WITH STUPIDITY, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
or The Anti-Chain Letter
(I found this from 1999, when chain letters abounded and people were still trusting all emails. Getting tired of sending
back a detailed explanation of why I wasn't going to forward the letter, I sent this:)
This letter has been sent to you to stop you from sending out chain letters. The original was written in the 3rd century A.D.
by a deranged member of the Most Holy Post. That version vanished during the Spanish Inquisition (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition). More
recently, it was communicated telepathically to Shirley MacLaine by monks on the planet Mongo in the eighth dimension. Now it has been sent to
you. Good things will soon be happening to you if you follow the instructions given in this letter.
This is no joke! If you do what this letter says to do, every person who owes you money will repay you. The IRS will never audit
you again. Hugh Hefner will invite you to house-sit at the playboy mansion while he and the missus go on a six month vacation. Finally, you will
be spotted by a head hunter and whisked off into the fast paced life of an insurance salesman in Kansas.
To get all of this good fortune, you must keep this letter for the next five years. If at any time during that time you receive
a chain letter, don't send out any copies of it. Instead, you must send this anti-chain letter back to the person who sent you the chain letter
(If you don't know who sent it, send a copy of this letter to a random person). At the end of five years, do the following 'de-briefing' ceremony,
and you will be done:
Throw salt over your shoulder.
Throw salt over Zsa Zsa Gabor's shoulder
Throw Zsa Zsa over your shoulder.
Walk under a ladder.
Do the rhumba under a ladder.
Pray the rosary.
Pray the zippity-doo-dah, zippity-ay.
Drink Vitameatavegimin (3 tablespoons at a time)
Mix 2 frogs, 3 locks of Michael Jackson's hair, 2 turtledoves, and the remains of this letter in a cauldron and boil at 375 degrees for 2 hours and 3
minutes.
Place the whole mixture in the microwave on saute for 6:53 and place in serving bowls, then chill.
Gargle, then spit.
DO NOT IGNORE THIS LETTER. If you do, nuclear war is a definite possibility. You will develop psoriasis, gout, hemmhoroids, herpes,
and/or a common cold. Some day you will definitely die if you ignore this letter. Furthermore, your next-door neighbor will start a manure farm
in his backyard and begin playing the bagpipe (late at night usually). You may even be forced to spend an evening with an accountant and an insurance
salesman discussing their work.
Don't send out those chain letters and see what happens. You will be shocked to find that none of their curses come true. The
person you send this anti-chain letter to will be heartily amused, and besides, its much easier to send out one copy of this than 5 or 20 copies
of some dreary chain letter.
Remember, send no chain letters. Do not ignore this letter.
