FIREFLY QUOTES

SERENITY (Part 1 & 2)

Malcolm Reynolds: Bendis, listen to me. We're holding this valley no matter what.
Bendis: We're gonna die.
Mal: We are not going to die. We can't die, Bendis. And do you know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw! C'mon. airplanes approach overhead. If you won't listen to me, listen to that. Those are angels. Pulling the alliance to the hot place. Zoë! Tell the 82nd to—
Zoë: They're not coming. Command says it's too hot. They're pulling out. We're to lay down arms.

Six years later...

Hoban "Wash" Washburne playing with toy dinosaurs: We will rule over all this land! And we will call it... this land!
Wash as T-Rex: I think we should call it your grave!
Wash as, uh, the other dinosaur: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

Brutus Crewmember: What's your dest', Grandpa? We're hittin' the outer rings.
Shepherd Derrial Book: I never married.
Brutus Crewmember: What?
Book: I'm not a grandpa.

Kaywinnit Lee "Kaylee" Frye: So, um, how come you don't care where you're going?
Book: 'Cause how you get there is the worthier part.

Zoë: Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again.
Mal: Why not?
Zoë: She shot you.

Mal: If anyone gets nosy, you know, just shoot 'em.
Zoë: Shoot 'em?
Mal: Politely.

Inara Sera: I have to say, this is the first time we've had a preacher on board.
Book: Well, I wasn't expecting to see a state official either. Ambassador. shakes her hand as Mal laughs. I'm missing something funny.
Kaylee: Not so funny.
Inara: Ambassador is Mal's way of—
Mal: She's a whore, Shep.
Kaylee: The term is companion.
Mal: I always get those mixed up. How's business?
Inara: None of yours.

Simon Tam about Jayne: What do you pay him for?
Mal: What?
Simon: I was just wondering what his job was. On the ship.
Mal: Public relations.

Zoë: You've never heard of Reavers?
Simon: No. Campfire stories and men gone savage on the edge of space—
Zoë: They're not stories.
Simon: What happens if they board us?
Zoë: They take the ship, they'll rape us to death, and sew our skin into their clothing. And if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order.

Mal: How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?
Jayne: Money wasn't good enough.
Mal: What happens when it is?
Jayne: Well... that'll be an interesting day.

THE TRAIN JOB

Mal: Say that to my face.
Jerk: I said, you're a coward and a piss-pot. Now what are ya gonna do about it?
Mal: Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you. Zoe hits him from behind

Mal: Wash. We've got some local color happening. A grand entrace would not go amiss.

Mal: This is why we lost, you know. Superior numbers.
Zoë: Thanks for the reenactment, sir.

Mal: You know they tell ya, never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is on occasion hilarious.

Zoë: He's a psycho, you know. Niska.
Mal: He's not the first psycho to hire us. Nor the last. You think that's a commentary on us?
Zoë: I just have an image of a guy hanging from the ceiling.
Mal: I have an image of it not being me.

Zoë: Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

BUSHWACKED

Zoë about the goods on the abandoned ship: Sir, even on a lifeboat, you'd think those that escaped would find room for this.
Mal: Nobody escaped.
Zoë: Sir?
Mal: Nobody.

Simon about Jayne's attacker: Ah yes, he's a real beast. It's a wonder you're still alive.
Jayne: He looked bigger when I couldn't see him.

Book: I believe there's a power greater than that, a power that heals.
Mal: Reavers might take issue with that philosophy. If they had a philosophy. If they weren't too busy gnawing on your insides.

Mal: Tell me right now, Kaylee, do you think you can do this?
Kaylee: Sure. Yeah. Besides, if I mess up it's not like you can yell at me.

Simon: Is that why you let us stay? So you could use us as bargaining chips?
Jayne: Knew there was a reason.
Simon: They are not taking her; you are not giving her to them!
Book: Don't be a fool, son. Do as the man says.

Alliance Guy: Looks to me like an illegal salvage operation.
Mal: It does? That's disturbing.

Alliance Commander: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?
Zoë: Fought with a lot of people in the war.
Alliance Commander: And your husband?
Zoë: Fought with him sometimes too.

SHINDIG

Mal: There's a chance you might wanna head back to the ship.
Inara: I'm alright. This is entertaining, actually.
Mal: Yeah? What's entertaining?
Inara: I like watching the game. There's a lot of situations. The key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back.
Mal: Still, you might oughta clear out before too much longer. Seems there's a thief about.
Inara: A thief?
Mal pulls out a wallet: Took this right off him. And he earned that with the sweat of his slave-trading brow.
Inara: Mal!
Mal: Oh, terrible shame. Of course they won't discover it 'til they go to order their next round of drinks. he gets grabbed from behind. Good drinker, that one.

Wash: Well, I've been sane too long anyway.

Mal: We sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt.
Zoë: I wasn't planning on the dirt kissin', sir.
Wash: I wouldn't stand for it anyway, Captain. Jealous man like me.

Kaylee: Look at the pretties!
Wash: What am I looking at? The girls or the clothes?
Jayne: The girls.
Zoë: The clothes, please.
Kaylee: Say, look at the fluffy one!
Zoë: Too much foofarah. If I'm gonna wear a dress I want something with some slink.
Wash: You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?
Jayne: I'll chip in.
Zoë: I can hurt you.

Badger: Captain Reynolds. I heard you was in town. I thought we might have a bit of a sit down.
Mal: I'd prefer a bit of a piss off.
Badger: I'm very sorry. Did I give you the impression I was asking?

Wash: Don't fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character. Ask anyone.
Zoë: It is not.
Wash: You are acting Captain. Know what happens if you fall asleep now?
Zoë: Jayne slits my throat and takes over.

Badger: Nice to see someone from the old homestead.
River: Not really. Tell me if anyone interesting shows up. walks off
Badger: I like her.
Jayne: That there, exactly the kind of diversion we could've used.

Mal: Mercy is the mark of a great man. stabs him a little. I guess I'm just a good one. stabs him a little more. Well I'm alright.

You didn't have to wound that man.
Mal: Yeah, I know. It was just funny.

SAFE

Zoë: Next time we smuggle livestock let's make it something smaller.
Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black market beagles.

Simon: What's going on? What are you doing?
Mal: I'm fixing to do some business. I can't be herding these steers and your sister too.
Simon: She didn't mean any harm.
Mal: Well I never figured she did. But when a man engages in clandestine dealings, he has his preference for things going smooth. She makes things not be smooth.
Simon: Right. I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your carefully concealed cows.

Jayne reading Simon's diary. Sort of:"Dear Diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hillfolk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."

Mal: Well look at this. Seems we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoë: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just. Sorry to interrupt, folks. Y'all got something that belongs to us and we'd like it back.
Patron: This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God's will.
Mal: Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? Now I'm not saying you weren't easy to find. It was kind of out of our way and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting.

Simon: Captain, why did you come back for us?
Mal: You're on my crew.
Simon: Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?
Mal: You're on my crew. Why are we still talking about this?

OUR MRS. REYNOLDS

Rustler: I think maybe you' gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
Jayne: Well I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
Mal popping up from under the bonnet: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
Jayne: If I could make you prettier I would.
Mal: You are not the man I met a year ago.

Inara: So explain to me again why Zoë wasn't in the dress.
Mal: Tactics, woman. We needed her in the back. 'Sides, them soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice. Just the whole air flow.
Inara: And you would know that because?
Mal: You can't open up the book of my life and jump in the middle. Because woman, I am a mystery.
Inara: Let's keep it that way. I withdraw the question.

Mal: Well I think I was pretty clear. What are you doing on my boat?
Saffron: You know I am bequeathed to you.
Mal: To what by who?
Saffron: Did Elder Gommen not tell you?
Mal: Tell me what? Who are you?
Saffron: Mr. Reynolds, sir. I'm your wife.

Jayne to Mal: You got a wife? How come I only got that dumbass stick 'sounds like it's raining?

Zoë: Really think you're the one to talk to her, sir.
Mal: The way I see it me and her got one thing in common. We're the only one's that don't think this is funny.

Wash: Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met I spent six months on a moon where the principle form of recreation was juggling geese. Hand to God. Baby geese—gooslings—they were juggled.

Wash: Is there anything else on your mind that I should know about? There's all sort of twists and cul-de-sacs. It's wild.

Inara: Come to my shuttle.
Saffron: You would lie with me?
Alarms go off
Inara: I guess we've lied enough.
Saffron: You're good.
Inara: You're amazing. Who are you?
Saffron: Malcolm Reynolds' widow.

Saffron: Are you gonna kill me?
Mal: Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason not to?

JAYNESTOWN

Simon to Jayne: My god. You're like a trained ape. Without the training.

Wash: What happened to Simon? And who's this diabolical master of disguise?

Mal: Jayne?
Jayne: Yeah?
Mal: You wanna tell me why there's a statue of you here lookin' like I owe him something?
Jayne: Wishin' I could, Captain.

Wash about Jayne's statue: I think they captured him though. Captured his essence.
Kaylee: Looks sorta angry, don't he?
Wash: Kinda what I meant.

Wash: We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero.

OUT OF GAS

Mal: Ship like this will be with you 'til the day you die.
Zoë: That's 'cause it's a death trap.

Mal: I need that in Captain Dummy talk, Kaylee.

Simon: I always thought the name "Serenity" had a vaguely funereal sound to it.

River: "Don't be afraid". That's what it says, "Don't be afraid."
Book: Yes.
River: But you are afraid.
Book: Yes.
River: You're afraid we're going to die gasping. But we won't. That's not going to happen... We'll freeze to death first.

Inara: Just so we're clear, under no circumstances am I to be servicing you or your crew.
Mal: I'll post a sign.

Inara: Mal, you don't have to die alone.
Mal: Everybody dies alone.

Captain: Catalyzer is a nothing part, Captain.
Mal: It's nothing 'til you don't got one. Then it appears to be everything.

Mal: Which one do you figure tracked us.
Zoë: The ugly one, sir.
Mal: nodding ...Could you be more specific?

Zoë: Welcome back, sir.
Mal: Did I go someplace?
Book: Very nearly.

ARIEL

River refusing to eat: I don't want any.
Simon: River, you have to eat. It's good. It tastes like takes a bite... It's good.
Jayne: Smells like crotch.
Kaylee: Jayne!
Jayne: Well it does.

Mal: ...Could have been meditating on the wonders of your rock garden right now.
Jayne: Beats just sitting.
Wash: It is just sitting.

Mal: When I took you and you sister in, the deal was you keep her in check. You can't hold up your end, we're gonna have to revisit the deal.... She's getting worse, isn't she?
Simon: Yes.

Simon: If I didn't know better, I'd say you were ready to save some lives.
Mal: Now all we need are a couple of patients.
Simon: Corpses actually. For this to work, River and I will have to be dead.
Jayne: I'm starting to like this plan.

Nurse: What have you got?
Mal: We got a couple of DOAs. By the time we got there—
Nurse disinterested: Take them down to the morgue.
Jayne : We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

Inara: What's going on here?
Kaylee: Let's see. We killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and now the Cap and Zoë are off springing the others 'got snatched by the Feds.

Mal: You called the Feds.
Jayne: I got pinched!
Mal: Which is what happens when you call the Feds.

Mal: You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me.

Jayne: What are you going to tell the others?
Mal: About what?
Jayne: About why I'm dead.
Mal: Hadn't thought about it.
Jayne: Make something up. Don't tell 'em what I did.

WAR STORIES

Book: A government is a body of people usually—notably—ungoverned.
Simon: Now you're sounding like the captain.

Mal: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet and combat boots. SHUT UP!

Zoë: Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
Wash: You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, Lamby Toes.

Mal: Okay, I'm lost. I'm angry. And I'm armed.

Wash: I'm the one she swore to love, honor, and obey.
Mal: Listen— She swore to obey?
Wash: Well no.

Zoë: Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin'?
Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.

Zoë: Jayne, this is something the captain has to do for himself.
Mal: No! No it's not!
Zoë: Oh!

Mal: I know you all took up arms in that piece of action back there. How you faring with that, Doctor?
Simon: I don't know. I never shot anyone before.
Book: I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone yet.

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