BART SIMPSON QUOTES
Bart: What'd you do? Screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus?
Homer: All the time. It was the title of our second album.
Lisa: And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.
Homer breaks lamp: D'oh!
Bart: Aye Carumba!
Marge: Hmmm.
Flanders: Heidely-ho.
Barney: burps
Nelson: Ha ha!
Burns: Ex-cellent!
Lisa: If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.
Bart: Hey guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.
Homer: Pfft. That's no reason to block the TV.
Milhouse: Pleasure doing business with you.
Bart: Any time, chummmmmmm... p.
Lisa: Pablo Neruda said, "Laughter is the language of the soul."
Bart: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.
Bart: singing You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important
than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool—not caring, right?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried
everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to
be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?
Bart: Leonard Nimoy! What are you doing here?
Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
Bart: Uh huh.
Hot Dog Vendor: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me.
Bart: Dad, why'd you bring me to a gay steel mill?
Homer: I don't know! This is a nightmare! You're all sick!
Worker: Oh be nice!
After Homer turns on the Christmas lights.
Bart: It's craptacular.
Bart: Well, I'm flunking math and the other day I was a little attracted to Milhouse.
Rupert Murdoch picking up phone: Hello, Murdoch here... 10,000 dollars? You've saved my network!
Bart: Wouldn't be the first time.
Lisa and Bart: Augh! It's Sideshow Bob!
Sideshow Bob: Oh Bart, we've been through so much together. Just call me Bob.
Lisa and Bart: Augh! It's Bob!
Bart: Please make me write something on the chalkboard a thousand times.
Ms. Krabapple: We got tired of that blackboard thing years ago.
Lisa: If dad ever reads that book he's gonna be so humiliated!
Bart: He'll never read it.
Lisa: What if they make it into a movie?
Bart: He'll never see it.
Lisa: What if they parody it on "MadTV"?
Bart: We're doomed!
Lisa: There's spiders in your hair!
Bart: That's what you call commitment to a bit.
Bart: Wicca's a Hollywood fad.
Lisa: Thats Kaballah, you jerk.
Bart: You listened to Lisa, and then you lost your stranglehold on the audience.
Homer: I'll audience you!
TREEHOUSE OF HORROR
Willy: Don't be hard on the wee boy. His father is going to ga ga and chop 'em all into haggis.
Bart: What's haggis?
Willy: You read my mind boy. You've got the shinning!
Bart: You mean "shining"?
Willy: Shh! You want to get sued?
BLACKBOARD QUOTES
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not spin the turtle
This punishment is not boring and pointless
I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I no longer want my MTV
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
Sherri does not "got back"
I have neither been there nor done that
I will stop phoning it in
Substitute teachers are not scabs
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I will not surprise the incontinent
The nurse is not dealing
Science class should not end in tragedy
Network TV is not dead
"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
I will not scare the Vice President
Nobody reads these anymore
The giving tree is not a chump
This school does not need a "regime change"
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
