Quotes from Freaks and Geeks
The Geeks
Pilot Episode
Neal Schweiber: The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader. You've seen Star Wars 47 times. You do the math.
BEERS AND WEIRS
Mr. Weir: Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.
Sam: No. But he died on the toilet.
Mr. Weir: Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.
Neal: Bill, Dallas sucks.
Bill: You suck! Dallas rules!
Sam Weir: Keg of beer, please.
Liquor Store Clerk: Yeah, that's not gonna happen
Sam to Lindsay: Friday night. Always a good time for some Sabbath. pause 'Cause, you know... Friday... is the Sabbath... for the Jews.
Neal: I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run.
Bill is passed out drunk on the floor
Lindsay: Hey, Bill. Get up. That's how the drummer from Led Zeppelin died.
TRICKS AND TREATS
Bill: I'm just trying to to win ten bucks here. I don't wanna die.
Bill: Ma'am, I hope there aren't any peanuts in those peanuts.
KIM KELLY IS MY FRIEND
Millie: Hey! Those are for my French class.
Daniel: But I love sprinkles!
Millie: I heard about what she does in the yearbook darkroom.
Lindsay: What? She does what? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Millie: She does it.
Lindsay: What do you mean, it?
Millie: She fornicates it!
I'M WITH THE BAND
playing moon ball
Neal: That's it. I'm gonna die in gym class.
Neal: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
Bill: But you're not funny.
Neal: Screw you. I'm hilarious!
GIRLFRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS
Sam: Cindy is not abnormal.
Bill: Yeah? She cut the cheese.
Neal: Oh my god.
Sam: That's not funny.
Bill: I heard it, man, I swear. She blamed it on the chair. But she cut the cheese.
Sam: Well some chairs make weird noises.What kind of a chair was it?
Bill: I don't know. Vinyl?
Sam: Vinyl chairs always squeak.
Bill: It wasn't a squeak. It was the sound of cheese being cut.
WE'VE GOT SPIRIT
Cindy: Remember when I told you I had a crush on Todd?
Sam: Yeah.
Cindy: Well I don't.
Sam: Really?
Cindy: It's more like an obsession.
Neal: Being the school mascot has always been my dream.
Bill: Yeah. Since lunch.
Sam: Think there's a subliminal message in there?
Bill: For your sake, I hope not.
LOOKS AND BOOKS
Bill: It's a Parisian night suit in case you didn't know.
Gordon: A Parisian! Ooh la la!
Neal: It's not a Parisian. It's a jumpsuit. My grandfather in Florida wears them all the time because he's too lazy to put on pants.
THE GARAGE DOOR
Bill: Do you remember when we said we'd tell each other everything?
Neal: Yeah.
Bill: Did you mean it?
Neal: Of course.
Bill: Even if it's something really, really horrible? I mean, it might not be horrible, 'cause it might not be true, but if it is true, it could be pretty horrible.
Neal: Okay, Bill, you're killing me, you gotta tell me now.
Neal: I'm just going to have my coffee now.
Bill: Is that before or after you shave?
CHOKIN' AND TOKIN'
Millie: You're high!
Lindsay: How could you tell?
Millie: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.
DEAD DOGS AND GYM TEACHERS
Neal: He's a gym teacher. There's no upward mobility.
NOSHING AND MOSHING
Daniel: Am I a loser?
Harris: You're not a loser because you're having sex. But if you weren't having sex, we could definitely debate the issue.
SMOOCHING AND MOOCHING
Sam: It's Cindy. She's kind of boring. It's weird hanging out with her friends. And, I mean, all she wants to do is make out and stuff.
Neal: I'd kill to be that bored.
DISCOS AND DRAGONS
Daniel: All right, fine, I'll be a dwarf, but my name is Carlos.
Bill: Carlos the dwarf?
Daniel: Yeah, you got a problem with that, Gorthon?
Harold: You're not lying, are you, Sam?
Sam: No.
Harold: 'Cause you know what happens to liars in this world, don't you?
Sam: They end up getting killed in jail.
Harold: Right.
Neal: Does his mom know you?
Bill: I don't know. I never met her.