MARGE SIMPSON QUOTES

Roger Meyers writing Marge a letter: So let me close this by saying...
Marge: reading his letter ...and the horse I rode in on?!

Marge: I guess one person can make a difference. But most of the time, they probably shouldn't.

Marge: You know Homer, when I found out about this I went through a wide range of emotions. First I was nervous, then anxious, then wary, then apprehensive, then kinda sleepy, then worried, and then concerned. But now I realize that being a spaceman is something you have to do.
Homer: Who's doing what now?

Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge Simpson: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how.

Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important
than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool—not caring, right?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried
everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to
be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?

Homer trying to casually buy illegal fireworks: Let me have one of those porno magazines... large box of condoms... a bottle of Old Harper... a couple of those panty shields... and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.
Later...
Marge seeing Homer's purchases: I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out.

Marge: I'm going into the dining room to have a conversation. If you want to join me, fine. (leaves room) Hello Marge, how's the family? I don't want to talk about it. Mind your own business!
Homer: Keep it down in there!

Marge: Now, how are we going to get my Homey back?
Willy: I'll kidnap him for fifty, de-program him for a hundred, and kill him for five hundred.
Marge: No, no. Just the first two.
Willy: Alright. I'll throw in the killin' for free.

Marge: Only your father could take a part-time job at a small town paper and wind up the target of international assassins.

Lisa: Mom! Dad's on PBS!
Marge: Mmm. They don't show police chases, do they?

Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your
womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.
Marge: Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother.
Homer: C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU.
Marge: Forget it!

Marge: Lisa, a missing crayon could be anywhere.
Homer jumps inside through a window
Homer: Who wants lottery tickets?
Marge: Okay, it's in his brain.

Marge: I didn't sacrifice my period for second place!

Marge: I can't count how many time's your father has done something crazy.
Lisa: looking at ticker It's 300, Mom!
Marge: I could've sworn it was 302.
Lisa: Shhh!

Marge: Long-time reader, first time stander-upper!

Marge: History's like an amusement park. Except instead of rides you have dates to memorize.

Marge: Hostess Twinkie?
Homer: I heard if you age them for ten years, they turn to liquor.

Marge about Bart: That boy failed show-and-tell but he's on our ass like Sherlock Holmes.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR
Marge: Bart, stop pestering Satan!

Homer: Well, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No TV and no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Dr. Hibbert: Another broccoli-related death.
Marge: But I thought broccoli was—
Dr. Hibbert: Oh yes. One of the deadliest plants on earth. It tries to warn you itself with its terrible taste.