KYAN DOUGLAS QUOTES

BUTCH

Kyan Douglas: You know what I like about disposable razors? They're disposable. throws them all away

JOHN B

Carson: You're kind of like... not George Strait. George Gay.
Kyan Douglas nodding thoughtfully: I like that... George Gay.

John pulls out a blowdryer.
Kyan shocked: This is... this is news to me.

ANDREW L.

Kyan: You sure you don't wanna dip your M&M in this salsa?

JOHN V.

Kyan: Would you cut your own toenail before you let it turn into a weapon?

Kyan: Hey, Jai, I found the culture. It's in the bottom of the toothbrush holder.

Ted with helium balloon: Just breathe in a little bit.
Ayana: Hello!
Ted: How you all doin'.
Kyan: Oh my God. I got a great buzz off that!

John: This is so embarassing. To be standing next to a gay guy in skivvies... disposable skivvies.
Kyan: Hey, you're no Prince Charming either, big guy.
John: I'm not even looking at you. I don't want to look that way.
Kyan looks shocked and offended: Are you serious? What's gay about that? I mean over here it's gay, but what's gay about that?
John: 'Cause I'm in skivvies next to gay guy... you just don't understand.

Breathing in helium
Kyan: Oh my god I just got a great buzz off that.

later
Kyan: Can you make his penis look bigger?
John: Guy, why are you looking at my penis? Kyan cracks up.

GEORGE K.

Kyan on George's hair: Even Bon Jovi knew when the moment was over, though.

Carson: How do you like that, I got the straight guy into the closet
Kyan: It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Thom: The tough part is getting him out of the closet.

JOSH D.

Carson cuddling with Josh and Kyan: Look it's a manwich!
Kyan nodding: It's a manwich.
Carson: More than a meal.

TOM M.

Kyan is examining Tom's blow-dryer.
Kyan: I know all about good blow jobs, and this isn't it.

ALAN C.

Watching Alan pour Katie's dad a drink.
Kyan: Oh my goodness. 2/3 gin, 1/3 tonic.
Ted: What's wrong with that?
Carson: Mom's going to be taking her top off any minute now.

JEFF T.

Kyan: I'm getting in touch with my inner Pocahontas.

Kyan: What have we learned here today? That there is such a thing as too many dried flowers.

STEVE S.

Kyan: looking in the shower You could put a harness in here. Good times.

Steven throws clothes out of the change room
Carson: Did you see that?
Kyan jumps on door
Kyan: You'd better be nice to my friend Carson!

Kyan: You have slutty hair.
Steve: I have slutty hair.

Kyan in a girls voice: Steven!
Steve: Mother?

ROSS M.

Jai: He called you pretty boy. Are you going to take that?
Kyan: Yes... smiling Thanks.

Kyan: looking through the bathroom I know there's got to be moisturizer here.
Kyan: showing Ross moisturizer Is this yours?
Ross: No. I'm not one for the whole moisturizing thing. Kyan sighs, exasperated
Later...
Kyan: showing Ross a facial scrub Ross, is this yours?
Ross: No. I don't use [my girlfriend's] stuff. Kyan sighs again
Later...
Kyan: looking at a brush I hope this is the girlfriend's.

A VERY QUEER EYE HOLIDAY

Kyan: Ted, really. You shouldn't be running around like that at your age.

WHAT'S THAT SOUND:
The Making of the Queer Eye Music Video

The cast and crew take a break
Kyan: We could do a little power shopping.

RALPH S.

Ralph correcting Ted on hand signs: That means I love you in sign language. This means rock and roll.
Kyan giving Ralph the middle finger: You know what this means? Clean your toilet!

Kyan: to Ralph when he finds out he uses baby wipes: You'll use baby wipes on your ass but you won't moisturize your face? Get out of here!

As they exit
Carson: Rock and roll!
Thom: Don't kill anybody!
Kyan: Lay off the strippers!

KEVIN D.

Kyan: His inspiration was Johnny Depp. Were you high?

JOHN Z.

John's plate matches Kyan's heart t-shirt
Kyan: I heart your plates.

Carson: They should just stay home and make sweet, sweet love.
Kyan: You know, they really should.

ROB M.

Kyan comes in draped in a shower curtain
Kyan: There's a good lesson here.
Rob: Don't wear your shower curtain?
Kyan: That's one of them.

MARK Fa.

Kyan holding up shot glasses: Hey you guys, we should toast with these later.
Thom: No no no no no no. We have to get rid of those.
Kyan: Really?
Thom: Yeah.

Kyan: It's the mullet that won't die!

MARK Fi.

Kyan talking about shooting 18 holes and then grabbing a drink at the 19th: You can go to the 20th hole after that, but I won't say a word.

BRANDON & DAVID B.
Until further notice, the twins are misidentified.
I have to rewatch to tell them apart. Sorry, Punkins.

Kyan: And stay out of each other's products.

How's my hair?
It looks nice for once, actually.
Kyan: There was a compliment in there somewhere.

Ted: It's called a bottle opener people!
Kyan: Use it!
Ted: Widely-available!

DAVID G.

Kyan: And then you stand in the shower with an electrical device. Which always seems like a good idea.

MICHAEL C.

Kyan: His hair's a little Something About Mary, I have to say.

Kyan: It's the gays. They really get you to eat the potatoes.
Thom: Actually it's not the gays. Have you ever been to a gay dinner party?

PHIL R.

Kyan: You had a beer in the shower?
Phil: Oh, like you haven't.
Kyan pauses and then cracks up

Phil: You know it's funny, 'cause we were fixing the inside of my car and really it's like we were fixing the inside of me.
Kyan: Did you just use a metaphor?! Oh my god, you used a metaphor!

Phil: Is that a beard trimmer?
Kyan in an exagerrated Brooklyn accent: It's beaard trimma.

Kyan: Oh my god. You're getting more handsome by the second.

Kyan: Look! Here's a beer. Why don't you go have a shower.

Kyan: He just left all those beer bottles on the table.
Carson: And all the lights on. Doesn't he realize our fossil fuels are dwindling?

QUEER EYE FOR THE GAY GUY

Kyan: There's a disco shower curtain in here. Ted, have you seen this? This beats all the shower curtain I've ever come in contact with.

Kyan: These do not say, "I wanna get laid."

Ted: Man does not live by croutons alone.

Kyan: Don't you love happy endings?

Kyan: You know, we'll have Thom carry up the bikes later on.

Carson: He is so an eye-roller.
Kyan: He is. It's just always just drama with him.

JOHN S.

Kyan: Do you participate in the whole poker thing?
The Son: Yeah, I usually beat him.
Kyan: Really?
The Son: Yeah, he gets drunk early and...
Kyan: Seriously

Kyan: I am the genie. I grant you three wishes. No nose hair? I do it.
Carson: I want you to rub something.

Carson: I'm just in the closet.
Kyan: Oh, come out! Come out!

Kyan: Poker? I don't even know her!

Kyan: I bet Jai!
Jai: I can't be bet! You can't bet humans!

JOHN K.

The boys are all running to the house
Kyan: Ted, watch your hip!
Thom: Ted, be careful!

Kyan: It's especially good to keep cardboard in the oven.

Kyan: You have power tools in your bathroom, dude.

CHRIS L.

Kyan: All I have to say to you, is "Pour me a glass of champagne, bitch."

Kyan: Do you want what is in the trash can, or curtain number one?

Kyan: Why am I sitting next to Thom?
Thom: Because I've got a good personality and you don't.
Kyan: Oh. That makes me feel so much better.

AL D.

Kyan holding a bottle of cologne: Smell this, first what comes to mind?
Jai keels over

Kyan: Who twists their ankle skiing on a bed? I do.

Thom: May the force be with you, Kyan.
Kyan: And also with you.

Kyan: Hey Carson, Thom, Jai, Ted!
Ted: That was a nice Jai impression.
Jai: Yeah that was a good impression of me.

ARI V.

Kyan: You have a small basket. That's the unfortunate thing about this.

Kyan: Oh no I have all the time in the world. You go take your precious little time. Don't worry about me!

Ari: Oh, I can feel a difference.
Kyan: That's because it's clean.

JOHN W.

Ted: When Carson gets back I'm gonna put him in a ten-step couture program. Then I'm gonna kill him.
Kyan: I'm gonna kill him first, you kill him second.
Thom: Easy, killers.
Jai: We can dress John Williams from New Jersey!
Ted: Alright, everybody do a flip. everyone does a Carson hair flip

Kyan and Ted are talking in Irish accents
Kyan: I remember growing up as a wee little kid in the father land.
Ted: Ay.
Kyan: Rushin' down the hills. And I almost fell and busted me collarbone, I did.
Ted: Was that what turned ya queer, was it?
Kyan: That's what turned me homo.

Kyan: Buckle up, John. Thom can't drive to save his life.

STEVE P.

Ted: I think we're all set for olive oil.
Kyan: Extra virgin. That doesn't apply to you.

THANKSGIVING

Thom: You guys, I can't wait to get home and set the table.
Kyan: Dude, that's the gayest thing you've ever said.
Thom: It's almost as gay as when I said I liked your hair.

A VERY QUEER EYE CHRISTMAS

Kyan: You guys have quite the litter there.

RAY S.

Kyan: Here. shoving a Life game at Jai. Get a life.

BRIAN M.

Kyan: I usually try to avoid hair care products that smell like bubblegum.
Brian: Really?
Kyan: Yeah.

Fragance Guy: How does lavender sound? It's a bit citrus-y, with a nice base of amber.
Kyan: Sounds like a stripper.

DARIN D. : LONDON

Kyan: Julie is addicted to thermal to thermal styling. You have a thermal styling addiction.

Kyan: We put the tail in "detail."

BRUD L.

Kyan: I can't believe a straight guy just made his own facial mask.
Ted: And the leftover mask would make a great smoothie.

MICHAEL S.

Thom: That's real ugly. And I wrote a song about it. Would you like to hear it, here it goes—
Kyan: No.
Thom singing: —That old chest of drawers is so ugly. Looks like a hooker picked it out.

Kyan about the hummus prep: I think he's going to the dark place.

Kyan about the couture: He's going to that dark place again.

Kyan: Don't laugh and point! Embrace!
Carson: Oh, I'd like to embrace him.

ALEX M.

Kyan: I feel so bad for him, because the brothers are identical twins and he's fraternal.
Ted: I feel bad for the brothers because they're named Aristotle and Socrates.

JOHN D.

Kyan: How much can you know from a person through a webcam?
Carson: Actually...

Kyan: You know what the irony is? I think your haircut before was very gay. It took a gay guy to fix that.

Kyan: I am in my underwear! Come with me to the livingroom!

KORD S.

Kyan playing with a cigar cutter: For "cigars."
Jai: Or emergency circumsions.

Dr.: March in place.
Kyan: I can see you at the Gay Pride parade right now.
Kord: We're here, we're...
Kyan: Get used to it.

CAMERON A. : UNT
With thanks in part to Kristen

Kyan: Where's the porn?

Thom: I think Tyler's become like the grooming guru.
Kyan: I think he's become like, the Kyan-in-training.

Kyan: Look at them. They're not worthy. That's really cool.

JOE H. : Dallas

Kyan: I've never had a haircut with a straight guy before.
Joe: Oh. I've never had a haircut with...
Kyan: ...a gay guy before.
Joe: Right.
Kyan: So there you go.

SOTT B. : Dallas

Kyan: The gays wear chaps too, but it's a very different thing.

RED SOX

Kyan on a strand of Johnny Damon's hair): I could sell this on eBay for like a thousand dollars, probably.

Kyan checking out Damon's arms: Holy Moly. Nice work! high fives Michelle.

Kyan: Is there huge pressure to sort of pull it off next year or is it kind of like, "Okay, we did it."?
Thom: It's like, "We've got 86 more years!"

PAOLO P.

Kyan: Are you exhausted?
Sylvia: I'm very exhausted.
Kyan: Having five kids will do it to you, right? I have four of 'em and I'm exhausted.

HECTOR D.

Kyan about the garage: I love what you did to your living room!

Kyan on Hector Sr.'s golf swing: Hector, you suck as bad as I do!

Ted: He can actually gift wrap.
Kyan: You guys, they do a lot of gift wrapping in the Marines.
Carson: It's part of their corps training.

PATRICK M.

Carson: What's your husband's name? I don't know, what is it? Is it Dick? I thought so!
Sheila: I can't say it!
Carson: You can say it!
Kyan: It's like Richard.
Carson: He's your Dick.
Sheila: He's my Dick.
Carson: See! Didn't that feel good?

Kyan: What is it with you and sea creatures?
Ted: I hate sea creatures.
Thom: If it swims in the ocean Ted wants to kill it.

Kyan: Now it's very important to remember that whenever you're scaling fish it's good to go against the grain.

Kyan: The good thing about the grilled vegetables is, they fall on the ground, because they're grilled, you can't really tell that they're dirty.