THE SIMPSONS QUOTES

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Lisa: Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.

Lisa: I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is. All I know is he's more powerful than Mom and Dad put together.

Wiggum: Well let me ask you this: shut up.

Roger Meyers writing Marge a letter: So let me close this by saying...
Marge: reading his letter ...and the horse I rode in on?!

Kent Brockman: Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say, "No, of course not. What kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says, "Yes." And she's here with us tonight. Mrs. Marge Simpson.

Marge: I guess one person can make a difference. But most of the time, they probably shouldn't.

ordering blowfish
Homer: C'mon pal! Fugu me!

Moe: Homer, lighten up! You're making Happy Hour bitterly ironic.

Homer: English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Mr. Burns: You know, I'm no art critic. But I know what I hate.

Professor Frink: All right, according to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is... love? Who's been screwing with this thing?

Lisa checking the card catalog: Let's see... Football... Football... "Homoeroticism in"... "Oddball Canadian rules"... "Phyllis George and"...

Homer: Three simple words: "I am gay."

Krusty: We're going to the happiest place on Earth—Tijuana!

Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.

Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Rev. Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid. Be they Christian, Jew, or... miscellaneous.
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Rev. Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, do you think you could dig up Al Jolson?
Smithers: Ummm... remember we tried that, sir?
Mr. Burns: Oh right, he's dead... and rather pungent. The rest of that night is something I'd like to forget.

Dr. Nick: singing The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.

Homer: sung to the Flintstones song Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! hits tree

Homer: Heh heh heh. Oh Andy Capp, you wife-beating drunk.

Homer: Six simple words: "I'm not gay. But I'll learn."

Homer: I've heard 'em all. "I like you as a friend." "I think we should see other people." "I no speak English..."
Lisa: I get the idea.
Homer: "I'm married to the sea." "I don't want to kill you, but I will."

Chief Wiggum on phone: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my god! He's dead?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. hangs up phone
Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?
Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch.

Homer: pounding on table Where's my burrito! Where's my burrito!

Homer: Sorry, Mr. Burns. I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

Homer: You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!

Homer: God bless those pagans.

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I kind ofran over his dog. Actually, replace "kind of" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

Bart: What'd you do? Screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus?
Homer: All the time. It was the title of our second album.

The Be-Sharps perform on a building rooftop
George Harrison: It's been done.

Lisa: "List your three favorite books and how they have influenced your life."
Homer: Is TV Guide a book?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Son of Sniglet?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Katharine Hepburn's Me?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Oh, I suck!

Joey Ramone: Go to hell, you old bastard!
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't—
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!

Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
Joey runs out of the bar sobbing
Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!

Homer: Remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well you have a gambling problem.

Lisa: And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.
Homer breaks lamp: D'oh!
Bart: Aye Carumba!
Marge: Hmmm.
Flanders: Heidely-ho.
Barney: burps
Nelson: Ha ha!
Burns: Ex-cellent!
Lisa: If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.

Marge: Ooh, Lisa! Is that too spicy for you?
Lisa: I can see through time!
Homer: Stop being such a baby. You can't be afraid to try new things. For instance, tonight I'm using a... Apu, what do you call this thing again?
Apu: A napkin.
Homer: Outrageous!

Homer: Apu, if it makes you feel any better, I've learned that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Marge: You know Homer, when I found out about this I went through a wide range of emotions. First I was nervous, then anxious, then wary, then apprehensive, then kinda sleepy, then worried, and then concerned. But now I realize that being a spaceman is something you have to do.
Homer: Who's doing what now?

Homer: Oh sure. Even communism works. In theory.

Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge Simpson: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how.

Homer: Look everyone! Now that I'm a teacher I've sewn patches on my elbows.
Marge: Homer that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed jacket, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.
Homer: Incorrect, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets!

Lisa: Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Homer: Come on, guys. This bar is like a tavern to me.

Abe: Let's see... I'm an Elk, a Mason, a communist... I'm the president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason. Ah, here it is! The Stonecutters.

Kent Brockman: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Democracy just doesn't work.

Kent Brockman: Now, over the years a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another he cannot report. It doesn't matter now, so... the following people are gay (names run by on screen).

Homer: Burkina Faso? Disputed Zone? Who called all these weird places?
Homer's Brain: Quiet. It might be you! I can't remember.
Homer: Naw, I'm going to ask Marge.
Homer's Brain: No, no! Why embarrass us both? Just write a check and I'll release some more endorphins.

Bart: Hey guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.
Homer: Pfft. That's no reason to block the TV.

Homer: My ears are burning.
Lisa: I wasn't talking about you, Dad.
Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip.

Announcer: Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.
Wiggum: checking Well I'll be damned.

Burns: singing Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food. The only thing I'm hunting for... is an outfit that looks good.
sung to "Be Our Guest"
See my vest, see my vest, made from real gorilla chest.
Feel this sweater, there's no better than authentic Irish Setter.
See this hat? Twas my cat. My eveningwear? Vampire bat.
These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino.
Grizzly bear underwear, turtles' necks. I've got my share.
Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest.
Try my red robin suit, it comes one breast or two.
See my vest! See my vest! See my vest!
Like my loafers? Former gophers! It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best.
So let's prepare these dogs
Maid: Kill two for matching clogs!
Burns: See my vest! See my vest! Oh won't you please see my vest!

Mr. Burns: I'll be taking my puppies back.
Lisa: But they're ours, you stole them from us!
Mr. Burns hands her a cell phone: Here's a phone. Call somebody who cares.
Lisa dials 9-1—
Mr. Burns: Give me that!

Gay Pride Marchers: We're here! We're queer! Get used to it!
Lisa: You do this every year! We are used to it!

Willie in French class: Bonjour, ye cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!

Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! *buzz* Alright, maybe I did, but I didn't shoot him. *ding*
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. *buzz* A date. *buzz* Dinner with a friend. *buzz* Dinner alone. *buzz* Watching TV alone. *buzz* Alright! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. *buzz* Sears catalog. *ding* Now would you unhook this already, please! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! *buzz*

Jasper: Who shot who in the what now?

Homer: Okay, I'm never going to win Father of the Year. In fact, I'm probably the last guy in the world to have kids... wait, let me rephrase that. I love my kids. I'd do anything for Bart and Lisa.
Judge: And Margaret?
Homer: Who? Lady, you must have the wrong file.
Marge: She's talking about Maggie.
Homer: Oh! Maggie. I've got nothing against Maggie.

Wiggum: My wife and I like watching that Oz show on HBO. Uh, is... is prison really like that?
Jack: Wouldn't know. We only get basic cable.
Wiggum: Ouch. I also like that Sex in the City. None of those girls looks like my wife.
Jack: Sportscenter's not bad.
Wiggum: Yeah, I never got that show.
Jack: What's to get? They just tell the scores.
Wiggum: Yeah, I suppose, yeah. Hey, ya meet any Mob guys? Are
they really like The Sopranos?
Jack: I told you, we just get basic cable.
Wiggum: Oh right, right, right. Listen, if I'm getting too chatty, just, uh, just tell me to shut up.
Jack: Ah, I'm enjoying it. Hey, you ever watch them strongman
contests? They're pretty good. Those guys look strong. Other guys in prison say they're gay, but I don't know. They look strong to me.

Milhouse: Pleasure doing business with you.
Bart: Any time, chummmmmmm... p.

Jimbo: Way to breathe, No-breath.

Lisa: Pablo Neruda said, "Laughter is the language of the soul."
Bart: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.

Bart: singing You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

Homer: I've got the prescription for you, Doctor. Another hot beef injection?

Ralph: Ms. Hoover, my worm slipped into my mouth. Can I have another one?
Ms. Hoover: No, Ralph. There aren't anymore. Why don't you go to sleep while the other children are learning.
Ralph: Oh boy! Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!

Mr. Burns: I think I'll donate a million dollars to charity... when pigs fly!
A pig flies past the window
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
Mr. Burns: Eh, I'd still rather not.

Homer: Hee hee. I pity those poor suckers on the freeway. Gas break honk. Gas break honk. Honk honk punch. Gas gas gas.

Homer: How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

About an Ayatollah Assahollah t-shirt
Homer: It works on any Ayatollah! Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... Even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmara and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power!

Disco Stu: about the DISCO STU jacket Disco Stu doesn't advertise.

Krusty's Cayman Islands Banker: I'm sorry. I can't divulge information about that customer's secret illegal account. Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said he was a customer. Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said it was a secret. Oh, crap. I certainly shouldn't have said it was illegal. Ah, it's too hot today.

Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.

Homer: You suck-diddly-uck, Flanders!

Mrs. Krabappel: Embiggens? I never heard that word before moving to Springfield.
Miss Hoover: I don't know why, it's a perfectly cromulent word.

Hollis Hurlbut: Now get out! You're banned from this historical society! You and your children, and your children's children... for three months.

Homer: Here are your messages: "You have thirty minutes to move your car." "You have ten minutes to move your car." "Your car has been impounded." "Your car has been crushed into a cube." "You have thirty minutes to move your cube."

Bart: Dad, what's a muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... laughs, then pauses. So, to answer you question, I don't know.

The boys go to see Naked Lunch
Nelson: I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.

Grampa: I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.

Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.

Tech guy: Who is playing with the London Symphony Orchestra? Come on people, somebody ordered the London Symphony Orchestra... posssibly while high. Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your general direction.
Cypress Hill: Yo, did we order the London Symphony?

Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important
than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Bart and Lisa: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool—not caring, right?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried
everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to
be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?

Homer: trying to casually buy illegal fireworks Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields, and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas... eh, make it two.
Later...
Marge seeing Homer's purchases: I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out.

Homer: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Yes sir, Mr Scorpion!
Hank: Don't call me that. It's Mr. Scorpio, but don't call me that either. Call me Hank!

Hank Scorpio: By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country? Italy or France?
Homer: France.
Hank adjusts a giant laser
Hank Scorpio: Heh heh. Nobody ever says Italy.

Rev. Lovejoy: Thanks a lot, Marge. That was our only burlesque house.

Homer: I'd like to file for... dramatic pause Divorce.
Lady: These things happen. Eight dollars.

Marge: I'm going into the dining room to have a conversation. If you want to join me, fine. (leaves room) Hello Marge, how's the family? I don't want to talk about it. Mind your own business!
Homer: Keep it down in there!

Homer: This is Homer Simpson, aka Happy Dude. The court is making me call everybody back and apologize for my telemarketing scam. I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to Sorry Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have the power.

Kearney: Aw, man! You just kissed a girl!
Jimbo Jones: That is so gay!

Homer: Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything.

Homer: I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Homer: In your face, space coyote!

Mulder: Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien.
Homer: The evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Happy?

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. lie dectector blows up.

Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?
Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
Bart: Uh huh.
Hot Dog Vendor: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me.

Announcer: It's the Krusty Komedy Klassics!
Krusty runs out on stage
Krusty: Hey, hey! It's great to be back here, and— turns around, notices sign K-K-K? Oh, that's not good.

Marge: Aim low, kids. Aim so low you can't possibly fail.

Network Executive: We at the network want a dog with attitude. He's edgy. You've heard the expression "Let's get busy"? Well, this is a dog who gets biz-ay; consistently and thoroughly.
Krusty: So he's proactive?
Executive: Oh, God yes! We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.
Writer: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't those just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that... I'm fired aren't I?

Homer: Cram it with walnuts, ugly!

Homer: Is this episode going on the air live?
June Velany: No Homer, very few cartoons are broadcast live. It's a terrible strain on the animator's wrist.

Comic Book Guy: Last night's Itchy and Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

Homer drops large jar of coins creating hole: Hello? China? A little help?

John: It's camp! The ludicrously tragic? The tragically ludicrous?
Homer: Oh yeah. Like when a clown dies.

Homer: That John is the greatest guy in the world. We've gotta have him and his wife over for drinks sometime.
Marge: Mmm, I don't think he's married, Homer.
Homer: Oh, a swinging bachelor, eh? Well, there's lots of foxy ladies
out there.
Marge: Homer, didn't John seem a little... festive to you?
Homer: Couldn't agree more. Happy as a clam!
Marge: insisting He prefers the company of men!
Homer: Who doesn't?
Marge: Homer, listen carefully. John is a ho... mo...
Homer: Right. Right.
Marge: ...sexual.
Homer: Augh!!

Homer: They ruined all our best names like Bruce and Lance and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just...
John: Queer?
Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that
word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!

Bart: Dad, why'd you bring me to a gay steel mill?
Homer: I don't know! This is a nightmare! You're all sick!
Worker: Oh be nice!

Cecil: And now to kill you. There may be a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere near them.

Rex Banner: Are you the Beer Baron?
Ned: Well, if you're talking about root beer, I plead guilt-diddily-ildly as char-didily-arged!
Rex Banner: He's not the Baron, but he sounds drunk. Take him in.

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

Maude: They were having S-E-X in front of C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
Krusty: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!

Mr. Sparkle Plant Worker: Mushi mushi!
Homer: This is Homer Simpson from America. Who may I say is speaking to me?
Worker hands phone to another Worker: Hello chief, let's talk, why not?
Homer: Um, hello? Why am I Mr. Sparkle?
Worker: You like Mr. Sparkle?
Homer: Well, I am Mr. Sparkle.
Worker: You have many questions, Mr. Sparkle. I send you premium answer question 100%!
Homer: Oooh!

Salesman: Surely you can't put a price on your family's lives?
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.

Burns: Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Burns: Precisely. And wipe your own memory clean when you're done.

After Homer turns on the Christmas lights.
Bart: It's craptacular.

Marge: Now, how are we going to get my Homey back?
Willy: I'll kidnap him for fifty, deprogram him for a hundred, and kill him for five hundred.
Marge: No, no. Just the first two.
Willy: Alright. I'll throw in the killin' for free.

Cletus: Stranger, you're trespassing on my dirt farm.
Leader: Uhh... do you need a Messiah?
Cletus: No, but I'll take them money bags from ye.
Leader: I should have stayed with the Promise Keepers.

Professor Frink: at a scientific convention Don't make me flick the lights on and off!
Rioting Crowd of Scientists: No response
Frink: Pi is exactly 3!
Rioting Crowd of Scientists: GAAAASSSSSPPP
Frink: I'm sorry it had to come to that.

Homer: They have the internet on computers now!

Chief Wiggum: What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?

Ralph Wiggum: That's where I saw the leprechaun! He told me to burn things.

Ralph explaining that a rat ran off the key: That pointy kitty took it!

Mr. Burns: Smithers there's a rocket in my pocket.
Smithers: You don't have to tell me sir.

Homer: correcting a superior officer Nu-cu-lar. It's pronounced nu-cu-lar.

Aide: But Presidente, America tried to kill you!
Fidel Castro: Eh, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco. Aide whispers to him It's full of what?!

Krusty: Hey, Homer, do you remember this voice?
Homer: Kathleen Turner! Rawrrrrr!

Lisa: May I have that seat?
Comic Book Guy: Yes! If you can answer me these questions three. Question the first!—
Lisa: Never mind.

Praying heavenward
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man. But if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Homer: Lisa, can you open the window? They have daddy's fingerprints on file.

 

OZ SHOUT-OUT (from a promo... never actually in the episode)
Homer: You have enough blame to be on Oz, Jr.! to himself Idea. Make a show called Oz Jr., but don't show it to ABC. They're idiots!

MINNESOTA SHOUT-OUT
Marge: I saved this newspaper from the day Lisa was born.
Lisa: "Mondale to Hart: Where's the beef?"
Bart: "Where's the beef?" What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Homer: Heh heh heh. "Where's the beef." No wonder he won Minnesota.

MINNEAPOLIS SHOUT-OUT
Reporter: Toby Hunter, Minneapolis Star. No really, is this a joke?
Scientist: No, Toby, and no more questions about whether this is a joke.

Okay, I'll stop now.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR
Marge: Bart, stop pestering Satan!

Willy: Don't be hard on the wee boy. His father is going to go ga ga and chop 'em all into haggis.
Bart: What's haggis?
Willy: You read my mind boy. You've got the shinning!
Bart: You mean "shining"?
Willy: Shh! You want to get sued?

Homer: Well, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No TV and no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Homer Simpson: Mmmm... unprocessed fish sticks.

Lucy Lawless: I'll take you home.
Lucy flies, carrying Bart and Lisa.
Lisa: Hey, Xena can't fly!
Lucy Lawless: I told you, I'm not Xena. I'm Lucy Lawless.

Lisa: Look at the "wonders" of the computer age now.
Homer: Wonders Lisa? Or blunders?
Lisa: I think that was implied by what I said.
Homer: Implied... Or implode?

Homer: cocks shotgun To the book depository!

Dr. Hibbert: Another broccoli-related death.
Marge: But I thought broccoli was—
Dr. Hibbert: Oh yes. One of the deadliest plants on Earth. Why, it tries to warn you itself with its terrible taste.

Homer: Leprachauns? Don't they live in Ireland?
Mo: Yeah, but they come over here in the wheel wells of Aer Lingus planes.

Mrs. Krabapple to Bart: Lisa's casting spells at an eighth grade level. You've sinned against nature.

Homer: Now, before I abandon you in this cornfield, does anyone remember the way home?
Homer clone: I do.
Homer shoots the clone.
Homer: Anybody else?
Another clone raises his hand. Homer shoots him.
Homer: Anybody else? Come on.
Another clone raises his hand and gets shot.
Homer: Okay, everyone out.

Lisa: Dad, is there anything you'd like to tell us about this horde?
Homer: You'd think so. But no.

Lisa: Mr. Flanders, why are you moving?
Ned: Because I had a vision of me shooting your father.
Bart: In this neighborhood, who hasn't.

Ned: There's only one god. Just one. Well, sometimes there's three.

Professor Frink: Watch out for retro-viruses. Seriously, they are so retro. Check out this drawing by R. Crumb.

Kodos: Smooth move, Space Lax. You've destroyed the totality of existence.

 

BLACKBOARD QUOTES
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not spin the turtle
This punishment is not boring and pointless
I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I no longer want my MTV
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
Sherri does not "got back"
I have neither been there nor done that
I will stop phoning it in
Substitute teachers are not scabs
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
I will not waste chalk
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I will not surprise the incontinent
The nurse is not dealing
Science class should not end in tragedy
Network TV is not dead
"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
I will not scare the Vice President
Nobody reads these anymore
The giving tree is not a chump
This school does not need a "regime change"
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

SERIOUSLY DECENT SIMPSONS SITES (scout's honor):
Official Website : fox.com/simpsons
snpp.com : snpp.com