything could be more painful than killing my own mother and having my father hate me for it my whole life. If there is any chance this isn't what happened I have to know.

Blair: Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: I already told your friend everything I know.
Blair: And he may have bought it, but I originated that innocent, doe-eyed stare. I usually employ it when I know more than I'm willing to let on. Chuck spent his entire life believing that he killed his mother. If you know anything thatt could take away even a second of that pain it would be cruel not to share it. Otherwise leaving town means never having to say you're sorry.

Blair: Are you all right?
Chuck: I spent eighteen years accepting the fact that my mother was dead. It was misguided to let one of my father's girlfriends allow me to question that. To hope things may be different.
Blair: Your real mother would never turn her back on a chance to know you.
Chuck: I don't have a real mother, Blair. I never will.
Blair: That doesn't mean you're aloone. I love you, Chuck. And I'll always be your family.

Blair: Haven't you ever heard of knocking?
Serena: I did knock. But you didn't hear me. We heard you though.
Blair: Oh. Was it awkward?
Serena: Are you trying to prove some point?
Blair: Yes. But I shouldn't have to. I'm just glad I got Chuck's couch scotch-guarded.

Blair: What are you doing?
Nate: Ah, my phone's dead. I was going to use Chuck's.
Blair: There's a phone in the livingroom.
Nate: I know. I wanted to check a tweet.
Serena: Wait, Chuck asked you to grab his phone when he called, didn't he?
Blair: Chuck called?
Nate: No. I mean yeah, he called. But he was just wanting me to put his phone in his briefcase so he didn't forget it.
Blair: Oh god, I miss that.
Nate: What?
Blair: Dating someone who's a horrible liar. It's so much easier.

Serena: What are we going to do?
Blair: Nothing. You didn't see his face when he confronted her and she sent him away. He's had enough pain in his life. If he doesn't want to hear her story then I'm going to respect that. And so are you.

Serena: I'm going over there.
Blair: Serena. Sit your ass down.

Serena: I just wanted him to have answers.
Blair: Please. You and I both know why you did this and it has nothing to do with Chuck.

Blair: Settlements are for the guilty. Celebrities that run people over. The Catholic Church. It's not fair.

Blair: What's wrong?
Chuck: A boycott. Doug says I have no choice but to sign my hotel over to someone else. Jack nominated himself.
Blair: Of course he did. I can take over.
Chuck: I don't think signing the hotel over to my nineteen-year-old girlfriend would ease the public's mind.
Blair: What about Lily?
Chuck: She's Bass Industries. The last thing I want is my father's company bailing me out.
Blair: I don't see what choice you have. What's that?
Chuck: DNA results. Looks like I have another choice.

Chuck: What are we celebrating? The lawsuit? The scandal? Or the fact that I just signed over my hotel?
Blair: We're celebrating you. Opening your heart to your mother. And me. Being the woman who encouraged you to do it.

Blair: There's something about waking up the morning of a fashion show, the smell of pleats wafting through the city.
Chuck: Nothing quickens your blood more than haute couture.

Blair: What? My mother said she wanted me to pack the crowd with wholesome American girls.
Serena: So you hired escorts? B, you couldn't just tell your mom you don't have friends at NYU?
Blair: Prostitutes are people too. And they have a lot of disposable income.

Blair: You whore and a half! Conwell was about to buy my mother's junior line until you!
Brandeis: Blair, I didn't cruise Mr. Conwell.
Blair: Then how does he know you're a prostitute?
Brandeis: He doesn't. He knows Julian is. He's supposed to see him tonight in fact. Julian and Conwell party every time he flies into town. I'm really sorry, Blair. We had no idea there'd be clients here tonight. It was a total surprise.

Blair: Mother, what are you doing? We can close this.
Eleanor: No. It was a stupid idea to begin with. I don't know what I was thinking. I would rather lose a deal than lose myself. Never hide who you are." Remember that, hm?
Blair: Everyone at NYU hates me.
Eleanor: What?
Blair: I have minions of course. But they're hardly even worthy of the name.

Eleanor: One of the things that make Waldorf women so special is that we don't fit in everywhere.
Blair: I don't feel like I fit in anywhere.
Eleanor: That's because you haven't found the right place yet.

Blair: Chuck, are you okay? Elizabeth—
Chuck: Is dead to me. She's gone.
Blair: And the hotel?
Chuck: Oh... lost.
Blair: Oh, Chuck.
Chuck: What? Sorry? Don't be. I'm not. I've come this far without my mother, I'm not backing down now.
Blair: Well, if it's a war Jack wants it's a war he'll get.

Serena: The look on his face was so sad. I wanted to call him back and say, "I didn't forget your birthday, we have these big party plans."
Blair: Cruel to be kind, S. Nate'll be fine.
Serena: No word from Chuck?
Blair: He's sitting down with Satan this morning. He's going to lay everything out on the table, see if there's anything in the world he could offer Jack to give up the hotel. He's come so far, become the person I always knew he could be, but he could lose it all because he opened his heart to that raven-haired con artist.
Serena: Everything will be fine, Blair. No matter what, Chuck has you, and he loves you. The Empire's just a hotel.
Blair: You don't understand. The hotel is proof that Bart was wrong about Chuck. It's become who he is.

Jack: She's right. It is a remarkable dress. Made only more so by you in it.
Blair: What are you doing here? Besides stalking me.
Jack: Please, I was just window shopping and saw something I liked.
Blair: You're supposed to be meeting with Chuck.
Jack: Oh we met. Ideas were discussed, voices raised, expletives used. And how's your morning been, Gorgeous?
Blair: You think you've won. But Chuck will find a way to get back what you stole. There's always a way.
Jack: I told him how to get back his hotel. And here's the kicker: it wouldn't cost him a dime.
Blair: What are talking about?
Jack: I'm saying Chuck can have the Empire. And all it would cost is you. Spending the night with me. How's that grab you?

Blair: I'd rather spend the night with the Marquis de Sade. And yes, I know he's dead.

Blair: Serena, come here. You've done some unforgivable things. Like having sex with Nate when we were saving ourselves for each other, or killing Pete Fairman—
Serena: What?
Blair: —How far is too far? Where's that place you can't come back from anymore?
Serena: Blair, what are you talking about? Is Chuck going to do something to Jack?
Blair: What? I mean. Yes. There is something someone could do to get back the Empire. And yes, it is terrible. But they'd be doing it out of love.
Serena: Love of whom?
Blair: Just love. The point is, if someone does something awful but it's for love is it okay?
Serena: If you are crossing some moral line to best Jack Bass then probably not.

Blair: When you bought the Empire, you told me you knew you could do it because I believe in you. That hasn't changed—you'll find a way.
Chuck: When are you going to get it? There is no way.

Chuck: I can't let my feelings cost me all I've built.
Blair: Even if it means losing me instead? All I ever did was love you.
Chuck: The worst thing I ever did. The darkest thought I ever had. You said you would stand by me through anything. This, Blair, is anything.
Blair: I never thought that the worst thing you would ever do would be to me.
Chuck: You went up there on your own. She slaps him
Blair: Goodbye, Chuck.

Blair: Great, he sent Good Cop.
Nate: Chuck didn't send me.
Blair: Serena.
Nate: Look, we're concerned about our best friends. And whatever he did, I'm sure you can find a suitable punishment for him.
Blair: There is no punishment for what he did.

Blair: What did Chuck tell you about how he got his hotel back?
Nate: He didn't He just said, "Money solves everything."
Blair: He didn't use money. He used me. As a trade.
Nate: C'mon. No way.
Blair: He set me up to sleep with Jack in exchange for his beloved Empire. So now do you see why I couldn't tell anyone.
Nate: Oh my god.

Chuck: You look like you need a task.
Blair: What I need is a Zofran. All this disingenuous generosity is making me want to vomit.
Chuck: There's nothing disingenuous about it. I'm happy I can give Dorota and Vanya the dream wedding that they deserve.
Blair: The only reason you're giving it is so you can spend time with me. You know weddings are my weakness.
Chuck: Really? It never occurred to me.
Blair: Everything occurs to you, Chuck.

Chuck: Blair, you and I are magnetic. You can feel it. The pull is as undeniable as ever.
Blair: It's different this time.
Chuck: It doesn't have to be. I love you. Saying it was hard but I did and I've never looked back. So now I'm asking you, please do this for me. Please forgive me.
Blair: I'm sorry. I can't.

Serena: B, I know you and Chuck are going through a hard time right now. But do you at least think what he did was romantic?
Blair: Oh my god, this was your idea.
Serena: I may have encouraged him to make a gesture but throwing a whole wedding was his idea.
Blair: That's the thing with him, S. Everything is a game.
Serena: But that's what makes you guys so good together. You love games. That's who you are.
Blair: The last game we played we both lost.

Chuck: Looks like we might win.
Blair: Well you can have the doll. I'm sure you'll know what to do with five women with removable heads.

Blair: This game is over.

Dan: Hey. You okay?
Blair: No. I'm not. Why do you even care? You've always thought the worst of Chuck and me. You think we're horrible. Depraved. Soulless.
Dan: I may have used all of those words at one point or another, but... I'm sorry, I'm not following. What's going on? Did Chuck do something?
Blair: No, it's not just what he did. It's what I did. This whole time I was blaming him but it was me too. I've become the person you always thought I was.
Dan: Look Blair, you're not— I don't think you're that bad of a person. Maybe not my type but you're not terrible. And whatever it is that happened between you and Chuck I'm sure you can fix it. Because if there's a pair meant for one another, it's you two.
Blair: You're absolutely right. Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. Who else could love me after what I've become. Thank you for helping me see, Humphrey. looks at the bucket Your ice is melting.

Blair: Everything you said last night was true. We're both sick and twisted. If you think about it, we're incredibly fortunate to have even found each other.
Chuck: Blair, I don't want this to be you settling. Some sort of consolation.
Blair: We both hit rock bottom, Chuck. But we've hit it together. At least we won't be lonely in hell.

Blair: I can't keep pretending and I can't lie to you, Dorota. Chuck and I aren't happy. At all. And if we walk you in, your marriage wild be jinxed.

Blair: I want what Dorota and Vanya have. Real love. Pure and simple love.
Chuck: You'd be bored within five minutes.
Blair: Better bored than ashamed of myself. I would do anything for you, Chuck. But what if that's wrong? I never thought it was possible to love someone too much but maybe it is. I don't like who I've become with you.
Chuck: Wait. Blair. Don't bail on me. We have to see this through 'til the end.
Blair: This is the end, Chuck.

Dan: Just to clarify: I do think you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy.
Blair: Well coming as it does from someone who dates Vanessa Abrams, it means very little to me. But still. Thank you, Humphrey.

Blair: It's a lot easier to sneak up on someone when you're not eight months pregnant. And they're not standing in front of a full-length mirror.

Blair: Dorota, why did I go to the trouble of putting together an elegant brunch and inviting a dozen of Manhattan's most eligible bachelors?
Dorota: So world can know Miss Blair single again and Chuck Bass thing of the past. But Miss Blair not yet grieve properly. To rush back into dating—
Blair: —Will show everyone that Chuck Bass has no hold over me! Dorota, you really need to stop buying your pre-natal vitamins over the internet.
Dorota: For this I postpone honeymoon.
Blair: WIll you toss out that box of junk. I never want to see it again.

Dorota: I remember when I separated from first husband—
Blair: Dorota! I need answers that don't end with "And then I came to America." Wait. What did you say?
Dorota: Um. "First husband"?
Blair: Of course! Chuck.
Dorota: What is Mr. Chuck to do with this?
Blair: Isn't it obvious? He's declared a dating fatwa on me.

Blair: You twisted, manipulative psychopath! How could you?
Chuck: You're going to have to be a tad more specific. It's been a busy few days.
Blair: My party.
Chuck: Right. I heard about your little rebound reception. Good for you. Moving on.
Blair: So you're just going to pretend like you had nothing to do with the fact that no one showed up. Like you didn't put a dating fatwa on me. We're over, Chuck. Unclench.
Chuck: To set the record straight, I didn't put a fatwa on you. The reason no one showed up today is because no one could ever measure up to what we had. I'm obviously not the only guy who knows that.
Blair: Fine. If you won't move on, I will. There are plenty of guys outside the Upper East Side and by this time tomorrow, everyone in the five boroughs will know that Chuck Bass' threats mean nothing.

Blair: By midnight everyone who reads Gossip Girl will see me kissing some guy. Chuck's fatwa will kaput. And I'll have my life back.

Chuck: I haven't read any posts on Gossip Girl yet. I guess my ban works in the provinces.
Blair: I knew it. I knew you'd fatwa'd me.
Chuck: And I knew you couldn't break it.
Blair: You're wrong. I could have.
Chuck: Then why didn't you?
Blair: Because I suddenly realized it— the way to get over you wasn't by hooking up with some random guy. Or pretending we didn't happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. I'd been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I'm gonna kiss somebody someday. And when I do, it'll be for me. Goodbye, Chuck. I'm going home.

Dorota: In Poland we have a saying: "Love is like head wound". It make you dizzy. You think you die, but you recover. Usually.
Blair: That's a terrible saying. pause Tomorrow can we feed the ducks?
Dorota: I already buy bread.

Serena: That one looks good.
Blair: Chuck and I played Wuthering Heights in it. I mean, who starts a courtship in the day anyway?
Serena: Humans who venture out in light and aren't named Bass.
Blair: Serena. I have to tell you something.
Serena: What's wrong?
Blair: I've never been on a date.
Serena: What about Chuck? And Nate. And Chuck. And then Nate... again.
Blair: No, I mean on a real date. With someone I didn't know already. Or who wasn't a British Lord masquerading as a college student.
Serena: B, obviously Cameron liked you when he met you at the loft party. Just, be yourself and have fun. And try the Marc Jacobs. I have to go.
Blair: What's going on? You haven't lusted after a Louboutin all morning.
Serena: I just have to get home.
Blair: Is it Lily?
Serena: I think Rufus cheated on her.
Blair: Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I didn't even know they had groupies that old.
Serena: They met at the rooftop garden committee.
Blair: Well how is your mom taking it?
Serena: She doesn't know. I told my dad and he thought it would be best if I waited to tell her. Stress isn't good for her condition.
Blair: Well is there anything I can do? Dorota's family has Polish mob connections.
Serena: No. Thank you though. I'm just hoping Rufus will stay away until she gets stronger. And B, I don't think handcuffs are a good idea for a first date.

Blair: The two of you here together. Please tell me there's an explanation that doesn't involve the Apocalypse.
Chuck: We come in peace. And with a purpose. Something's going on with Lily's medication. I need your mind game mastery to figure out what.
Blair: Who are you, House? I'm sure Dr. van der Woodsen knows what he's doing.
Chuck: It's not van der Woodsen. It's a psychiatrist. I have an address.
Jenny: It's weird, right? Lily so does not seem like she's in therapy.
Blair: And you so should be. But as much as I admire the attempt to lure me back with subversive sleuthing, and appreciative as I am for your help with Columbia, the answer's no.
Chuck: Blair, I need to find out why someone doesn't want Lily getting better.
Blair: A heartfelt plea as well. And much more effective than a fatwa. But you obviously already know that I have a date today. And nothing you can dangle will make me miss it. Next time don't bring Jenny Humphrey.

Blair: Philosophy of War? Hm. I'm finally home.

Blair: Did Chuck send you? His pill plan didn't work so he sent Frik and Frak to ruin my date?
Dan: No, Blair, this is about my dad and Lily. This woman Holland has accused him of cheating.
Blair: Wait a minute. An artist or a hippie activist maybe. But rooftop garden committee? I knew that something wasn't right when Serena told me. No way would another Upper East Sider shtup Rufus. My step-father's Jewish.
Cameron: Ah.
Nate: Blair, we can't let Lily leave Rufus. Will you help us?
Cameron: Exposing scandal on the Upper East Side? Show me your world, Blair Waldorf.
Blair: They'd be lost without me.

Blair: Holland is obviously trying to poison Lily so she can have Rufus all to herself. So Shakespearian.
Nate: Yeah, it's also Fatal Attraction. I just can't handle dead bunnies.

Blair: Pretend you're well-bred and be polite. It'll pay off if you ever need orthopedic surgery at Mount Sinai.
Jenny: Like when you stab me in the back.

Chuck: As if watching Audrey Hepburn movies isn't manhood-shriveling enough, I now have to talk about my feelings!
Blair: Those movies are the only romance I have in my life. He loves his work more than he loves me.

Chuck: I know you felt it.
Blair: We were caught up in a scheme. And it was role play.
Chuck: It was real. I know you feel it right now.
Blair: Doesn't change anything. Holland may be crazy, but she was right. No matter what I feel or don't, we're not safe.
Chuck: I did the most dangerous thing I could when I said I love you. But it was worth it. If I got through my fear for you, you can get through yours for me. You have until tomorrow to decide.
Blair: What?
Chuck: We're never going to be safe. So are you brave enough or aren't you? I'll be waiting at the top of the Empire State Building.
Blair: You can't Affair to Remember me.
Chuck: If you're not there tomorrow at 7:01 I'm closing my heart to you forever.
Blair: I won't be there.

Cyrus: Now, as soon as that moment comes your mother and I are heading straight back to Paris. So are you coming with us? What are your plans?
Blair: Nothing. Beyond having a second date with Cameron this afternoon. And staying as far as possible from the Empire State Building.
Cyrus: What's the Empire State Building have to do with it?
Blair: An Affair to Remember was on TCM last night; it gave me nightmares.
Dorota: Blair loves the Empire State Building even though she doesn't want to and she should just admit it and make all our life easier.

Blair: I need to make sure that whatever happens, I don't go anywhere near that stupid Art Deco landmark.
Dorota: Miss Blair, I defriend Mr. Chuck in Facebook and in life. But this is pretty romantic thing he's doing. If not going means never having Chuck in your life again are you prepared to live like that?
Blair: Yes. But even if I'm not, if you let me go anywhere near 34th Street there won't be a miracle but a massacre.

Blair: I hope you're on your way to see Nate.
Serena: You saw the blast?
Blair: Yes. And although I'm inclined to say that Gossip Girl doesn't know what she's talking about since she also posted some blurry photo of a Russian Mail Order Bride and said it was Georgina, it really did look like you and Humphrey. I mean, isn't that a little '08? Like maxi-dresses and Miley Cyrus.
Serena: Blair—
Blair: We all try on old clothes from time to time, and sure we may even be surprised when they still fit, but that doesn't mean we should wear them again. Ever!
Serena: Nothing happened. And as for the photos: obviously the work of Jenny Humphrey. I knew she hated me, but apparently she hates Dan too? I just wish she would hole up in Brooklyn and leave the rest of us alone.
Blair: Brooklyn. Is that where she is right now?
Serena: I guess so. Look, I gotta go call Dan and make sure he knows what's going on.

Jenny: Blair. What are you doing here?
Blair: Someone has to give you the smackdown you so richly deserve. That it's me who gets to do it is just the cherry on top.

Blair: This isn't copycat dressing at Constance. Or dropping dairy on your best friend to prove a point. Nate and Serena, that's mythic. You don't mess with that and survive. You're hurting people I love. You're hurting people you love.
Jenny: I wasn't trying to, I—
Blair: Nate loves Serena, Dan loves Vanessa—god knows why—and Chuck loves me. But you Jenny? No one loves you. Except your daddy. And, after what you pulled yesterday, who knows if that's even true anymore.

Blair: I'm in luck! smacks Dan Two smackdowns for the price of none.
Dan: What the hell are you doing?
Blair: Don't screw up Nate and Serena.
Dan: Nothing happened.
Blair: So said Serena. But I'm thinking she left a little something out.

Blair: Signs are for the religious, the superstitious and the lowerclass. I don't believe in them and neither should you. sees the Empire State Building. Damn you, Chuck Bass. Damn you to hell.
Dan: Why—? When did we start talking about Chuck Bass?

Georgina: I need to talk to you. I'm in trouble. Big trouble.
Blair: And while it warms my heart hearing that, I'm late. Goodbye Georgina. May god save your soul. Again.

Chuck: Blair, I thought you didn't love me anymore. I didn't care if I lived or died. Jenny Humphrey was—
Blair: Don't! Don't say her name! Or anything else to me ever again. This whole night didn't happen.

One week later...

Serena: I'm actually excited to have an entire summer with nothing to do but figure things out.
Blair: Um, first of all, S, you didn't go to school this year and you haven't had a real job in months. So life is kind of like summer for you.
Serena: Uh, okay. Thanks. Kick a girl when she's down. I really am going to change.
Blair: Why? All the drama, that's who you are. Just like I'm someone who's not going to stop looking for love just because I lost it. Which is why I'm going directly into the belly of the beast: Paris. And why you're coming with me.