Various and Sundry Short Stories
Nightmare Roommate
These stories come from living with the most horrible person ever for two excruciatingly long years. The Butter Story is probably the best. The rest are mainly my passive aggresive way of getting revenge on her for putting me through hell.
MOVING ON, MOVING OUT
It's official. I'm finally done with Nightmare (ex) Roommate forever. As predicted, she was rude to me when I went to clean on
Saturday. I skipped out on her on Friday because her idea of cleaning was to basically clean every single nook and cranny of the entire apartment.
I've lived in enough places to know what's gonna fly with management companies. She has never lived anywhere except with her
parents. I knew she wouldn't listen to my advice, so I admit it, I skipped out.
On Saturday, due to intense hostility, I finally told NR that I was tired of dealing with her crap and guaranteed she would get
her full deposit back if she would just leave the apartment right then and there so I wouldn't have to talk to her anymore. Which she wouldn't to do, but it at least calmed
her down.
So, after getting her off my back, I proceeded to finish cleaning my room. Her aunt showed up a few minutes and started walking through our apartment to see if it would pass inspection. I declined the offer to walk through my room and bathroom because
I figured if she was anything like her niece NR she'd get snitty and tell me my room was in need of an exorcism or something.
And as she was walking through Nightmare Roommate's area I heard: "Hm. This is never going to pass inspection."
Which s topped me in my tracks. By all accounts, her room should have been pristine. So I wandered over to see what was getting a failing grade. It was the bathroom.
Okay, side note: NR cleaned her bathroom religiously every two weeks. She would pull everything out of it and spend at least two hours cleaning
it. So the apartment smelled all chemical-y and just wrong. And she was constantly condescending to me about my cleaning habits.
So after her aunt's comments, I walked over and peered into her bathroom. The tub and tile walls were GRAY with
streaks of dirt. Hardcore grime build-up. DISGUSTING. I would not shower in that tub for anything. And I'm not picky.
I piped up as sweetly as I could, "Gee, Nightmare Roommate, if I had known your bathroom was so dirty I would have cleaned it for you years ago! How could you even use it in that condition? Gosh!"
Turns out she thought that if using a disinfecting spray like Lysol couldn't get that dirt off, nothing could. Which is no surprise considering she made her mother do all her cleaning for her when she lived at home.
And for the record? I had NR's aunt walk through my bathroom after all that. Her assessment? "This should pass without a problem! Looks great!"
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