Quotes from Doctor Who

Captain Jack Harkness (John Barrowman)

THE EMPTY CHILD

Captain Jack: Ready for you. Hold tight!
Rose: To what?
Captain Jack: Fair point.

Jack: Are you alright? You know you look a little dizzy.
Rose: What about you? You're not even in focus. she faints.

THE DOCTOR DANCES

The Doctor: Sonic Blaster. 54th century. Weapons factory at [ ].
Jack: You've been to the factories?
The Doctor: Once.
Jack: Well they're gone now. Destroyed. Main reactor went critical. Vaporized the lot.
The Doctor: Like I said: once. There's a banana grove there now. I like bananas. Bananas are good.

The Doctor: Don't drop the banana!
Jack: Why not?
The Doctor: Good source of potassium!

Jack: Who has a sonic screwdriver?
The Doctor: I do!
Jack: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, "Woo, this could be a little more sonic."?
The Doctor: What, you've never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?

The Doctor: We were talking about dancing.
Captain Jack: Didn't look like talking.
Rose: Didn't feel like dancing.

BOOM TOWN

Jack about Rose and Mickey: Aw, look at these two. How come I never get any of that?
The Doctor: Buy me a drink first.
Jack: Such hard work.
The Doctor: But worth it.

Mickey to Jack: What are you captain of? The innuendo squad?

THE BAD WOLF

Finding himself on What Not to Wear:
Captain Jack: Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?
Android: Absolutely.
Captain Jack: Ladies, your viewing figures just went up.

Android to Jack: It's the buccaneer-look. A little bit of pirate and just a tweak of President Schwarzenegger.

Android 1: And now it's time for the face off.
Captain Jack: What does that mean? Do I get to compete with someone else?
Android 1: No. Like I said, "Face. Off." I think you'd look good with a dog's head.
Android 2: Or maybe no head at all. That would be so outrageous.
Android 1: And we can stitch your legs to the middle of your chest.
Android 2: Nothing is too extreme. It's to die for.
Captain Jack: Hold on, ladies. I don't want to have to shoot either one of you.
Android 1: But you're unarmed. You're naked!
Android 2: But that's a compact laser deluxe!
Android 1: Where were you hiding that?
Captain Jack: You really don't want to know.

Captain Jack: Well ladies, the pleasure was all mine. Which is the only thing that matters in the end.

Captain Jack: Captain Jack Harkness.
Lynda: Lynda Moss.
Captain Jack: Nice to meet you, Lynda Moss.
The Doctor: You mind flirting outside?
Captain Jack: I was just saying hello.
The Doctor: For you that's flirting.
Lynda: I'm not complaining.
Captain Jack: Muchas gracias. kisses her hand.

The Doctor: This place should be a base of broadcasting. But the systems are twice as complicated. It's more than just television. This station's transmitting something else.
Captain Jack: Like what?
The Doctor: I don't know. This whole Bad Wolf thing is tied up with me. Someone's manipulating my entire life.

Captain Jack: Don't you touch him! Leave him alone! You killed her! Your stupid friggin' game show killed her!

The Doctor to Captain Jack: Let's do it.

The Doctor: Oh, don't be so fey [?]. Like I was ever going to shoot. throws him the gun. Captain, we'e got more guards on the way up. Secure the exits.
Captain Jack: Yes, sir.

You're not allowed in there. Archive Six is out-of-bounds.
Captain Jack brandishing his guns: Do I look like an out-of-bounds sort of guy?

Captain Jack: Everybody watching? Okay, 3-2-1.
The Doctor: But you killed her.
Captain Jack: Oh, do you think?
The Doctor: What the hell was that?
Captain Jack: It's a transmat beam. Not a disintegrator, a secondary transmat system. People don't get killed in the games. They get transported across space. Doctor, Rose is still alive.

Davish Pavel: Use that, it might contain the final numbers. I kept a log of all the unscheduled transmissions.
Captain Jack: Nice. Thanks. I'm Jack Harkness, by the way.
Davish Pavel: I'm Davish Pavel.
Captain Jack: Nice to meet you, Davish Pavel.
The Doctor: There's a time and a place.

The Doctor: There's something sitting right on top of planet Earth, but it's completely invisible. If I cancel the signal—
The Dalek ships appear
Captain Jack: That's impossible. I know those ships. They were destroyed.
The Doctor: Appears though they've survived.
Who did? Who are they?
The Doctor: Two hundred ships. More than two thousand on board each one. That's just about half-a-million of them.
Lynda: Half-a-million what?
The Doctor: Daleks.

THE PARTING OF THE WAYS

Captain Jack: The extrapolator's working. We've got a fully functional forcefield. Try saying that when you're drunk.

The Doctor: They went off to fight a bigger war. A Time War.
Captain Jack: I thought that was just a legend.
The Doctor: I was there. The war between the Daleks and the time Lords. With the whole of creation at stake. My people were destroyed, but they took the Daleks with them. I almost thought it was worth it. Now it turns out they died for nothing.

The Doctor: It's alright, c'mon out. That forcefield can hold back anything.
Captain Jack: Almost anything.
The Doctor: Yes, but I wasn't going to tell them that. Thanks.
Captain Jack: Sorry.

Captain Jack: It's been fun, but I guess this is goodbye.
Rose: Don't talk like that. the Doctor's gonna do it. Just, watch him.
Captain Jack: Rose, you are worth fighting for. kisses her. Wish I'd never met you Doctor. I was much better off as a coward. kisses him. to both: See you in hell.

Captain Jack: If you hear fighting up above—if you hear us dying—then tell me the Daleks aren't real.

The Doctor to the Dalek: The whole universe is in danger if I let you live. You see, Jack? That's the decision I've got to make for every living thing. Die as a human or live as a Dalek. What would you do?
Captain Jack: You sent her home. She's safe. Keep working.
Dalek Emperor: But he will exterminate you!
Captain Jack: Never doubted him, never will.

The Doctor: Jack, how're we doing?
Captain Jack: 495 should be good. I like 495.

UTOPIA

Martha: It's a bit odd though. Not very one hundred trillion. That coat's more like World War II.
The Doctor: I think he came with us.
Martha: How d'you mean? He's from Earth?
The Doctor: Must have been clinging to the outside of the TARDIS. All the way through the vortex. Wow, that's very him.
Martha: What, do you know him?
The Doctor: A friend of mine. Used to travel with me.

Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. And who are you?
Martha: Martha Jones.
Jack: Nice to meet you Martha Jones.
The Doctor: Oh don't start!
Jack: I was only saying hello.
Martha: I don't mind.
Jack: Doctor.
The Doctor: Captain.
Jack: Good to see you.
The Doctor: And you. Same as ever. Although. Have you had work done?
Jack: You can talk.

Martha: But the thing is, how come you left him behind Doctor?
The Doctor: I was busy.
Martha: Is that what happens though, seriously? You jst get bored of us one day and disappear.
Jack: Not if you're blonde.
Martha: Oh she was blonde! Oh, what a surprise.
The Doctor: You two! We're at the end of the Universe. Right at the edge of knowledge itself. And you're busy blogging!

Jack: They must have an atmospheric shell. We should be frozen to death.
The Doctor: Well, Martha and I maybe. Not so sure about you, Jack.

Jack: Oh, don't tell him to put his gun down.
The Doctor: He's not my responsibility.
Jack: And I am? Ha, that makes a change.

Jack: Captain Jack Harkness.
The Doctor: Stop it!
Jack: Can't I say hello to anyone?
Chantho: Chan- I do not protest -tho.
Jack: Maybe later.

Martha: Oh my god. You've got a hand. A hand in a jar. A hand. In a jar. In your bag.
The Doctor: But that's my hand!
Jack: I said I had a Doctor detector.

Jack: So what about those things outside? The Beastie Boys. What are they?

The Doctor: It strikes me, Professor, you've got a room which no man can enter without dying. Is that correct?
The Professor: Yes.
The Doctor: Well. Jack is revived I think I've got just the man.
Jack: Was someone kissing me?

The Doctor: What are you taking your clothes off for?
Jack: I'm going in.
The Doctor: From the looks of it, I'd say the stet radiation doesn't affect clothing, only flesh.
Jack: Well. I look good though. How long have you known?
The Doctor: Ever since I ran away from you. Good luck.

The Doctor: When did you realize it?
Jack: Earth. 1892. Got in a fight on Ellis Island. A man shot me through the heart. Then I woke up.

Jack: In the end I got the message: I'm the man who can never die. And all that time you knew.
The Doctor: That's why I left you behind. It's not easy, just looking at you, Jack. 'Cause you're wrong.
Jack: Thanks.
The Doctor: You are. I can't help it.

Jack: The last thing I remember, back when I was mortal, I was facing three Daleks. Death by extermination. And then I came back to life. What happened?
The Doctor: Rose.
Jack: I thought you'd sent her back home.
The Doctor: She came back. Opened up the heart of the TARDIS and absorbed the Time Vortex itself.
Jack: What does that mean exactly?
The Doctor: No one's ever meant to have that power. If a Time Lord did that he'd become a god—a vengeful god. But she was human. Everything she did was so human. She brought you back to life. But she couldn't control it. She brought you back forever. That is something, I suppose. The final act of the Time War was life.

Jack: I went to her estate in the 90s. Just once or twice. Watched her growing up. Never said hello. Timelines and all that.

The Doctor: Do you want to die?
Jack: This one's a little stuck.
The Doctor: Jack.
Jack: I thought I did. I don't know. But this lot—you see them out here surviving. And that's fantastic!
The Doctor: You might be out there somewhere.
Jack: I could go meet myself.
The Doctor: Well. The only man you're ever going to be happy with.
Jack: This new regeneration, it's kinda cheeky!

The Face of Boe: You Are Not Alone.

THE SOUND OF DRUMS

Jack: Former Minister of Defence. First came to prominence when he shot down the Racnoss on Christmas Eve. Nice work, by the way.
The Doctor: Oh, thanks.

Jack: Since we're telling stories, there's something I haven't told you.

The Doctor: You work for Torchwood?
Jack: I swear to you, it's different, it's changed. There's only a half dozen of us now.
The Doctor: Everything Torchwood did and you're part of it.
Jack: The old regime was destroyed at Canary Wharf. I rebuilt it, I changed it. And when I did that, I did it for you. In your honor.

The Doctor: It just shifts your perception a tiny little bit. Doesn't make us invisible, just unnoticed. I know what's it like: it's like when you fancy someone and they don't even know you exist. That's what it's like.
Jack to Martha: You too, huh?
Jack's line was apparently cut from the Sci-Fi airing. Shame.

Martha: I'm going to kill him.
Jack: What say I use the perception filter to walk up behind him and break his neck.
The Doctor: Now that sounds like Torchwood.
Jack: Still a good plan.

Jack: What the hell's he done?
The Doctor: Don't touch it.
Jack: I'm not going to.

LAST OF THE TIME LORDS

Jack about to be shot: Oh, here we go again!

Guard: We can't get in, we'll get slaughtered!
Jack: Yeah. Happens to me a lot.

Martha: Time was, every single one of these people knew your name. Now they've all forgotten you.
The Doctor: good.
Jack: Back to work.
The Doctor: I really don't mind, though. Come with me.
Jack: I've had plenty of time to think that past year—the year that never was—and I kept thinking about that team of mine. Like you said, Doctor: "responsibility".
The Doctor: Defending the Earth. Can't argue with that.
Jack: Hey, I need that!
The Doctor: I can't have you walking around with a time traveling teleport. You could go anywhere. Twice! The second time to apologize.
Jack: And what about me? Can you fix that? Will I ever be able to die?
The Doctor: Nothing I can do. You're an impossible thing, Jack.
Jack: Been called that before.

Jack: Used to be a poster boy, when I was a kid, living in the Boeshane peninsula. Tiny little place. I was the first one ever to be signed up for the Time Agency. They were so proud of me. The Face of Boe, they called me.

The Stolen Earth

Cardiff:
Jack: Gwen! Ianto, you okay?
Ianto: No broken bones. Slight loss of dignity. No change there then.
Gwen: The whole of the city must have felt that! The whole of South Wales.

Jack: Someone's established an atmospheric shell, keeping in the air and holding the heat.
Ianto: Whoever's done this wants the human race alive. That's a plus.

Jack: There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry. We're dead.

Jack: Martha, get out of there!
Martha: I can't Jack! I've got a job to do!
Jack: They're targeting military bases and you're next on the list.

General Sanchez: Put it on. Fast as you can!
Jack: Martha, I'm telling you, don't use Project Indigo. It's not safe!
General Sanchez: You take your orders from UNIT, Dr. Jones. Not from Torchwood!

Ianto: What's Project Indigo?
Jack: Experimental Teleport salvaged from the Sontarans. But they havne't got coordinates or stabilization!
Gwen: So where is she?
Jack: Scattered into atoms. Martha's down.

Harriet Jones: Can anyone hear me? The Subwave Network is open. You should be able to hear my voice. Is there anyone there?
Rose: I know that voice!
Luke: Who's that?
Sarah Jane: Some poor soul calling for help. There's nothing we can do.
Luke: Look at Mr. Smith.
Mr. Smith: Processing incoming subwave.
Harriet Jones: This message is of the utmost importance. We haven't much time. Can anyone hear me?
Gwen: Someone's trying to get in touch.
Jack: The whole world's crying out. Just leave it.
Harriet Jones: Captain Jack Harkness, shame on you! Now stand to attention, sir!
Jack: What!? Who is that?
Harriet Jones: Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister.
Jack: Yeah. I know who you are.

Harriet Jones: I thought it was about time we all met given the current crisis. Torchwood, this is Sarah Jane Smith.
Jack: I've been following your work. Nice job with the Slitheen.
Sarah Jane: Yeah well I've been staying away from you lot. Too many guns.
Jack: All the same. Might I say, looking good ma'am.
Sarah Jane: Really? Oo!
Harriet Jones: Not now, Captain.

Jack: Yeah but what we need right now is a weapon. Martha, back at UNIT, what did they give you? What was that key thing?
Martha: The Osterhagen Key.
Harriet Jones: That key is not to be used, Dr. Jones. Not under any circumstances.
Jack: But what is an Osterhagen Key?
Harriet Jones: Forget about the Key, and that's an order. All we need is The Doctor.

Donna: Twenty-seven planets. And there's the Earth. But why couldn't we see it?
The Doctor: The entire Medusa Cascade has been put a second out of sync with the rest of the Universe. Perfect hiding place. Tiny little pocket of time. But we found 'em! Oo! Oo, what's that? Hold on, hold on! some sort of... subwave network.
Jack: Where the hell have you been? Doctor, it's the Daleks!
Gwen: Oh, he's a bit nice. Thought he'd be older.
Ianto: He's not that young.

Gwen: Don't worry about us. We'll be fine.
Jack: You better be.

Rose: I've got you! I missed you. Look, it's me! Look!
The Doctor: Rose.
Rose: Right.
The Doctor: Long time, no see.
Rose: Yes. Been busy, you know. Don't die. Oh my god, don't die! Oh my god, don't die!
Jack: Get him into the TARDIS quick. Move!

Jack: Rose, do as I say and get back. He's dying, and you know what happens next.
Donna: What d'you mean?
Rose: Not now. I came all this way.
Donna: What d'you mean? What happens next?
Jack: It's starting.

Journey's End

Donna to Jack: You can hug me if you want. Jack laughs. No really. You can hug me.

Rose: Daleks.
Jack trying to be flip : Oh god!
The Doctor: It's been good though, hasn't it? All of us. All of it. Everything we did. to Donna: You were brilliant. to Jack: And you were brilliant. to Rose: And you were brilliant. Blimey!

Jack busting in through the air shaft: Just my luck. I climb through two miles of ventilation shafts chasing life signs on this thing and who do I find? Mickey Mouse!
Mickey: You can talk, Captain Cheesecake.
They hug
Jack: Good to see you! And that's Beefcake.
Mickey: And that's enough hugging.
Jack: We meet at last, Ms. Smith.
Sarah Jane: There is something we can do. You've got to understand. I've got a son down there on Earth. He's only fourteen years old. I brought this. It was given to me by a [Veran] soothsayer. He said this is for the End of Days.
Jack: Is that Warp Star?

Rose: So there's three of you. Three Doctors.
Jack: I can't even tell you what I'm thinking right now.

Jack: You know, I'm not sure about UNIT these days. Maybe there's something else you could be doing.

The Doctor: What'll you do?
Mickey: Anything. Brand new life. Just you watch. See ya Boss! running after Jack and Martha. Hey, you two!
Jack: Oh. Thought I got rid of you.

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