The Doctor entering via the chimney: Ah. Yes. Blimey. Sorry! Christmas Eve on a rooftop. Saw a chimney, my whole brain just went "What the hell!" Don't worry, the fat fellah will be doing the rounds later. I'm just scoping out the general chimney-ness. Yes! Nice size. Good traction. Big tick.
Father: Fat fellah?
The Doctor: Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or, as I've always known him, Jeff.
Son: There's no such person as Father Christmas!
The Doctor: Oh yeah? whips out a photo. Me and Father Christmas. Frank Sinatra's hunting lodge. 1952. See him in the back with the blonde. Albert Einstein, the three of us together. Vroom! Watch out! Okay? Keep the faith. Stay off the naughty list.

The Doctor: Oo! Now what's this, then? I love this. Big flashy lighty thing. That's what brought me here. Big flashy lighty things have got me written all over them. Not actually. Give me time and a crayon. Now! This big flashy lighty thing is connected to the spire on your dome, yeah? And it controls the sky. Well, technically it controls the clouds. Which technically aren't clouds at all. Well they're clouds of tiny particles of ice. Ice clouds. Love that. Who's she?
Sardick: Nobody important.
The Doctor: "Nobody important". Blimey, that's amazing. D'you know, in 900 years of time and space I've never met anyone who wasn't important before.

Sardick: The skies of this entire world are mine. My family tamed them and now I own them.
The Doctor: Tamed the sky. What does that mean?
Sardick: It means I'm Kazran Sardick. How could you possibly not know who I am?
The Doctor: Well. Just easily bored, I suppose. So, I need your help then.
Sardick: Make an appointment.
The Doctor: There are 4,003 people in a spaceship trapped in your cloud belt. Without your help they're going to die.
Sardick: Yes.
The Doctor: You don't have to let that happen.
Sardick: I know, but I'm going to. Bye bye, bored now. Chuck him! The Doctor won't leave. Oh look at you, looking all tough now.
The Doctor: There are 4003 people I won't allow to die tonight. Do you know where that puts you?
Sardick: Where?
The Doctor: 4004.
Sardick: Was that a sort of threaty thing?
The Doctor: Whatever happens tonight, remember: you brought it on yourself.
Sardick: Yeah yeah right. Get 'em out of here. And next time try and find me some funny poor people.

The Doctor: You didn't hit the boy.
Sardick: Well I will next time!
The Doctor: You see you won't though. Why? What am I missing?
Sardick: Get out! Get out of this house!
The Doctor: The chairs. Of course, the chairs. Stupid me. The chairs.
Sardick: Chairs?
The Doctor: There's a portrait on the wall behind me. Looks like you but it's too old so it's your father. All the chair are angled away from it. Daddy's been dead for twenty years, but you still can't get comfortable where he can see you. There's a Christmas tree in the painting, but none in this house on Christmas Eve. You're scared of him and you're scared of being like him and good for you, you're not like him, not really. Do you know why?
Sardick: Why?
The Doctor: Because you didn't hit the boy. Merry Christmas, Mr. Sardick.
Sardick: I despise Christmas!
The Doctor: You shouldn't. It's very you.
Sardick: It's what? What do you mean?
The Doctor: Halfway out of the dark.

Amy: Have you got a plan yet?
The Doctor: Yes I do.
Amy: Are you lying?
The Doctor: Yes I am.
Amy: Don't treat me like an idiot.
Rory: Was he lying?
Amy: No, no.
The Doctor: Okay. The good news, I've tracked the machine that unlocks the cloud belt. I could use it to clear your flight corridor and you can land easily.
Amy: Well hey, hey, that's great news.
The Doctor: But I can't control the machine.
Amy: Less great.
The Doctor: But I met a man who can.
Amy: Ah, well, there you go.
The Doctor: And he hates me.
Amy: Were you being extra charming and clever?
The Doctor: Yeah! How did you know?
Amy: Lucky guess.

Father: You better get inside, sir. The fog's thick tonight and there's a fish warning.
The Doctor: Alright, yeah. Sorry, fish?
Father: Yeah, you know what they're like when they get a bit hungry.
The Doctor: Yeah, fish. I know fish. Fish?
Father: It's all Mr. Sardick's fault, I reckon. He always lets a few fish through the cloud layer when he's in a bad mood.

The Doctor: Fish that can swim in fog. I love new planets.

The Doctor: Can't use the TARDIS 'cause it can't lock on. So that ship needs to land. But it can't land unless a very bad man suddenly decides to turn nice just in time for Christmas Day.
Amy: Doctor, I can't hear you. What is that? Is that singing?
The Doctor: A Christmas Carol.
Amy: A what?
The Doctor: A Christmas Carol.
Amy: A what?!
The Doctor: A Christmas Carol. realizing. Kazran Sardick. Merry Christmas, Kazran Sardick.

The Doctor: It's okay.
Sardick: What have you done? What is this?!
The Doctor: Found it on an old drive. Sorry about the picture quality. Had to recover the data using quantum enfolding and a... paper clip. Oh, I won't bother calling your servants, they quit. Apparently they won the lottery at exactly the same time. Which is a bit lucky when you think about it.
Sardick: There isn't a lottery!
The Doctor: Yeah, as I say, lucky.
Sardick: Who are you?
The Doctor: Tonight I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past.

The Doctor: Did you ever get to see a fish? Back then, when you were a kid.
Sardick: What does that matter to you?
The Doctor: Look how it mattered to you.
Sardick: I cried all night. And I learned life's most invaluable lesson.
The Doctor: Which is?
Sardick: Nobody comes. Get out! Get out of my house!
The Doctor: Okay, but I'll be back. Way back! Way way back.

Kazran: If you're my babysitter, why are you climbing in the window?
The Doctor: 'Cause if I was climbing out of the window I'd be going in the wrong direction. Pay attention.

The Doctor: Right then! Your bedroom. Great. Let's see, you're twelve years old so we'll stay away from under the bed. Cupboard! Big cupboard! I love a cupboard. Do you know, there's a thing called a phase spider—it's just like a tiny baby 'cept with spider legs. And it specifically evolved to scuttle on the backs of bedroom cupboards. closes cupboard. Which, yeah, I probably shouldn't have mentioned. Right. So. What are we going to do? Eat crisps and talk about girls? I've never actually done that but I bet it's easy. Girls. Yeah?
Kazran: Are you really a babysitter?
The Doctor pulling out the psychic paper: I think you'll find that I'm universally recognized as a mature and responsible adult.
Kazran: It's... just a lot of wavy lines.
The Doctor: Yeah. Shorted out. Finally, a lie too big. Okay. Not really a babysitter but it's Christmas Eve. You don't want a real one. You want me.
Kazran: Why? What's so special about you?
The Doctor: Have you ever seen Mary Poppins?
Kazran: No.
The Doctor: Good. 'Cause that comparison would've been rubbish.

Kazran: Well aren't you going to tell me it's dangerous?
The Doctor: Dangerous? Come on! We're boys. And you know what boys say in the face of danger?
Kazran: What?
The Doctor: "Mummy."

Kazran: Are there any phase spiders in here?
The Doctor: Nah. Not at this time of night. They'll all be sleeping in your mattress. So why are you so interested in the fish?
Kazran: 'Cause they're scary.
The Doctor: Good answer.
Kazran: What kind of tie is that?
The Doctor: A cool one.
Kazran: Why is it cool?
The Doctor: Why are you really interested in fish?

Kazran: It's all anyone ever talks about now. "The day the fish came". Everyone's got a story.
The Doctor: But you don't.

Sardick: Now I remember. No Doctor! You mustn't!
Kazran: Doctor, are you sure?
The Doctor: Trust me.
Kazran: Okay.
The Doctor: Oy! Eyes on the tie. Look at me. I wear it and I don't care. Trust me?
Kazran: Yes.
The Doctor: That's why it's cool.

The Doctor: Hello Fishy. Let's see. Interesting. Crystalline fog, eh? Maybe carrying a tiny electrical charge. Is that how you fly, little fishy?
Kazran in the cupboard: What is it? What kind? Can I see?
The Doctor: Just stay there a moment.
Kazran: Is it big?
The Doctor: Nah. Just a little one. So, little fellah, what do you eat? a shark flies in the window and eats the fish and sonic screwdriver.
Kazran: How little?
The Doctor: Um—
Kazran: Can I come out?
The Doctor: No no. Maybe just... wait there for a moment.
Kazran: Well what color is it?
The Doctor: Big. Big color.

Kazran: What's happening?
The Doctor: Well, concentrating on the plusses, you've definitely got a story of your own now. Also, I got a good look at the fish and I think I understand how the fog works. Which is going to help me land a spaceship in the future and save a lot of lives. And I bet I get some very interesting readings off my sonic screwdriver when I get it back from the shark in your bedroom.
Kazran: There's a shark in my bedroom?!
The Doctor: Oh fine! Focus on that point.

Kazran: Has it gone? What's it doing?
The Doctor: What do you call it if you don't have any feet... and you're taking a run-up?
The screen goes blank
Sardick: No! It's going to eat us.
Kazran: It's going to eat us!
The Doctor: Well, maybe we're going to eat it, but I don't like the odds! Let's see. Tiny shark [brain], if I had my screwdriver I could probably send a pulse and stun it.
Kazran: Well where's your screwdriver?!
The Doctor: Well, concentrating on the plusses... in reach. You know there's a real chance the way it's wedged in the doorway is keeping its mouth open.
Kazran: There is?
The Doctor: Just agree with me, 'cause I've only got two go's and then it's your turn.
Kazran: Two go's?
The Doctor: Two arms! Right then. okay. Geronimo. Open wide!

The Doctor: What's the big fishy done to you? Swallowed half of you, that's what. Half a screwdriver—what use is that? Bad big fishy.

The Doctor: Hello again.
Kazran: You know her?
The Doctor: Why her? Important, is she?
Kazran: She won't mind. She loves the fish.

Kazran: Look, the fish like the singing, okay? So shut up.
The Doctor: Okay.

Kazran: It's bigger on the inside.
The Doctor: Yes, the color really knocks the walls back. Shark-in-a-box. To go.

Abigail (Katherine Jenkins): This is amazing.
The Doctor: Nah! This is transport. I keep amazing —he opens the TARDIS doors— out here.

Abigail: You are out of your mind. This will never work.
The Doctor: Oh! Don't think shark, think dolphin.
Abigail: A shark isn't a dolphin!
The Doctor: It's nearly a dolphin.
Abigail: No it isn't.
The Doctor: Well that's where you're wrong because... shut up.
Abigail: It could be anywhere. Will it really come?
The Doctor: No chance. Completely impossible. Except at Christmas.

The Doctor: Three of clubs!
No.
The Doctor looking at the card: You sure? Because I'm very good at card tricks.
It wasn't the three of clubs.
The Doctor: Well of course it wasn't. Because it was the seven of diamonds!
No.
The Doctor: Oy! Stop it. You're doing it wrong.

Kazran: I've never kissed anyone before. What do I do?
The Doctor: Well. Try and be all nervous and rubbish and a bit shaky.
Kazran: Why?
The Doctor: Because you're going to be like that anyway. Might as well make it part of the plan and then it'll feel on purpose. Off you go then.
Kazran: Now? I kiss her now?
The Doctor: Kazran, trust me. It's this or go into your room and design a new kind of screwdriver. Don't make my mistakes. Now! Go!

California 1952

The Doctor: Guys, we've really gotta go quite quickly. I just accidentally got engaged to Marilyn Monroe. How do you keep going like that? Do you breathe out of your ears? Hello! Sorry! Guys, she's phoned a chapel. There's a car outside. This is happening now!
Marilyn (in the distance): Yoo hoo!
The Doctor: Yoo hoo! Right. Fine. Thank you. I'll just go and get married in July. See how you like that. Marilyn! Get yer coat.

The Doctor: There we go! Another day, another Christmas Eve. I'll see you in a minute, yeah? I mean, a year.
Sardick: Ah, Doctor— Listen, why don't we leave it.
The Doctor: Sorry. Leave what?
Sardick: You know. This. Every Christmas Eve. It's getting a bit old.
The Doctor: Old?
Sardick: Well, Christmas is for kids, isn't it? I've got some work with my dad now, I'm going to focus on that. he takes off the bow tie. Get that cloud belt under control.
The Doctor: Sorry. I didn't realize I was boring you.
Sardick: Not your fault. Times change.
The Doctor: Not as much as I'd hoped.

The Doctor: I'm sorry. I didn't realize.
Sardick: All my life I've been called heartless. My other life—my real life. The one you rewrote. Now look at me.
The Doctor: Better a broken heart than no heart at all.
Sardick: Try it. You try it. Why are you here?
The Doctor: 'Cause I'm not finished with you yet. You've seen the past, present. And now you need to see the future.
Sardick: Fine. Do it. Show me! I'll die cold, alone and afraid. Of course I will. We all do. What difference does showing me make? Do you know why I'm going to let those people die? [Not a plan]. I don't get anything from it. It's just that I don't care. I'm not like you. I don't even want to be like you. I don't and never ever will care.
The Doctor: And I don't believe that.
Sardick: Then show me the future. Prove me wrong.
The Doctor: I am showing you the future. I'm showing you right now. So what do you think? Is this who you want to become, Kazran?
Kazran: Dad?

Amy: Doctor, what's happening?
The Doctor: I just saved Christmas. Don't go away.

The Doctor: Are we good to go then?
Sardick: The controls, they won't respond.
The Doctor: Of course they will. They're isomorphic. They're tuned to your brainwaves. They'll only respond to you.
Sardick: Won't respond.
The Doctor: It doesn't make sense. That's ridiculous. Why won't they— ? Oh. Oh, of course. Stupid, stupid Doctor.
Sardick: What's wrong? Tell me, what is it? What?
The Doctor: It's you. It's you. I've changed you too much. The machine doesn't recognize you.
Sardick: No, my father programmed—
The Doctor: No, your father would never have programmed it for the man you are now.
Sardick: Then what do we do?
The Doctor: Um... um. I don't know, I don't know.
Kazran: There must be something.
Sardick: This. You can use this. I kept it, see?
The Doctor: What? Half a screwdriver? With the other half I can [mis]guide a big ol' shark right in the heart of the cloud layer. If we use your [re] to boost the signal and set up a resonation pattern between the two halves... Oo! C'mon, that would work. My screwdriver, coolest bit of kit on this planet. Coolest two bits. It could do it.
Sardick: Do what?
The Doctor: While my screwdriver's still trying to repair it's signaling itself. We use the signal but we send something else.
Kazran: Send what?
Sardick: Well? What, what?
The Doctor: I'm sorry, Kazran. I truly am.
Sardick: I don't understand.
The Doctor: We need to transmit something into the cloud belt. Something we know works. We need her to sing.

Rory: Got any more honeymoon ideas?
The Doctor: Well there's a moon that's made of actual honey. Well, not actual honey. And it's not actually a moon. And technically it's alive. And a bit carnivorous. But there are some lovely views.

Amy: Are you— are you okay?
The Doctor: Of course I'm okay. You?
Amy: Of course. It'll be their last day together, won't it?
The Doctor: Everything's got to end some time. Otherwise nothing would ever get started.

Amy: Where are they? Kazran and Abigail?
The Doctor: Off on a little trip I should think.
Amy: Where?
The Doctor: Christmas.
Amy: Christmas?
The Doctor: Yeah. Christmas. Halfway out of the dark.