EVERYTHING CHANGES

Captain Jack Harkness: Contraceptives in the rain. I love this planet. Still at least I won't get pregnant. I'm not doing that again.

John: Who are you?
Jack: Tell me, what was it like when you died? what did you see? John, tell me what you saw.
Suzie: Ten seconds.
John: Nothing. I saw nothing. Oh my god, there's nothing.

Jack: We told the last corpse he was injured. He wasted the whole two minutes screaming for an ambulance. Maybe there's a no right way of doing it. looking up at Gwen in the parking ramp What do you think?

Owen Harper: I can't do this. I'm sorry. I'm rubbish, I give up.
Toshiko Sato: He set me off.
Suzie Costello: Well that lasted no point two seconds.
Owen Harper: Hm. She's actually carrying pizza.
Jack: C'mon! She was going to say, "Here's your pizza." And I was going to say, "How much." And she says, "Oh whatever, 20 quid." And I say, "Oo, I don't have any money." I was working on a punch line. I hadn't got there, but it would've been good.
Gwen: Here's your pizza. I think I'd better go.
Jack: I think we've gone past that stage.
Suzie Costello: You must have been freezing out there. How long were you walking around? Three hours?
Gwen: You could see me?
Suzie: Um hm.
Jack: And before we go any further, who the hell goes around ordering pizza under the name of Torchwood?
Owen: Uh, yeah. That would be me. Sorry, I'm a twat.

Gwen: Who are you?
Jack: Torchwood.
Gwen: What's Torchwood?
Jack: This is Torchwood.

Jack: It's called a Weevil. Or at least we call them Weevils. We don't know their real name because they're not too good at communicating. But we've got a couple hundred of them in the city, living in the sewers, feeding off the— well. it's the sewers. You can guess.

Gwen: I'm getting tired of following you.
Jack: No you're not. And you never will.

Jack: That is so Welsh.
Gwen: What is?
Jack: I show you something fantastic, you find fault.

Gwen: The thing is I just don't understand—
Jack: I'll tell you what I don't understand. You're going to rattle on with that "How can this be true?" kind of shtick. What's it going to take for you people. If you want evidence of aliens, how about that great big spaceship hovering over London on Christmas day? What about the battle of Canary Wharf. A Cyberman in every home.
Gwen: My boyfriend says it's like a sort of terrorism. They put drugs in the water supplies. Psychotropic drugs. Causing mass hallucinations.
Jack: Yeah well, your boyfriend is stupid.
Gwen: Oh, you've met him.

Gwen: I did some research. And there's only one Captain Jack Harkness on record. And he disappeared in 1941.
Jack: Well that couldn't be me. Could it?

Gwen: So go on then. How the hell did you end up in Cardiff?
Jack: This is Torchwood Three. Torchwood One was London—destroyed in the battle. Torchwood Two is an office in Glasgow. A very strange man. Torchwood Three, Cardiff. Torchwood Four has kinda gone missing but we'll find it one day.
Gwen: So you just fancied Cardiff?
Jack: There's a rift in space and time running right through the city.

Gwen: If you let me go, I've got a duty. I can tell them what that does. Because that glove could help us.
Jack: If you remember.
Gwen: What do you mean?
Jack: How's your drink?
Gwen: Have you poisoned me?
Jack: Don't be so dramatic. It's an amnesia pill. My own recipe. With a touch of denial and a dash of retcon. Wake up tomorrow morning, you'll have forgot everything about Torchwood. Worse still, you'll have forgotten me. Which is kind of tragic.

DAY ONE

Gwen: God, this has been the worst first day ever.
Jack: We've all made mistakes. Get over it.

Tosh: He just...
Jack: Came and went.
Owen: Now that's how I'd like to go.
Tosh: I'm sure we could arrange it.

Gwen: What about his family? You can't just fake his death.
Jack: You want to tell his family he died screwing an alien?

Tosh: Gas traces confirmed as Vorax and Suranium.
Jack: Great. My two favorite gases.

Jack: See what you can find out from her.
Gwen: But aren't you going to help me? I don't know what I'm doing.
Jack: Usually better if you don't say that in front of the prisoner.

Jack to Gwen: Are you always this awkward?

Tosh: Jack, Carys is out of her cell.
Owen: Cheeky bitch took my swipe card.
Jack: I'll deal with it. And tell Owen he needs to work on those abs a bit harder.

Gwen: We're too late.
Jack: Tosh was right, though. She went for the ex-boyfriend. Lucky she's young. Work your way through my back catalog, we'll be here 'til the sun explodes.

Gwen: What's this for?
Jack: Need a diagram?
Gwen: I've never used a gun before.
Jack: You were in the police.
Gwen: I was on the beat.

Jack: That was just the kiss. Imagine the buzz you get from the rest. Carys faints. That wasn't exactly the reaction I'd anticipated.

THE GHOST MACHINE

Jack: You pushed this button and that caused this apparition moment?
Gwen: Yeah. Jack starts fiddling with the device. Jack, no!
Jack: As if.

Jack: Gorgeous nanotechnology. Makes NASA look like Toys 'r' Us.

Jack: Human emotion is energy. You can't always see it or hear it, but you can feel it. Ever had deja vu? Felt someone walk over your grave? ever felt someone behind you in an empty room? Well there was. There always is.
Gwen: A ghost.

Gwen: I'm sorry, it's just— I don't even kill spiders in the bath.
Jack: Nor do I. Not with a gun.

Jack: The problem with seeing the future is you can't just sit and look at it. You've got to try and change things.

CYBERWOMAN

Jack: Ianto, I need hear those beautiful Welsh vowels.

Jack: Keep your coms open at all times. Any doubt, shoot first.

Jack to Ianto: Get us back to the Hub.
Gwen: Jack, what are you doing?
Jack: Resisting the urge to shoot.

Jack: You need to figure out who's side you're on here. Because if you don't know, you're not going to make it out of this alive.

Jack: You've been hiding in my basement. That's okay. Draining my power. I can live with that. But now you're hurting my friends. This has got to stop.

Owen: You should be dead.
Jack: I'm a stubborn man.

Gwen: You would never have shot him, not really.
Jack: Wouldn't I?
Gwen: Would you have shot me if I'd gone and stand by him.
Jack: But you didn't.
Gwen: If I had though.
Jack: But you didn't.

Gwen: When she got ahold of you I thought, just for a moment, I thought maybe you could die after all.
Jack: Wanna know a secret? So did I. And just for a second there I felt so alive.

SMALL WORLDS

Jack: You shouldn't be here.
Ianto: Neither should you.
Jack: What have you got?
Ianto: Funny sort of weather patterns.

Estelle: Fairies are shy, you see. But I know in my heart that they're friendly, loving creatures. Thank you.
Jack: Wrong. She always gets it wrong.

Jack: They've never really had a name.
Gwen: Why not?
Jack: Something from the dawn of time. How could possibly put a name to that?

Estelle: You were right, Jack. There are bad ones. They've come to me.
Jack: Estelle, we're on our way. Stay where you are. Don't go near them. Do you understand?

Gwen: It wasn't your dad that was in love with her all those years ago, was it? It was you.
Jack: We once made a vow. That we'd be with each other 'till we died.

COUNTRYCIDE

Gwen: The rift doesn't spread out this far, does it?
Jack: We don't know that much about it to be certain. And it's increasing in activity all the time.

Jack: No other race in the universe goes camping, Owen. Celebrate your uniqueness.

Tosh: Call me suspicious but this has all the hallmarks of a trap.
Jack: Yeah. I was just thinking the same thing. Anyone fancy a walk?

Jack: Okay, so we didn't check the cellar.

GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

Jack: Once—just once—I'd like to walk into one of these tents and find it's a party. You know, with food and drink, people dancing... a girl crying in the corner.
Gwen: Is it alien?
Jack: And how. I'm picking up traces of ilminite, pyroxine and even dark matter.
Gwen: Any idea what it is?
Jack: Not a clue. Could be a weapon. Or a really big stapler.

Jack: So I've just come from a really interesting conversation with a Detective Inspector Henderson.
Tosh: Right.
Jack: Interesting because, firstly, the man had the biggest hands I've ever seen. And secondly, because of the story he told me about you saving a woman and her kid from being murdered by her ex-husband?
Tosh: Yeah, no, I was going to tell you about that.
Jack: So why didn't you?
Tosh: I don't know. It wasn't a work thing, just a... thing. Stuff happens all the time that's not pertinent to here.
Jack: You do this all the time? So you secretly fight crime, is that it, Tosh?
Tosh: I didn't want it to look like I was showing off.
Jack: The guy they arrested, Henderson said you heard him muttering to himself as he was walking along, and that's what tipped you off.
Tosh: Mm. I couldn't really work out what he was saying at first, and then it was like, Jesus!
Jack: That's weird. Because when I'm about to murder someone I'm really careful not to talk to myself about it while I'm in the street.
Tosh: No, sure. I mean, that's lesson one.

Jack: I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced. Jack Harkness. (feigning a Southern accent) My guess is you're not from around these parts.

Mary: You smell ... different. To them.
Jack: That's nothing. It's when you compare teeth with a British guy, that's when it's really scary.
Mary: What are you?
Jack: I don't know.

Jack: What do bosses do in situations like these? You know, regular bosses. Do I get to beat people?
Tosh: We've got rules for that!
Jack jokingly: Argh! Red tape!

THEY KEEP KILLING SUZIE

Detective Swanson: At last, you must be Torchwood. My team bitch about you all the time.
Jack: And you are?
Detective Swanson: Detective Swanson.
Jack: I'm Captain Jack Harkness.
Detective Swanson: So I've heard. Tell me something, are you always this dressy for a murder investigation?
Jack: What, you rather me naked?
Detective Swanson: God help me, the stories are true.

Detective Swanson: Looks like somebody wants your attention.
Jack: They've got it.

Owen: If it's someone we've pissed off, that narrows it down to, oh, four or five million?
Jack: And that's just the humans.

Gwen: Wait a minute, I've taken retcon.
Jack: Then better stay away from sharp objects. Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?
Ianto: Two thousand and eight.

Gwen: Jack, if there is a link why don't we just ask the victims themselves?
Jack: Not the right time for a séance, thank you very much.
Gwen: First time I met Torchwood, you had that glove.
Jack: Huh unh. No way.
Owen: Not after what it did to Suzie.
Gwen: It brings people back to life. Just for two minutes. We could question the murder victims.
Owen: That's exactly what she said. She was one of us, we trusted her, and now she's dead because of that thing.
Jack: The glove stays in the safe where it belongs.
Gwen: These murders are happening because of Torchwood, so Torchwood has got to do something.

Mark Briscoe (before dying again): Suzie.
Ianto: One minute five second.
Tosh: Jack, did I hear that right?
Owen: Could be anyone. Must be lots of women called Suzie.
Jack: Not connected to this case. We've been talking to the wrong corpse.

Gwen: Have I got this right? When I die, you get to keep all my po sessions? My whole life's gonna get stashed in a locker.
Jack: Rules and regulations.
Gwen: What if I leave all stuff to Rhys?
Jack: We'll stash him away too. Tread carefully, people. With respect. This is the life of Suzie Costello.

Suzie: There's a knife in my chest. Did you kill me?
Jack: You killed yourself, remember?
Suzie: Oh my god, I shot myself.
Jack: We've got to ask you about Pilgrim.
Suzie: Wait a minute, didn't I kill you?
Jack: Never mind that. We need names and details.
Suzie: Who's using the glove?
Jack: I'm sorry.
Suzie: Wouldn't you know it, Gwen bloody Cooper.

Suzie: It's all my fault, isn't it? It never bloody stops being my fault. Can't you just let me die?
Jack: You don't get off that easy.

Jack: That one's for Ianto. Risen Mitten, Life Knife, and that old classic. Stun gun.

Jack: I had a boyfriend that used to walk into rooms like that. A grand entrance. Got kind of boring. Though he was one of twins. So I put up with it. Twin acrobats. Man, I gotta write that book. Maybe even illustrate it. I can talk for a long time. A very long time.

Owen: Have a look at Gwen with Suzie.
Jack: Woah.
Tosh: What is that?
Owen: Energy. Life. But with Suzie it's a permanent connection and she is getting stronger. It's still going right now. She is draining the life out of Gwen.
Jack: There's always a price.

Owen about a muttering Max : Is that a poem?
Jack: I wonder. Emily Dickinson.
Owen: What does it mean?
Jack: It's a verbal trigger. Say it out loud and maybe repeat it a hundred times over and the Hub locks down.
Owen: But if that's part of the system, Suzie must've installed a vocal command program way back.
Jack: Back when she was alive, yeah. Max is just a Trojan Horse. Suzie planned this right from the start.

Detective Swanson: All right, Captain Jack, just say that one more time. Nice and clear.
Jack: We're locked in our base and we can't get out.

Ianto: If you're interested I've still got that stopwatch.
Jack: So?
Ianto: Well. Think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.
Jack: Oh yeah. I can think of a few.
Ianto: There's quite a list.
Jack: I'll send the others home early. See you in my office in ten.
Ianto: That's ten minutes. And counting.

Ianto: Oh, Jack? What do you want me to say on the death certificate?
Jack: Good question.
Ianto: She had quite a few deaths in the end.
Jack: I don't know. "Death by Torchwood."
Ianto: I'll put a lock on the door. Just in case she goes walking again.
Jack: Nah. No chance of that. The Resurrection Days are over, thank God.
Ianto: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure. That's the thing about gloves, sir. They come in pairs.

OUT OF TIME

Gwen: At least it wasn't a spaceship full of aliens.
Jack: That might have been easier.

Jack: Your background story should incorporate your skills you already have. For instace, John, you could have run a corner shop.
John: No.
Jack: We can fake references.
John: You can't take away our names. For God's sake. man, it's all we've got left. It's my son's name. It's the name above my shop.
Jack: You're right. I didn't think. You should keep your name.

John: That's an American accent, isn't it?
Jack: That's right.
John: How do you end up here. Doing whatever it is that you do?
Jack: That's a long story.
John: I'm a slow drinker.

COMBAT

Jack: I hate to break it to you, but you're not my first. Anti-Weevil spray, hand clamps. C'mon, let's make this easy for both of us. the weevil attacks This always happens when I give them the night off.

Jack: You promised to keep hold of your life; don't let it drift.

Jack about Janet : Owen's been studying this one. He thinks they have a low level of telepathic ability to share emotion across distance.
Ianto: You mean it might be feeling the pain of another Weevil?
Jack: Kinda hope we're wrong, though.
Ianto: Why?
Jack: Because that would mean somebody's not only kidnapping Weevils, they're causing them pain.

Tosh: I think these guys really don't like to be watched.
Jack: See I know it's a character flaw but that makes me all the more determined to find out what it is they're hiding.

Jack: You know what they used these warehouses for during World War Two? Storing the bodies of dead GIs. pause Sometimes you can know too much history.

Owen: This is Owen's voicemail. Don't leave a message.
Jack: Nice try, Owen.

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS

Jack: Wow. Look at the chandelier. No neon lights back then. Just dashing young soldiers and pretty young ladies. And as they danced, the girls would look into their partners' eyes, smile softly and say—
Tosh: Jack! Mind my laptop.
Jack: I was thinking more along the lines of, "And how long before you head off to war?"

Bilis Manger: Do call again.
Jack: I would love to.

Tosh: Where's the SUV? Has it been stolen?
Jack seeing the Kiss the Boys Goodbye flyer: No. We have.

Tosh: We really are in 1941. What if we can't get back?
Jack: Flotsam and jetsam slips through all the time. We'll get back. Look on the bright side. Gives you one hell of an excuse not to go to your party.
Tosh: I have a life there. And they can't help us back at the Hub because I have the latest readings in here. People are staring at us.
Jack: We need to try to blend in.
Tosh: It's easy for you to say. I'm the only Asian here.
Jack: Don't worry. You're with the Captain.

The Captain and Jack simultaneously: I'm Captain—
Jack: You go first.
Captain Harkness: I'm Captain Jack Harkness. 133rd Squadron.

Tosh: Why does that man have your name? I'm lost enough here without you holding back on me!
Jack: It's not my name. It's his. I took took his. But I didn't realize he was so hot.
Tosh: Jack—
Jack: I know too much.
Tosh: Then share.
Jack: You woldn't want that. Trust me.

Tosh: Pearl Harbor, Jack.
Jack: Doesn't happen till the end of the year.
Tosh: Granddad stayed in London but he was persecuted. If I stay stuck here, what will happen to me?
Jack: I'll take care of you.
Tosh: This period—you look like you fit in. Have you been here before?
Jack: Yeah. I can't explain but I served in the war in 1941. I was undercover. I needed a false identity, so I took his name.
Tosh: Who were you before you took his name? Why him?
Jack: It was convenient.
Tosh: But if you chose his identity to steal, then he... ?
Jack: Dies. In battle.
Tosh: When?
Jack: Tomorrow.

Jack: Go after her. Kiss her goodbye. Anything can happen tomorrow.
Captain Harkness: It's just a routine training exercise. I'm hardly gonna die.
Jack: That's when they catch you, when you least expect it. You don't know what's ahead. Kiss her goodbye.

Jack: Tomorrow is their last training exercise. Just another day. They go out on a sortie and are surprised by two formations of Messerschmitts. He destroys three of the enemy. His men listen to his whoops of joy over the radio. Then it all goes quiet. He can't bail out because his whole plane is on fire. But his men all make it back to safety.

Tosh: Who were you?
Jack: A conman. That's why I took his name, falsified his records so it seemed he was still alive.
Tosh: How did you end up in Torchwood?
Jack: Someone saved my life. Brought me back from death. And ever since then it's been like... they're keeping me for something and I don't know what it is. I'm sorry for dragging you into this.
Tosh: It was my choice.
Jack: I'll look after you. But there's nothing I can do for him.

Jack: I have to go. It's my duty.

Tosh: He would have been so proud that you took his name. Because here you are, saving the world. she raises her glass To Captain Jack.
Jack: To Captain Jack.

END OF DAYS

Jack: Okay, I've been fielding calls all night. The government, UNIT, the CIA. Half the Western world and a good proportion of the Eastern are asking the same question: is this anything to do with us?
Gwen: And is it?

Gwen about Owen: Did you have to pick on him in public like that?
Jack: All of our actions have consequences.
Gwen: And all your staff have feelings, Jack. Even Owen.
Jack: Well, you would know.

Jack: Under any other circumstances an exuberant Roman soldier would be my idea of a perfect morning.

Gwen: If Owen managed to open the rift to get you and Tosh back, can't we do the same for these people? We've stil got the rift manipulator.
Jack: There's a world of difference. We're talking about taking control of time, not bringing people back from the past. Besides, look at the damage Owen caused. We mess with it further, we'll put the whole planet in danger.

Owen: No, come on. You're all thinking it too. You're the big man here. You keep all the secrets. Well now's the time to tell us a few and tell us how the hell we're gonna get out of this!
Jack: You want to know a secret? There is no solution. I can't fix this. Because this was never meant to happen. The first thing you learned when you joined Torchwood was "Don't mess with the rift." But you disobeyed those orders and now everything that's happening is down to you.
Owen: I only disobeyed instructions to get you back.
Jack: And now people are dying.
Owen: What? So I shouldn't have bothered? Who the fuck are you, anyway? Jack Harkness? You don't even exist. We've looked. So if you're not even a real person, then why the hell should I follow your orders?
Jack: Get out.
Owen: What?
Jack: Get out! I'm relieving you of your duty.

Owen: What, so that's it? The whole world is gone to shit and you're gonna fire me?
Gwen: For gods sake, both of you, we need to stick together on this.
Jack: If I can't rely on you—if I don't have your complete trust—you don't belong here. That goes for the rest of you. Anyone who agrees with Owen, leave now.

Jack: You're a united front now? Toshiko: the poor girl who'll screw any passing alien that gives her a pendant. Owen: so strong he gets in a cage with a Weevil, desperate to be mauled. Ianto: hiding a cyber-girlfriend in the basement. Your three comrades here pumped bullets into her, remember?
Gwen: I've got to get Rhys back.
Jack: Yeah, because you're so in love with Rhys that you spend half your time in Owen's bed.
Gwen slugs him in the jaw: Fuck you!
Owen: We're relieving you of your command, Captain. We're opening that rift and getting back what we lost! Jack gets up Stay down!
Jack: You gonna be in charge, Owen? You've gotta have significantly bigger balls. Owen shoots him in the forehead

Gwen: What happened to the rift?
Jack: It closed up when Abaddon was destroyed. But it's gonna be more volatile than ever.
Gwen: The visions we had. We all saw people we loved. What did you see?
Jack: Nothing. There was nothing.
Gwen: Jack. What would have tempted you? What visions would have convinced you to open the rift?
Jack: The right kind of Doctor.

KISS KISS, BANG BANG

Jack: Hey kids. Did you miss me? laughs

Jack: Got pretty organized without me.
Gwen: Yeah, well we had to.
Jack: Hey, did you decorate in here?
Gwen: You left us Jack!
Jack: I know. I'm sorry.
Gwen: We knew nothing, Jack.
Owen: Where were you?
Jack: I found my doctor.
Owen: Did he fix you?
Jack: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.

Jack: Okay, let's get back and see what we can piece together.
Gwen: Good in charge again, you.
Jack: I was hoping for a little power struggle. Resolved by some naked wrestling.

Hart: You put on weight.
Jack: You're losing your hair.
Hart: What are you wearing?
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. Note the stripes.
Hart: Captain John Hart. Note the sarcasm.
Jack: Hey, I worked my way up through the ranks.
Hart: I bet the ranks we very grateful. I need a drink.
Jack: I thought you'd never ask.
Jack: So, uh, how was rehab?
Hart: Rehabs. Plural.
Jack: Drink, drugs sex and—
Hart: Murder.
Jack: You went to murder rehab?
Hart: I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Jack: You clean now?
Hart: Yeah. Kicked everything. Living like a priest.

Jack: So how's the Time Agency?
Hart: You didn't hear. It's uh, shut down.
Jack: You're kidding me?
Hart: No. There's only seven of us left now.
Jack: Wow.
Hart: It's good to see you. We were never the same without you.
Jack: You need to go. I don't want you in my territory.
Hart: What? TIme was you couldn't get enough of me on your territory.

Hart: You've got a team. How sweet. Oh. Pretty little friends. No blond though. You need a blond.
Owen: God, he's worse than Jack.
Hart: Do you have a team name? I love team names. C'mon.
Jack: Torchwood.
Hart: Oh. Not Excalibur? Uh, Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh dear.
Jack: Gwen Cooper. Ianto Jones. Toshiko Sato. Owen Harper. Meet—
Hart: Captain John Hart.
Jack: We go back.
Hart: Excuse me. We more than go back. We were partners.
Ianto: In what way?
Hart: In every way. And then some.
Jack: It was two weeks.
Hart: Except the two weeks was trapped in a time loop so we were together for five years. It was like having a wife.
Jack: You were the wife.
Hart: You were the wife.
Jack: No. You were the wife.
Hart: Oh, but I was a good wife.

Hart: You live in the sculpture. Could you be any more pretentious.
Jack: Get on.
Hart: So, your team not allowed in this way?
Jack: This is the entrance for tourists.
Hart: I remember the last time you said that.

Hart: What is this? Sewer Chic?

Jack: The work we do, the person I am now, that's what I'm proud of.
Gwen: Then why did you desert us? Where did you go? No no, c'mon on. Where did you go. Tell me. Talk to me.
Jack: I have died so many times. Been dragged back into life. Like being hauled over broken glass. I saw the end of the world.
Gwen: How?
Jack: It doesn't matter how. But after it was all over I knew I belong here. What kept me fighting was the thought of coming home to you.

Ianto: Jack, why are we helping him?
Jack: He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone.

Hart: You know, they're pretty but stupid. You used to have better taste.
Jack: Doesn't look like it from here.

Hart: Well I think you oughta know your boss is splayed out on the— Jack walks in pavement. Now that's impressive. Seriously, you can earn a fortune in the Vegas galleries with an act like that. Go on, how's it work?
Jack: I can't die.
Hart: No but really?
Jack: No but really.

Jack: Now we gotta avoid ourselves. Great.

SLEEPER

PC Andy: No other reason I could think of for keeping sports equipment in the bedroom.
Jack: Oh, you should come by my house for a game of hockey some time.

Owen: When was the last time you felt ill, you had a cold? Anything?
Beth: I don't think I have. I take a lot of vitamin C.
Owen looking at the scalpel: Hm. Hell of a lot, I reckon.
Jack: Okay Beth. You make lightbulbs blow, we can't break your skin. What planet are you from?

Beth: I wish this wasn't happening. I'd never know, I'd just live a normal life.
Jack: Until the day of the attack.
Beth: I won't do anything! I'm not that person.
Jack: I'm sorry, but you are.

Jack about Beth: What did she do? Is it a virus, a lockdown?
Tosh: No, she's just turned off the lights.
Jack: What is it with her and lightbulbs?

Jack: Tosh, you switched off the tranceiver?
Tosh: Yes.
Jack: Are you sure?
Tosh: Well I was until you asked.

Jack: Come on! Have a little faith. With a dashing hero like me on the case how can we fail?
Ianto: He is dashing, you have to give him that.

TO THE LAST MAN

Gwen: Jack have you got any more of those pretty boys in the freezer?
Jack: Hands off, Missy. Tosh got there first.

Jack: Okay. Linear time. Screwed up time. Imagine your life is a straight line. From birth to death. Now try drawing that line on the paper without straightening it out.
Gwen: It's impossible.
Jack: That's why we've gotta stop it.

Jack: This time tomorrow he'll be back in 1918.
Ianto: His own time. Would you go back to yours? If you could?
Jack: Why? Would you miss me?
Ianto: Yup.
Jack: I left home a long time ago. I don't know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn't matter anymore.

MEAT

Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat?
Jack: Yeah.
Gwen: What was it like?
Jack: He seemed to enjoy it.

Jack: All you did tonight was mess things up. Now we have to think of a way to get back in and thanks to you they'll have tightened security.
Rhys: Well if you'd stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showing off about the place—
Jack: Do I show off?
Ianto: Just a bit.
Rhys: —You'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy. So rather than cock things up I found you a way to get in. But if you can't handle that, Big Boy, then you can stuff it.
Jack: This is quite homoerotic.
Gwen stepping in: No no no no... Jack, he is not getting us in.
Jack: Team meeting. to Rhys You too.

Owen: We've handled bigger than this. Why don't we just storm in, guns in the air, and arrest 'em.
Jack: These guys aren't organized criminals. If we go in, guns blazing, they'll kill the evidence and run.
Owen: I wasn't suggesting blazing. Just waving.

Rhys to Jack: You're not gay by any chance, are you?

ADAM

Jack: I let go of his hand. It was the worst day of my life. It's the last day I want to remember.

Adam: Jack, you know me. You recruited me three years ago.
Jack: All I know is that when I think of my team I see you there but I don't feel anything for you. No pride, no warmth.

Jack: Let me take you back to before we all met.

Jack: I found your diary. And for the record, measuring tapes never lie.

RESET

Jack: Suddenly in an underground mortuary, on a wet night in Cardiff, I hear the sound of a nightingale. Miss Martha Jones.

Jack: Dr. Jones is from UNIT.
Gwen: Oh, um, sorry. I get a bit, a bit confused. Which one's UNIT?
Jack: Intelligence, military, cute red caps, um, the acceptable face of intelligence gathering on aliens. We're more ad hoc. But better looking!

Jack: Come on Martha, be honest. You just came all this way to see me.
Martha: Still struggling to conquer your shyness, huh, Jack?

Jack: So. End of the World Survivors Club.
Martha: God, I am so glad to see you, Jack.
Jack: See, you did come all this way to see me. It's the jaw line. Once seen, always yearned for.

Jack: Raise your game, girls.

Jack: I had a boyfriend who's nostrils flared when he was lying.

Jack to Owen: Grey is so not her color.

Jack: I'd rely on Martha if the world was ending. In fact I did.

Jack (about Martha): Did I mention she was brilliant?

Martha: Owen! Can you hear me, Owen?
Tosh: You've got to help him!
Jack: Owen, stay with me. Owen, look at me. Look at me. Owen, look right at me. Stay with me, Owen. Stay with me. Stay with me, buddy. Come on!
Martha: Owen, speak to me! He's dead.
Jack: Owen...

DEAD MAN WALKING

Girl: If I told you not to use it, would you listen?
Jack: Shouldn't you know the answer to that?
Girl holds up the Death card: I do. That's the problem.

Gwen: Jack what have you got? Jack holds up the glove Oh my god.
Tosh: You can't use that. Not after Suzie.
Jack: I'm using the glove. I'm bringing Owen back.

Jack: Okay Team, say your goodbyes. Gwen? Gwen is at a loss.
Owen: Gwen, no offense but I've only got two minutes to live.
Jack: Tosh?
Tosh: Owen, I'm going to miss you. And I love you. Always have.
Jack: Owen, I need the code for the alien morgue. You're the only one that knows it.
Owen: You brought me back for that? For that?!?!

Owen: I'm really gonna need that hand back.
Jack: Owen?
Ianto: Two minutes, twenty.
Jack: But I'm not using the glove!
Owen: But I'm still here.
Ianto: Oh, here we go again.

Martha: You had the power to bring people back to life and you never told UNIT. Why?
Jack: They would have wanted to use it.

Owen: I'm Owen Harper. I work for Torchwood. I'm Special Ops.
Jack: Special Ops? What's he 'on about? Special needs, more like it.

Jack: That is the single most disgusting thing I have ever seen! And I know disgusting.

Owen: God I'm gonna miss farting. And sex.
Jack: Sex more than farting, I hope.

Owen: You've read Proust?
Jack: Yeah. Well, no. We dated for awhile. He was really immature.
Owen: You know, none of us know whether to take you seriously when you say those things.
Jack: You've lived as long as I have, you don't make anymore up.

Owen: Why did you bring me back? Guilt?
Jack: No. That's not why.
Owen: Then when did you bring me back? Really?
Jack: Because I wasn't ready to give up on you. I was hoping for a miracle. I still am.

Gwen: Last time back when Cardiff was a town it killed twelve people.
So?
Jack: Why didn't it get to thirteen and where does this "faith" bit come into it?

Tosh: Did he really beat death?
Jack: Well you can never really beat death, never escape it. It's always in the shadows waiting.

A DAY IN THE DEATH

Owen: What the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Jack: We always need someone to make coffee.

Jack: Henry John Parker. He used to be a looker. Now he's 80 odd and even I have my limits. Your basic millionaire collector of alien hoo ha.
Owen: Didn’t we file him in the "Mostly Harmless" category?

Jack: Thirty-six minutes. Not bad.
Owen: You were watching?
Jack: Skinny guy in tight jeans runs into water? I was taking pictures.

Martha: Well, it's been ... interesting.
Jack: Oh, it's been fun. You know it has. Martha kisses him
Martha: Well, everyone else has had a go.

SOMETHING BORROWED

FROM OUT OF THE RAIN

ADRIFT

FRAGMENTS

EXIT WOUNDS

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