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“One of the advantages of being disorderly
is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.”

— A.A. Milne

“ Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes.
Then if they get mad, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.”

— Unknown

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.

—Albert Einstein

Don't just say no to drugs, motherfucker. Say "No thank you."

—The Wire

Meldrich Lewis: Remember kids: don't just say no to drugs, say "No thank you".

—Homicide

If you can't poke fun at yourself, then poke someone else.
That can be fun too.

—Claire.

From Ugly Betty:

Betty: I don't like lying.
Marc: Neither do I! Okay, that's a lie.

Marc to Justin: Word of advice: be who you are, wear what you want. Just learn how to run real fast.

Wilhemenia: Snow is a magical blanket. It hides what's ugly and makes everything beautiful.

From The Closer:

Sgt. Gabriel: So when you say "special job" you mean "special" as in Special Olympics or special bus? I mean what is going on here?

Fritz: Gordon Shaw, found dead at age 81. Maid found him in the poolhouse.
Brenda: Cause of death?
Fritz: Doesn't say.
Brenda: What do you mean it doesn't say?
Mama: Look at the size of that driveway. My word.
Brenda: What did he die of?
Fritz: Doesn't say.
Brenda: That's supposed to be the most thorough book available. Let me see that! Fritz doesn't let her. Fritz! How did Gordon Shaw die?
Fritz: Autoerotic asphyxiation.
Mama: What in the world is that?
Brenda: Doesn't say.

From Doctor Who:

The Doctor: Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you. You were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.

From Lost:

Sayid: I don't know what I find more disquieting. The fact that the rest of the statue is missing. Or that it has four toes.

From 24:

"You know what gets me Charles? I had no idea you were such a good liar. If I wasn't so horrified at the fact that I married you, I might actually be impressed."

Chris: Where'd you learn to do that thing with the spoon?
Zoe: Oh. I, uh, saw that on some prison show.

Keith (Adam Brody): This is my boyfriend, Steven. But if my dad asks, he's my roommate. That I have sex with.

Professor: Last week we discussed the definition of sexual misconduct. This week let's talk about responsibility. Whoever you had for sixth grade health, Ms. Franklin, Sister Peter Marie...

Dog: One of them are wanted for flourishing a weapon...
Brandishing, darling. It's brandishing.

Nick: I know what I want.
Sidekick: What's that?
Nick: I'm the brother who wants his $40 million and a mule.

Even beauties can be unattractive. If you catch a beauty in the wrong light at the right time, forget it. I believe in low lights and trick mirrors. I believe in plastic surgery.

I had intended to write a somewhat lengthy missive comprising an impeccable dissertation pertaining to current involvements, recently formulated theorems, prevalent emotional fluctuations, and, in general, solutions to long-standing inquiries raised during our extended and intellectually productive relationship...

The casino finds the Vegan lobster thief
Ed: You know, Larry—where you're going—I have a feeling they're going to make a meat-eater out of you.

Method: How do you keep a black man in prison?
Red: Re-elect Bush.
Method: We can't wait until November.

"I feel this way about it. World trade means world peace and consequently the World Trade Center buildings in New York... had a bigger purpose than just to provide room for tenants. The World Trade Center is a living symbol of man's dedication to world peace... beyond the compelling need to make this a monument to world peace, the World Trade Center should, because of its importance, become a representation of man's belief in humanity, his need for individual dignity, his beliefs in the cooperation of men, and through cooperation, his ability to find greatness."

Gene Wilder: Boys! Hey boys! Look what I got!
Sheriff: Where the white women at?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway.

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.

—General Jack D. Ripper,
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

There are three types of people in this world:
those who are good at math and those that aren't.

"Who knows? Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the president's spouse. I wish him well."

"I see his fuckin' haircut, I hear his fuckin whine, I see his fake clothes, and then he opens his fuckin' mouth and all I want to do is smash the fucker's teeth down his throat."

Buy me a video camera so I can make a movie called "I Am Trying to Bore You to Death."

OK, so I can't say 'There ain't no way I'm ever gonna stop from loving you now'? Well, I'm gonna fuckin' say it and mean it and it's gonna be cool. Like fuckin' Jeff Tweedy would take that line and turn it into, like, 'Oh, my cool indie-rock jacket got beaten by the inky wind of Chicago and I'm becoming a very boring old man. oh well!' Fuck that! I'm not gonna fuckin' say that! How about I'm gonna say exactly what I mean?

Marge: What are you doing? Why are you frosting that old throw pillow?
Homer: I could ask you the very same question.
Marge: Mmm... should I just back out of the room?
Homer: Would you?

So many bands are like, "I'm real because I'm dirty."
If you have money for guitars, you can afford soap.

I started with some kind of DOS clone and I hated everything about it. Someone turned me on to a Mac about five years ago and I have come to realize that Windows and DOS systems were designed by Republicans to keep real people from enjoying computing.