Perp: I'm telling the truth. You don't believe me?
John Munch: Frankly, I liked the Jamaican story better. It had a nice Elmore Leonard ring to it.

Stan Bolander: They all remember long blond hair.
Munch: Great. We can arrest Axl Rose.

Munch: A million people died in the potato famine. Ireland is an island. An island by definition is surrounded by fish. A million people died because they didn't like fish.

Cop: No wonder you guys can't solve a murder.
Munch: Well I wouldn't solve yours.

Munch to Bolander: "Your partner Mitch. Has sex with goats."

Munch: yelling out into squadroom We're gonna neutron this little bastard!

Munch: What if I fail and all our dreams crash and burn?
Bayliss: It's very simple then. Meldrich and I will harm you.

Answering the phone on Christmas.
Munch: Ho-ho-ho-homicide!

Bayliss: People get started late.
Munch: Right. It's nine o'clock. They're probably home watching the X-Files.

Munch: If a murder is committed in Baltimore and no homicide detective takes the call, did that homicide actually occur?

Cox: Don't you even wonder why?
Munch: Why what?
Cox: Why he lied.
Munch: I'm a Homicide Detective. The only time I wonder why is when they tell me the truth.

Pembleton: Where's Brodie?
Munch: PBS aired his documentary. He won an Emmy.
Bayliss: An Emmy? They give those things to anybody.

Munch: Without metaphors, what are we left with? We have a riddle, surrounded by a mystery, wrapped inside of an enigma and stuffed inside a body bag.

Munch: Hey partner, ready to roll?
Kellerman: I gotta run to the dentist; I cracked a filling.
Munch: Which part do you hate the worst? The rubber dam they put in your mouth to open it or the sound of the drill?
Kellerman: I think the worst part is when I scream like a little girl.

Bayliss: Look, it's not a permanent thing. I'm not asking for a long term commitment.
Munch: I understand. You stayed with Pembleton for six years. He broke your heart, and now you're just looking for a one-nighter, huh?
Bayliss: Yeah, something like that.

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