Sam: Bill, that is not sexy.
Bill: Yes it is!
Neal: Bill, it look like you're having a seizure.

Bill: Sam, come on. Shake it, you won't break it. {Neal stops the music}. You cut me off mid-funk.

Neal: I've discovered something that will change our lives. It brings power, respect and money. And it's right here in this suitcase.
Sam: What is it?
Neal: Sure you want to know?
Bill: Yeah. Open it up.
Neal: Think you can handle it?
Bill: Open it.
Neal: Gentlemen, say hello to Mort.
Mortie: Hi, Dummies.

Nick: She used to be so hot.
Daniel: She still is.
Ken: Yeah, if you like clowns.

Mrs. Weir: Harold, we have to go. Or the Schweibers will be offended. We missed it last year.
Mr. Weir: It's the same party year after year. It's smarmy. What kind of doctor invites his patients over to listen to his dental jokes? It's sick.
Mrs. Weir: Honey, we have to go.
Lindsay: I don't have to go, do I?
Mr. Weir: I don't see why you should get out of it. He's your dentist too.
Lindsay: Fine. I'll switch dentists.
Mr. Weir: Say, that's an idea.

Daniel: What do you want me to do? I'm in high school!
Mrs. Desario: Yeah, when it's convenient for you, you are.

Neal: Everything's fine.
Mr. Rosso: I've had kids lying to me since before you were born. You're new to it. And you're not that good at it.

Sam: Neal, people are looking at us.
Bill: And not in a good way.

Kowchevski: Hey Seidelman, knock it off! Why don't you go pick on someone your own size. There's a bus in the parking lot.

Jenna Zank (Shawnee Free Jones): You know what punkers don't do? Call themselves punkers.

Mr. Kowchevski: God, I hate it when they come back.

Ken: Hey Nick, maybe you'll get lucky at the punk club tonight.
Nick: You think so?
Ken: Sure. You know all these punk girls hate themselves. It's gotta improve your chances.