Quotes from The OC

Season Four

THE AVENGERS

Julie:Hey Kaitlin! Why aren't you in school?
Kaitlin: 'Cause it's 8 PM. And it's Saturday.

Seth: So, Friday morning. A little check-in before the weekend. I'm still here, kickin' the Newport-style. I can't believe I just said that. But yeah. Things are good. Ryan's decision to defer college seems to be working out well. He's got a new place, new job, making some new friends. Sandy Cohen is doing what he does best. Fighting the man. Sticking up for the little guy...

Seth: I'm sorry, maybe I didn't understand you correctly. Did you seriously ask if there was a comic book based on The X-Men movie?

Seth: Table set for four. Still feels kind of weird.
Sandy: Well things have been a little weird around here lately. Tonight might not be any different. We shouldn't be expecting any miracles.
Seth: No zippy one-liners.
Kirsten: Not a lot of smiles.
Sandy: Few grunts. Occasional shrug.
Seth: Yeah, it'll be just like old times.
Sandy: And I'm looking forward to it.

Neil: Julie! My god! Are you alright? Is there an earthquake I didn't feel?
Julie: No. Help me. I was just trying to rearrange some furniture. I got some very helpful tips from HGTV.
Neil: Oh great. They suggested that you try to move a built-in?
Julie: I didn't know it was a built-in.
Neil: It's not anymore.

Summer: I don't do sarcasm anymore. I'm post-ironic.
Seth: You mean earnest?

Seth: You know, I don't usually refer to myself as a genius, but I may have to make an exception.

Summer: Ryan, take a deep breath. Just let me do what I do best.
Ryan: Which is what?
Summer: Giving orders. Just do what I say, Atwood. One last time.

Sandy: You know, at the risk of saying too much, being there with her when it happened... You're never going to get over it, but you'll get used to it. Just let yourself feel what you need to feel, even if it hurts.
Ryan: Yeah, it's not a good time, okay?
Sandy: Okay. I'm going to shut up now.

Julie and Ryan meet at Marissa's grave
Julie: I was wondering when you'd finally come here.
Ryan: Thanks for meeting me.
Julie: I'm here every day.

THE GRINGOS

Seth: Can't let you go.
Ryan: It's not really your choice.
Seth: So what? Then you're just going to find Volchok and either kill him or get yourself killed? That's insane.
Ryan: This conversation is over. Seth jumps into the Jeep What— what are you doing?
Seth: I'm coming with you. It's not like you're leaving me any choice.
Ryan: I'm gonna tell the cops. I just need to see him first.
Seth: No offense, but, like, nobody believes that.

Seth: So where we going?
Ryan: Mexico.
Seth: Perfect. I need Chiclets.

Summer to Taylor: How did you get here before me? Do you have a secret twin? Because that would explain so much.

Taylor shocked: When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's like a forest. more shocked Oh my god, your toenails!
Summer: Yeah, I don't do that stuff anymore.
Taylor: Obviously. You've got hobbit feet.

Sandy: You know what I think this is?
Kirsten: A coded message.
Sandy: Nothing. Probably the name of a band. Seth wrote it on a paper and put it in his pocket. Relax, sweetheart. phone rings Hello.
Seth: Dad, it's me. Did you get my note? I had to write it in code in case Ryan found it.
Sandy: Right. The note.

Waitress: Is that true? That Volchok killed a girl?
Seth: Yes.
Waitress: I know where he is.

Seth: So did you kill him? I mean that was the plan, right? Not the lie you told me when you said "Trust me, man."

Julie: Kaitlin, I can't, I can't keep this family together and have you running around like Miss Clockwork Orange. I can't.

THE COLD TURKEY

Sandy comforting Kirsten: It's Thanksgiving. You just watch, this family's going to come together for the holidays. It's what we Cohens do.

Kirsten: When a kid is stealing stuffing in my kitchen, that's usually a sign that something is wrong.
Taylor: I would talk to you, Mrs. Cohen, but this is simply too private.
Kirsten: I'll make you a plate of food.
Taylor: Livingroom?

Seth: I still can't believe you had no reaction to my tattoo.
Summer: I had a reaction. I told you to get that thing removed.

Seth is instructed to keep the dinenr guests from the shelter occupied
Seth: Okay, who here has not seen Battlestar Galactica season one?
Shelter Guy: I missed the season finale.
Seth: Get ready to have your mind blown. In this, Starbuck is a woman....

Ryan: You didn't try to help. You didn't even stop.
Volchok: I got scared. I freaked. I don't know.
Ryan: And she died. On the side of the road.

Sandy: Hey! Didn't I defendant you a couple years ago for a B&E?
Daryl: Yeah. Now I remember. I called you Crazy Eyebrow Man.
Sandy: Well. I'll take that as a compliment.

Julie: Hi.
Sandy: Julie, whatever it is, it'll have to wait. We're having Thanksgiving.
Julie: I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry.
Sandy: I don't think I've ever heard you say that before.
Julie: I don't think I've ever meant it.

Julie: Tell me about her.
Ryan: What?
Julie: Anything. Just... tell me about her.

THE METAMORPHOSIS

Summer kisses Seth
Seth: Careful, lady. My girlfriend's gonna be here any second.
Summer punching Seth: Shut up, Cohen.
Seth: Hey. You just punched me. My baby's back.

Ryan: You know you might want to relax.
Taylor: Distract me. Tell me about this, uh, cage fighting. It's something I've been meaning to get into.
Ryan: Yeah? Ask me for another favor and I'd be happy to show you.
Taylor: Oh, Ryan Atwood with a side of sauce. I like it!

Kirsten: So you're really giving up on men?
Julie: Men are to me what Chardonnay is to you. One sip and I'm upside down on a chandelier. Not that you've ever done that.

Seth: Old Summer's been replaced by the real Summer and she looks suspiciously like the new Summer.
Ryan: So she's still in her Go Green phase?
Seth: I don't think it's a phase, man. I think this is her life now and it's obvious I don't fit in.

Julie: Kirsten, I feel like I'm coming down with something. I'm not feeling so hot. Do you mind if I take a raincheck on our girls night in?
Kirsten: Julie, did you just put on lipstick?
Julie: What? No? Uh. I'm just a little flushed. I'll call you.

Terry: Have you met my friend? Julie Cooper, urban cougar.

Seth: Hey Summer. I know flying home early is your move but I stole it. I just want you to keep doing what you're doing because I think it's pretty amazing. So if you don't hear from me for awhile it's not because I don't love you. It's because I do.

THE SLEEPING BEAUTY

Seth: Bollywood, huh? I didn't know you were such a world cinema buff. Especially at 2:30 in the morning.
Ryan: What are you doing up?
Seth: I had a dream. Summer was marrying Ralph Nader and I was playing the marimba at the wedding.
Ryan: Good gig.

Taylor: You might want to sit down. I have huge news and a favor to ask of you.
Seth: You're in love with Ryan and you want my help convincing him to date you.
Taylor: Wow.
Seth: You said he was funny. It's kind of a giveaway.

Summer: Did you find out what they were doing with them?
Che: Eh. It doesn't matter. If it wasn't evil they wouldn't have to keep them locked up in cages like animals.

Seth: I was into recycling way before it was cool. Al Gore, he got half of that stuff from a paper I wrote in sixth grade. I just don't, you know, make a stink because he does good work.

Seth: I saw you dancing with Taylor.
Ryan: Yeah. Is that look supposed to mean something?
Seth: Crazier things have happened. None that I can recall this instant, but—
Ryan: Okay, I don't think so.
Seth: Ask yourself why. She's smart, she's funny.
Ryan: Dude, just forget about it, okay? I'm not gonna date Taylor.

Che: Summer, have I accomplished anything this semester?
Summer: Are you kidding? Che, there would be no political activism at Brown without you. Oh my god, are you getting kicked out?
Che: No. But I think you might be.
Summer: What?
Che: Yeah, they needed a scapegoat. You said yourself that I'm too important to the movement, so...

Sandy: Hey, how'd it go with The Bullit?
Kirsten: Well, as it turns out Julie was dating his 25 year-old son.
Sandy: That's a weird coincidence.
Kirsten: That about sums it up.

THE SUMMER BUMMER

Dean: I'm afraid you're no longer a student here.
Summer: But my dad is living in Seattle with the step-monster. And Taylor Townsend is sleeping in my old bed. And Seth is moving out here so we can be together.
Dean: Ms. Roberts, you need to go home.
Summer: This is my home.

Che: At the reservation they taught us, sometimes the weaker gazelle must be devoured for the good of the herd.
Summer: Oh Che, just shut up, okay? Before I tie you up with hemp rope, set you on fire and get high off the fumes from your burning flesh.
Che: Dark.

Kirsten: I couldn't help but notice that you wanted to talk to Seth.
Ryan: Uh. Oh, did I?
Kirsten: Well since he's out of town and he's going to be moving out next semester you're going to need a new Seth. Don't tell Sandy, but I thought I would audition for the job.
Ryan: That's very thoughtful.
Kirsten: So, how does it work? Do I ask you what's on your mind?
Ryan: Usually you talk about yourself and I solve my problems on my own.

Sandy: Listen, if there's anything else I can do for you I'm gonna be in my room reading comics and listening to indie rock.
Ryan: Sounds good. Seth.

Bullit: I know the Jews are good with numbers and lending stuff—
Sandy: Now there's a stereotype that's not even remotely offensive.

Ryan: What are you doing paying your gay friend Roger to pretend he's in love with you?
Taylor: Well, what if I did? Hm? What if I did rent a homosexual for the evening and pay him with rare collectibles from Asian cinema? What difference does it make to you?
Ryan: Well, it's a little strange.
Taylor: Well, so am I. Which is why you ran away from me last night.
Ryan: No, it wasn't 'cause you're strange.
Taylor: What, you don't find me strange?
Ryan: No, I do. But it's not why I took off.

Julie: phone rings Spencer.
Pam: I wish. But it's probably for the best. I am tin roof rusted.
(Gotta love the B-52s)

THE CHRISMUKK-HUH?

Sandy: Kirsten.
Summer: What happened?
Kirsten: Taylor and Ryan, they were hanging decorations and I guess the ladder fell.
Seth: What did the doctor say?
Kirsten: Well, they said apparently there's no serious injury. We just have to wait for them wake up.

Taylor: I am so grateful that if I have to be in a parallel universe that you're here with me. Of course you probably wish you were with someone that you actually want to date. That would be nice, wouldn't it?
Ryan: Oh, even in a parallel universe she never stops.

Alt-Sandy: A philanthropist means you help people.
Alt-Julie: Oh! Well you learn something new everyday.

Taylor: finding out about Julie and Chester. Alt-yoinks! seeing them together Double alt-yoinks! realizing Marissa may still be alive Triple alt-yoinks.

Julie: Oh, now honey I told you my family only drinks wine coolers.
Kaitlin: We're having a very Britney Christmas, mother.
Julie: Yes. Watch out. I might put you on my lap while we drive out there.

Seth: [J]ust like Dorothy had to go see the Wizard, they've got some mission they have to accomplish before they can return.
Sandy: Like what?
Seth: Ah, anything. Could be like our world, only messed up. They've got to reset the balance. Could be a world ruled by giant vegetables and they've got to topple the vegetable despot so they can come back.
Sandy: You had me 'til vegetable despot.

Julie: Veronica, listen. I know you're not the warm and fuzzy type. But it is Christmas Eve and it would mean so much if you could be there. And if you get on that plane right now I'll tell security you have a bomb.
Kaitlin: Wow. Very Jack Bauer of you.

Ryan: I'm from an alternate universe where your dad adopted me and you and Summer are in love. And unless I fix things here—which means getting your parents and you and Summer together—I can't go home.
Alt-Seth: I always knew this would happen.
Ryan: Doesn't surprise me.

Ryan: There's some guy who wants to meet you in the master bathroom. Something about getting a thong off.
Alt-Julie: Oo! That's charity talk. Thong is an acronym for The Homeless of Newport... Go. Or something.

Alt-Summer: Who's this random guy we're all listening to and why am I not drunk yet?

Kaitlin: Between you and me, Taylor in a coma is kind of a nice break.

THE EARTH GIRLS ARE EASY

Ryan: What do you wanna do now?
Seth: Oh, curl up in a fetus position and weep. Although perhaps the unborn baby metaphor—
Ryan: Not really appropriate.

Summer: How did I get here? How did I go from being an Ivy League Al Gore-in-the-making to a knocked up college drop out with a boyfriend that forgets to pack his toothbrush when he travels? How did this happen?
Taylor: You know what? It's a new year. We all get a fresh start. Okay? You and me and Seth and Ryan. We can all be whatever we want to be. And everything negative will be left in last year.

Zerk-nong: What's my name?
Slutty Alien: Zerknong.
Zerk-nong: Spell it.
Slutty Alien: Z-U—
Zerk-nong: E.
Slutty Alien: Oh. Z-E-R-K-N—
Zerk-nong: Hyphen.
Slutty Alien: Hyphen-N-O-N-G...

Taylor: If you're here for sex there's like five guys ahead of you.
Ryan: Okay, look I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions tonight. But you can't be paranoid either about being divorced or any of it. It doesn't mean anything.
Taylor: So you don't think I'm a whore?
Ryan: No. No, of course not.
Taylor: Good. Because I'm not. Unless of course you want me to be.
Ryan: Is that my negligée?
Taylor: Um hm.
Ryan: Well I want that back.
Taylor: C'mon. Before I change my mind.
Ryan: Alright, but just to be clear—
Taylor: Everything but.

Summer: Is that gonna like squirt invisible ink or something?
Seth: No. But it will make you engaged.
Summer: What? Are you insane.
Seth: Possibly.

Julie: I'm not trading sex for silence, Frank. I may be a madame but I'm not a whore.
Frank: Good to know. But that's not why I brought you here.
Julie: It's not?
Frank: Sit down.
Julie: So why did you bring me here?
Frank: For information.
Julie: Information about what?
Frank: About the Cohen family.
Julie: Why?
Frank: Because I'm not who I say I am.
Julie: And who are you?
Frank: I'm Ryan's father.

MY TWO DADS

Taylor: You got engaged? Why didn't you say something sooner?
Summer: Denial.
Taylor: Hm. Romantic.

Ryan: So you asked her before you looked at the test?
Seth: I was trying to be a man. A plan with a fundamental conceptual flaw.

Seth: I feel good about this. I think a little long-term lifelong commitment is exactly what I needed.
Ryan: This is bad.
Seth: This is so bad.

Taylor: So what are you going to do? Level with him and tell him the truth?
Summer: Frak that. He wants a game of chicken he's gonna get it. I'm goin' Bridezilla on his ass.

Summer: Julie, I really appreciate you helping me by filling in for Rabbi Gunderman(?). But this just is not working.
Julie: Right. And whenever you want to let me know what "this" is I'm all ears. As much as I've enjoyed learning the Hebrew alphabet with you.

Julie: And now you don't want to call it off because you'll hurt his feelings. Summer shakes her head. Or because if you do he'll get the upperhand.
Summer: Exactly.
Julie: Now we're talking my kind of dating game.
Summer: Manipulating the opposite sex. God, Julie! Why didn't I come to you earlier?
Julie: Thank you, Summer.

Ryan: Dude, you can't bring an animal in here. What are you doing?
Seth: How dare you talk to your nephew that way. Don't listen to mean old Uncle Ryan, Pancakes. That's just the 'roids talking. They do make him huge, I know.
Ryan: Will you get him out of here please before he ends up in a quesadilla?

Frank: This oughta keep things straight with Gordon. I think you'll find these books are cooked so you can hide as much as you make.
Julie: Ah. The prostitution ring. No. After you busted me on New Years I decided to quit. It's hard out there for a pimp.

Seth: What are we watching?
Sandy: Well, it's about meerkats.
Seth: Meerkats. Why are we watching it?
Kirsten: Because I wanted to.
Sandy: And we don't want to get your mother angry. You haven't seen her right-cross.
Ryan: Yeah. Your dad's is pretty good though.
Seth: Well that makes sense. He was in a gang.
Kirsten: Don't remind me.
Seth: The Jets, is what I've heard.
Sandy: We robbed from the poor and gave to the poor.

THE FRENCH CONNECTION

Ryan about A Season for Peaches: Your ex-husband wrote this about you?
Taylor: A novel. Not a memoir. There's a big difference. Ask James Frey.

Henri-Michel Momourant: Who shall I make it out to? A girlfriend perhaps. What is her name?
Ryan: Taylor.

Neil: I don't think that you really appreciate Summer.
Seth: What? Look, Dr. Roberts, with all due respect you have a lot of grounds to object to this admittedly hairbrained idea, but there's one thing that's undeniable is that I appreciate your daughter.
Neil: As you made clear yesterday when you called her "kinda cool" and "easy on the eyes." You gotta do better than that.
Seth: Well she's hilarious, for one. My favorite thing in the world is to make her laugh because she has a crazy honk of a laugh; I think Nelson from The Simpsons.
Neil: She does have a contagious laugh.

Director: So you're the friend of Mademoiselle Townsend?
Ryan: Yes. What's happening?
Director: They started out talking about A Season for Peaches and now somehow they are into Existentialism of the 21st century, the responsibility of the post-Colonial age, Johnny Depp. Amazing!

Jean-Michel: After I heard about your research—traveling to Hume's personal archive in Edinburgh—even I was impressed.
Ryan: I'm sure you were.

Kaitlin: Stupid Winter clothing drive.
Will: You may not know this, but there are homeless people that live in Newport.
Kaitlin: Really? turns toward Newport's homeless Hi Daryl, Hi Bill.
Daryl and Bill: Hey Kaitlin.
Will: What do you say I give you a call when you leave here.
Kaitlin: I just can't believe this Winter clothing drive is salting my game.

Summer: I just kind of got engaged.
Che: That's amazing. I'll weave you something ASAP.

THE DREAM LOVER

Summer: Your pink eye's all clear.
Seth: Pink eye?
Summer: Yeah. The reason I haven't heard from you. I talked to Ryan.
Che: It was his sciatica.
Seth: Yeah. It gets in the eye, it's— it goes pink.

Kirsten: New Match.
Julie: Hi Kiki. Don't hang up.
Kirsten: You turn our business into a prostitution ring and you get hung up on. Company policy.

Summer: Hey Seth, it's me. Just calling to see how you're feeling. Hope that crazy 24-hour flu thing cleared up. And also I don't believe that you have the flu. Okay, bye.

Henri-Michel: So you are here to beat me up. I warn you, my family is hemophilic. I will bleed.

Julie: I'll do the talking, you drive.
Kirsten: And how come you can't drive?
Julie: Oh! I'm sorry. Do you want to do the talking? It was our company. You are liable.
Kirsten: I'll pick you up in the morning.

Summer: I'm giving you advice because you're my friend and I really want you to work this out.
Ryan: I'm listening.
Summer choking Ryan: Do. Not. Choke!
Ryan: Yeah I wasn't going to until you did that.
Summer: God you have a wide neck.
Ryan: Yeah, you have pretty small hands. Thanks for the advice.
Summer: No problem.

Taylor: So what do Brutus, Judas, Benedict Arnold, Julias Rosenberg, Ethel Rosenberg (although that's debatable) and you have in common?
Summer: Uh, we all did what we thought was right.

Che: How are you feeling, friend?
Seth: Like I'm sharing a sauna with the Blue Man Group.
Che: Go with it. You're in the spirit world, man. This is the very last part of your journey.
Seth: Ryan likes Journey.

Seth to the otter: I can hear you! What's that, little fella? You don't feel well? That's okay. I can take care of you. I don't exactly know what that means, but maybe I can get you back in the ocean with all your otter friends. And you can do otter-related activities.

Ryan: A sonnet: I don't know how to write.
A haiku: 5-7-5 seems too tight.
Then there are three little words I'm not able to say
But Taylor, this is what I can tell you today
Though I can't say those words tonight
Please stick with me because I feel someday I might

Kirsten: You are going to call all those woman tomorrow and you are going to tell them the truth.
Julie: Okay. But not Linda. Please let Linda think she has an STD.
Kirsten: That is not only unethical, that is just plain mean.
Julie: I disagree. Do you want to debate about it over dinner? You know you missed me, c'mon. Say it. Kirsten.

THE GROUNDHOG DAY

Ryan about Kirsten: You don't think she knows about the party?
Sandy: What? No. Are you kidding me. No one plans a surprise party like Sandy Cohen. I could have been with the CIA.
Seth: I hear they're known for their birthday parties.

Che: Rise and shine, my brother! For the clarion call of justice has rung across the land! rips his covers off the bed
Seth: I'm glad I don't sleep naked.
Che: Yeah. I know. I didn't think about that.

Taylor: ...I never really knew my dad and my mom is kind of like Idi Amin with fake boobs. You know, big on the torturing and the tyranny, not so big on the nurturing.

Bullit: Hey Peanut. Just left the airport.
Kaitlin: We need to talk.
Bullit: Well not if it's about that duty-free booze you asked me to buy.

Che: You realize this is the second time you and I've spent the night together?
Seth: So.
Che: So, does that mean anything to you?
Seth: You'll be going on your little adventures by yourself from now on?

Ryan: I can not believe that you tried to steal Newport Chuck.
Seth: Sometimes the universe makes you do things that we don't understand.
Ryan: Well Sandy didn't seem too upset about it.
Seth: Are you kidding? He's waited 18 years for me to be arrested for political activism. It's probably the proudest moment of his entire life.

Kirsten: I want you seated for this.
Sandy: Is everything okay.
Kirsten: I went to see the doctor.
Sandy: Are you sick?
Kirsten: Yes. But only in the mornings.
Sandy: What?
Kirsten: I'm pregnant.

Seth: It's so weird.
Ryan: Yeah. Well, congratulations.
Seth: Yeah, it's great. Especially since it makes me getting arrested looks trivial now.
Kirsten: You got what?
Seth: Thanks for prepping her, dad.

Taylor: Were you just trying to stalk me?
Ryan: Yeah, I guess I need a little more practice.
Taylor: That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.

THE CASE OF THE FRANKS

Psychic: Your destiny is with this guy named George.

Summer: Check out that permage.
Kirsten: Top Gun had just come out. I wasn't thinking clearly.
Summer: I guess not.

Taylor: I mean, your dad and Julie Cooper. It's just so—
Ryan: Incestuous. Inappropriate.
Taylor: Well look at you all articulate.

Young Kirsten about a young Taryn: Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be listening to her snide comments for the rest of my life.

Ryan: Dude, it's a psychic.
Seth: I know. And Summer says she's not worried but I can tell she is. Which is why I dug into the archives and came up with evidence that we are, in fact, destined to be together.
Ryan: It's a piece of loose leaf, crumbled.
Seth: I dug it out of the trash nine years ago.
Ryan: Okay. Explain that.
Seth: This my friend, marks the first moment I fell in love with Summer Roberts. It was the spring. 1998.
Ryan: Is this a long flashback? 'Cause my break's almost over.
Seth: Bear with me.

Young Summer: I wish I was a mermaid and was friends with all the fish. A shiny tail and seashells, that would be my wish.

News Guy: Justin Timberlake is coming to the Bait Shop. Just how does such a small venue get such big names—
Summer: Falling skateboards? Justin Timberlake? Everything the psychic said is coming true. You know any second I'm gonna get whisked away by some dude named George.
Seth: Relax. Now I know that pschic has a lot of credibility. She works at a kiosk and she doesn't appear to charge for her services.

Seth: This mermaid poem, it's our roots. It's our mythology.

Julie: Ryan, I just wanted you to know that I've been with my fair share of bad guys and—for the record—your dad's not one of them.

Bullit: Where the heck's your mom?
Kaitlin: I know I asked you to be my stepdad, but do you mind being my friend instead?
Bullit: So, Julie's had enough of the old Bullit, eh?
Kaitlin: We can still play ping pong together.
Bullit: C'mon. they walk away You know I let you win.
Kaitlin: No you don't.
Bullit: Yes I do.
Kaitlin: In your dreams.
Bullit: You ever seen that movie Casablanca?
Kaitlin: No.
Bullit: Well it goes like this: "Peanut, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

THE SHAKE-UP

Summer: Ryan talking about his feelings. Now that would be Earth shattering.

Holly: I have worked too hard for this body just to have it turn into some sort of dumpy baby factory.

Ryan: Does Taylor expect me to tell her I love her on her birthday?
Summer: What? No. I mean, I don't know. I gotta go.

Ryan: Taylor, I... missed the last part of the movie. Would you mind rewinding it a little?

Frank: Julie, it's alright.
Julie: No it's not. And where did she get her hands on clown porn?

Seth: So what am I supposed to do? Follow Ryan around with a camera until he punches someone?
Summer: Yes.

Ryan: Taylor, are you pretending to be unconscious so I'll tell you I love you when you're asleep?

Seth shooting his movie: Tell us, Ryan, how does it feel to have Dean Hess' sloppy seconds. Or... what did you get her?

Kaitlin: I just wish there was a way you could tell if it would work out.
Ryan: Yeah but there isn't. And you will always be my sister. In a completely non-creepy way.

Summer: But you love movies.
Seth: I do. I love going to the movies and then telling people what's wrong with it.

Summer: Do not insult All Gore.

THE NIGHT MOVES

Sandy: The good news is we've got everything we need here. We've got shelter, we've got food, we've got water. We've got fine literature, chips and salsa.

Ryan: Seth, the hospital is like a mile away.
Seth: I know. Which is why I'm taking the secret back roads way that's only like a half mile. That was sarcasm. I'm pretty sure my shortcut got us lost.
Ryan: Well, the ocean's on one side, the land's on the other. I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out. That was sarcasm too. Sorry.

Julie: I used to sing that to Kaitlin when she was little. And scared.
Gary: Isn't that kinda inappropriate? I mean, given the sexual content of the lyrics?
Kaitlin: Well, it was the only song she knew the words to.
Julie: That and Pour Some Sugar on Me.

Seth: Ryan, you're asking me to use tools and exert myself physically. I think we both know where this is going.

Seth: Um, you may find this hard to believe, Ryan, but when I was younger I used to be a bit of a worrier.
Ryan: You don't say.
Seth: To distract myself from worrying, I would sometimes make lists. Um, it didn't matter what the lists were—it could be anything. Every cereal I've ever eaten, or the names of every planet mentioned in Star Wars.
Ryan: You want to make a list, Seth?
Seth: Huh? Oh, you know, whatever. I mean sure, if you want to. We could start with anyone you've ever punched in the face since you moved to Newport.

Taylor: Summer, how can we keep looking for Pancakes when there's a giant elephant in the room.
Summer: We walk around the elephant—it may be big but we are crafty.

Summer: Go 187 on that zombie ass.

Gary: Best. Earthquake. Ever.

Ryan: You're not a big fan of needles.
Seth: Nor of fainting, it turns out. But the bank was a little low and us O- guys gotta stick together.
Ryan: Hm. that's weird because all the sudden I have this strange urge to listen to Death Cab and read comic books.
Seth: For real?
Ryan: No.
Seth: Ah, that's too bad. Because if we could've turned this into a body swap comedy we could've squeezed another year or two out of this.

THE END'S NOT NEAR, IT'S HERE

Six months later...

Ryan: We've all had to make adjustments since the earthquake.
Kirsten: Especially Kaitlin. [With] the entire Cohen family taking refuge here.
Kaitlin: It's been nice. I mean, I've perfected my Sandy Cohen. Listen to this: "I shmeared it for ya."
Sandy: Well, you know... not bad. I am very sexy.
Julie walking in: Baby, stop mimicking Sandy.
Sandy: Julie! Crepe? I am too nauseous to eat. Morning sickness? Or wedding jitters. Who can tell.
Kaitlin: Well your fiancé is certainly excited about the nuptials.
Julie: Yeah, he's become a broken record. He keeps saying—
Bullit: Bang!

Ryan: Nice view. Infinity pool.
Sandy: Yeah, but no pool house.
Ryan: Yes. Well, six bedrooms. I think there's room for everyone.

Inspector: The cost of repairing the damage is more than the value of this house. I'm sorry, but there's no saving your home.

Todd: Hello.
Ryan: Hi. So we'd like to buy your house. the homeowners laugh and shut the door in their face. They try again
Seth: Please don't shut the door—we'd really like to buy your house.
Todd: And you're an adorable couple. But this house isn't for sale.

Summer: Oh! Real life Jake broke up with Real life April!
Taylor: are you doing?
Summer: I told Seth that I wouldn't watch "Briefcase or No Briefcase" until he got home. So I'm reading about The Valley.
Taylor: Oh my god, that show's still on?
Summer: It just got picked up for five more seasons. You know these teen dramas just run forever.

Summer about Pancakes: Oh my god. I'm a bad crack mother.

From the the flyer
The Devil Bullit: It's all about the Benjamins, Fuzzy Butt!

Summer: Ow! Soap stings!
Taylor: Well that's because it's lye.

Sandy: Is there any chance we could see the kitchen? Just to see if the Seth Cohen growth chart is still notched in the wall?
Patrick: It isn't. We thought it was termites.

Patrick: Okay, this is so random, but I'm actually a midwife.
Kirsten: Good. 'Cause this baby's coming now.

Sandy: Sophie Rose Cohen. It's got a nice ring to it.

Seth: I'm not so sure that being with Summer is bringing out the best in either one of us right now. But I'm afraid to let her go, so...
Sandy: Well, things have a way of coming back around.

Summer: Do you think that Seth and I are making a mistake? Living together after the earthquake and then getting an apartment together next year in Providence?
Julie: Um, well, you know I got married so young that I never had a chance to find out who I was or what I cared about. I mean, I never went to college or learned any real skills. And now here I am, twenty years later. Still knocked up on my wedding day. Summer, you're a great girl. And the world deserves to know you. You deserve it too. Don't settle for comfortable.

Bullit: One of you two wouldn't happen to be a wedding planner, would you?
Todd: Actually.

Bullit about Julie: That woman is like nailing jello to the wall.

Patrick: You can't fight fate. We'll sell.

Ryan: Alright Roberts. I'll see you.
Summer: Alright, Atwood.
Ryan: And thank you so much for Flapjacks. I promise I'll raise him right.
Summer: Don't forget to clean his cage. Which should not be used for cage fights.

Summer: Just remember, this isn't goodbye. You're my destiny, Cohen.
Seth: Go save the world, Summer Roberts.

Seth: I've been doing some checking up on your new roommate. His favorite book and movie are the Da Vinci Code. He's no me.
Ryan: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Seth: At least I leave you funnier than when I found you.
Ryan: A lot better off than when you found me.
Seth: Me too.

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