Various and Sundry Short Stories
Nightmare Roommate
These stories come from living with the most horrible person ever for two excruciatingly long years. The Butter Story is probably the best. The rest are mainly my passive aggresive way of getting revenge on her for putting me through hell.
THE FLOORPLAN
I thought I would just give you a quick rundown of the apartment layout. Thankfully, I had my own wing of the apartment (as you
can see below), but that didn't successfully shield me from the ugliness that was our living room:
Picture a dull apartment. Boxy. White walls. Off-white carpeting. Cheap cabinetry and fixtures. Not something you'd consider a
home. Just sort of a space for your stuff.
But my diagram points out a few... unique... features of the apartment I shared with Nightmare Roommate. Keep in mind that she
and I had markedly different taste in furnishings. We're talking... okay, I can't think of a comparison that doesn't make me sound snobbier than
she was. I'll just leave it at "different."
This mainly details the Nightmare part of the apartment: the Nightmare Couch, the Nightmare Plastic Budweiser Sun, the Nightmare
Shot Glass Collection... sigh. What a nightmare is was.
Take special note of the Nightmare TV. The thing was so massive. I think it scared small children. It certainly scared me.
Although, to be honest, I may have exaggerated the size a bit. It was not actually larger than my couch.
It was—point of fact—the same size.
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