EVERYTHING CHANGES

Move 'em back they said. Leave it safe. Special access, they said.
Gwen Cooper: For who?
Torchwood.

Gwen: Who's Torchwood?
PC Andy: Special Ops or something. Is that hot?
Gwen: Ah yeah, have it. But they're not allowed in there. They could contaminate the evidence and all sorts. I mean how can they—
PC Andy: Don't ask me. There's no procedure any more. It's a disgrace.

Captain Jack Harkness: Contraceptives in the rain. I love this planet. Still at least I won't get pregnant. I'm not doing that again.

John: Who are you?
Jack: Tell me, what was it like when you died? what did you see? John, tell me what you saw.
Suzie: Ten seconds.
John: Nothing. I saw nothing. Oh my god, there's nothing.

Jack: We told the last corpse he was injured. He wasted the whole two minutes screaming for an ambulance. Maybe there's a no right way of doing it. looking up at Gwen in the parking ramp What do you think?

Gwen: But those people last night—the people in the car. Who were they? What's Torchwood?
PC Andy: 'Don't know. Special Ops.
Gwen: Yeah, but what does that mean?
PC Andy: Bet you ten quid they're DNA specialists. It's all DNA these days. Like that CSI bollocks. CSI: Cardiff, I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a kebab.

Yvonne: No sign of Captain Jack Harkness.
Gwen: Did you search outside Cardiff?
Yvonne: No, that never even occurred to me. Of course I did. I went nationwide. There's about 15 Jacks and Johns with that surname. None of them's a Captain.
Gwen: Suppose he could have made it up.
Yvonne: The only Captain Jack Harkness on record is American.
Gwen: That's it—he's American.
Yvonne: Which you forgot to tell me.
Gwen: So who is he?
Yvonne: American volunteer. Royal Air Force. [?] Squadron. Except he disappeared. Vanished off the records, and presumed dead.
Gwen: When was that?
Yvonne: 1941. At the height of the Blitz. On the morning of january 21st, 1941, Captain Jack Harkness failed to report for duty. Never seen again until now. What's going on, Gwen? You seeing ghosts?

Owen Harper: I can't do this. I'm sorry. I'm rubbish, I give up.
Toshiko Sato: He set me off.
Suzie Costello: Well that lasted no point two seconds.
Owen Harper: Hm. She's actually carrying pizza.
Jack: C'mon! She was going to say, "Here's your pizza." And I was going to say, "How much." And she says, "Oh whatever, 20 quid." And I say, "Oo, I don't have any money." I was working on a punch line. I hadn't got there, but it would've been good.
Gwen: Here's your pizza. I think I'd better go.
Jack: I think we've gone past that stage.
Suzie Costello: You must have been freezing out there. How long were you walking around? Three hours?
Gwen: You could see me?
Suzie: Um hm.
Jack: And before we go any further, who the hell goes around ordering pizza under the name of Torchwood?
Owen: Uh, yeah. That would be me. Sorry, I'm a twat.

Gwen: Who are you?
Jack: Torchwood.
Gwen: What's Torchwood?
Jack: This is Torchwood.

Jack: It's called a Weevil. Or at least we call them Weevils. We don't know their real name because they're not too good at communicating. But we've got a couple hundred of them in the city, living in the sewers, feeding off the— well. it's the sewers. You can guess.

Gwen: I'm getting tired of following you.
Jack: No you're not. And you never will.

Jack: That is so Welsh.
Gwen: What is?
Jack: I show you something fantastic, you find fault.

Gwen: The thing is I just don't understand—
Jack: I'll tell you what I don't understand. You're going to rattle on with that "How can this be true?" kind of shtick. What's it going to take for you people. If you want evidence of aliens, how about that great big spaceship hovering over London on Christmas day? What about the battle of Canary Wharf. A Cyberman in every home.
Gwen: My boyfriend says it's like a sort of terrorism. They put drugs in the water supplies. Psychotropic drugs. Causing mass hallucinations.
Jack: Yeah well, your boyfriend is stupid.
Gwen: Oh, you've met him.

Gwen: I did some research. And there's only one Captain Jack Harkness on record. And he disappeared in 1941.
Jack: Well that couldn't be me. Could it?

Gwen: So go on then. How the hell did you end up in Cardiff?
Jack: This is Torchwood Three. Torchwood One was London—destroyed in the battle. Torchwood Two is an office in Glasgow. A very strange man. Torchwood Three, Cardiff. Torchwood Four has kinda gone missing but we'll find it one day.
Gwen: So you just fancied Cardiff?
Jack: There's a rift in space and time running right through the city.

Gwen: If you let me go, I've got a duty. I can tell them what that does. Because that glove could help us.
Jack: If you remember.
Gwen: What do you mean?
Jack: How's your drink?
Gwen: Have you poisoned me?
Jack: Don't be so dramatic. It's an amnesia pill. My own recipe. With a touch of denial and a dash of retcon. Wake up tomorrow morning, you'll have forgot everything about Torchwood. Worse still, you'll have forgotten me. Which is kind of tragic.

DAY ONE

Jack: Alright, usual formation.
Gwen: What's the usual formation?
Owen: Varies.
Gwen: How can the usual formation vary?

Jack: What do we know?
Owen: Bog standard space debris. to Gwen That's a technical term.
Gwen: Yeah, thanks.

Carys: I wish I'd never met you. I wish I was dead. No, I wish you were dead... Call me back.

Tosh: He just...
Jack: Came and went.
Owen: Now that's how I'd like to go.
Tosh: I'm sure we could arrange it.

Gwen: What about his family? You can't just fake his death.
Jack: You want to tell his family he died screwing an alien?

Tosh: Gas traces confirmed as Vorax and Suranium.
Jack: Great. My two favorite gases.

Carys: You broke my ship.
Gwen: C'mon then. Where are you from and why are you trying to invade Earth? Because you can forget about enslaving us.
Carys: Who said anything about "enslavin'"?
Gwen: Well that's what you lot do—aliens... Isn't it?

Owen: Period military is not the dress code of a straight man.

Jack to Gwen: Are you always this awkward?

Tosh: Jack, Carys is out of her cell.
Owen: Cheeky bitch took my swipe card.
Jack: I'll deal with it. And tell Owen he needs to work on those abs a bit harder.

Gwen: After all I said, a severed hand is more important to you than Carys' life?
Jack: You want to prove yourself? Find her. Get your old pals in the police to do something useful for once.
Gwen: All right, I'll give them a call. "Put out an APB: woman possessed by gas knobbing fellas to death."

Gwen: We're too late.
Jack: Tosh was right, though. She went for the ex-boyfriend. Lucky she's young. Work your way through my back catalog, we'll be here 'til the sun explodes.

Clinic Donor: I'm asking you to get out.
Carys: Just relax. I can help.
Clinic Donor: I don't think so, love. I'm gay.

Owen: The strain on her body's too much. Any second now she's rat jam.

Jack: That was just the kiss. Imagine the buzz you get from the rest. Carys faints. That wasn't exactly the reaction I'd anticipated.

THE GHOST MACHINE

Gwen: I've lost him, Tosh. I've lost him.
Tosh: I swear, whatever it is, you're holding it.

Jack: Gwen? Are you alright?
Gwen: I've just seen a ghost.

Owen: Intense emotions can be part of a neurological event. Hallucinations. Dementia.
Gwen: I wasn't hallucinating, Owen. And I'm not bloody senile.

Jack: You pushed this button and that caused this apparition moment?
Gwen: Yeah. Jack starts fiddling with the device. Jack, no!
Jack: As if.

Jack: Run a full check. Births, marriages, deaths. Criminal record, passports. However long it takes, wherever he is, we'll find him.
Owen: Found him... He's in the phonebook.

Dad, visitors. It's the police.
Tom Erasmus Flanagan: Oh! Caught up with me at last, have you?

Rhys: Gwen, I can live with all the Secret Squirrel stuff, but if you can't even tell me if you're coming home—
Gwen: Well nagging isn't helping.

Jack: Gorgeous nanotechnology. Makes NASA look like Toys 'r' Us.

Jack: Human emotion is energy. You can't always see it or hear it, but you can feel it. Ever had deja vu? Felt someone walk over your grave? ever felt someone behind you in an empty room? Well there was. There always is.
Gwen: A ghost.

Gwen: I'm sorry, it's just— I don't even kill spiders in the bath.
Jack: Nor do I. Not with a gun.

Jack: The problem with seeing the future is you can't just sit and look at it. You've got to try and change things.

CYBERWOMAN

Ianto: Can you make it two pepperoni feasts tonight. And a tub of coleslaw. My boss says I'm not eating enough vegetables.

Dr. Tanizaki: Tell me, what happened?
Ianto: She worked for Torchwood London. It was the end of the Canary Wharf battle. The Cybermen needed soldiers fast. They started upgrading whole bodies instead of transplanting brains, using Earth technology. Lisa was halfway through the process when the machine was shut down.

Dr. Tanizaki: Sometimes in order to save what we love we have to risk losing it.

Tosh: All I'm saying is, once in awhile I'd like to drive.
Owen: Yeah, all I'm saying is no.
Tosh: Why not?
Owen: Look, I've shared cars with women before and I know what'll happen. There'll be an emergency, all rarin' to go, I jump in, what do I find? Seat's in the wrong position, the rearview mirror's out of line and the steering wheel's in my crotch. In the time it takes to sort it all out aliens will have taken Newport.

Jack: Ianto, I need hear those beautiful Welsh vowels.

Owen: These things brought down Torchwood One. They were all destroyed. Why is there one in our bloody basement?!

Jack to Ianto: Get us back to the Hub.
Gwen: Jack, what are you doing?
Jack: Resisting the urge to shoot.

Jack: You need to figure out who's side you're on here. Because if you don't know, you're not going to make it out of this alive.

Gwen: What the hell was that?
Owen: Wha'?
Gwen: Snogging me.
Owen: Last kiss for the condemned man. Bit embarrassing, given we haven't been killed. What? It's not like I fancy you or anything.
Gwen: I was on top of you. I could feel your hard-on.
Owen: Well you didn't exactly struggle or anything.

Owen: You should be dead.
Jack: I'm a stubborn man.

Gwen: You would never have shot him, not really.
Jack: Wouldn't I?
Gwen: Would you have shot me if I'd gone and stand by him.
Jack: But you didn't.
Gwen: If I had though.
Jack: But you didn't.

Gwen: When she got ahold of you I thought, just for a moment, I thought maybe you could die after all.
Jack: Wanna know a secret? So did I. And just for a second there I felt so alive.

SMALL WORLDS

Jack: You shouldn't be here.
Ianto: Neither should you.
Jack: What have you got?
Ianto: Funny sort of weather patterns.

Estelle: Fairies are shy, you see. But I know in my heart that they're friendly, loving creatures. Thank you.
Jack: Wrong. She always gets it wrong.

Gwen: Well I suppose one person's good could be another person's evil.
Estelle: That's what his father used to say.

You must never walk home alone. Do you understand, it's not safe.
Jasmine: It's alright, mum. No one can hurt me.

Estelle: Jack contacted me a few years ago. I was so surprised. So like his dad. Same walk, same smile. hope he's still alive.

Jack: They've never really had a name.
Gwen: Why not?
Jack: Something from the dawn of time. How could possibly put a name to that?

Estelle: You were right, Jack. There are bad ones. They've come to me.
Jack: Estelle, we're on our way. Stay where you are. Don't go near them. Do you understand?

Gwen: It wasn't your dad that was in love with her all those years ago, was it? It was you.
Jack: We once made a vow. That we'd be with each other 'till we died.

COUNTRYCIDE

Owen: I hate the countryside. It's dirty, it's unhygienic. And what is that smell?
Gwen: That would be grass.
Owen: It's disgusting.

Jack: No other race in the universe goes camping, Owen. Celebrate your uniqueness.

Tosh: Call me suspicious but this has all the hallmarks of a trap.
Jack: Yeah. I was just thinking the same thing. Anyone fancy a walk?

Owen to the dead body: Whatever they were... I hope you put up a good fight.

Owen about to give Gwen a local anesthetic: Alright, do you want a quip about feeling a small prick?
Gwen: No, but thanks for offering.

Owen: Just lie back and think of Torchwood.

Toshiko: That's why there was nothing left on the body. They need to eat. pause We're food.

Jack: Okay, so we didn't check the cellar.

Tosh: They're all involved. They've all been doing it.
Evan: This is our harvest.
Owen: Only in the bloody countryside. You sick fuckers.

Gwen: All these things.... All these things, they're changing me. Changing how I see the world. And I can't share them with anyone.
Owen coming up behind her (half-nekkid): You can now.

GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

Soldier to Mary: Do whores have prayers?

Jack: Once—just once—I'd like to walk into one of these tents and find it's a party. You know, with food and drink, people dancing... a girl crying in the corner.
Gwen: Is it alien?
Jack: And how. I'm picking up traces of ilminite, pyroxene and even dark matter.
Gwen: Any idea what it is?
Jack: Not a clue. Could be a weapon. Or a really big stapler.

Gwen: Oh, you' so light! You're like a girl!
Owen: I'm not light. I'm wiry. Fat girls go mad for it. But I guess I don't need to tell you now.

Mary: Um, listen, don't think it's in any way organized. It's really just a disparate bunch of IT guys who live with their mothers.
Tosh: I shouldn't talk to you.
Mary: So go.

Tosh to Mary: What's most amazing are the similarities with our own culture. But that can be horrible because we find lots of weapons, and it just makes you think, My God, everything wages war. It's not just a trait of ours, but a trait of existence.

Gwen's thoughts on Tosh: Oh, sweetheart, the jeans in the boots thing has really kind of had its day.

Owen's thoughts on Tosh: She can be dead weird. Wonder what she'd be like in bed. Catholic but grateful, I bet.

Gwen's thoughts: I can smell Owen. I can smell him on me after that shag in his car this morning. That's twice now. Does that make it an arrangement? No, 'has to be more than two times surely. 'Long as we keep it to just the two times we're fine. What's Tosh looking at?

Tosh: What you're thinking now, that's pretty graphic.
Mary: That wasn't my thought.

Owen: So I start looking into, ah, devil worship and stuff from that era, see if there's anything about plucking out hearts. And would you believe it, there's nothing. They ate eyeballs, they drank blood, they had sex with animals. But they did not pluck out each other's hearts. 'Cause, obviously, that would have been weird.

Owen about the wound on the body: 'That remind you of anything?
Tosh: Um... that bit in Alien where that thing bursts out of John Hurt?
Owen: I'm sorry, I should have been more specific. Does that remind you of anything helpful?

Jack: So I've just come from a really interesting conversation with a Detective Inspector Henderson.
Tosh: Right.
Jack: Interesting because, firstly, the man had the biggest hands I've ever seen. And secondly, because of the story he told me about you saving a woman and her kid from being murdered by her ex-husband?
Tosh: Yeah, no, I was going to tell you about that.

Jack: The guy they arrested, Henderson said you heard him muttering to himself as he was walking along, and that's what tipped you off.
Tosh: Mm. I couldn't really work out what he was saying at first, and then it was like, Jesus!
Jack: That's weird. Because when I'm about to murder someone I'm really careful not to talk to myself about it while I'm in the street.
Tosh: No, sure. I mean, that's lesson one.

Tosh: So. I'm shagging a woman and an alien.
Mary: Which is worse?
Tosh: Well I know which one my parents would say.

Mary: You smell ... different. To them.
Jack: That's nothing. It's when you compare teeth with a British guy, that's when it's really scary.
Mary: What are you?
Jack: I don't know.

Jack: What do bosses do in situations like these? You know, regular bosses. Do I get to beat people?
Tosh: We've got rules for that!
Jack jokingly: Argh! Red tape!

THEY KEEP KILLING SUZIE

Detective Swanson: At last, you must be Torchwood. My team bitch about you all the time.
Jack: And you are?
Detective Swanson: Detective Swanson.
Jack: I'm Captain Jack Harkness.
Detective Swanson: So I've heard. Tell me something, are you always this dressy for a murder investigation?
Jack: What, you rather me naked?
Detective Swanson: God help me, the stories are true.

Owen: You know, we never gave it a cool name.
Tosh: I thought we called it the Resurrection Gauntlet.
Owen: Cool name.
Ianto: What about "The Risen Mitten"? I think it's catchy.

Owen: Give Ianto a stop watch and he's happy.
Ianto: It's the button on the top.

Jack: We've got to ask you about Pilgrim.
Suzie: Wait a minute, didn't I kill you?
Jack: Never mind that. We need names and details.
Suzie: Who's using the glove?
Gwen: I'm sorry.
Suzie: Wouldn't you know it, Gwen bloody Cooper.

Suzie: Owen, hello. Scared to face me?
Owen: You frighten the shit out of me, yeah.
Suzie: What about Toshiko? Is she still here?
Owen: Yeah, she's here. All the gang. Happy days.

Suzie: Funny thing is, you always imagine when you're dead, "Oh they're gonna miss me at work. Indispensable." And look what happened. I got replaced. By someone better. You got that glove working better than I did.
Gwen: I just got lucky.
Suzie: No, it's more than that. The others, they prefer you.
Gwen: Don't say that.
Suzie: You got my job. Almost like you planned it.
Gwen: Except I didn't. And I'm sorry but I've got my own function at Torchwood. And I'm a lot more than just a replacement.
Suzie: Have you slept with Owen? silence. There you go. Replace me completely.

Jack: Suzie's gotta die.
Tosh: Again?

Owen: She gave Max a whole complex of subconscious triggers.
Tosh: Like, she dies, Max becomes a time bomb. He doesn't see her for three months and—wham—the orders kick in. He follows Suzie's program, and starts killing.
Jack: And the whole chain of events forces us to bring Suzie back.
Tosh: And then she escapes.
Owen: You’ve got to admit that is not bad. I'm picking her for my team.

Detective Swanson: All right, Captain Jack, just say that one more time. Nice and clear.
Jack: We're locked in our base and we can't get out.

Swanson: Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed. Christ, she was a bundle of laughs.

Gwen: What's happening to me?
Suzie: Sorry, Gwen. You're getting shot in the head. Slowly. And believe me, it hurts.

Suzie: “Captain, my Captain." Do you want to know a secret? There's something moving in the dark and it's coming, Jack Harkness. It's coming for you.

Ianto: If you're interested I've still got that stopwatch.
Jack: So?
Ianto: Well. Think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.
Jack: Oh yeah. I can think of a few.
Ianto: There's quite a list.
Jack: I'll send the others home early. See you in my office in ten.
Ianto: That's ten minutes. And counting.

Ianto: Oh, Jack? What do you want me to say on the death certificate?
Jack: Good question.
Ianto: She had quite a few deaths in the end.
Jack: I don't know. "Death by Torchwood."

RANDOM SHOES

Eugene Jones: The speed of light is two hundred and ninety-nine million, seven hundred and ninety-two thousand, four thousand and fifty-eight meters per second. Pain travels through the body at three hundred and fifty feet per second. Even a sneeze can reach a hundred miles an hour. And as for life. Well, that just bloody whizzes by. So then. This is me. Eugene Jones.

Jack: Anything on his phone from today?
Gwen: Just some pictures of random shoes.

Eugene: ...That was the night Dad went away. But it was okay because I had the eye. And the possibility of an alien encounter. I mean, if you leave something really important behind, you come back and get it. Don't you? God, I wanted that alien to come back and claim his eye more than I wanted anything in my life! I worked out the possible provenance, the life form and galaxy. Planetary escape velocities, launch windows, necessary fuel capacities. And then, I waited...

Eugene: Gwen! I've got this thing I really need to show you. Um, sorry, that sounded...

Eugene: Oh wow. This is so... I am totally... Christ almighty! The Head of Vexor Eleven. No way! And... wow. A hand. In a jar.

Gwen: Eugene Jones.
Josh: Right, I think he used to come in here. With a mate. Bit of a dreamer, kind of—
Eugene: Irresistible?
Josh: Ordinary looking.
Gwen: Yeah.

Terry: He's dead. He may be able to square the root of the square friggin' root, but he couldn't cross the friggin' road!

Eugene to Gwen: I'd trust you with my life. If, you know, I still had one.

Eugene: Who else would be bidding this kind of money for a prosthetic eye? He couldn't contact me any other way. So—
Gary: He chose eBay?

Josh: I checked the bid history. Mr. C. Blackstaff is a collector of alien ephemera and Nazi memorabilia. Also, Beanie Babies. Teeny bit cuckoo, but endearingly rich.

Josh: What did you do that for, twat?
Gary: I miss him!

Eugene: All those cars. All those lives moving through space. All that humanity whizzing by in a frenzy of... burgers and chips, bank holiday fun, burst tires, screaming kids. And sudden heart attacks. Apart from a buzzing in my ear where Josh whacked me, I felt good. I was running across a field on a Saturday morning. The smell of exhaust and banana milkshake. A slight nausea, heart beating too fast, 'cause I wasn't that fit. All the stuff that tells you you're alive. By rights, I should be well pissed off. My mates had cheated me and I didn't meet any aliens. But I realized that when I swallowed that eye at the Happy Cook, I was given a chance to look back on my life and see it for what it really was.

Gwen: It is so good to see you! Eugene, you're on my leg!
Eugene: Goodbye, Gwen.
Gwen: Don't go now, Eugene. Eugene, please don't go now. Eugene, please! Please!

Eugene: The average life is full of near misses and absolute hits. Of great love and small disasters. It's made up of banana milkshakes, loft insulation and random shoes. It's dead ordinary and truly, truly amazing. What you've got to realize is, it's all here, now. So breathe deep and swallow it whole. Because take it from me: life just whizzes by, and then, all of a sudden, it's—

OUT OF TIME

Gwen: At least it wasn't a spaceship full of aliens.
Jack: That might have been easier.

John: You can't take away our names. For God's sake. man, it's all we've got left. It's my son's name. It's the name above my shop.
Jack: You're right. I didn't think. You should keep your name.

Diane amazed at the door opening: How did it do that?
Ianto: It's automatic. It knows you're there.
Diane: But how?
Ianto: There are wave bouncing detectors which emit radio waves and then look for reflections—
Diane : Bananas!
Ianto: Of course bananas are far more interesting.

Emma: How much food money have I got left?
Ianto: Fifteen pound 40. watches grab candy Twelve pounds 10. You'll ruin your teeth.
Emma: You sound like my mum.

Ianto: Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily-dressed celebrities.
John scandalized by the magazine cover: There's children around!
Ianto: She's a children's TV presenter.

John: That's an American accent, isn't it?
Jack: That's right.
John: How do you end up here. Doing whatever it is that you do?
Jack: That's a long story.
John: I'm a slow drinker.

Owen: Let me get this straight. You expect equality and chivalry?
Diane: I don't see why they should be mutually exclusive.

Diane: Do you have a girlfriend?
Owen: No.
Diane: So. Who do all those beauty products belong to?
Owen: Me, actually.

COMBAT

Jack: I hate to break it to you, but you're not my first. Anti-Weevil spray, hand clamps. C'mon, let's make this easy for both of us. the weevil attacks This always happens when I give them the night off.

Jack: Sorry to do this, kind of an emergency. I'll have her back for dessert.
Rhys: Hey, hold on Sarge, that's my girlfriend.
Gwen: Rhys, this is Jack.
Rhys: Sit down Gwen.
Gwen: He's my boss.
Rhys: Sit the fuck down.
Gwen: Don't ever speak to me like that.

Jack: You promised to keep hold of your life; don't let it drift.

Bartender: Little bit of advice: next time you feel like this, you should stay in.
Owen: Trust me, the bigger the crowd, the more alone I feel.

Gwen: Owen's still not answering his phone.
Tosh: Well, he's been even more erratic than usual since that thing with Diane.
Gwen: Since the what?

Tosh: I think these guys really don't like to be watched.
Jack: See I know it's a character flaw but that makes me all the more determined to find out what it is they're hiding.

Jack: You know what they used these warehouses for during World War Two? Storing the bodies of dead GIs. pause Sometimes you can know too much history.

Owen: This is Owen's voicemail. Don't leave a message.
Jack: Nice try, Owen.

Gwen: Tosh mentioned you and Diane. Did you—
Owen: I didn't want her to go. She went.
Gwen: Why are we still doing this, me and you?
Owen: Fine. Let's not. I was getting bored of your fuck-tricks, anyway.
Gwen: You can be such a wanker sometimes, Owen! Do you know that?
Owen: I do, as a matter of fact.

Gwen: What time will you be back?
Rhys: Not sure.
Gwen: But, I'm in tonight.
Rhys: Well I'm not. he leaves

Mark Lynch: Ask yourself, what's the point of your life?
Owen: Mark. Mate. I only came here for a beer.

Mark Lynch: It's closer than you think. Something's coming. Out there. In the darkness. Something is coming.

Gwen: I need to tell you something.
Rhys: What sort of thing?
Gwen: I've been sleeping, I've been having sex with someone else from work. His name's Owen. I mean, he’s a bit of a tosser actually, and it's all gonna stop but, um—
Rhys: Shut up—
Gwen: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
Rhys: You wouldn't do that!
Gwen: But I have.
Rhys: Then, then why are you telling me?
Gwen: Because I'm ashamed. And I'm angry. And I want, I want... I need— I need you to forgive me. And because I've drugged you.

Mark: So who are you, Owen?
Owen: Sorry?
Mark: Be pretty stupid not to assume you're not connected to those two in the black SUV.
Owen: I don’t know what you mean.
Mark: Bloke in the big coat, cute little Asian girl. I was watching. Nice website by the way. Kudos to whoever did that. Although jellied eels—I'm not sure that was your greatest idea.
Owen laughs: I wasn't that bad.
Mark: Pretty much you were.

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS

Bilis Manger: Do call again.
Jack: I would love to.

Tosh: Where's the SUV? Has it been stolen?
Jack seeing the Kiss the Boys Goodbye flyer: No. We have.

Tosh: We really are in 1941. What if we can't get back?
Jack: Flotsam and jetsam slips through all the time. We'll get back. Look on the bright side. Gives you one hell of an excuse not to go to your party.
Tosh: I have a life there. And they can't help us back at the Hub because I have the latest readings in here. People are staring at us.
Jack: We need to try to blend in.
Tosh: It's easy for you to say. I'm the only Asian here.
Jack: Don't worry. You're with the Captain.

The Captain and Jack simultaneously: I'm Captain—
Jack: You go first.
Captain Harkness: I'm Captain Jack Harkness. 133rd Squadron.

Tosh: Why does that man have your name? I'm lost enough here without you holding back on me!
Jack: It's not my name. It's his. I took took his. But I didn't realize he was so hot.
Tosh: Jack—
Jack: I know too much.
Tosh: Then share.
Jack: You woldn't want that. Trust me.

Tosh: This period—you look like you fit in. Have you been here before?
Jack: Yeah. I can't explain but I served in the war in 1941. I was undercover. I needed a false identity, so I took his name.
Tosh: Who were you before you took his name? Why him?
Jack: It was convenient.
Tosh: But if you chose his identity to steal, then he... ?
Jack: Dies. In battle.
Tosh: When?
Jack: Tomorrow.

Gwen: Tosh has written a message at the end. It says, "Tell my family I love them."

Ianto: You can't open the safe. You've got no right.
Owen: I'm second in command. I have got every fucking right.
Ianto: There's stuff in there we don't know about. That's how Jack likes it.
Owen: I'm not going to play with his toys, Ianto!

Owen: I'm tired of being in awe of the rift. I'm tired of living with Jack's secrets. We don't even know who he is.
Ianto: He's our leader.
Owen: Not anymore.

Tosh: Who were you?
Jack: A con man. That's why I took his name, falsified his records, so it seemed he was still alive.
Tosh: How did you end up in Torchwood?
Jack: Someone saved my life. Brought me back from death. And ever since then it's been like... they're keeping me for something and I don't know what it is.

Ianto: You have to let Diane go. Like I did with Lisa.
Owen: Don't compare yourself to me. You're just a tea boy.
Ianto: I'm much more than that. Jack needs me.
Owen: In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams when you're his part-time shag, maybe.

Jack: I have to go. It's my duty.

Owen: World didn't end after all, did it? Good job you're a crap shot.
Ianto: I was aiming for your shoulder.

Tosh: He would have been so proud that you took his name. Because here you are, saving the world. she raises her glass To Captain Jack.
Jack: To Captain Jack.

END OF DAYS

Rhys about the global incidents: Do you think it is terrorists?
Gwen: Terrorists bomb things. This is different.

Jack: Okay, I've been fielding calls all night. The government, UNIT, the CIA. Half the Western world and a good proportion of the Eastern are asking the same question: is this anything to do with us?
Gwen: And is it?

Andy: Alright, Mulder and Scully. Say I do believe you—which I don't, because it's bollocks. But say I do. How exactly are we meant to handle a prisoner from two thousand years ago?

Jack: Under any other circumstances an exuberant Roman soldier would be my idea of a perfect morning.

Andy: Everyone's saying it, you know. At work, on the streets. Do you think this is the end of the world?
Gwen smiling reassuredly: Oh, Andy, don't be silly. Do you think the world's gonna end on your shift?
Andy: I've seen you use that smile on a lot of people.
Gwen: What smile?
Andy: The smile you use to reassure people when deep down you know everything's gone to shit.

Gwen: If Owen managed to open the rift to get you and Tosh back, can't we do the same for these people? We've stil got the rift manipulator.
Jack: There's a world of difference. We're talking about taking control of time, not bringing people back from the past. Besides, look at the damage Owen caused. We mess with it further, we'll put the whole planet in danger.

Lisa: There's only one way to stop this, before things get worse. People will die, Ianto. Thousands of people. Unless you open the rift.

Owen: We need to be prepared. We're helpless. All we're doing here is putting sticking plasters on gapping wounds.

Owen to Jack: You're the big man here. You keep all the secrets. Well now's the time to tell us a few and tell us how the hell we're gonna get out of this!
Jack: You want to know a secret? There is no solution. I can't fix this. Because this was never meant to happen. The first thing you learned when you joined Torchwood was "Don't mess with the rift." But you disobeyed those orders and now everything that's happening is down to you.
Owen: I only disobeyed instructions to get you back.
Jack: And now people are dying.
Owen: What? So I shouldn't have bothered? Who the fuck are you, anyway? Jack Harkness? You don't even exist. We've looked. So if you're not even a real person, then why the hell should I follow your orders?
Jack: Get out.
Owen: What?
Jack: Get out! I'm relieving you of your duty.

Owen: What, so that's it? The whole world is gone to shit and you're gonna fire me?
Gwen: For gods sake, both of you, we need to stick together on this.
Jack: If I can't rely on you—if I don't have your complete trust—you don't belong here. That goes for the rest of you. Anyone who agrees with Owen, leave now.

Jack: You're a united front now? Toshiko. The poor girl who'll screw any passing alien that gives her a pendant. Owen. So strong he gets in a cage with a Weevil, desperate to be mauled. Ianto. Hiding a cyber-girlfriend in the basement. Your three comrades here pumped bullets into her, remember?
Gwen: I've got to get Rhys back.
Jack: Yeah, because you're so in love with Rhys that you spend half your time in Owen's bed.
Gwen clocks him in the jaw: Fuck you!
Owen: We're relieving you of your command, Captain! We're opening that rift and getting back what we lost! Jack tries gets up Stay down!
Jack: You gonna be in charge, Owen? You've gotta have significantly bigger balls. Owen shoots him in the forehead

Bilis: From out of the darkness, he is come.
Gwen: What is he talking about?
Bilis: Son of the Great Beast. Cast out before time, chained in rock and imprisoned beneath the rift.
Gwen: What?!
Bilis: All hail Abaddon, the Great Devourer. Come to feast on life! The whole world shall die beneath his shadow.

Owen about Jack: He's ice cold. No vital signs.
Gwen: He survived when you shot him. When I first joined he said he couldn't die.
Owen: He was wrong.
Gwen: I want to sit with him.
Owen: Gwen, I—
Gwen: I want to sit with him.

Gwen: What happened to the rift?
Jack: It closed up when Abaddon was destroyed. But it's gonna be more volatile than ever.
Gwen: The visions we had. We all saw people we loved. What did you see?
Jack: Nothing. There was nothing.
Gwen: Jack. What would have tempted you? What visions would have convinced you to open the rift?
Jack: The right kind of Doctor.

Gwen: Something's taken him. Jack's gone.

Torchwood Quotes have been expanded. You can find Season Two here.

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