EVERYTHING CHANGES

Owen Harper: I can't do this. I'm sorry. I'm rubbish, I give up.
Toshiko Sato: He set me off.
Suzie Costello: Well that lasted no point two seconds.
Owen Harper: Hm. She's actually carrying pizza.

DAY ONE

Jack: Alright, usual formation.
Gwen: What's the usual formation?
Owen: Varies.
Gwen: How can the usual formation vary?

Jack: What do we know?
Owen: Bog standard space debris. to Gwen That's a technical term.
Gwen: Yeah, thanks.

Owen: Make yourself useful, sweetheart. Pass us that big chisel from the toolbox.
Gwen: Not sweetheart. Gwen. One syllable, I'm sure you can manage it.
Owen: Not sweet cheeks. Freckles. New Girl.
Gwen: It's a shame your tool's not big enough for the job. Darlin'.

Tosh: He just...
Jack: Came and went.
Owen: Now that's how I'd like to go.
Tosh: I'm sure we could arrange it.

Owen about Jack: So what's he told you?
Gwen: What about?
Tosh: Himself.
Gwen: You've been here longer than I have.
Tosh: We were banking on you.
Owen: You're a copper, trained to ask questions.
Gwen: You don't know anything?
Owen: Not who he is, not where he's from. Nothing, except him being gay.
Gwen: No, he's not. Really, do you think?
Tosh: No. Owen does. I don't.
Ianto: And I don't care.
Owen: Period military is not the dress code of a straight man.
Gwen: I think it suits him. Sort of classic.
Tosh: Exactly! I've watched him in action. He'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.

Tosh: Jack, Carys is out of her cell.
Owen: Cheeky bitch took my swipe card.
Jack: I'll deal with it. And tell Owen he needs to work on those abs a bit harder.

Owen: The strain on her body's too much. Any second now she's rat jam.

THE GHOST MACHINE

Owen: Intense emotions can be part of a neurological event. Hallucinations. Dementia.
Gwen: I wasn't hallucinating, Owen. And I'm not bloody senile.

Jack: Run a full check. Births, marriages, deaths. Criminal record, passports. However long it takes, wherever he is, we'll find him.
Owen: Found him... He's in the phonebook.

CYBERWOMAN

Tosh: All I'm saying is, once in awhile I'd like to drive.
Owen: Yeah, all I'm saying is no.
Tosh: Why not?
Owen: Look, I've shared cars with women before and I know what'll happen. There'll be an emergency, all rarin' to go, I jump in, what do I find? Seat's in the wrong position, the rearview mirror's out of line and the steering wheel's in my crotch. In the time it takes to sort it all out aliens will have taken Newport.

Gwen: What's down here?
Owen: Normally? Nothing.

Gwen: What the hell is it?
Owen: It's wrong. It's beyond wrong. It shouldn't be here.

Owen: These things brought down Torchwood One. They were all destroyed. Why is there one in our bloody basement?!
Gwen: Just tell me what it does.
Owen: It's the remnants of a conversion unit. This machines turns humans into Cybermen.

Gwen: What the hell was that?
Owen: Wha'?
Gwen: Snogging me.
Owen: Last kiss for the condemned man. Bit embarrassing, given we haven't been killed. What? It's not like I fancy you or anything.
Gwen: I was on top of you. I could feel your hard-on.
Owen: Well you didn't exactly struggle or anything.

Owen: You should be dead.
Jack: I'm a stubborn man.

SMALL WORLDS

COUNTRYCIDE

Owen: I hate the countryside. It's dirty, it's unhygienic. And what is that smell?
Gwen: That would be grass.
Owen: It's disgusting.

Owen: to the dead body Whatever they were... I hope you put up a good fight.

Owen about to give Gwen a local anesthetic : Alright, do you want a quip about feeling a small prick?
Gwen: No, but thanks for offering.

Owen: Just lie back and think of Torchwood.

Tosh: They're all involved. They've all been doing it.
Evan: This is our harvest.
Owen: Only in the bloody countryside. You sick fuckers.

Gwen: All these things.... All these things, they're changing me. Changing how I see the world. And I can't share them with anyone.
Owen coming up behind her... half-nekkid: You can now.

GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

Gwen: Oh, you' so light! You're like a girl!
Owen: I'm not light. I'm wiry. Fat girls go mad for it. But I guess I don't need to tell you now.

Owen's thoughts on Tosh: What's she talking about? She can be dead weird. Wonder what she'd be like in bed. Catholic but grateful, I bet.

Owen: So I start looking into, ah, devil worship and stuff from that era, see if there's anything about plucking out hearts. And would you believe it, there's nothing. They ate eyeballs, they drank blood, they had sex with animals. But they did not pluck out each other's hearts. 'Cause, obviously, that would have been weird.

Owen about the wound on the body: 'That remind you of anything?
Tosh: Um... that bit in Alien where that thing bursts out of John Hurt?
Owen: I'm sorry, I should have been more specific. Does that remind you of anything helpful?

THEY KEEP KILLING SUZIE

Owen: If it's someone we've pissed off, that narrows it down to, oh, four or five million?
Jack: And that's just the humans.

Gwen: Wait a minute, I've taken retcon.
Jack: Then better stay away from sharp objects. Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?
Ianto: Two thousand and eight.
Owen: Ay, what if they all become psychotic?
Tosh: Do you have to sound so happy?
Owen: Yeah, I'm just saying. Mean Streets!

Gwen: Jack, if there is a link why don't we just ask the victims themselves?
Jack: Not the right time for a séance, thank you very much.
Gwen: First time I met Torchwood, you had that glove.
Jack: Huh unh. No way.
Owen: Not after what it did to Suzie.
Gwen: It brings people back to life. Just for two minutes. We could question the murder victims.
Owen: That's exactly what she said. She was one of us, we trusted her, and now she's dead because of that thing.

Owen: You know, we never gave it a cool name.
Tosh: I thought we called it the Resurrection Gauntlet.
Owen: COOL name.
Ianto: What about "The Risen Mitten"? I think it's catchy.

Ianto: Amazing. She's a natural. 24 seconds.
Owen: Give Ianto a stop watch and he's happy.
Ianto: It's the button on the top.

Mark Briscoe (before dying again): Suzie.
Ianto: One minute five second.
Tosh: Jack, did I hear that right?
Owen: Could be anyone. Must be lots of women called Suzie.
Jack: Not connected to this case. We've been talking to the wrong corpse.

Tosh: She was good at computers. Hell, she was good at everything.
Owen: She was good at murder too. Laugh a minute, that was Suzie.

Suzie: Owen, hello. Scared to face me?
Owen: You frighten the shit out of me, yeah.
Suzie: What about Toshiko? Is she still here?
Owen: Yeah, she's here. All the gang. Happy days.

Owen: Have a look at Gwen with Suzie.
Jack: Woah.
Tosh: What is that?
Owen: Energy. Life. But with Suzie it's a permanent connection and she is getting stronger. It's still going right now. She is draining the life out of Gwen.
Jack: There's always a price.

Owen about a muttering Max : Is that a poem?
Jack: I wonder. Emily Dickinson.
Owen: What does it mean?
Jack: It's a verbal trigger. Say it out loud and maybe repeat it a hundred times over and the Hub locks down.
Owen: But if that's part of the system, Suzie must've installed a vocal command program way back.
Jack: Back when she was alive, yeah. Max is just a Trojan Horse. Suzie planned this right from the start.

Owen: She gave Max a whole complex of subconscious triggers.
Tosh: Like, she dies, Max becomes a time bomb. He doesn't see her for three months and—wham—the orders kick in. He follows Suzie's program, and starts killing.
Jack: And the whole chain of events forces us to bring Suzie back.
Tosh: And then she escapes.
Owen: You’ve got to admit that is not bad. I'm picking her for my team.

OUT OF TIME

Owen: Let me get this straight. You expect equality and chivalry?
Diane: I don't see why they should be mutually exclusive.

Diane: Do you have a girlfriend?
Owen: No.
Diane: So. Who do all those beauty products belong to?
Owen: Me, actually.

COMBAT

Bartender: Little bit of advice: next time you feel like this, you should stay in.
Owen: Trust me, the bigger the crowd, the more alone I feel.

Owen: This is Owen's voicemail. Don't leave a message.
Jack: Nice try, Owen.

Gwen: Tosh mentioned you and Diane. Did you—
Owen: I didn't want her to go. She went.
Gwen: Why are we still doing this, me and you?
Owen: Fine. Let's not. I was getting bored of your fuck-tricks, anyway.
Gwen: You can be such a wanker sometimes, Owen! Do you know that?
Owen: I do, as a matter of fact.

Mark Lynch: Ask yourself, what's the point of your life?
Owen: Mark. Mate, I only came here for a beer.

Mark: So who are you, Owen?
Owen: Sorry?
Mark: Be pretty stupid not to assume you're not connected to those two in the black SUV.
Owen: I don’t know what you mean.
Mark: Bloke in the big coat, cute little Asian girl. I was watching. Nice website by the way. Kudos to whoever did that. Although jellied eels—I'm not sure that was your greatest idea.
Owen laughs: I wasn't that bad.
Mark: Pretty much you were.

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS

Ianto: Open the rift now and the whole world could suffer. We could all get sucked in. Who knows what will come out? This is about Diane, isn't it? When will you accept that she chose to leave you?
Owen: Whereas your cyber-girlfriend stuck around. Of course, not that she had a choice, wired-up in the cellar.
Ianto: That was different.
Owen: Yeah, it was. Mainly because Diane didn't try and kill us all and, oh yeah, she also happened to be a human being.
Ianto: Stop it.
Owen: Not some screwed-up metal monster.
Ianto: I thought she was still Lisa. I loved her. You only knew Diane for a week.
Owen: And it wasn't enough. Maybe the Manipulator can calculate the missing figures. It isn't working.
Ianto: Good. Jack would never have wanted us to use it this way.
Owen: There's a piece missing. We've got to find it.
Ianto: Maybe you should go home.
Owen: You don't have any power over me. Okay, Ianto, we'll play it your way. Safe and boring.

Ianto: You can't open the safe. You've got no right.
Owen: I'm second in command. I have got every fucking right.
Ianto: There's stuff in there we don't know about. That's how Jack likes it.
Owen: I'm not going to play with his toys, Ianto!

Owen: There's instructions in here. This isn't a random act of madness.
Ianto: It's a trap! Bilis wanted you to find it.
Owen: Why?
Ianto: To provoke the rift. To incite total chaos and destruction. All the reports of the haunted dance hall were anonymous. What if it was him? Please listen to me!
Owen: I'm tired of being in awe of the rift. I'm tired of living with Jack's secrets. We don't even know who he is.
Ianto: He's our leader.
Owen: Not anymore.

Ianto: You have to let Diane go. Like I did with Lisa.
Owen: Don't compare yourself to me. You're just a tea boy.
Ianto: I'm much more than that. Jack needs me.
Owen: In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams when you're his part-time shag, maybe. That rift took my lover and my Captain. So if I die trying to beat it, then it will all be in the line of duty.

Owen: World didn't end after all, did it? Good job you're a crap shot.
Ianto: I was aiming for your shoulder.

END OF DAYS

Owen: We need to be prepared. We're helpless. All we're doing here is putting sticking plasters on gapping wounds.

Owen: No, come on. You're all thinking it too. You're the big man here. You keep all the secrets. Well now's the time to tell us a few and tell us how the hell we're gonna get out of this!
Jack: You want to know a secret? There is no solution. I can't fix this. Because this was never meant to happen. The first thing you learned when you joined Torchwood was "Don't mess with the rift." But you disobeyed those orders and now everything that's happening is down to you.
Owen: I only disobeyed instructions to get you back.
Jack: And now people are dying.
Owen: What? So I shouldn't have bothered? Who the fuck are you, anyway? Jack Harkness? You don't even exist. We've looked. So if you're not even a real person, then why the hell should I follow your orders?
Jack: Get out.
Owen: What?
Jack: Get out! I'm relieving you of your duty.

Owen: What, so that's it? The whole world is gone to shit and you're gonna fire me?
Gwen: For gods sake, both of you, we need to stick together on this.
Jack: If I can't rely on you—if I don't have your complete trust—you don't belong here. That goes for the rest of you. Anyone who agrees with Owen, leave now.

Jack: You're a united front now? Toshiko: the poor girl who'll screw any passing alien that gives her a pendant. Owen: so strong he gets in a cage with a Weevil, desperate to be mauled. Ianto: hiding a cyber-girlfriend in the basement. Your three comrades here pumped bullets into her, remember?
Gwen: I've got to get Rhys back.
Jack: Yeah, because you're so in love with Rhys that you spend half your time in Owen's bed.
Gwen slugs him in the jaw: Fuck you!
Owen: We're relieving you of your command, Captain. We're opening that rift and getting back what we lost! Jack gets up Stay down!
Jack: You gonna be in charge, Owen? You've gotta have significantly bigger balls. Owen shoots him in the forehead

Owen about Jack: He's ice cold. No vital signs.
Gwen: He survived when you shot him. When I first joined he said he couldn't die.
Owen: He was wrong.
Gwen: I want to sit with him.
Owen: Gwen, I—
Gwen: I want to sit with him.

KISS KISS, BANG BANG

Gwen: All I'm saying is you are speeding and there are children.
Owen: Well if kids are out at midnight they've got it coming.
Detecting high levels of algae.
Gwen: Who's afraid of a big scary fish, then?
Owen: It's a big fish with a gun.

Owen: What are we gonna do when we catch it?
Tosh: Jack would know.
Owen: Yeah, well Jack's not here, is he? Jack's disappeared. Fat lot of good Jack is.

Owen: Okay, so who the hell was that bloke in the hologram?
Ianto: I know Jack recognized him.
Tosh: Why didn't he let us go with him?
Gwen: 'Cause he's typical Jack, isn't he? He disappears, he comes back, then he runs away again. Shuts us out. We don't even know his real name.
Tosh: Or which time he comes from.
Gwen: Exactly. He's supposed to be our boss and we know nothing about him. Drives me crazy.
Ianto: It is more fun when he's around though.
Owen: Yeah. No. Definitely.
Gwen: Yeah it is.

Owen: You touch her again and I will kill you. Okay?

SLEEPER

Owen to Gwen: Alright then, Jessica Fletcher. Who dun it?

Owen: When was the last time you felt ill, you had a cold? Anything?
Beth: I don't think I have. I take a lot of vitamin C.
Owen looking at the scalpel: Hm. Hell of a lot, I reckon.
Jack: Okay Beth. You make lightbulbs blow, we can't break your skin. What planet are you from?

Gwen: It'll be just like you go to sleep.
Owen: Only a bit colder.

Gwen about Patrick Granger: Why would anybody want to kill him?
Ianto: Also the city coordinator. Takes charge of the city in case of major emergencies. Has all the security protocols.
Owen: How'd you know about that?
Ianto: I know everything. And it says so on the bottom of the screen.

Owen: What if they can't stop it?
Tosh: They'll stop it.
Owen: Yeah, but if they can't?
Ianto: Then it's... all over.
Owen: Let's all have sex.
Ianto: And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.

TO THE LAST MAN

Owen: Gets harder every year.
Ianto: Good left hook though.

Owen: He's a frozen soldier from 1918.
Ianto: Nobody's perfect.

Owen: No, I understand. I didn't think you had some fetish for defrosted men. I just, um, don't want you to get hurt. That's all. If you have to say goodbye.

MEAT

Owen: Well the DNA tracers are stable, there are some signs of animal sedative. But no detectable diseases or residues. My guess is it's good to eat.
Gwen: Would you eat it?
Ianto: Pizza's arrived. I presumed it would be a late one.
Owen: What'd you get me?
Ianto: Usual. Meat Feast.
Owen: Lovely.

Tosh: Maybe the answer is to go out with someone who knows what you do.
Owen: Look around you, Tosh. Only we know what we do.

Owen: So not only is it replenishing its own flesh but it's increasing it. Giving them a brand new meat supply.
Gwen: It would last them for years then.
Tosh: If we understood how it worked we could feed the world.
Ianto: We could release a single.

Owen: We've handled bigger than this. Why don't we just storm in, guns in the air, and arrest 'em.
Jack: These guys aren't organized criminals. If we go in, guns blazing, they'll kill the evidence and run.
Owen: I wasn't suggesting blazing. Just waving.

ADAM

Owen: Tosh, do you really think I look like a rodent?

Owen: I don't do flowers. And I definitely don't do apologies.

RESET

Owen: So you and Jack go back a long way?
Martha: Forward and back, really.
Owen: What brought you together?
Martha: Let's say... we were under the same Doctor.

DEAD MAN WALKING

Jack: Okay Team, say your goodbyes. Gwen? Gwen is at a loss.
Owen: Gwen, no offense but I've only got two minutes to live.
Jack: Tosh?
Tosh: Owen, I'm going to miss you. And I love you. Always have.
Jack: Owen, I need the code for the alien morgue. You're the only one that knows it.
Owen: You brought me back for that? For that?!?!

Owen: I'm really gonna need that hand back.
Jack: Owen?
Ianto: Two minutes, twenty.
Jack: But I'm not using the glove!
Owen: But I'm still here.
Ianto: Oh, here we go again.

Jack: Owen, I don't need to tell you that you're still under quarantine.
Owen: You don't. And yet you still do.

Owen to Martha: Is it still necrophilia if I'm conscious?

Tosh: Owen! What I said before, when I thought you were dead—
Owen: I'm not dying, I'm dead. I'm a headless chicken I just haven't stopped running about yet.
Tosh: Well, when I told you I—
Owen: Yeah. You didn't mean it. I know.
Tosh: You do?
Owen: Yes. I mean, you didn't say anything before and then suddenly I'm dying and it's like, "I love you". That's not love, Tosh. That's grief. You're losing something so suddenly you desperately desire it. Textbook response.

Owen: You brought me back for an alarm code!
Jack: That's not why I brought you back.

Owen: God I'm gonna miss farting. And sex.
Jack: Sex more than farting, I hope.

Owen: You've read Proust?
Jack: Yeah. Well, no. We dated for awhile. He was really immature.
Owen: You know, none of us know whether to take you seriously when you say those things.
Jack: You've lived as long as I have, you don't make anymore up.

Owen: Why did you bring me back? Guilt?
Jack: No. That's not why.
Owen: Then when did you bring me back? Really?
Jack: Because I wasn't ready to give up on you. I was hoping for a miracle. I still am.

Owen: I've been thinking there's something in the darkness waiting for me to finally pass over, but I've got it wrong, okay? It's the other way around. It's trying to get here through me.

Owen: I can't sleep, I can't drink and I can't shag. And they are three of my favorite things.

Owen: It's here. I can feel it.
Tosh: Owen you're scaring me.
Owen: I'm not exactly reassuring myself.

Owen: So why are you here?
Jamie: They're trying to make me have it again. It didn't work, thought. The cancer just comes back. It makes my hair fall out. I'm gonna die. I might as well do it with my eyebrows.

Owen: People died because you brought me back. We owe them, you and me.

A DAY IN THE DEATH

My name is Dr. Owen Harper. And this is my life. A life that is full of action, and violence, and work and wonder. And Secrets. Sex and love. And death. My death. The death I survived. The death I am now living for a— Except, this isn't living. Every day it's the same. I get up, get ready for work. The same as everyone else. The thing is, I'm not the same. I get to work and everyone's doing the same old thing. Babbling away about aliens, weddings. I'm not real. Three days ago I died and they think I'm fine. But they're wrong.

Maggie: Would you just piss off? Get off my roof.
Owen: Your roof?
Maggie: I'm gonna jump so just leave me alone.

Maggie: What the hell are you?
Owen: I'm dead.

Maggie: You're dead.
Owen: Yeah I was brought back. Like Jesus, really. But without the beard, you know. Shit, I'm never gonna have a beard. Not that I wanted one you understand, but one day I—
Maggie: Okay, you're dead. That's clearly a bit shit and I'm sorry and everything but if you are dead then why are you here? You can't be wanting to jump. You can't die twice.
Owen: Sorry are you an expert?
Maggie: Sorry are you an idiot?

Owen: What the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Jack: We always need someone to make coffee.

Ianto: Voila. Fresh and strong.
Owen: You couldn't just have a jar of instant handy?

Owen: Bet you're loving this aren't you. Looks like you finally won.
Ianto: I didn't realize we were in competition.
Owen: Oh come on, even Tosh had more of a life than you used to and now you're always out on missions, you're shagging Jack and I'm stuck here making coffee.
Ianto: It's not like that, me and Jack.

Jack: Henry John Parker. He used to be a looker. Now he's 80 odd and even I have my limits. Your basic millionaire collector of alien hoo ha.
Owen: Didn’t we file him in the "Mostly Harmless" category?

Maggie: What are you, some sort of suicide geek?
Owen: No, I'm just a doctor.

Owen: You're kinda cute when you babble.
Martha: And you're kinda cute when you're not chucking a scalpel about.
Owen: I'm making the sodding coffee. I mean c'mon, won't your bloke be missing you? How about Jack? Has he seen Jack? They always get jealous when they meet Jack.
Martha: Owen, I don't want your job. I'm trying to do mine.

Owen: And you waited until your wedding anniversary to kill yourself. Why?
Maggie: Does it really matter?
Owen: Why have you waited?
Maggie: Because I believed people—I believed them when they said it would get better.

Owen: Heat sensors. they don't react to his movement I'm literally too cool for school.

Security Guard: Stop or I'll shoot.
Owen: No you won't. You're a security guard. And that gun's just for show, innit? DO you know what a bullet does to a living person? It's not like a knife through butter—no no no—it rotate, tears, into the flesh and the gooey stuff behind. Rips into the organs and, oo! That's not nice. w

Owen: You can't stop it, Mr. Parker. I'm sorry, but it's going to happen one day.
Parker: It'll be dark and I'll be alone.
Owen: Where are you now? It's dark and you're all alone, so what's the difference?

Parker: Don't you sit there pontificating. You're just a boy, what do you know about anything? I've traveled the world. Fought in the war. Started my own business.Made a fortune. Married. Widowed. My collection, all of it. I've done so much. And this is where I ended up. Alone. Lying in my own piss, And do you know what I want?
Owen: Clean sheets?

Owen: Martha, Martha, if it destroys me they're gonna need a new doctor. You've got all the credentials, medical skills, and a crackin' arse.

Owen to Maggie: We all assume life's gonna be shit, don't we? It's all just darkness. But you know? Sometimes it's not.

Owen to Martha: Well I'm sorry Dr. Jones. No vacancies in Cardiff just yet.

Maggie: I thought you came here to jump?
Owen: No. I came here to help.
Maggie: What do I do now?
Owen: You've got a choice. If you think that the darkness is too much, then go for it. But if there is a chance, just some hope. It could be having a cigarette or that first sip of hot tea on a cold morning. Or it could be your mates. But if there is even a tiny glimmer of light, don't you think that's worth taking a chance?

SOMETHING BORROWED

FROM OUT OF THE RAIN

ADRIFT

FRAGMENTS

EXIT WOUNDS

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