Daniel: You guys know Lindsay?
Nick: Yeah, you were in my english class last year, you were the chick that got an A, right?
Lindsay: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Ken: I don't know. What are you gonna do?

Neal Schweiber: The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader. You've seen Star Wars 47 times. You do the math.

Mr. Rosso: You're our best mathlete.
Lindsay: Please don't say that.

BEERS AND WEIRS

Mr. Weir: Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.
Sam: No. But he died on the toilet.
Mr. Weir: Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.

Daniel: I love being told not to drink by a pot-head hippie guidance counselor.

Neal: Bill, Dallas sucks.
Bill: You suck! Dallas rules!

Sam Weir: Keg of beer, please.
Liquor Store Clerk: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Sam to Lindsay: Friday night. Always a good time for some Sabbath. pause 'Cause, you know... Friday... is the Sabbath... for the Jews.

Lindsay: We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life.

Neal: I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run!

Bill is passed out drunk on the floor
Lindsay: Hey, Bill. Get up. That's how the drummer from Led Zeppelin died.

TRICKS AND TREATS

Bill: I'm just trying to to win ten bucks here. I don't wanna die.

Daniel: Hey, knock it off, Blondie. You're gonna blow the speakers.
Kim: Oh I'm sorry, Grandpa. I'll try not to blow anything of yours anytime soon.

Bill: Ma'am, I hope there aren't any peanuts in those peanuts.

KIM KELLY IS MY FRIEND

Millie: Hey! Those are for my French class.
Daniel: But I love sprinkles!

Karen: I guess I'm just gonna have to mark this locker again. This time in geek blood.

Millie: I heard about what she does in the yearbook darkroom.
Lindsay: What? She does what? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Millie: She does it.
Lindsay: What do you mean, it?
Millie: She fornicates it!

TESTS AND BREASTS

Mr. Weir: She's hanging with a bad crowd. She's lying and cheating and next thing you know she's Patty Hearst with a gun to our heads.

I'M WITH THE BAND

playing moon ball
Neal: That's it. I'm gonna die in gym class.

Neal: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
Bill: But you're not funny.
Neal: Screw you. I'm hilarious!

Daniel: I wrote out some Ramones songs.
Nick: The Ramones? They only use like three chords.
Daniel: Alright, so I'll learn another one.

CARDED AND DISCARDED

Ken: Everything fun in the world happens in bars.

GIRLFRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS

Lindsay: Mr. Rosso, Nick and I are just friends.
Mr. Rosso: Hey, no need to explain anything to me. I got it on in a van at Woodstock.

Ms. Yeats: Mr. Desario, don't you have something to do?
Daniel: Right. But I thought we were going to do that after class, Ms. Yeats.

Kowchevski: Lord and Lady Skips-A-Lot. C'mon, lets go.

Sam: Cindy is not abnormal.
Bill: Yeah? She cut the cheese.
Neal: Oh my god.
Sam: That's not funny.
Bill: I heard it, man, I swear. She blamed it on the chair. But she cut the cheese.
Sam: Well some chairs make weird noises.What kind of a chair was it?
Bill: I don't know. Vinyl?
Sam: Vinyl chairs always squeak.
Bill: It wasn't a squeak. It was the sound of cheese being cut.

WE'VE GOT SPIRIT

Daniel: These jocks think they're such badasses. Like they cured cancer or something.

Cindy: Remember when I told you I had a crush on Todd?
Sam: Yeah.
Cindy: Well I don't.
Sam: Really?
Cindy: It's more like an obsession.

Neal: Being the school mascot has always been my dream.
Bill: Yeah. Since lunch.

Sam: Think there's a subliminal message in there?
Bill: For your sake, I hope not.

Ken hit by water balloons: That better have been water. That's all I'm sayin'.

Lindsay: Mom, did you just break up with my boyfriend?

THE DIARY

Kim: Okay, one thing that helps is to point your boobs to the road.

LOOKS AND BOOKS

Bill: It's a Parisian night suit in case you didn't know.
Gordon: A Parisian! Ooh la la!
Neal: It's not a Parisian. It's a jumpsuit. My grandfather in Florida wears them all the time because he's too lazy to put on pants.

Kowchevski: Ladies, this is just for tomorrow's scrimmage. This isn't the last chopper out of Saigon. Can we please just crank down the drama a notch?

THE GARAGE DOOR

Bill: Do you remember when we said we'd tell each other everything?
Neal: Yeah.
Bill: Did you mean it?
Neal: Of course.
Bill: Even if it's something really, really horrible? I mean, it might not be horrible, 'cause it might not be true, but if it is true, it could be pretty horrible.
Neal: Okay, Bill, you're killing me, you gotta tell me now.

Neal: I'm just going to have my coffee now.
Bill: Is that before or after you shave?

CHOKIN' AND TOKIN'

Millie: You're high!
Lindsay: How could you tell?
Millie: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.

DEAD DOGS AND GYM TEACHERS

Mr. Weir: Sure Lindsay. You can see The Who. And you can go see The Stones at Altamont.

Ken: I always say, girl plus car equals dead animal.

Lindsay: Are you copying Ken's homework?
Kim: Trying to. He writes like a mental patient.

Neal: He's a gym teacher. There's no upward mobility.

Mr. Weir: Alright, fine. Just keep those boys away from your accordion.

NOSHING AND MOSHING

Daniel: Am I a loser?
Harris: You're not a loser because you're having sex. But if you weren't having sex, we could definitely debate the issue.

Jenna Zank: You know what punkers don't do? Call themselves punkers.

SMOOCHING AND MOOCHING

Nick Andopolis: Wow, that dinner smells good. Let me guess, meat?

Harold Weir: By the way, that drummer you're listening to...
Nick: Yeah?
Harold: He's terrible!
Nick: What? That's Neil Peart, he's the greatest drummer alive!
Harold: Neal Pert couldn't drum his way out of a paper bag!

Sam: It's Cindy. She's kind of boring. It's weird hanging out with her friends. And, I mean, all she wants to do is make out and stuff.
Neal: I'd kill to be that bored.

THE LITTLE THINGS

DISCOS AND DRAGONS

Daniel: All right, fine, I'll be a dwarf, but my name is Carlos.
Bill: Carlos the dwarf?
Daniel: Yeah, you got a problem with that, Gorthon?

DJ: Aren't you one of those guys who's always running in here yelling "Disco sucks?" What's the matter, cat got your bong, man? Is that how you learned to communicate? Running in here and yelling stuff? Is that what your precious "rock 'n' roll" teaches you?
Ken: No, it teaches me that disco sucks!

Harold: You're not lying, are you, Sam?
Sam: No.
Harold: 'Cause you know what happens to liars in this world, don't you?
Sam: They end up getting killed in jail.
Harold: Right.

Mrs. Bronner: Ladies, I'm not joking. Put out those cigarettes.
Kim: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were joking.

Neal: Does his mom know you?
Bill: I don't know. I never met her.

Lindsay: I don't know. Rosso's okay. And why would you want to ruin a mailbox?
Ken: I don't know. We gotta blow up something.

Harold Weir: Everyone's a Democrat until they get a little money. Then they come to their senses!

TOP