QUOTES from X-Files

Fox Mulder (DAvid Duchovny)

Scully: Oh my God, Mulder. It smells like... I think it's bile.
Mulder: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

Scully: So did Boggs confess?
Mulder: No, it was five hours of Boggs "channeling." After three hours I asked him to summon up the soul of Jimi Hendrix and requested All Along the Watchtower. You know, the guy's been dead twenty years, but he still hasn't lost his edge.

Discussing the Lone Gunmen
Scully: Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible.
Mulder: I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot.

Scully: Our "friend" from the CIA is about as unbelievable as his story. As is everything about this case. I mean, whatever happened to "Trust no one"?
Mulder: Oh, I changed it to "Trust everyone." Didn't I tell you?

Scully: According to the briefing, the prisoners escaped while hiding in a laundry cart.
Mulder: I don't think the guards have been watching enough prison movies.

Mulder: Will you let me drive?
Scully: I'm driving. Why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big Macho Man?
Mulder: No, I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals.

Mulder: This is all wrong, Scully. This is not how the story is supposed to end.
Scully: What do you mean?
Mulder: Dr. Frankenstein pays for his evil ambitions, yes. But the monster's supposed to escape to go search for his bride.
Scully: There's not going to be any bride, Mulder. Not in this story.
Mulder: Well, where's the writer? I want to speak to the writer.

Scully's flashing back to the case facts
Scully: Mulder, are you okay?
Mulder: dazed Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine with all the chicks? Shaft! Can ya dig it? They say this cat Shaft is a bad mutha— Shut yo' mouth! I'm talkin' bout Shaft!
Mulder: over I did not!

Scully: Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.
Mulder: Will you stop that!
Scully: It couldn't hurt.
Mulder: Stop it!
Skinner: Scully? Mulder?
Mulder: I was drugged!

Mulder: Maybe. Maybe I'm thinking this was the crime scene.
Scully: You're saying Mr. Pankow had his brain very neatly removed from his skull right here in this kitchen?
Mulder: It had to happen somewhere.
Scully: But next to the shake machine, Mulder? I think that we should be checking out employee lockers and not entertaining the idea that ad hoc surgery was performed here.
Mulder: I wouldn't exactly call it surgery. What if this man's brain was eaten? I-it's not sociologically unheard of. There are certain tribes in New Guinea that consider human brains a delicacy.
Scully: Yeah, but Mulder, we're in Orange County.
Mulder: Yeah, what's your point?

Mulder: This whole phenomena is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a government agenda.

Krycek: You must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand.
Mulder: Is that how you like to beat yourself?
Krycek cocks gun
Mulder: If those were my last words, I can do better.

Mulder: They say when you talk to God it's prayer. But when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia.

Mulder: If God does things for a reason, he sure has a bunch of psychopaths carrying out his job orders.

Referring to the Lewinsky scandal
Mulder: It's 1998, the world is at peace. There's a little trouble at our White House but that'll blow over. So to speak.

Scully: Mulder... None of that really happened out there tonight. That was all in our heads, right?
Mulder: It must have been.
Scully: Not that, uh, my only joy in life is proving you wrong.
Mulder: When have you proved me wrong?

Mulder: Wow. Admit it, all you want to do is play house. Woman! Get back in here and make me a sandwich!
Scully throws a rubber glove at him
Mulder: Did I not make myself clear?

Upon seeing a body in two pieces.
Dana Scully: So, should we arrest David Copperfield?
Fox Mulder: Yes. But not for this.

Scully: Mulder, this is a needle in a haystack. These poor souls have been dead for 50 years. Let them rest in peace. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Mulder: Well I won't sit idly by while you hurl cliches at me. Preparation is the father of inspiration.
Scully: Necessity is the mother of invention.
Mulder: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
Scully: Eat, sleep, and be merry for tomorrow we die.
Mulder: I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.

Scully: Agent Mulder, can we have a word for a second?
Mulder: Excuse me. What is it?
Scully: What is it? Mulder, have you noticed that we're on television?
Mulder: I don't think it's live television, Scully. She just said *bleep*.

Skinner: Agent Mulder, Mr. Federman will accompany you today to Christ's Church where he will act as an observer on this case. You will extend to him every courtesy and protection you would a friend of mine and a friend of the Bureau's. Agent Scully, I require your services here for the morning.
Mulder: Sir, have I pissed you off in a way that's more than normal?

Scully: We had this wacky nun in Catholic school—Sister Callahan—we used to call her Sister Spooky because she would tell us scary stories all the time.
Mulder: Twisted sister. My kind of nun.
Scully: Well she would hold up an old piece of wood with a rusty nail in it, and she would say, "This is an actual piece of the cross that Christ's wrist was nailed to." Or she'd show us a vial of red liquid and say that it was John the Baptist's blood or something.
Mulder: She'd be in prison today. You realize that.

Mulder: spills coffee in his lap That's great. Now my crotch is gonna be up all night.

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