Quotes from Gossip Girl
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Gossip Girl: Why'd she leave? Why'd she return? Send me all the deets. And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. The only one. XOXO. Gossip Girl.
Chuck: Are you following us or something?
Dan: No, I go to your school. Identical uniforms, isn't that kind of a tip-off?
Nate: That's funny.
Dan: So, you guys wanna sit together at lunch?
Blair Waldorf: Well we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you've got a lot of yogurt left.
Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena: You just love it when a girl talks to you.
Chuck: Actually I prefer it when they're not talking.
Serena: Hm. I've missed your witty banter.
Rufus: Lily. Are you shopping for some art to match your furniture?
Lily: Why is my daughter going to one of your concerts?
Rufus: 'Cause we're awesome.
Dan: So, think I've got a shot at a second date?
Serena: Well I don't think we could top this one.
Dan: I did punch someone.
Serena: True.
Nate: What, 'cause you kill people now? You gonna strangle him with your scarf?
Chuck: Don't mock the scarf, Nathaniel. It's my signature.
Nate: I'm just saying: death by scarf. Not that intimidating.
Dan: Why weren't you talking?
Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair: You were what?
Chuck: And here I thought you were waiting for me.
Dan: Oh exactly what this situation needs: Chuck.
Chuck: Looks like it's just you and me. Apparently my room's available.
Ref: Running out of colors here, Blair.
Serena: And I'm running out of patience. That's enough.
Blair: It's enough when I say it's enough.
Chuck: Heard about the field hockey throwdown. All those mouth guards and short skirts. I hope somebody filmed it.
Dan about Nate: Last year, I believe he had an original thought. It died of loneliness.
Dan: I get it. I mean, since you don't have to actually worry about getting into college, why not make the entire evening about screwing over Blair.
Eleanor: Before you tuck into that, you might find a lowfat yogurt more appealing.
Chuck: Who brought the sasquatch?
Nate: Isn't that Carter Basin? I haven't seen him since the eighth grade when he was in the tenth. He looks intense.
Chuck: Are you high? He looks like Matthew McConaughey between movies.
Chuck: Look, anyone who trades their trust fund for a fanny pack flies in the face of all that is holy to Chuck Bass.
Blair to Dan: What are you doing here? Do I smell pork? And... cheese? Okay, well when you're done with you charity work why don't you come find me.
Chuck: As much as I love the speech about not needing material things from a guy who has that much product in his hair, this party is about excess. Not exposition.
Serena: Okay, what if I buy you anything you want from craft service?
Dan: I thought craft service was free.
Lilly: Your wife despises me.
Rufus: I wouldn't say that.
Lilly: Well she did.
Gossip Girl: You didn't hear it from us, but in every girl's life there comes a moment when she realizes her mother may be more messed up than she is.
Blair: I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination.
About the Palace
Dan: It's a nice place that you and... eight hundred other people have got here.
Blair: As my mother always says, "Fashion knows not of comfort. All that matters is the face you show the world." And your face looks like it's going to Bat Mitzvah. But before we continue the renovation grabs a martini glass Martini.
Jenny: Oh, no thanks. I don't like vodka.
Blair: Well, that's nice. Because this is gin.
Intake Nurse: What drugs have you been taking?
Blair: Mm... caffeine. Nicotine.
Ketamine. GHB. PCP. LSD. Dir- Diazepam. Lorazepam. All the pams, really. I don't discriminate.
Lily: So I made some calls but as it turns out, none of my people know your people. Shocking, but true. Either "Dan Humphrey" is an alias or your son is not very popular. Regardless, I need that number.
Chuck: So what exactly are you looking for?
Nate: Evidence.
Chuck: Of what? The Captain's dislike of starchy shirts? I totally sympathize. The collars chafe.
Lily: Do you think that Eleanor Waldorf will find this "Night in Tangiers" enough?
Serena: Maybe if you brought a goat.
Rufus: Since when were you the patron saint of former rock stars?
Lily: Since when were you a star?
Jenny: Dad, have you seen a bracelet? You know, round, silverish, sparkly?
Rufus: Yeah, I think I saw that next to that ambiguous vague thing by the non-descript place.
Chuck: Nathaniel. Your position in my esteem has been replaced by your voicemail.
Blair: You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?
Priest: I'm a priest, not a genie.
Gossip Girl : Speak of the Devil and he doth appear. Wearing his trademark scarf.
Blair: Chuck. You know that I adore all of God’s creatures and the metaphors that they inspire. But, those butterflies? Have got to be murdered.
Serena: Blair says in a relationship the best friend is—
Dan: Serena. Are you really taking relationship advice from Blair?
Serena: Good point.
Chuck: 12:01. I'm sorry.
Blair: No. You're smarmy. There's a difference.
Blair: Where is your purse?
Serena: Uh. My purse...
Blair: Great. Alright. You stay here. Okay? I'm gonna go look. Don't drink. Or... hit on anything.
Serena: Blair's a bossy genius.
Blair: You know what's really weird? There is a garage door in the middle of your room.
Blair: Ugh. A girl wants Romeo, not Hamlet.
Serena: Romeo died.
Nate: I just don't get it, I organized everything the way she likes it. I mean, I even made sure sure my bowtie matched her dress.
Chuck: Like the book says, she's just not that into you.
Blair: If you don't pull it together I'm gonna go Naomi campbell on you.
Rufus: But if I had known you hadn't actually left me for him, I mean maybe—
Lily: Listen, don't— Don't say it. Don't even think it.
Rufus: I can't help myself. I never should have let you let me go.
And as for me, I can see clearly now. XOXO —Gossip Girl.
Dan: How about an antique butter churn?
Serena: Oh my gosh. That would go so well with my loom.
Rufus: I kept your date for you with Alex. He's actually a pretty cool guy other than the fact that he's in love with my wife.
Blair: Serena is so grateful because she likes to see the best in people. Me? I like to see the truth.
Jenny: Okay, what now?
Dan: Now you go in there, you distract Dexter the humorless concierge, while I try and sneak this in an elevator.
Blair: Isn't there someone else you could torture?
Chuck: Probably. But I choose you.
Dan: Look Blair, I know you had your sights set on Yale but this Skull and Bones thing is a little much, don't you think?
Vanessa: What are you going to do to me, Blair? Blackball me from eating yogurt on the Met steps?
Serena: Anybody notice the weather today?
Blair: What?
Serena: Take a look outside, B. My First Response would be that the sky is a Clear Blue Easy.
Blair: Game over.
Chuck: Game's not over 'til I say it is.
Blair: Then have fun playing with yourself.
Nate: What are you doing here?
Blair: Your mom let me in.
Nate: I didn't ask how you got in, I asked why you came.
Serena: You're a Waldorf, remember? People don't tell you who you are. You tell them.
Gossip Girl : Wakey wakey, Upper East Siders. Spring Break is done and I'm starved for a dish. Were you sunning in Crete or sinning in Croatia? Give me the deets. And has anyone spotted our ex-Queen B? Where does the dethroned royalty vacation these days?
Serena; Okay, let's get one thing straight. Our parents may be insisting on blending our households, but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.
Gossip Girl: The French revolution had cake. The American had tea. But it looks like the overthrow of Blair Waldorf, well. Blair get nailed by some yogurt Who said you need a silver spoon to dole out just desserts.
Eric: Chuck is fun, okay? He's cool and he doesn't treat me like some freak that just got out of the Ostroff Center.
Serena: Who treats you like that?
Eric: Uh, guys at St. Jude's, the girls at Constance. Suke, at the Korean deli on 75th street.
Serena: What the hell's your problem?
Chuck: Specify the context.
Gossip Girl: There are three things we do alone: we are born, we die, and if we're a high school junior headed for college, we take the SATs.
Blair: Hey S. I'm just sipping a Ginkgo Biloba Blend and wondering how your stomach migraine is. Call me so I don't worry.
Nate: Next time your sister's band is in town I want front row seats.
Vanessa: You don't strike me as a Lesbian Punk fan.
Nate: You know I am just offended by how much you underestimate me, Ms. Abrams.
Vanessa: You like punk?
Nate: Oh. I didn't hear you— You said "punk"? Because you had me at "lesbian".
Iz: I am so glad Gossip Girl finally got her balls back.
Penelope: Yeah, she was totally turning into the new Page Six.
Blair: Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
Dan: Jenny, is this true?
Jenny: It's private.
Dan: It's on the internet.
Blair: Watch and learn, Ladies. The most important parties to attend are the ones you're not invited to.
GG: Don't look so sad, Little J. The sun will come out tomorrow. Even if your boyfriend did today.
Blair: What is it?
Serena: I killed someone.
Dan: seeing Nate at Blair's Hm. Guess I missed a chapter. and Chuck Or... four. Don't all of you hate each other?
Blair: Yes.
Chuck: No.
Nate: Absolutely.
Dan: Well that's fascinating and rife for a psychiatrist's case study somewhere.
Blair: You can tell us anything. We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club.
Nate: Hey, I only have a second. I'm on my way to Queens.
Blair: Ugh. Gross. Why?
Nate: To meet Vanessa at a concert.
Blair: It got grosser.
Blair: What if I told you I knew where Georgina Sparks was right now?
Chuck: I'd say let's get the bitch.
GG: Spotted: Blair and Chuck reunited to defend Serena's honor. With friends like these who needs armies?
Rufus: I just got the call. Lincoln Hawk is hitting the road. We're opening for The Breeders. I guess that Luscious Jackson reunion didn't work out.
Blair: Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here. Have fun at reform school.
Lily: Rufus, what are you doing here? I thought we had security.
Rufus: You want them to throw me out?
Lily: Well I'd like the option considering how much I'm paying them.
Serena: So that's it then? It's just "Have a good Summer, I'll see you back at school."?
Dan: I guess. Yeah.
Chuck: I'd like to propose a toast. My father is someone who goes after what he wants. And Lily van der Woodsen was no exception. In typical Bass-man fashion his pursuit was direct and at times not exactly subtle. One thing I learned from my father's courtship of Lily is the importance of perseverance. That in the face of true love you don't just give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you to. One thing I learned from Lily is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance and, in kind, I watched him become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day I hope I'll be lucky enough to find someone who will do the same for me. To the happy couple!
Serena: So it's worth a week with Chuck to avoid airport security?
Blair: Oh, don't worry. I'm going to frisk him.
Serena: Oh, gross.
Blair: What can I say. He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly I think I bring the best out in him.
Serena: Blair and Chuck. Now there's a couple you can root for.
The story continues...
Gossip Girl: Unlike the rest of us, sex, lies and scandal never take a vacation. Instead, they take the Long Island Expressway and head east. To the Hamptons.
Chuck: Girls you don't know how thankful I am to have finally found a use for geometry in my daily life.
Harris: Speaking of, where's that story of yours? You know, the one your internship requires you turn in.
Dan: Yeah, it's, uh, imminent.
Harris: So is death.
Blair: The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey.
Chuck: Your eyes are doing that thing where they don't match your mouth.
Jenny: As nice as it is that you're encouraging me to get my designs out there, the White Party's like, super-exclusive. I mean summer interns do not get to go. Last year they even turned away Jack Johnson.
Rufus: Sounds like a party with taste!
Heh.
Blair: Oo, a honk instead of a knock. Did someone order a townie?
Serena: And god, the lifeguard's got a Camaro. And not in an ironic I've-got-a-Camaro way.
Eric: "How well do you know Blair Waldorf?" is kind of boring for those of us that know Blair Waldorf.
Blair: Damn that Motherchucker!
Chuck to Eric: Do some research, Junior. I'm in the mood to be right.
Marcus: Tell me, what else do you think about me?
Blair: Keep talking in that accent and I'll come up with something.
Serena: And you really expect me to believe this isn't all revenge on Chuck?
Blair: Revenge is so twelve hours ago.
Chuck about Marcus: Once I get him out of the way I'll have a clear shot at Blair.
Nate: Oh you know it's love when you start talking like an assassin.
Blair: Marcus dated the descendant of Princess Grace. His consort needs to be able to host royal dinners and hobnob with oligarchs and dictators.
Serena: Well if you can't find common ground with a dictator I don't know who can.
Serena: Wait, so does this mean you actually think Dan has a redeeming quality?
Blair: Well as long as he knows
his arse from his Arsenal I think he's aces.
Blair: She made Waldorf rhyme with Spears. I may as well have gone commando and held my party at Nyla's Burger Basket.
Blair: Turns out Marcus' mommy is even sicker than you are.
Chuck: You got along great.
Blair: I think she recognized a part of herself in me. Or rather I recognized someone in her.
Dan to the Gossip Girl fan club: This is both creepy and none of your business. So if you could just go. Just run along.
Serena: Who was that?
Chuck: A little whiff of the Far East.
Eleanor: So now interns have opinions. I have been gone awhile.
Chuck to Blair: You can't tell me Bertie Wooster is satisfying your needs.
Catherine: Blair, have you seen Nate?
Blair: Um, no. It's a blackout.
Eleanor: I spent the last month going around and meeting with the stores and boutiques that carry my clothes.
Jenny: That must have been so exciting.
Eleanor: I felt like a fat cheerleader.
Chuck: Humphrey was holding you back. You're a born queen this is your year to rule. Why fight it?
Serena: Because I don't want it, okay? Being queen is Blair's whole thing. Plus, if she needs a eunuch she knows where to look.
Chuck: You may feel differently when the trumpets call.
Jenny: Dad, how set are you on this whole "going-to-school" thing?
Rufus: Pretty set. Why?
Jenny: The first day of school is Draft Day. Blair and her merry band of psychos
are going to be on a tear.
Eric: So you're basically using Blair's system to screen potential dates.
Chuck: Think of it as an early application process. There's so many slots in Chuck Bass’ social calendar. It'll save me a ton of time.
Eric: Seems a bit impersonal.
Chuck: Thank you.
Blair: Every year the projects pile shrinks while the victims pile—
Love her; forgot her name again: I believe in the voucher system.
Iz: It's like the government doesn't even care.
Jenny: It was like I didn't even exist.
Dan: Mm. Welcome to my world. It's not so bad once you get used to birds flying into your head and automatic doors never opening.
Rufus: Repo Man's playing at the Sunshine. You know how I love my Harry Dean Stanton.
Jenny: What were you thinking?
Dan: I was sleeping.
Jenny: No! I'm talking about you and Miss Little Hannah Montana on Gossip Girl.
Chuck: Cashing out so soon, Humphrey?
Dan: You really should wear a bell.
Chuck: Kinky. I'll think about it.
Amanda: Getting my hair burned off was not a part of the deal.
Chuck: Casualties of war.
Gossip Girl: When the white tents blossom in Bryant Park it can only mean one thing: Fashion Week.
Dan: Augh. School. Another day of reading, writing and aristocrats.
Jenny: Are you back to Invisible Boy?
Dan: Invisible suits me.
Lily: There's a Mappelthorpe that's coming up for auction, uh—
Serena: Wait, Mappelthorpe. Isn't that the one who took all the pictures of the naked guys?
Lily: Yeah. Um. Not just guys.
A cardinal rule of writing: if your work's too safe then do something dangerous.
Dan: I wouldn't know where to begin.
Then find someone who does know. When I was young Bukowski put a shot glass on my heard, blew it off with a pistol. Find your Bukowski. Then get back to me.
Dan: I've been thinking of me. And I have come to the conclusion that I need to get out of my comfort zone. I need to experience new things.
Chuck: Are you gay?
Dan: Now that would be out of my comfort zone, but no.
Chuck: You're either in for the full ride or you're out. What's it going to be?
Dan: Alright, pass me the shots.
Chuck: The liquor's just a chaser.
Dan: What is that?
Chuck: Does it matter? Go down the rabbit hole. Or go out the door.
Dan: Who knew there was a sex club behind the White Castle? And "beer before liquor". How do you know so many twins?
Chuck: Twins find me.
Dan: Jail. Brawling in public. You know I hear Yale's looking to create more bar fighters this year. Bar fighters and, um, Pacific Islanders. They're looking to round out the freshman class.
Blair: If there's one thing I know it's that I give good interview. I could make Larry King cry.
Chuck: I wonder what lucky school will be the subject of the next nursery rhyme penned by Brooklyn's lamest fiction writer.
Eleanor: I didn't realize it was Bring Your Father to Work Day.
Serena: I hate this stupid headband!
Nate: I hope you at least bought the statue a drink first.
Chuck: You may be the future leaders of America, but you're under the control of Chuck Bass.
Chuck: Isn't it about time you ended this bromance? What happens at Yale stays at Yale.
Chuck: We're inevitable, Waldorf.
Chuck: Did you have a reason for coming here? Because if it was to insult me there's a web site you can go to.
Lily: I wasn't that bad.
Eric: Our ring tone for you is "Since You've Been Gone".
Gossip Girl: Poor Chuck Bass. You made your bet. Now you have to lie in it.
Blair: I'm prepared to settle.
Chuck: Maybe I'm not.
Dorota: You are late. Time for breakfast.
Blair: I'll be down in a minute. I just have to finish something.
Dorota: Don't forget: God always watching Miss Blair.
Rufus: Honey, breathe.
Jenny: No! No time for oxygen! I am late.
Chuck: Wanna get in? I'd love to give you a ride.
Blair: Oh I'm sure you would.
Agnes: I'm Agnes, by the way. I think we've worked together because I kind of recognize the top of your head.
Jenny: Jenny. And yeah, 'cause I think I recognize your feet.
What's up, Kaitlin. Go get your mom. I miss Julie.
Dan: Hey. How's AP Economics treating you?
Serena: Well today there was a rousing debate about inflation versus liquidity. Which Isabel solved by calling Warren Buffett. Apparently he's her godfather.
Blair: You know just because you two are making a doomed attempt at being friends doesn't mean I have to play the enabler.
Chuck: I gave you a shot. And while your efforts were admirable, I'm bored. And you've ruined my pants. Goodnight, Blair.
Serena: Wow. This looks complicated.
Aaron: Don't worry. You walk into a surgery halfway through it looks like murder.
Serena: Can I help?
Aaron: You know how to weld?
Serena: Um, I've seen Flashdance several times.
Aaron: If you can tell me the fate of Cecil the Caterpillar I will go out with you.
Serena: Okay, I don't really date crazy people who speak in riddles.
Emma: So. Muffy McDonough's been bragging about how she's going to lose her virginity because she finally landed a date with the lacrosse captain. They call him the De-Virginator.
Blair: Oh my god. Stop your mouth from moving.
Emma: But now that I have the night away from mom and dad, we'll see who's first. I'm saying TTFN to my you-know-what.
Blair: Or, maybe we'll see how your mom feels about your little clearance sale, Lohan.
Blair: Well, you finally did it. Made absolutely sure I'm never going to get into Yale.
Serena: What are you talking about?
Blair: Little Emma? Turns out she's less Holly Hobby and more Jenna Jameson.
Agnes: Why do you keep eating those pot brownies, man? You know that sugar makes you spazz.
Blair: Text him!
Serena: I texted him like six times.
Blair: Well text him again! Before he screws that girl and any chance I have of getting into Yale.
Serena: You have to admit, the licorice ring was sweet.
Blair: Look. Even if you're just being literal I don't want to hear another word about your albatross until we find mine.
Chuck: Kittens, please. I found her table.
Blair: You're behind the plot Bass. She already left.
Rufus: C'mon, you gotta be kidding me! You're letting the Mr. Softee truck pass us?
Blair: You still don't get it. Having sex for the first time shouldn't be part of a competition to beat Muffy the Lacrosstitute.
Serena: B, it's time to get up. There are other schools besides Yale. Like Princeton.
Blair: Princeton is a trade school.
Aaron: You didn't eat that ring, did you?
Serena: No, not yet.
Aaron: Good. It's nine years old.
Serena: Aaron is coming to meet my family before Thanksgiving dinner.
Blair: And how do you plan to introduce him? "Mom, you DVR Big Love. This is Aaron. And he's just like Bill Paxton only younger. And with scruff."
Lawyer: I need to be sure you understand what "emancipation" means.
Jenny: I do. I've been researching it.
Eric: She's made me watch Irreconcilable Differences like 15 times.
Vanessa: My plan is to hole myself up in my studio, rent Berlin Alexanderplatz, and eat a frozen and organic turkey dinner.
Dan: Oh! Well god, you know no one enjoys a 16-hour German movie more than yours truly, but uh, you could come here instead.
Captain: My life in Dominica is... well it's good. We moved some money offshore before I left—enough to get a house on the ocean. Weather's always perfect, people are nice.
Nate: I'm so happy you're living it up in the Caribbean while we're squatting with no heat in New York.
Blair: Remember, Serena doesn't share!
Serena: Remember, Blair should learn to.
Bart: So how are things while we were away?
Eric: Um. Not so good. I don't think it's working out with Jonathan.
Bart: Huh. What do you know about someone at your school named Ben Shern?
Eric: He's the uh, captain of Jonathan's swim team. Why?
Bart: Just, maybe you want to ask Jonathan what he was doing Monday night.
Eric: You're home.
Chuck: My plans for the evening got held up at customs.
Serena: My new boyfriend Aaron is on his way over to meet everyone and I want your word on something.
Chuck: If you're talking about the dress, I'd say higher.
Eric: It's like the end of every heist movie ever made. Are those gold bars? I didn't think they actually made those. Is that, is that a satphone?
Chuck: Correction. Only a prototype. Put it back.
Lily: The Annual Van der Woodsen diner Thanksgiving dinner. We should have a standing reservation.
Eric: I think we do.
Lily: How did you get so wise?
Eric: The nanny.
Penelope: Oh. Hello Weird Documentary Girl.
Vanessa: Bye Sad Blair Wannabe.
Aaron: You okay with her coming tomorrow?
Serena: Yeah. It's a little When Harry Met Crazy.
Blair: Chuck is in for the shock of his life. I have depths he'll never plumb, but I know every inch of his wafer thin soul.
Vanessa: Jenny. What are you doing here?
Jenny: I'm still mad at you.
Vanessa: So what, you're going to kill me and put me in the garment bag?
Dorota: Please, I don't want to shine Mr. Chuck's shoes for a month.
Blair: Yeah, his shoes if you're lucky.
Dorota: What?
Blair: Nothing.
Lily: It's me. Can you inform Mr. Bass that my plans have changed? I won't be waiting and he shouldn't come to the ball.
Chuck: You look lovely.
Blair: Not as lovely as I'll look in my limo. So where's my Prince Uncharming?
Chuck: Sandbox rules. I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
Lily: I'm leaving him. I'm doing it for me. I don't expect anything. Except maybe a dance.
Serena: I just thought sex was meaningful to you. That's all.
Dan: Well it is. Especially when I haven't had it in a long time.
Serena: Right. Okay then. Have fun.
Penelope: Where is she? How long does that subway thing take?
Blair: Everyone—even our doppelgangers can work it out. But we can't.
Chuck: You've been good for him—good for us. I always liked you regardless of how I may have acted. He's on his way here. You owe him a conversation.
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