Quotes from The OC

Seth: You realize Ryan, of all of our hair-brained schemes—of which there are many—quitting school for a life at sea, it may be number one.
Ryan: I can't say the idea's gotten an enthusiastic response. Except from your dad, who's throwing me a dinner.
Seth: He's calling your bluff.
Ryan: I'm not bluffing.
Seth: I would say it was working.
Ryan: I think he's just hoping to give me enough rope to hang myself.
Seth: And instead you've fashioned said rope into a perfect little sailor's knot.

THE DISCONNECT

Seth: So was Marissa totally cool with you canceling on her last night?
Ryan: Didn't have a problem with it.
Seth: But do you have a problem with it?
Ryan: Why would I— I cancelled on her.
Seth: Yeah but if it were me I'd have a problem with it. And if, you know, I cancelled on you and you didn't have a problem with it then I might have a problem with that.
Ryan: Sounds like you already got a problem. And not with me.

Ryan: Don't do this man.
Seth: Do what?
Ryan: Compete with Summer.
Seth: Why? Because you think Summer would win?

Seth: So, Ryan. You're a working man now. How's the job going? Model homes, calculators, dudes in suits. I bet that's pretty exciting stuff.
Ryan: You'd be surprised. So would Marissa.
Seth: Oo. What's she been up to?
Ryan: I don't know. I'll ask her when I see which hopefully will be tonight. What's with all the questions?
Seth: Nothing. I'm just trying to exhaust all your issues 'til we get to mine. Have we covered everything?
Ryan acquiesces
Seth: My biggest fear, stated plainly: what if Summer's being smart changes our whole dynamic?
Ryan: Why would it?
Seth: Because my intelligence was the one quality she admired in me. It made me almost a man in her eyes.
Ryan: C'mon, man. That's not true. You've got plenty of other positive qualities. You're funny. When you want to be.
Seth: Have you noticed how Summer's gotten a lot funnier lately? I mean I think she's funnier than me now.
You're an expert in comic books and Yakuza films.
Seth: Girls don't like that.
Ryan: You know how to work a grill. I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry. I thought I would come up with more. The point is Summer doesn't want to be you, she wants to be with you. Right? You want that too, so—
Seth: Apologize, I know.

THE CHRISMUKKAH BAR MITZ-VAHKKAH

Seth: Seriously. I think you should really consider it.
Ryan: What, a Bar Mitzvah?
Seth: Yeah. You've brought some much needed Chris to the Cohens, but I think you really use some Kah.
Ryan: I don't think so.
Seth: That's tough talk for a guy that eats a lot of bagels.

Ryan: I can't believe this is you.
Seth: Hard to believe I was once skinny and awkward, I know.
Ryan: No, but seriously. You went out in public like this?
Seth: It's one of the unfortunate truths of the Bar Mitzvah, Ryan. It's the most awkward time in a young Jewish boy's life. But also the most photographed.
Ryan: Is there a videotape too?
Seth: You would have to kill me first.

Seth: As soon as you hear "that's what friends are for" you're done.
Ryan: That song is Jewish?
Seth: It might as well be. It's a staple of every Bar Mitzvah. It's you and all your friends, your arms around each other swaying. It's awesome.
Ryan: I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke's birthday party.
Seth: It's hypothetically awesome.

THE SISTER ACT

Seth: Marissa got back into Harbor. You guys seem to have resolved your surftastic love triangle. My girlfriend got a near perfect score on her SATs but we've never been happier.
Ryan: Seth, it's senior year. It's supposed to be the best year ever.
Seth: No, you should know better. Every time things are going too well around here, that's when doom comes a knockin'.
Ryan: Doom?
Seth: A knockin'. doorbell Or aringin'. Right on time. Don't answer it. It's probably a flaming bag of crap.
Ryan: Or FedEx.

THE CLIFF HANGER

Seth: So I wanted to be alone. Are you the only one in this family that's allowed to brood?
Ryan: Man, whatever it is, you can tell me.
Seth: My Brown interview did not go so well. Actually it didn't go at all.
Ryan: Blew it off?
Seth: Yep. And then for the cherry on top of that I went ahead and lied to Summer about it.
Ryan: Right. Well, why not talk to her?
Seth: Yeah, it's just Summer was over pot by the tenth grade. She thinks it's totally juvenile. It'd be like telling I'm into Beanie Babies.
Ryan: Well, at least tell her you missed the interview. You do that, I'll keep quiet about the rest of it.
Seth: We're getting dangerously close to an After-School Special here, Ryan. It's marijuana and I did it twice.
Ryan: So you're telling me you didn't come down here to buy a bag?
Seth: Fine. I wasn't going to smoke anymore anyways.

Seth: Hey. Morning.
Ryan: Mm.
Seth: Oh no! The Atwood grunt. That's never a good sign. What's the matter? I'm gonna guess Marissa. Or Johnny. Or maybe Kaitlin. I'm gonna say probably a combo pack.

THE ROAD WARRIOR

Seth: Dude, where are you?
Ryan: Indio. How much trouble am I in?
Seth: Ah, none yet. Mom and Dad think you're helping inner city kids paint an overpass mural. I'm rolling around in your bed right now. So it looks slept in.
Ryan: You probably do that anyway.
Seth: So? Have a little gratitude.
Ryan: You're right. I owe you. But trust me, it's for a good cause.
Seth: Any chance you want to clue me in on what the cause is?
Ryan: The less you know the better. Just keep doing what you're doing. Except the bed thing. That's just creepy.

THE JOURNEY

Seth: Hey man, you busy?
Ryan: Would it matter?
Seth: Not really. Now in my capacity as Birthday Captain I went ahead and reserved the Bait Shop for Sunday.
Ryan: I guess you don't remember me saying small.
Seth: I did. I chose to ignore it. Do you want to see the invitations? The store made me print like a hundred. I told them you only knew like four people but it was some kind of a policy.
Ryan: Get me one for Sadie.
Seth: Sadie, huh? Interesting.
Ryan: She's a friend.
Seth: Okay, well, what do you want to do with this? holds up Marissa's invitation
Ryan: You're the Birthday General.
Seth: First of all, I'm the Birthday Captain. And the decision of whether to invite Marissa or not is way beyond my pay grade.

Ryan: So what exactly was the thinking here?
Seth: Well, turning 18 is all about assuming your adult identity, right? So I thought I would show you all the different avenues available to you.
Ryan: Because I might want to be a cowboy.
Seth: Or my personal favorite, but no less gay, Fireman Ryan.

THE UNDERTOW

About the car
Seth: You know, I know Trey's not made of money, but he could have at least sprung for a shirt or something.
Ryan: It's an inside thing. Long story.
Seth: I like long stories.
Ryan: Too bad. I don't feel like telling this one.

THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW

Seth: Hey. Thanks, man.
Ryan: Sure.
Seth: Did you talk to the parents yet?
Ryan: You know what? In hindsight, breaking the Sadie news to them that way? Probably not a good plan.
Seth: Well at least my dad didn't have an actual heart attack at the table. So that's a plus.
Ryan: That's true. Anything happen after I left?
Seth: Summer and I got into a soul-crushing fight about Brown.
Ryan: Mm. I'm sorry. Did you talk to her?
Seth: No. But even if I did and she forgave me, it's like, then what? You know? It's just— I don't know. It's complicated.
Ryan: Seth, uh, I gotta ask. Did you really get into Brown?
Seth: Did I get into—? Ryan, now who's smoking pot. Listen to me: the only class that I've ever gotten less than an A in is gym. My essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs. Rushfield cry. So of course I... augh, how could I not get in?
Ryan: Why are you lying about it?
Seth: For Summer.
Ryan: Well, don't you think she's going to notice when you're not there first semester?
Seth: She said that if I didn't get in and she did, she wouldn't go to Brown. I'm not gonna let her do that. It's the opportunity of a lifetime.
Ryan: Well I think that's up to her. Sorry man, I think you gotta tell her the truth.

THE DAWN PATROL

Seth: I think I made the worst mistake of my entire life. Now I need to get Summer back and I have to get into Brown.
Ryan: Great. How?
Seth: That's where you come in.
Ryan: We need a plan?
Seth: Gonna be a long night, Ryan. A lot of whining, a lot of pining, ah, maybe some brainstorming, you don't mind?
Ryan: It's good to be home. Alright, how are we going to get your Summer back?
Seth: Plan A: I fake my own death. You never wanna underestimate the power of the sympathy vote.
Ryan: Is there a plan B?
Seth: Yeah yeah. Uh, I could hack in through the Brown firewall into the Admission's office mainframe and reverse my acceptance.
Ryan: That's actually a good idea. You know how to do that?
Seth: I had an uncle that went to DeVry.

THE COLLEGE TRY

Seth: You taking all that? You only own like, a wifebeater and two hoodies.

Ryan: So, um, you're going to fly to Brown...
Seth: And then I will somehow get them to admit me. Yeah. I don't have the, ah, details, okay? But Brown's a spiritual place. I'll go, I'll get a vibe, you know, bump into the ghost of Old Man Brown. Or whoever they named the school after.

Ryan: I just don't want to see you get deeper into this mess, okay?
Seth: Dude, you're going to Berkeley with your ex-girlfriend.

Ryan goes to hug Seth
Seth: We can save the hug for later.
Ryan: Yeah, okay.

Ryan: Hey Seth.
Seth: Hey man. How's Berkeley?
Ryan: It's cold and wet and pretty cool. I can't believe I'm actually on a college campus.
Seth: Ryan, I am touching ivy right now.
Ryan: What?
Seth: Real ivy. It grows on the buildings here. Those pictures in the brochure, they are not Photoshopped.
Ryan: I take it you're in the middle of the quad right now?
Seth: Yeah. Dead center.
Ryan: Pretty stealth. I can't imagine anyone actually seeing you there.
Seth: I know, I know, it's a Summer hot zone. I just had to come and visit campus for a few minutes.
Ryan: And it's perfect?
Seth: Man, it's better than perfect. Seth Cohen has come home to roost.
Off Screen: Cohen!
Ryan: Who's that?
Seth: I don't know. I'm too afraid to turn around.

THE PARTY FAVOR

Ryan: Have you told her there's nothing going on between you and Anna?
Seth: I've tried, but every time I get close she pulls her rape whistle.
Ryan: Well you know, I'm not going. So if you wanna hang out, rent a movie.
Seth: Ryan, I love you. But if I have to spend my senior prom playing video games with you, I'm gonna kill myself.

Seth: Now that the baby thing's resolved, the pressure's off. It's perfect. Do it.
Ryan: But I mean she still has the baby, I can't just, you know—
Seth: One night, they have these new crazy things called babysitters. I'm just saying, senior prom with your childhood sweetheart. You have to respect the romantic symmetry.
Ryan: You know what, I'll think about it. And I appreciate you not bringing up the idea of Marissa and I going as friends.
Seth: No, I get it. It's in the past. Plus, I assumed she'd be going with the surf Nazi anyway. Unless he's selling crack to blind kids or— sees Volchok. Fondling some girl at the end of the pier. Ah, maybe that's his cousin. His really... dirty cousin.

THE MAN OF THE YEAR

Seth: Hey man. Today's a good day for me, Ryan. I finally came clean and told the truth about not getting into Brown and things are great. Life is so much better when you're honest. You just mean what you say, you say what you mean. I feel like you.
Ryan: Well, now that you're on a roll, you gonna tell Sandy and Kirsten about Brown too?
Seth: Yeah. I don't think so. I'm gonna wait a little bit on that one.

THE AVENGERS

Seth: Aren't you going to invite me in? So the utility closet is the new poolhouse. Things change. It's the Seth/Ryan time that counts.

Seth: I'm not going to go anywhere until you come with me.
Ryan: Yeah? What are you going to do, you gonna fight me?
Seth: Well, seeing as how I don't fight back— Ryan shoves Seth
Ryan: Just don't anymore, okay?

THE NIGHT MOVES

Ryan: Seth, the hospital is like a mile away.
Seth: I know. Which is why I'm taking the secret back roads way that's only like a half mile. That was sarcasm. I'm pretty sure my shortcut got us lost.
Ryan: Well, the ocean's on one side, the land's on the other. I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out. That was sarcasm too. Sorry.
Seth: No, hey. You're a little on edge. A giant glass spear in the back will do that to a guy.
Ryan: It's not a spear.
Seth: What is it, a, more of a spike, or a skewer?
Ryan: Dude, you're doing a terrible job of trying to keep my mind off the pain. You're supposed to talk about something else other than what's causing the pain.
Seth: True. But what are you doing to keep my mind off of your pain, 'cause right now you're not looking too good. I'm starting to feel—
Ryan: What was that? It sounds like we hit something.
Seth: Oh god, not a body.
Ryan: Alright, pull over or something. Go check.
Seth: With the zombies?

Seth: Um, you may find this hard to believe, Ryan, but when I was younger I used to be a bit of a worrier.
Ryan: You don't say.
Seth: To distract myself from worrying, I would sometimes make lists. Um, it didn't matter what the lists were—it could be anything. Every cereal I've ever eaten, or the names of every planet mentioned in Star Wars.
Ryan: You want to make a list, Seth?
Seth: Huh? Oh, you know, whatever. I mean sure, if you want to. We could start with anyone you've ever punched in the face since you moved to Newport. The first would be Luke at Holly's beach house.
Ryan: Yeah, and number two would be Luke.
Seth: R ight. At the diner.
Ryan: Yeah. And then at the model home.
Seth: What about Holly's dad?
Ryan: That was more of a tackle.
Seth: Which gets us back to Luke.
Ryan: Yeah. At TJ.

Seth: So listen, I'm gonna go on foot and get help.
Ryan: No.
Seth: Well we can't stay here. I don't even know where here is.
Ryan: I'm going with you.
Seth: No, it's cool. Listen, I'm gonna come back as soon as I can. I promise.
Ryan: What about the zombies?
Seth: That's a really good point.

Seth: Alright buddy. We have to keep you alert and on your feet. Now, when last we checked the list—need some help—we were on Trey. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe we went from Trey to a lengthy Volchok period.
Ryan: Yeah. Hey, thanks for this.
Seth: Yeah. Now unless you hit that Chili guy. Or Johnny. I know a lot of people were rooting for that.
Ryan: Well I did punch Johnny's dad. Or a bounty hunter who worked for him.
Seth: Johnny's dad was a bounty hunter?
Ryan: Oh yeah. I never told you that?

Seth: Okay, I've always wondered this. In your opinion who is a better food industry server? Chloe, the magical waitress from Albuquerque. Or Donny, the angry busboy who shot Luke?
Ryan: Chloe.
Seth: Good. That's what I figured. Sadie the tough-as-nails yet soulful jewelry maker or Lindsay my grandfather's illegitimate booksmart child?
Ryan: I can't Seth.
Seth: Sure you can. It's very easy.

Ryan: You're not a big fan of needles.
Seth: Nor of fainting, it turns out. But the bank was a little low and us O Negative guys gotta stick together.
Ryan: Hm. that's weird because all the sudden I have this strange urge to listen to Death Cab and read comic books.
Seth: For real?
Ryan: No.
Seth: Ah, that's too bad. Because if we could've turned this into a body swap comedy we could've squeezed another year or two out of this

 

THE END'S NOT NEAR, IT'S HERE

Six months later...

Seth: I thought I had them with the hands in the cement.
Ryan: Me too.

Seth: I've been doing some checking up on your new roommate. His favorite book and movie are the Da Vinci Code. He's no me.
Ryan: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Seth: At least I leave you funnier than when I found you.
Ryan: A lot better off than when you found me.
Seth: Me too.

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