Quotes from The OC

Other Characters
(Season One and Two)

THE HEIGHTS

Anna Stern: Oh, so insulting him counts as speaking?
Seth: If it didn't we've never spoken.

THE HOMECOMING

Anna: I'm beating Captain Oats at Jenga. I think it's his lack of opposable thumbs that gives me a certain advantage.

THE BEST CHRISMUKKAH EVER

Caleb Nichol to Sandy: It'll get you back to your Berkeley days. Maybe you can smoke the tree.

THE HEARTBREAK

Jimmy examining a package: Well there's no ticking. So it can't be from your mother.

Theresa: So do you go to a lot of these kinds of events?
Ryan: Pretty much every week.

THE RIVALS

Sandy: Hi. I'm Sandy.
Danny: Then why don't you go take a shower?
Sandy: confused
Danny: It's okay, I like you dirty.

Danny: She thinks you're really funny. You and Captain Oats.

THE GOODBYE GIRL

Seth: But what will I do without your wisdom?
Anna: Confidence, Cohen.

THE L.A.

Jimmy: My oasis is being violated. My happy place is very unhappy right now.

THE NANA

The Nana: Oh god. What am I doing here? I hate this state, I hate the sunshine, and I hate Schwarzenegger.

THE PROPOSAL

Caleb: Marissa, your mother is a wonderful woman.
Marissa: She is?

THE SHOWER

Jimmy: Hailey was just over to help me fix my—
Hailey: Faucet!
Jimmy: Faucet, right. She's really good with plumbing.

Caleb: Besides, we're family.
Jimmy: Right. pause Are we? I can't keep track.

Theresa: I'll take some self-defense courses and Eddie and I will live happily ever after.

THE STRIP

Theresa about her new living arrangements: I mean, she doesn't have a poolhouse or anything...

Jen to Seth: Excuse me. Would you mind if I kissed you?

Summer: I have been crying actual tears over that ass and he's been kissing randoms.

THE TIES

Theresa: 85¢. Great. I'll put it towards the baby's college tuition.

Theresa: ...but I guess life's not really like that.  You can't get all caught up in something that's not going to happen.  You got to hold on to the next best thing.

Jimmy: Hey, your mom has to wake up every morning and be Julie Cooper. That's punishment enough.

THE DISTANCE

Caleb: Do you hear a clicking on the phone?Every time I try to dial out I swear I hear a clicking.
Julie: Okay, Nixon. Paranoid, much? What's going on with you, Cal? You're either hopped up on blow or something's seriously wrong.

Julie: You two are still—?
Jimmy: Yeah, we're doing great. She's fantastic, sweet, limber. How about you and Caleb?
Julie: Not so limber.

Theresa: The only reason you stayed was because of this baby. And now there's no baby.
Ryan: You don't want me to come home.
Theresa: You don't want to come home.

Theresa's mom: Did you tell him? Theresa nods Did he believe you?
Theresa: Yeah, I think so.

THE WAY WE WERE

Sandy: Since when is Scotch part of a nutritious brunch?
Caleb: Since the DA's office finally decided they had enough to indict me.

Zach: Hey, I'm here for the comic book club.
Seth: You are?
Ryan: You are?
Zach: Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?
Seth: Um... because you're on the water polo team?
Zach: What's that supposed to mean?

Caleb: I'm going to bed. The pleasure is all yours, Sanford. Enjoy.

About the Sandy Cohen lox scrambled with Rye toast
Caleb: No, I'm not dragging Sandy into anything. Before he put these eggs in front of me he was the closest thing I had to a friend in this town.

THE NEW KID ON THE BLOCK

Lindsay: Excuse me. I'm new. Is it okay to park here?
Bitchy Chick: Sure. If you're not too embarassed.

Lindsay: I'm just gonna go wring out my shirt, and stuff toilet paper up my nose, and I'm sure I'll have no trouble fitting in now.

Ryan: I promise I'll keep my hands to myself.
Lindsay: It's your elbow I'm worried about.

Julie: He's in prison.
Jimmy: So, you're gonna divorce him and take his kids.

Jimmy: The woman I married wouldn't stand for that. Nobody puts Julie Cooper in a corner.
Like this quote? Check out the shirt.

Caleb: When I have champagne I get giggly.
Sandy: When do you ever get giggly?

THE NEW ERA

Caleb: Are you a frittata man?
Sandy: I'm fine.

DJ: So, what, are we friends now?
Marissa: Judging by this conversation, probably not.

Jimmy to Julie: I never heard you admit to having faults before. This is fun.

Kirsten: Oh, god. She just grazed an ass.
Jimmy: Ah, the not-so-subtle ass graze.

Caleb: Well played, Magnum PI.

Alex: So, do you like live music?
Ryan: Eh, not really.
Alex: It's my passion.

Seth to Summer: Can I talk to you for like, one minute? Zach, I'm really sorry.
Zach: Okay, I'm gonna go jump off the pier.

THE SnOC

DJ: You don't want to be distracted by... I don't know, finally introducing me to your friends.

Zach: I get it. You're one of those couples. Joannie and Chachi, Luke and Leia.
Seth: Luke and Leia were brother and sister.
Zach: Yeah, well, may the force be with you.

Alex: Why aren't you at the SnOC Winter Wank-off?

Zach: I'm sensing a low level of sarcasm here.

Julie: Well I was easy to love back then. I was beautiful and much nicer.
Jimmy: C'mon, Jules. You're still beautiful. And you were never nice.

THE CHRISMUKKAH THAT ALMOST WASN'T

Sandy: Facing Kirsten and Julie has got to be better than going to jail.
Caleb: Kirsten maybe. Not Julie.

Lindsay: Every kid grows up... stops believing in Santa... I stopped believing in my dad.

FAMILY TIES

Jimmy: I've got terrible news, really. I've fallen in love with my ex-wife.
Sandy: You were married before Julie?
Kirsten: You're in love with Julie?

Lindsey: You're giving me the pinkie?
Ryan: I'm... not really into public displays of affection.

Alex: Ryan, you have to take Seth home right now. He is, like, wasted, and leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

Jimmy: You're right. I need to learn how to be a real dad. So I'm... leaving.

Ryan: Maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for now.
Lindsey: At least until we find out if we're breaking any laws.

THE EX-FACTOR

Zach: Have you seen the infomercials for Girls Gone Wild? Because this is exactly how it starts.

THE ACCOMPLICE

Zach: You should just focus on the good stuff in your life. Like school. Seth grimaces. Or... comics. Yeah, I got nothing.

Marissa: What are you doing here?
Caleb: You're not at school.
Marissa: Yeah, well you're not at work.

Alex on the phone with Marissa: Are you calling me from outside my door? Because that would be... sees Seth creepy.

Alex: Sorry, I would have introduced you guys, but I didn't want you two to meet.

Max surveying Sandy's new office: I was under impression you'd become a successful lawyer.

THE SECOND CHANCE

Alex: Who knew you Harbor girls could throw down.
Marissa: Yeah, well, I'm not like the other girls.
Alex: Well, then I guess it's about time I show you the meth lab in the basement.
Marissa: I thought you'd never ask.

Ryan: Alright, look. Luke Skywalker was happy to find his dad, right? Even if he turned out to be Darth Vader.
Lindsay: And they fought each other with lightsabers until one of them died.
Ryan: When you put it that way—

Caleb: You know that... Yogalates or... Cardiobar... or whatever you've been up to are working wonders on your figure. And that Talbots, it's so... fetching.

Kirsten: You accused her of wanting money! Not that you've ever viewed that as a personality flaw before.
Caleb: Well, she turned up with that inland street thug!

Zach: And Cohen, you gotta nail Summer!
Seth: What?!
Summer: Excuse me?

Lindsay: If it makes you feel any better, I never thought I even liked you until I thought I lost you.

THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB

Zach: I've got directions, I've got snacks.

Caleb: I understand [Ryan] is handy with an adverb.

Caleb: I'm sorry, Ryan. I know it wasn't easy for you to string so many words together.

Caleb: What is this? The Color of Money?

Caleb about Ryan: Setting fires... impregnating teenage girls...

THE TEST

Lindsay about Julie: We should put garlic up in case she comes back.
Lindsay's Mom: Definitely.

Lindsay: I don't need to take a test. 'Cause I know that my real dad wouldn't treat me this way.

THE RAINY DAY WOMEN

Ryan about Lindsay's ranking system: So I come in right below pizza. That's good to know.
Lindsay: Yeah, well. A girl's gotta eat.

Nurse: Okay, we have a match. Caleb Nichol is the father of Lindsay Wheeler Gardner.

Summer: I can't go. I can't do this.
Zach: Truth be told, I didn't think you'd make it past security.
Summer: I'm really sorry.
Zach: You can't fight fate.

THE BLAZE OF GLORY

Carter: This magazine is just a photo opportunity for 55 year old women with 25 year old breasts.
Kirsten: But this is chance to turn this community upside-down. Be subversive, irreverant .
Carter: I'd rather be drunk.

Ryan: It's not about me, I'm here because of her mom.
Alex: What are you and Julie Cooper a team, now?

Alex: I'm sorry if I brought... two skeezy ex-cons to your bonfire.

THE BROTHERS GRIM

Seth: You're still an Atwood. Only a slightly more edgy, darker version. I think. But some people think Ryan's gotten more softer.
Trey: Ryan said you talk a lot.

Zach: I'll always remember how you owned that Whack-a-Mole.

Summer: And you told Cohen because you knew it would get back to me.
Zach: Within minutes.

THE RISKY BUSINESS

Trey: Just ah, something I picked up in prison.
Seth entering: Ah yeah, the old scallion and shiv omelet. I've seen Lockup. Stallone's finest work since Over the Top.
Trey: Stallone, huh? Eh, I'm more of a Van Damme fan.
Ryan: What, are you kidding me? Segal, man.
Seth: Yeah, a divided house can not eat. Now we all gotta get together between a single action hero.
Sandy entering: Steve McQueen.
Seth: Steve Ma-who?
Sandy: My own son doesn't know Steve McQueen.
Trey: You know a lot of people like Great Escape. I gotta go with Bullit.
Sandy: He cooks breakfast and a McQueen fan. I knew I liked you.

Trey: This is the crystal egg from Risky Business?
Newpsie 2: Well it's not the F-14 from Top Gun.

Trey: Don't mess with those Newpsies.

Carter: I hear you have your own comic.
Zach: Well, we almost sold it to Wild Storm. Save for a meltdown at the pitch.
Carter: Must be hard to walk away from. Your own comic.
Zach: You weren't at the meeting. I don't think Cohen's picked up a pencil since that fateful Valentine's Day.

Zach: Dude, technically you're not doing anything wrong. You said you only floated the comic book by her. Not a graphic novel.

THE RAGER

Carter: Kirsten, congratulations. As of this morning you are a bona fide magazine publisher.
Kirsten: I know. The first issue's on the stands.
Carter: I was referring to our first libel suit.
Kirsten: What?

Carter: A surfboard coffee table. I am in the OC.

Marissa: Nice bean bag.
Trey: Yeah. It's kind of a stupid first thing to buy, but I've always wanted one.

Reed: You're like Doogie Hawser meets Gordon Gekko but without dimples.

Lance: Jules. How the hell did you find me?
Julie: Well it was easy, Lance. I just looked for the cheapest, scummiest motel near a liquor store and voila.

Trey: It's funny, 'cause when I saw you I thought to myself, "My brother's come over to take me to breakfast for my birthday." You know, maybe I'm the idiot for believing.

Marissa: Afraid someone's gonna steal your bean bag?
Trey: Yeah, actually.

THE OC CONFIDENTIAL

Carter: I'm sorry, I just, I hate drinking alone. pause Well, I hate drinking wine alone.

Devin: Also, we're wondering about Cosmo Girl. Her magic flask. Could she get her power from like a magic sport drink, instead? The thing is, legal's like worried about lawsuits from the parents of teen alcoholics. Um... oh, the Ironist. Boy, a little cerebral.
Seth: Is he being ironic?

Caleb: What's all this?
Julie: What does it look like?
Caleb: It looks like one of your movies.
Julie: That's not funny.
Caleb: It's not supposed to be.

Kirsten: Except for my hair issues, great call on the convertible.
Carter: Well, that's the way the California coast was meant to be seen. And your hair looks great.
Kirsten: Liar. For your punishment I control the radio on the way home.
Carter: No. No one who has won on American Idol ever sings in my car.

Lance: What are you doing?
Julie: I'm writing you a check.
Lance: You don't gotta pay me to kill your husband..
Julie: It's not for that. It's to get you out of town. I'm not a murderer. Neither are you.

Kirsten: How many wines have we tasted?
Carter: According to my notes (checks notes) I stopped taking notes.
Kirsten: Should we fire ourselves for drinking on the job?
Carter: Drinking was the job. And I did my job rather well because I'm hammered.

Carter: Could you possibly find a driver tonight? We failed to make use of the silver bucket.
Server: Are you staying locally?
Carter: Ah, no. Orange County, actually.
Server: Ew. I'm sorry.

THE RETURN OF THE NANA

Sandy: You remember Ryan.
The Nana: Of course. Who would forget those arms.

The Nana: I have to tinkle so... you two have a lot to talk about. Mainly me.

Bible Beater Boyfriend: ...but her best friend told me she entered some contest down here. Immodestly revealing her body for money.
Ryan: Well, Spring Break. That does happen.
Bible Beater Boyfriend: Doesn't where we're from.
Ryan: Where's that?
Bible Beater Boyfriend: Bob Jones University. If they find out what she's doing here, she'll be expelled. Which won't matter when she's burning in hell.
Ryan: Mm. Yeah, that's rough.
Bible Beater Boyfriend: Worst part is, I think she's cheating on me with whoever her partner in sin is.That's why I brought my boys with me.
Seth: Oh, yeah? Your frat brothers?
Bible Beater Boyfriend: Bible Study Buddies.

Sandy: Look at Ma. A cell phone.
The Nana: I'm very hip.
Sandy: I guess so.
The Nana: I just can't read the buttons.

THE SHOWDOWN

Trey: Look, we both know what this is.
Jessica: Well, we know I'm not Marissa. I leave marks on your back.

Caleb: You spent two hours making Eggs Benedict for a man with a heart condition. Doesn't that seem a little insane to you?

Knockon the door
Kirsten: Come in! Oh, hey, Claire. What is it?
Claire: The men were cleaning out Carter's office and they found this with a note saying it should be give it to you.

Yeah, it's not a particularly memorable quote, but I had to include a quote from The OC from a Claire.

Seth: All this time I thought you were a nice guy.
Zach: Wake up. I'm a water polo player. We're never nice guys.

Zach: It's gonna take a little more than quick quips and pop culture-laden bromides to win Little Miss Vixen.
Seth: So it's war.
Zach: It's war.

Reed: Summer, Seth and Zach have talent. They could have careers in comics. But you are the Nico of the group.
Summer: I'm sorry. I don't get references before 1990.

Caleb: You have been monitored to one degree or another since before we were married. The affair you had with your former-husband. The tryst with that high-schooler... Luke.
Julie: Oh my god.
Caleb: I mean, your daughter's boyfriend. What will people think?
Julie: Ex-boyfriend.

THE O.Sea

Reed: Look, I hate to give you good news, but unfortunately, I have some. George Lucas is interested in Atomic County. And he might want to make it into his next movie.
Seth: Oh my god! We're like this decade's Matt and Ben.

Reed: You two can't do anything together except whine about Summer.

Sandy to Caleb: What Kirsten needs right now is a little support. If you can't give her that, then show yourself out.
Caleb: I see you're employing your usual soft ball approach. That might be appropriate when your son runs off to Portland, but this is a tad more serious.

Julie: So send me the papers. I'll make the margs. We'll make a party out of it.
Caleb: Oh why not. Fitting end to a bizarre marriage like ours.

Trey: Your girl, she can drink, she can't hold her liquor. Look, I'm sorry, Ry. She threw herself at me.

Theresa about Marissa: She would never hurt you like that.
Ryan: How do you know?
Theresa: 'Cause last year, when I needed you, she let you go. Even though it broke her heart. They both love you, but—of the two of them—Marissa's the one you can trust.

Seth: So we ended up— well, we flipped a coin.
George Lucas: You flipped a coin?
Seth: Yeah. And you know, it sounds crazy, but at the time—

Caleb: You know, I really did love you, Ju-Ju.
Julie: Ooh. Past tense. That stings.
Caleb: Sorry. Grammatical error.

Seth rushing in to prom: Sorry I'm late. I was caught in traffic. realizing with dawning horror: I'm on stage.
Crowd Member: You're not Zach Stevens!
Seth: No, I'm not.
Emcee Guy: I think you should step down.
Crowd Member: Seth Cohen's a tool!
[...]
Crowd Member: But he's a tool!

THE DEARLY BELOVED

Hailey: So you moved to Hawaii. How is it?
Jimmy: It's fantastic. You would not believe the North Shore.
Hailey: So I've heard.

Hailey about Kirsten: How long has this been going on?
Sandy: Too long. Last night sealed the deal. She's getting help whether she wants it or not.
Hailey: Speaking of help, how can I?

Trey: I was helping Jess out and it got a little outta control.
Ryan: Story of your life, right?
Trey: Yeah, but that was it, man. I told her I'm done.
Ryan: Done. You've been done before, too.
Trey: Dude, I know, but Jess turned out to be a little crazier than I expected.
Ryan: Really? That a surprise considering you met her face down in a pool.

Jimmy: What if I decided to stay? What if we gave it another shot? We're both older and wiser now.
Julie: We'll, I'm certainly wiser.

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